Your fingertips brushed against

mine as you helped me off of the ground.

A shake went through your eyes, I can see it.

Something has changed. Everything has changed.

I scrambled to say something, but I couldn't.

My fingers fumbled with one another as I

tried to sign you all of the words brewing

inside of my soul.

With your confusion growing deeper,

I gave up and pulled out a paper

from my wrinkled up pockets.

Pulling out a small, broken pencil,

I began to write all of my feelings

packed into three words:

Are you okay?

You stared at the paper for a long

time, silent.

You began to shake your head as

your knees gave out and you fell against

the blanket of snow.

You whispered, "No, no, I'm not okay. I'm far

from being okay."

I wrapped my arms around you,

your tiny frame being pressed

against my large canvas.

"Why am I so hard to understand? When

my parents, my own parents, cannot even

understand themselves? When they are lost in

their own thoughts, in their own mind. Why

can't I understand myself?" You sobbed

as you yanked off the scarf hugging your

throat.

"I'm so worthless that they

proved it to me. Look."

All of the darker, uglier, horrible

shades of blue coated your neck.

Suffocating purple, dark painful blue,

hatred, disgust.

Bruises lined up on your collarbones, your

dead collarbones with all of the dead innocence

and purity you once had.

"They choked me, saying that I should

be dead. That I was a mistake. That I

can't do anything right, absolutely anything."

My hands wrapped around

your waist, pulling you

closer to me. I rubbed my thumb

against your cheek, wiping

away your tears of shame.

"Goddammit, Charlie, why

am I such a waste of space?

Why can't I just disappear into

six feet under so no one

will have to deal with the burden

of taking care of me? Loving me?"

My fingers quickly brushed

against your collarbones, silently

tapping them gently as an idea

hit my mind.

Getting off of the ground, I quickly

collected all of the dead leaves

and tiny flowers off of trees and

bushes. And on the snow, in

a circle around you, the words

formed and a sentence was born

out of an untamed, barbaric

scream of hopeless dreams.

you are my sun, my moon,

my sky, and all of the stars

scattered in the universe.

She smiled softly, but this

time it was different. Her face

smiled and so did her eyes.

"Merry Christmas, Charlie."