Alexa•

"Evie, let's go! We're gonna be late!" I call, waiting for my five year old to tie her shoes, which she insisted on doing herself.

She runs over to the door, the backpack that's too big for her bouncing up and down, her gorgeous brown hair, just like his, in two braids, just like she asked, and an adorable dress she picked out, all for her first day at a brand new school. She's growing up so fast, I feel like it was just yesterday she was born, and now she's going to real 'big kid' - as she calls it - school.

"Let's go!" She grasps my hand, pulling me out to the car.

She anxiously climbs in, buckling herself in. I take my spot in the drivers seat. I look into my mirror. A huge smile pinned on her face. It somehow washes away my nerves.

"She's going to be fine Alexa." I tell myself, until I'm sure I've actually convinced my conscious.

"Can we go back to the surf board shop after school? I liked that girls board!" She happily says.

"Sure thing Eve. But we have to make it quick. Dance class starts today too, remember?"

"I remember! I cant wait!" She attempts to hop up and down in her car seat. I can't help but laugh at how silly it looks.

The school is much closer than I remember it being, which gives me peace of mind. I pull into a parking spot, and Evie is quick to hop out of the car.

"I'm going to make so many friends!" She confidently says. I pray that that's true.

"Yeah you are!" I smile, grasping her hand.

We walk into the school building, hundreds of kids sit in the cafeteria. I get more anxious to let Evie go.

We walk down the hall, to room 107. Evies new teacher, a young red headed woman, sits in tall chair. She looks over at us.

"Good morning! You must be my new student! What's your name sweetheart?" She happily says.

"Im Evie!" My daughter jumps up and down.

"It's so good to meet you Evie! And are you her sister?" The woman asks.

"Im her mother," I smile. "Alexa." She reaches out her hand; I shake it.

"Mrs. Powell." She smiles.

"It's great to meet you." I say, as she leads us across the room.

"Evie, this is going to be your desk. All of your pencils and crayons can go in it!" She demonstrates. "And this is your cubby. You'll put your backpack, and if you bring one, your lunch, in here, so it stays safe." Her teacher tells us.

"That's so cool!" Evie energetically says, putting her stuff into it. A loud bell rings, startling both Evie, and I.

"That's the five minute bell, it means you have five minutes to get here, from the cafeteria." She explains. "If you ever get lost, our fifth graders are always good about helping the littles."

"Okay!" Evie takes a seat at her new desk. She's so excited it almost hurts me.

"Alright Eves, I'm going to go, but I'll pick you up right in front of the school, this afternoon, okay?" I question.

"Okay! Bye momma! I love you!" She blows me a kiss.

"Bye! Love you too!" I catch it, taking a final look at her, before disappearing into the hall.

•••

I know he's there. I can see him. I chose to ignore him, even if all I want is to talk to him. Seven years is too long to go without talking, especially after what happened.

"Jamison, I know your walking over here." I tell him, refusing eye contact.

"Alexa, I just want to talk." He pleads.

" Jamison, now isn't the best time." I lie.

"Then when?" He persists. I almost imagine that I'm feeling the heat of his body close to mine. He's still just at the end of the driveway.

"I don't know. I have to go pick Evie up from school in a minute. Then I told her we'd go back to Porters Boards, before she has dance class."

"Why don't you let me take her to Sin and Surf, so you can catch a break." He offers. Immediate no.

"It's okay, really. Also, you've never met her, and I don't want to freak her out anymore than I'm sure she already is." I claim, which isn't untrue.

"Let me help you with something Alexa. I'm sure you've been non- stop since you got here." He reaches for the box in my arms.

"Jamison," I snap. "I'm. Fine. I have everything under control."

"I want to help you Alexa. This isn't fair to you," He pleads.

"Maybe another time. The poor kid is adjusting to a shit ton of changes, and I want to limit that, okay?" I sigh.

"I understand that, but,"

"No. There's no but. You're making this harder than it needs to be." I pull out my phone, checking the time. "She has dance from five to six. Come over at 6:45, and we can talk. Sound okay?" I say. Anything to get him to leave me the fuck alone.

"Sounds great." He smiles, continuing to wherever he was going in the first place.

I sigh, picking the box back up, and bringing it inside, when a wave of guilt washes over me. I nearly drown in it.

Jamison deserves to know. It's not fair to him. She's his kid just as much as she is mine.

But I can't do that. I can't do it to him, I can't do it to Evie, and I can't do that to myself.