"I stared at that newspaper for so many years." Barry was sat on the ground of the Time Vault, staring into nothingness, "First it felt like a guide- you know, like proof that things were headed in the right direction."

I looked away from Nora's jacket and at him when he spoke. I dropped everything, pushing my thoughts to the side and walked over to him, dropping gently onto my knees, giving him my undivided attention.

"Then it became a sword hanging over my head." Barry continued, his hands folded, hugging his knees, "A part of me always felt like if I vanish in whatever crisis is coming- maybe I was still out there somewhere, looking for a way to come back to you."

I looked down at my hands, not knowing what to say.

Barry inhales sharply, "According to The Monitor, that doesn't happen."

"Barry, just like you said- you've been staring at that article for years- we all have," I looked back at him, "It's changed so many times- and, the last I remember, that article said that you were in a fight with Thawne, not some cosmic disaster."

Barry stares at me, "The article changed."

"I was supposed to die May 23rd, 2017." I stared right back at my hopeless husband, "So was Iris- but, we've changed the future before Barry. And we can do it again, so tell me, what do we do first?"

Barry nods and sits up a little, pinching the bridge of his nose for the second, clearing his throat, "If a doctor told you you were dying, you'd get a second opinion."

I nod once, "And so?"

"So-" Barry looks at me, "I'm gonna go see this Crisis for myself."

-

I watched Barry as he walked over to me at the pipeline the next day.

I was dressed in a black shirt, leaving the first two buttons undone, the shirt lightly oversized and tucked into rip-less medium wash jeans, black boots on my feet, my hair straight.

I played with the necklace I have on every day, the small gold lightning bolt against the pad of my thumb, "Barry, are you sure?"

Barry readjusts his black jacket, "Yeah."

I looked up at him, "Where will you go?"

"December 11, 2019." Barry told me, looking down at me, "It's the day after I'm supposed to disappear."

"I don't like that we're not telling the rest of the Team." I drop my hand and cross my arms, "Can we let them in on this, please?"

"No, not until we know the truth, okay?" Barry stepped closer to me and placed his hands on my arms.

I stare up at him, "I don't feel great about you going in there alone, I mean- who knows what could happen?"

"I love you for being worried about me." A small smile formed on Barry's lips as he pulled his hands away and grabbed a clear comm earpiece, placing it in his ear, "I'm not gonna be alone."

"Hello, Barry Allen." Gideon's voice filled my ears, "Preparing for temporal observational protocol."

I was almost surprised, "Is that Gideon?"

"It's a mobile Gideon unit I built from salvaged parts of the plinth." Barry told me, giving me a smile.

"You'll come right back to this moment, right?" I asked, him only nodding, "Right to this second?"

"I promise." Barry assured me, as I sigh deeply, opening up the wall that blocked him from the particle accelerator.

My eyes watched him as he turned to run off, my voice quiet for some reason, "I love you."

Barry halts, turns and grabs my face gently, pressing his lips into mine for a small moment, then pulling away, "I love you too."

Then, I felt a gust of wind as he ran off into the accelerator, as I watched his lightning from where I stood run around over and over.

What didn't even feel like a few seconds later, Barry ran back by me, falling to the ground in pain, grunting, "Zee-"

"Barry-" I shut the door, dropping to my knees as he groans, forcing himself into a sitting position, showing me his knee, "What happened?-"

"I don't know- Gideon said it was a disruption barrier and it wouldn't let me go any farther than December 1st." Barry hissed at the pain, leaning his back against the wall, holding his leg.

"Gideon." I called, moving to sit cross legged as I let Barry lay his leg across my lap.

Gideon replies almost right away, "Yes, Zee Allen?"

Despite the pain, there was a hint of a smile on Barry's lips when he heard Gideon's reply.

I rubbed Barry's leg in comfort, "Why isn't Barry's wound healing?"

"My readings indicate he was exposed to an extra-universal material that destroys positive matter on contact, a substance known as antimatter." Gideon told us, sparking confusion in me.

"Antimatter?" I repeated, "Haven't heard of that one."

"There's a wall of this stuff clogging up the Speed Force." Barry grunts, "Gideon, how do I get past it?"

"Not without additional assistance." Gideon's words made Barry look at me, "Fortunately, there is an expert in the field, Dr. Jay Garrick, formerly known as the Flash of Earth-3."

