"Are you crazy?" Mattheo sighs sitting down on his bed, "Mattheo, I mean give it a chance! it might help, don't you think? and I can gather information for Voldemort" I lie, swallowing away the anxious feeling in my throat, feeling terrible for lying to him.

He stands, walks to me. Creating a foot of space that's filled with tension and fear. "Do you know what he'll do to you if he finds out, he will skin you alive and feed you to his snake. Y/n-"

"-Mattheo" I interrupt. "I can do it, he- he won't know, and it will be better if I did it on my own, because then you won't get punished for my actions, it'll only be me." he takes in a long breath, "no that's not what I want you to do at all" he sighs, cursing under his breath.

I walk to him, putting a hand on his chest "this can help us Mattheo, I-it can help you! you've always fucking hated that monster, he's done horrible things to you. This might be an advantage to-"

"-to what?" he basically yells, I flinch but don't move an inch, grabbing his face I press my forehead hard on his, our nose tips touching and lips brushing on one another making my stomach go insane.

"I-" I breathe in two short breaths and sigh "-I want to... fuck I don't know" what I want to say is that I want to take Voldemort down, I want to crush him limb by limb, I want him to regret every single thing he has ever done, and I want him to fear me, because I think that someone

anyone.

can end him.

Not Dumbledore, or Harry, or The Ministry of Magic, not even Mattheo...

me.

I want to kill Voldemort.

I want to get revenge for my mother.

For Mattheo getting abused by hm.

For Harry's parents.

Even for my fucking father.

Because he, Voldemort. Has ruined my life. Has made me feel more alone than ever, he took away everything I ever loved from me. My mother, my father, my cousin.

My life.

Now I want it back. I want to get my life back, I want to get revenge, I want to make him regret ever breathing near Mattheo or laying a hand on him, for hurting the love of my life.

I want him to fall on his knees in front of Mattheo and tell him that Mattheo is so much better than him, I want him to beg Mattheo for his mercy.

"you'll get yourself killed" he whispers, so quietly I'm not even sure if he even said anything at all. "I won't. I'll be careful" I look into his brown eyes, gulping. Afraid, so afraid of losing him

"okay" he says, "okay, I'll help you."

"What?" I blink, backing away. No, no, no, no. I don't want him to help, if Voldemort finds out he's helping me he won't only kill me, but he'll kill him. He's putting his life in danger; I'm putting his life in danger!

Then do I realize that this whole mission is dangerous, not towards me but towards Mattheo. If Voldemort finds out that I betrayed him, he won't only hurt me, but he will hurt Mattheo to try to hurt me, he will kill Mattheo.

I'm so stupid for thinking he wouldn't want to help, I'm so fucking stupid. I need to find a way, any way to make him not want to help.

Then I think, my stomach twists, not liking this option at all.

But what if it's the only way it'll work, what if this will be the option that saves his life, that helps all wizards and witches. What if, for the first time.

I put another person's life above Mattheo's. What if I put all wizards and witches' lives above mine and Mattheo's lives.

What if I make him hate me.

It'll hurt so much, I know it will, but it will be the only way to make him not want to help, if he hates me then he won't want to help me, he'll stay away from me, away from danger.

away from me

away from me

away from me...

where I can't see his face, nor touch his hair, smell his scent, feel his lips on mine, on my body. Where I won't be able to see his eyes, no I can't.

But it's the only way.

"No, Mattheo. You can't." he steps forward, "what? so, so what? you can put your life in danger, and I can't?" he scoffs, tensing up everywhere.

"No, you can't" I say, breathing loudly. "Y/n-" he looks at me, eyes filled with concern and anger "this is outrageous, I won't allow you to do this on your own!" he yells, "Mattheo, please just-" I close my eyes tightly "I don't want your help" I say flatly, no emotion on my face at all.

He blinks and blinks like he's not sure if what he's seeing is right or not, "I don't need you, at all actually" I say, my stomach twisting when I see the hurt in his eyes.

"What are you doing, y/n?" his voice breaks, I want so badly to cry but I can't and should not. I look at him and imagine him to be someone I hate; I imagine him to be like the Mattheo I had first met.

"You're not trustworthy" I swallow, taking in a deep breath not daring to meet his eyes "w-what?" he mumbles, "what are you talking about" he walks to me, but I step back. I can't be near him right now; I can't look at the hurt and betrayal on his face, that I caused.

"You are, after all, the dark lord's son. Riddle I don't think you'll be up for this." I clench my jaw, hesitantly looking at him. Regretting it so much.

His eyebrows furrow, jaw slightly opens, face turning red and eyes so, so hurt. I try looking away, I try breaking out of his eye contact, but I can't.

"So, so what? you don't trust me? is that it? because that's not what you thought about me just a minute ago, or-or are you afraid I'll get hurt because you don't need to worry about that y/n" he steps forward, I attempt to step back but there's no more space to step into, my back is on the wall and my chest is going up and down so quickly, my short panting's becoming shorter and eyes becoming wet, suddenly I'm aware of my sweaty hands and dry throat.

He takes another step forward, "p-please y/n, speak. Tell me just- just tell me" He whispers, his eyes tearing up a bit "I'm saying, that- that you are not trustworthy." His jaw twitches, "un-trustworthy to who? to Dumbledore? or you?" his eyebrows furrow, I don't know if the walls are being pushed in together but suddenly, he is right in front of me and I can feel his breath on me, his breath hitting my neck and nose and lips.

