"Thea come with us please." I heard Xavier mumble to me as I let out another groan. It was Halloween and he somehow managed to get paid for taking Sadie trick or treating.

Some reason, Damien was no where to be found at their house and they were willing to do anything but take her out for candy.

So here I was, sitting on my chair with a book, looking at a puppy eyed Xavier and Sadie.

"Fine, but you have to go up to the doors if she's scared." I smiled, watching Sadie squeal in excitement.

Yeah, it was already October which meant I have officially gone a month without taking to Damien.

It was weird, everyone said he was different. Yet the way Xavier explains it it makes him sound like he is the same.

He doesn't drink either which is a relief to hear. I also haven't seen him once at school with Kyla, which was odd.

It was finally chilly outside so I wrapped my self in a jacket and a black beanie, not wanting to make everyone turn back early.

"Alright honey bun, lets get going before all good candy gets taken." I whispered to Sadie watching her run down the stairs screaming in her witches costume.

She was adorable, her little hand carrying a pale that looked like a pumpkin. You know what I'm talking about right?

I made my way down with Xavier by my side and put the door toward the first house.

"You've been alone a lot lately." Xavier whispered as we were met with a street full of screaming kids in costumes.

I glanced up at the brown haired beauty beside me and shrugged, watching Sadie skip just a few feet in front of us.

"No I haven't- I mean not really," I whispered, glancing around the street with a heavy sigh. Xavier let out a loud sigh as Sadie ran up to a house with pumpkins covering the porch.

"Thea you haven't had anyone come over but me in almost two weeks. Ashley is worried about you." He said quietly as I bit my lip.

"Look look! Thea I got a entire Hershey bar!" Sadie screamed making me let out a few laughs before clapping.

"Wow, Rich people huh? " she mumbled getting Xavier to choke on air. I let out a fit of giggles nodding my head at her comment.

"I know sweetie, I know. Let's go get some more yeah?" I smiled watching her grab my hand and pull me along.

Xavier let out a deep chuckle and caught up with us. His hands shoved into his pockets as we walked.

"I don't know what you're expecting me to say Xavier." I said quietly, watching him roll his eyes. I couldn't help but glance away from him to look at Sadie who stayed on the curb in front of a house.

"Sadie needs you." I quickly changed the subject making him nod his head before leaving me alone. I stayed by the driveway before glancing at another house that had the music blasting.

I can't explain why but it looked like a party and I was intrigued. My feet slowly made their way into the door. It looked like one of the parties Damien's buddies would throw to impress him. It wasn't too crazy but everyone was dressed up and dancing.

"Thea what are you doing here?" I heard a deep voice call behind me. I turned to glance and Damien before walking further into the house. I knew he would follow but if I was going to talk to him, I need a drink first.

"I could ask you the same thing wasn't taking your sister out one of your jobs?" I mumbled, grabbing a red cup and mixing vodka and seltzer water together.

Damien and I were the only two not dressed up, which was weird. Maybe he didn't get the memo.

"Is she with you?" He asked, glancing around the house for a moment.

"Does she look like she's with me?" I sarcastically asked, my body facing away from him for a moment. He rolled his eyes at me but didn't leave me alone as I tried to make my way back out of the house.

I felt a hand grab mine as I made my way onto the porch causing my chest to tighten. I knew it was Damien because of the tingles it sent up my arm.

"We need to talk about what happened," He said quietly making me laugh.

"Why did Kyla already leave you?" I questioned, ripping my hand out of his. Now it wasn't just my chest tightening, it was like my lungs were being squished.

He gave me a hardens glare before grabbing me by the waist and pushing me against the house.

Breathe in, breathe in, oh then out, maybe out?

"Damien," I whispered my eyes watching him as he started at my lips.

"I just need to remember something okay? Just something. " His breath fanned my face and it didn't smell one ounce like alcohol. I also had somehow managed to drop my cup probably because I couldn't breath anymore.

Like I'm not joking, I can't breath, at all. Everything felt closed and I was getting dizzy.

"I-i can't breath." I heaved out, getting his attention.

"What do you mean, Thea. You get panic attacks?" He called making me look at him. I tried to suck in a deep breath but it didn't work, making me literally shake.