-

I sat on the ground, wrapping up Barry's wound, Jay walking over to us, "Good to see you again, Barry."

"You too, Jay." Barry watched me wrap his leg, his eyes watching my every move.

"As it's always a pleasure seeing you, I'd except Barry coming here, not you, Zee." Jay softly smiled down at me, "What brings you here?"

"She-" Barry places a hand on my shoulder, using his thumb to caress it, "-wouldn't let me come alone."

"The power of not letting go of his arm really comes a long way." I teased softly, giving Jay a small smile, "Oh, and you know- holding onto the extrapolator for dear life."

Jay chuckled at me, before grabbing the papers from the desk, "You were right."

"You were hit with a dose of pure antimatter." Jay told him, "Lucky you have speed healing, or that scratch could've wiped you out of existence."

My hands froze, as I looked between Jay and Barry, after finishing wrapping him up.

Barry inhales sharply, "So- is there a way that I can time travel past the barrier?"

"See, now-" I clear my throat and look at Barry, "This is where my disapproval comes in."

Barry sighs, "Zee-"

"You want to tell me why the hell you were time traveling to begin with?" Jay leans against the walking cane he held, setting down the papers.

Barry began, "I needed to see for myself if The Monitor was telling the truth about what happened to me, and I know what you're gonna say about time traveling-"

"Actually, I was gonna tell you you made the right call." Jay cuts him off, catching Barry and I off guard.

"What?" I pushed myself onto my feet, "I thought you were on my side."

"For the past year I've been detecting antimatter signatures across the Multiverse." Jay grabbed a chart, "Now, we don't know their origin, but if my algorithm is correct, all Earths could be in danger."

"Then we have to find a way to break through that wall." Barry got up, wrapping his arm around me and leaning on my petite body for support.

"Ah, your body never could." Jay looked at Barry in thought, "But- maybe your mind can."

"I built this thing years ago, the neural hyper-collider." Jay set the chart down and lead us over to a device, "It harnesses neural electricity and transfers it across superluminal particles."

I was just as confused as I looked, "Do you speak English?"

"Therefore projecting human consciousness across space-time." Barry realized and put it in better words for me, "You could send someone's mind past the antimatter wall."

I pat his back, "I understand that, thank you."

"Not just anyone." Jay points out, "It's gotta be a speedster in his prime, you in?"

"Yeah-" Barry began, but then looks down at me, "Wait- am I in?"

I stare at him for a moment, then nod approvingly, "Just saying- if your mind gets fried, I'm gonna kill you."

"Then let's hustle." Jay nods, "I've already had to postpone my dinner plans."

Nora Allen's recognizable voice filled our ears, making Barry and I turn, "Not any further, I hope."

I instantly grabbed Barry's hand of his arm wrapped around me, my voice coming out as a whisper, "Oh my God."

Barry shared the same look on my face, his voice coming out barely there, "Mom."

"Barry, Zee- I'd like you to meet my wife, Dr. Joan Williams." Jay introduces, gesturing toward the woman who looked exactly like Nora Allen.

She smiled at the both of us, walking over to her husband, "It is a pleasure to meet both of you. I've heard quite a bit about the Allens."

-

Barry stood next to me, now being able to stand on his own as he eyed something on a higher surface curiously, reaching for it.

"I wouldn't touch that." Joan said from behind us, making me almost jump and Barry to pull his hand back right away.

Barry and I turned to face her, as Barry mumbles out a small apology.

"Barry, Jay told me he's a doppelganger of your late father." Joan took a step closer to us, "Do I remind you of anyone from your Earth?"

Barry softly smiled, "Yeah, you do."

Joan hummed in response, "Who is she?"

"His m-" I opened my mouth and began to say quietly.

Barry wraps an arm around me and pulls me into his side, shutting me up quickly, "Someone very special."

I let out a muffled whimper into his chest, as he placed a kiss on my head as an apology.

Jay joins us, "Ain't she?"

"I never thought I'd settle down." Jay smiled as he spoke, as I wrapped my arms around Barry's middle and lean my head against his chest, looking at them, "But- I needed a neurological specialist to help with my depleting speed, and something just felt right between us."

I looked between them in awe, smiling, whispering to Barry, "Perfect for each other on every earth, huh?"