"To-" I clear my throat "to me." his eyes darken, jaw fully clenches "what are you saying." he knows what I'm saying, I just don't think he can accept it without reassurance, without hearing it come out from my lips, and I don't think I can say it out loud without falling to my knees and allowing the earth to suck me back into its core, this hurts too much, and I don't- I can't do this any longer, I can't stay in the same room as him and look at him, I feel like I am losing a piece of me and it's all my fault but I can't watch him get hurt. I can't watch this hurt him. I won't.

"I'm saying" I hold my breath. "That- I don't trust you" I hear someone say, someone totally different because those words didn't just come out of my mouth, and I did not just think of them before blurting them out, but they are entirely my words. As much as I hate it, they are entirely my words.

"W-what?" he finally breaks down, his tears slipping out of his eyes. I feel so terrible, so awfully terrible "I don't trust you, Riddle. You are not trust-worthy-" I can't believe I'm saying this.

"But you know me y/n, you know I would never betray you because- because I love you" gosh I know you wouldn't you idiot, I know you would never hurt me. Is what I want to say. But I say something entirely different

"Do you, though?" I look at him, "yes, y/n what are you talking about" his voice breaks "-is this because of my father? y/n?" he laughs "because I hate him, more than anyone on this earth, I would never rat you nor Dumbledore out," he swallows harshly "if you don't want me to help that badly I won't, y/n I won't" he steps forward grabbing my face.

I push his hands off, his eyebrows furrow "we-" I start, think. "We what?" he says, my bottom lip trembles slightly, looking at the ground as if it's fascinating all of a sudden "we what?" he says a bit louder now, I bite my trembling lip, hard.

"We what!" he yells, I look at him slowly. "We- we c-can't be together" no, no, no please don't give me that look Mattheo, please don't.

"What? n-no, we- we can still see each other, it isn't a big deal, why are you acting this way, what- what are you doing!" he cries, I let out a breath hiding my glossy eyes by looking down "if- Voldemort ever found out, he wouldn't only punish m-me, but he'd punish you, for being with me and protecting me" I finally give up, letting all my tears out.

"No, no that won't happen, he won't find out, even if he did, I wouldn't care, we- we could run away together. Away from him." he grabs my wrists looking deeply into my eyes, "they would still find us, he would still find us! Mattheo, he would kill you." I can't breathe, I can't breathe, I can't breathe.

"Please, don't do this, don't end this because of this stupid 'mission' why do you have to do it anyway, why are you doing it anyway!"

"Because I have too! Mattheo, I can end Voldemort, I can save everyone in the wizarding world, I can save you from him!" he scoffs, "and what about yourself? hm? who's going to save you when they find out! No one! they will kill you with no remorse and no regret y/n and no one will help, why should you save them when they hate you"

"They don't hate me" my tears flood my face. I try looking for my breath, but I think it ran off when we started this conversation "they do y/n, don't you see the stares they give you when you come around? how they despise your father and would blame you the second something bad happens"

I look down, lips trembling. I'm shaking so hard. He holds my waist pulling me into a hug, whispering in my ear "they don't deserve to be saved" his breath tingling on my neck, but that isn't true it all.

Everyone deserves to be saved.

Everyone deserves a second chance.

I push him away from me, "No" I say, "you can't say that it- it isn't fair!" he furrows his eyebrows, "y/n, they don't care about you!"

"And that means I should let them be slaughtered by him?" I look down, "I- I can't be with you Mattheo, it's too dangerous for you." he falls to his knees in front of me, I search his face, closing my eyes tightly, his hands wrap around my legs

"P-please, y/n I can't do this without you" his voice breaks, I go on my knees grabbing his face. Looking into his beautiful, beautiful eyes.

He shuts them, allowing his face to melt into my hands "I love you, Mattheo" I whisper, he hums, smiling. I take a deep breath in, "but I won't allow my actions to hurt you, and if that means I can't be with you- then, then I'll take that option."

His eyes flash open, "what? no, no, no please" I stand up attempting to walk away before he stands as well grabbing my arm, pulling me back to him "let go Mattheo" I'm out of breath and my vision is blurry from my tears, I scrunch my nose taking in a deep breath.

"No, Y/n. You're all that matters to me, not anyone else please don't do this, don't leave me" my face scrunches up, holding back my tears "let go Mattheo"

"No, you're all I want!"

"Let go of me!" I cry

"No!" he yells

"I need you!"

I can't feel my legs,

I can't feel my legs,

I can't feel my legs,

I can't feel my legs.

I pull my arm out of his grasp and walk to the door, but he grabs me by the waist holding me tightly "I can't do this without you, y/n" he whispers, my heart shatters into a million pieces.

He spins me around so I can face him, he gently grabs my face wiping away my tears, looking at me for a minute or two. Analyzing my whole face as if he's trying to memorize my features

I watch as his features slowly relaxes, his eyes soften and jaw unclenches, he sighs, pulling me in, his breath hitting my lips.

He kisses me lightly, making my heart rate speed up, I allow my lips to melt into his. Savoring the taste of his lips, kissing him so hard so I can never forget the way his lips feel on mine, and the taste of them.

Taking in a deep breath, I pull away from him. Lips brushing each other's, noses poking one another's.

Eyes still closed.

"Goodbye, Mattheo"

I whisper as a tear slides down my cheek

Then I pull away, walking out.

Leaving him there.

ouch

any-hoo

sorry if I made any spelling mistakes!