The day was bitter and filled

with sadness as my sad soul

wandered throughout the park,

recalling the way you smiled or laughed.

Only people who are lonely and loved, darling,

are up at three in the morning...but

when you are attracted to someone,

it's because of the details:

their kindness, their eyes, their smile,

the fact that they can get you to laugh

when you need to the most even though

you just don't have the strength or

reason to even smile.

You stay up, doesn't matter the time, thinking

about them because they are worth to be

thought about. They are worth your time, your

energy, your everything.

But here is the thing. I can't stay up. Because

the blue bottle of clear liquor is the only one

that will keep me company. Because the smoke

filling in my lungs only have it give out, turning me

into a hurricane of empty wind.

I miss you. Even though

we only talked a few times—

you've talked a few times.

I miss your company.

Remember when you told me your favorite

color was every single shade of blue? Every

shade you can imagine and make up?

As if you went around, splashing paint

onto a canvas and your result was a

thousand shades of blue.

Each with a different stroke.

Each with a different purpose in life.

What's my purpose?