Barry looked down at me and whispered as Joan and Jay walked over to what Jay set up, "I could say the same about us- but, you know, plus every timeline."

I kiss his cheek, as him and I walked over Joan and Jay, as he looked at Barry, "You ready?"

"Yeah." Barry clears his throat, letting go of me, laying on the metal surface they had set up for him, "Let's do it."

Joan held the helmet in her hand, "Jay's helmet will help channel the tachyons into your frontal cortex and ignite your synaptic pathways."

Barry took the helmet and put it on, folding his hands, my eyes trailing up from his bare arms and to the helmet.

"I won't lie to you, kid." Jay crosses his arms, "Beaming your mind past an antimatter wall is risky."

I purse my lips, looking up at the ceiling, "Shouldn't have said that in front of me."

Barry grabs my hand, "I'll be fine- I promise."

My head drops forward as I looked at him with a straight face, "I'm still gonna kill you later."

"I thought you were gonna kill me if my brain get fried." Barry points out, his thumb caressing my fingers.

"I changed my mind." I shrug, "I'm just gonna kill you either way."

Barry kisses my hand, "I promise, I'll be okay."

"Okay." I inhale sharply, nodding, "I understand that this is a matter of life and death."

Barry nods, letting go of my hand and laying back, "Let's do it."

"All right." Jay exhales deeply as he retreats to the computer, Joan going behind Barry, attaching the jumper cables to the lightning bolts on the helmet.

Then, when Joan pulled the latch, electricity jolted at Barry, a strained grunt leaving his lips, his eyes wide as I almost immediately gasped and covered my mouth.

Barry breathed heavily, his eyes wide with what looked like fear, looking back and forth.

His body began to shook lightly, making me even more concerned, "Jay, Joan-"

Joan walked over to one of the computers, "His biometrics are crashing."

Jay stares at the screen of the computer he stood in front of, "I'm also picking up temporal energy readings."

Barry lets out a scream, "No- no-"

Barry's knuckles turned white with how hard he clenched his fists, not being able to suppress the scream he tried to hold in, "Zee!"

My heart broke at his screams, fear and worry intensifying in me.

"His mind has broken past the barrier-" Jay said, "It's not just a new timeline he's found. It's billions of them, and Barry's mind is experiencing them all."

"Them all?" I looked at him with wide eyes.

Barry then lets out an ear piercing scream, Joan rushing over to Barry, "You have to get him out of there!-"

Joan tears off the cables, Barry's body jerking up, as Jay and I caught him, him falling unconscious, "Barry!"

-

"Oh, why should the spirit of mortal be proud?" Joan read on the other side of the medical bed Barry laid in, "Like a fast-flittering meteor, a fast-flying cloud a flash of the lightning a break of the wave he passes from life to his rest in the grave."

My under-eyes were slightly red from crying, as I held his hand between the both of mine, seated on a stool on the other side of the bed.

Barry exhales deeply, his eyes barely opening as he gained consciousness.

"Barry." Joan notices this, "You're with us."

Barry's eyes open wider, as Jay joins us.

"William Knox." Joan put away the small journal, "I've discovered that poetry can stimulate collapsed neural pathways."

Barry squeezes my hand lightly when he notices that I'm holding it, "Lady Gaga usually works for me."

This makes a small smile stretch onto my lips.

Barry moves his head so he can sit up, only to grunt and lay his head back down, his eyes sparking with electricity for a moment, "What's wrong with me?"

"The device overloaded your neural synapses, creating a near shutdown." Joan mentioned as he groaned lightly in pain, "What you're experiencing now is called neural entropy."

"It feels like my nerves are on fire." Barry breathes heavily, grunting once more, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment, then prying them open.

"They are." Joan confirmed, then went in depth, "Because you're a speedster, your synapses fire ten times the normal rate, so you're feeling ten times the amount of pain a non-speedster would- you'll feel better in a day or two."

Barry exhales deeply and relaxes, "Okay, okay."

Jay asks the question we were all thinking, "What'd you see in there, kid?"

"I saw-" Barry stares at the ceiling, a red tint in his eyes as a tear fell down the side of his face, "Billions of possible futures- billions of deaths."

"All their pain, their suffering- and then they were gone." Barry's voice was a whisper when he recalled what he saw, "I felt all of it."

"Now I know The Monitor was right." Barry's words hit me harder than ever, "I have to die."