"I..can't.." I tried to say one more time, watching him look at me.

"Hey hey it's okay.." He whispered, his hands grabbing my face. He looked at me with actual worry and I believed him. I nodded my head slowly.

He slowly pulled me into his chest where I was engulfed with the smell of vanilla and cinnamon. I don't know why but I almost wanted to cry at the smell.

It smelt like home. He smelt like home.

He held my head close to him and it only made me more mad. Mad at him, mad at the situation, mad at life. I don't even know what a panic attack is, let alone why I would get him.

I managed to build enough courage to push him off me. "Stop doing that." I hissed, trying to unsteadily make my down the steps.

"Do what Thea? What have I done?" He yelled at me, making me turn to face him. I was now standing the the grass in front of the house.

"What do you mean? What didn't you fucking do Damien? One minute you love me, then the next you aren't sure, and now you care about me?" I yelled back, trying to jog his memory.

"Thea I don't remember. I don't. I don't remember even fucking meeting you, I just knew a name and a face. Did Xavier not tell you?" He yelled making me take a step back.

I'm about to dry heave all over this grass. I can't breathe, I can't see.

"You sure remembered Kyla pretty fucking well." I hissed but not as loud as before, my hand going to my stomach.

I'm going to vomit.

"You don't understand I just remember a ki-"

Damien's voice was interrupted by Xavier.

"Thea?" I heard Xavier tell making me look at him with hurt eyes. I couldn't even yell at him right now, I couldn't form the words.

I fell into my knees with my breaths coming out shorter.

"Y-you lied?" I whispered watching Xavier look up at Damien with a tightened jaw.

----

I don't really remember what happened next.

I remember running my way back to my house to vomit.

Yeah, I actually threw up. I didn't dare look at any of them when I left. My mom was at Xavier's house so I just went to my bathroom and locked the door.

I woke up on the bathroom tile to banging on my bathroom door. I knew it was Xavier so I stayed quiet.

Maybe I could slip out of the window. I didn't want to talk to him and avoiding him sounded like a great idea.

I did have a window in my bathroom that led to the roof and there was a tree. Maybe I could do that spy stuff. Without thinking I quickly opened the window and jumped onto the roof.

It was dark now and I couldn't exactly see but I the tree was a good foot away from me. So I bear hugged it until I made my way down, praying to every god humanly possible the entire way.

God I need to do that more.

When my feet hit the ground I mentally cheered before taking off in a jog down the street. I was going to get answers.

I wanted them, I needed them.

Yes I was going to Damien's, even if it hurt and might be something I shouldn't do, I am.

It took me twenty minutes just to walk to his house and when I did, I froze.

His parents where gone again, both at work so no cars beside Damien's were in the driveway.

Oh my god, I'm sweating. Not bad but I felt it, like the first day we met, but he doesn't remember any of that.

"Thea?" Damien called, his body leaning on the door frame while he waved a hand in front of my face.

"Did Sadie make it home?" I whispered getting a nod that made me sigh in relief. He looked, awkward, like he didn't know if I've ever been inside.

"C-can I come in?" I questioned getting a embarrassed look before the door opened for me.

Damien gave me a small look as he closed the door, walking farther into the house as he scratched the back of his head.

"What's wrong?" He asked me, his body sitting on the couch as I leaned against the archway into the room.

"I just need to know what happened. No one has told me anything beside you." I whispered, closing my eyes. I felt hallow if that made any sense.

He put his arms on his knees and looked at me with a frown before getting up. Damien made his way over to me.

Before I knew it I was caged in by his arms resting on the walls on either side of me. "Before I say anything, I just need to do something okay? Please," He whispered making me stare at his green eyes for a long time before nodding.

But I didn't expect what he was about to do, at all. In fact it took me a minute before I realized he had smashed his lips into mine. It felt almost relaxing, and I kissed back.

I know I shouldn't have but I cupped his cheeks and deepened the kiss. It was nice to feel something other than nothing for a moment. I felt home in a way and if that was only for a few minutes so be it but I needed this.

I felt him pull back and I let go of him, dropping my arms to my side and looking down. He let out a heavy breath but didn't move away from me, he just stood there, dazed almost.

"I fucked up didn't I?" He mumbled making me nod my head.

"Big time."