I will be editing it later tonight.

Now I feel it.

I feel every ounce of missing him. The fact he was the first person I wanted to call after my nightmare tonight made it hard to fall asleep after. It wasn't like getting hit with a ton of bricks. Instead it felt like a ton of bricks were laid out on my body, slowly squeezing the air out of my lungs.

It's been two weeks and I've woke up screaming some nights. One night Xavier was so freaked out he didn't leave, his body was laid out across my chair until I freaked out. Alex also spent the night more, he would lay beside me until I fell asleep then go back downstairs where Ashley and them were.

I didn't feel like hanging out much anymore, sleeping was the only thing that sounded great.

acid rose in my throat making me throw off my covers to run into the bathroom. I couldn't help but bend over the toilet to vomit. When I was done I flushed before making my way downstairs for water.

"Couldn't sleep?" I heard a deep voice call as I made my way downstairs. I glanced over to Xavier with a heavy sigh, going into the kitchen for water.

"Never can." I mumbled, my eyes glancing at my still bruised hand as I grabbed a water bottle, gulping half of it down.

"Thea maybe you should talk to him. He's a walking wreck, he came to school drunk yesterday." Xavier said quietly, his body leaning over the kitchen counter to watch me. I gave him a shrug, setting the bottle down.

"That sounds like a personal problem." I spoke coldly before making my way to my shoes.

"Thea please. What are you doing?" He asked, his eyes watching me sit on the stairs to put my running shoes on. I glance up at him before tying my shoes.

"A run." I said simply, glancing around the room for a moment. I knew he was going to say something so I didn't move yet.

"You have to talk to me Thea. You can't just keep closing us all off!" His voice was a bit rougher as I looked away from his face, standing up.

"Thea why won't you talk to me?" He sounded hurt, like I was ruining everything he had worked so hard on. I was, I was pushing away every friendship possible at this point.

"What do you want me to say?" I asked him, my eyes watching him carefully. I don't know what Xavier was to me anymore. I mean I don't even talk to Ashley that much as it is.

"Anything Thea! Literally anything would be better then what you've been doing!" I was sure my mom had woken up from us yelling but she didn't dare open her bedroom door.

I let out a heavy sigh, watching my feet for a moment before glancing back up at him. "Would you like to go on a walk?" Was it bad my temper was the length of a eyelash? I couldn't handle anything anymore, let alone food.

Xavier shoved his hands into his pockets and let out a heavy breath, his head nodding before he disappeared, coming back with shoes on. We walked toward the door together, him not speaking another word until we were down onto the sidewalk.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, my eyes yet again glancing down toward the street lights. I felt Xavier stiffen beside me, his eyes glancing around before he looked at me.

"You're still my girl you know that right? It's insanely hard to try and help someone who doesn't feel like they need help." He spoke casually but somehow my heart didn't take it that way. It fluttered, in a family type way. Like when your mom says she's proud of you.

Lately I've started to see his dad around the house more, sometimes just watching a movie or bringing flowers over. It made me happy to see my mom happy, let alone happy that it was Xavier's dad.

I don't know why I felt tears start brimming my eyes but I shook my head. I shouldn't be keeping him away because he experienced it too, seeing Emily beside Kyla. There were just certain things that seemed off.

"What happened after I left the party?" I whispered, trying to change the topic. I heard him take a deep sigh beside me, his hands digging deeper into his pockets.

"Well, he got drunk as he does best. Then when I found him sitting on the doorstep with a defeated sigh he asked me if I had a choice to ruin someone's happiness or someone's life what would I chose." I couldn't help but turned to Xavier for a moment waiting for him to go on.

"And what did you say?" I asked, my ears perking up at this. Damien wouldn't just say something like that to say it, it would either be when he's drunk he's poetic or Damien did something he shouldn't have.

"I told him happiness because Someone can't stay unhappy for their entire life. It wouldn't be as bad as ruining someone's life." He told me, making me bite my lip.

"I don't know what to do, about all this." I whispered, my eyes glancing over to him for a moment before looking back at the sidewalk. He shook his head at me, a small frown covering his stubbled face.

"Thea I don't know. Just what you're doing is unhealthy. It's sad your mom invites us over more then you do." He mumbled, kicking a stone on the concrete.

I let out a annoyed sigh, shrugging my shoulders. I seems to do that a lot lately, the words I wanted to say just weren't there yet. It was true, I didn't ask them to come over at all because I felt better alone.

"I don't know." I mumbled, not exactly knowing what to say. We ended up walking in pure silence for almost two blocks only because the words were finding their way out of our mouths.

"How are you," I finally decided to ask after almost thirty minutes of silence. He gave me a annoyed glance before looking at the sidewalk.

"I'm fine Thea, we weren't anything special or even dating for a matter of fact." Xavier spoke. He didn't act heartbroken after it happened and I think it's because he knows he's gorgeous and can meet someone else. He could get anyone because he was just that beautiful.

There wasn't much of a difference between us on that. I knew I was pretty but I didn't want anyone else. I was fine with being alone without a hand to hold.

"Well same here." I said quietly getting a head shake from him.

"Thea there was something special there. It was like meeting a different part of Damien no one really got to see. He came to school drunk Thea, does that not scare you?" I gave Xavier a glare, not really wanting to talk about how I feel.

"Of course it makes my heart hurt you dumb nut. It scares the hell out of me but I'm not going to keep trying to fix someone that doesn't want to be fixed." I exclaimed probably a bit louder then I should've.

We were rounding near my house again and I was so thankful. I just wanted to be alone at this point.

"Hey whose car is that?" I said quietly, getting a small shrug from Xavier. It was like that scene from the movies where your family walks out with horror in their eyes and someone gets out of the car with the same look all directed at you.

This someone was a woman with a blonde bob and as usual a dress with a belt and heels. I don't know about Xavier but I couldn't help but speed my walking up until I was in my front yard.

"Thea we have to go." My mom called, practically shoving Xavier's dad into the car and opening the back passengers door for Xavier and I.

The two family's looked like they were in agreement but I didn't dare move because I didn't understand what was happening.

"Why what's happening?" I called, getting everyone to freeze. I watched a window roll down in the other car showing Sadie with a big frown. Not only Sadie but Damien's entire family. His brother, Sadie, and his dad.

His mom was standing outside her car with tear stained cheeks that almost terrified me more then the looks did.

My mom gave me another look but I could tell she was getting frantic. I started to walk toward the car slowly but Xavier had beat me there without any confusion. Once I made it in I shut the door and looked at everyone.

"Where are we going?"

"The hospital."

"Why?" I argued, not understanding why no one was telling me anything. My mom let out a heavy sigh before she looked at me in the rear view mirror, her eyes showing nothing but sorrow.

"Damien's hurt."