I got up almost right away, dropping his hand and beginning to walk away, feeling the tears coming.

"Zee-" Barry called after me and tried to move, but ended up grunting loudly, trying harder to get up, "Zee, wait, please-"

"Barry," Joan quickly said, "Barry, you can't be moving."

"Zee!" Barry pays no mind to what she said, calling after me, "I need you- please, just stay with me-"

I covered my mouth and walked away further, into the hall, squeezing my eyes shut as I felt like I couldn't breathe, the tears unstoppable.

A few moments later, heels clicking came to a stop behind me, Joan Williams' voice sounding the hall, "Zee, are you okay?"

"Yeah-" My voice broke, as I quickly wiped my tears, sniffling, clearing my throat and facing her, "I'm okay, I just- yeah, I'm- I'm fine."

Joan looked down at me, giving me a sympathetic smile, "You have a strong hold over him, you know?"

I hugged myself, "What?"

"Barry." Joan stepped closer, "He cares for you so much. Jay almost had to restrain him because of how much pain he was putting himself in while trying to come after you."

I don't reply, sniffling and looking down at my feet.

"While Barry heals up- why don't you and I go for a walk?" Joan offers, "You look like you can use someone to talk to."

I looked up at him, giving her a simple nod, with a small smile.

-

"Okay- you're giving me the same look both you and your husband gave me when you first met me." Joan was eyeing me suspiciously with a small smile on her face as we walked through the streets, as she was just humming Singin' in the Rain from the musical with the same title.

"I'm sorry- it's just," I apologized, holding the coffee I had just taken a sip from, "You were humming Singin' in the Rain."

Joan teases lightly, "I wasn't humming that earlier, now was I?"

"You look so much like Barry's mother- I mean, you resemble her perfectly." I confessed, exhaling deeply, "When Barry and I first watched it together, he told me that Singin' in the Rain was her favorite musical."

"Oh-" Joan's eyes went slightly wide.

"I know- I know, crazy right?" I exhale deeply, "It caught him and I off guard as well. But, on our earth you two were Nora and Henry Allen."

Joan recovered with the remaining smile on her lips, "I guess- there are some similarities, huh?"

"I never got to meet her, but I'd say so." I gently nodded towards her.

"I'm sure she would've loved you." Joan assured me, making me feel like I was talking to Nora, "Just as much as Barry does."

I gave her a small smile, looking ahead, until my eyes laid on someone.

Someone I never thought I'd ever see again.

"Zee?" Ashley Zolomon smiled widely at me, her heels clicking as she walked over to me, throwing an arm around me, hugging me.

Joan stopped and looked at me, as I was frozen.

"I was just about to stop by to see you and Barry!" My mother squeezed me as Joan took my coffee so it didn't crush between us, "Barry told me about your promotion, and I can't express in words how proud I am of you."

It had been so long that I forgot what her voice sounded like.

I slowly wrapped my arms around her and held onto her as tight as I could, squeezing my eyes shut, just now noticing how I started crying as the tears slipped down my cheeks.

Joan clears his throat, piecing two and two together, going along with what was happening, "Promotion?"

"As Captain of Central City Police Department." My mother pulled away and rubbed my arms, looking back at Joan, "And you are?"

"Joan Williams." Joan shook her hand and introduced herself, "I'm a friend of Zee's."

"Yeah, Mom- she's a friend." My voice came out as a whisper, wiping away my tears.

My mother looks back at me, "Zee, honey, why are you crying?"

"I'm just so happy about the promotion!" I blurt out an excuse, putting a strand of my hair behind my ear, more tears falling, "I'm glad that you're proud of me."

To her, I was her daughter from Earth Three.

To me, she was my dead mother.

"I'm always going to be proud of you, you've grown into a successful, kind-hearted, beautiful young woman." My mother pulled me in for another hug, "You've come so far, and I can't believe I'm so blessed to have a daughter like you."

I held onto her tightly and held back a sob, squeezing my eyes shut, not wanting to let go.

The wound I forced shut had opened, and seeing this doppelganger speak to me like I was her own teared open that wound and made me miss her so much more.

My mother then pulled away, despite how much I wanted to have her hold me, as she held my face and wiped away my tears, "Honey, stop crying-"

"I'm sorry." I sniffle, "I can't help it-"