《Bitterly Sweetly》Chapter Six : Memories And An Epiphany
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A pang of discomfort hit in the middle of Max's chest the moment Sophia's eyes locked with his. The amount of pain there in her glare had the breath knocked out of his lungs. As she looked away from him, the smirk of victory on his lips dissolved and took the form of a tight line.
The hushed whispers of people around him as he successfully demonstrated a humiliating event for Sophia, it all dissipated to somewhere unknown.
He watched tears gather in the dull pool of her eyes, he watched the slight tremble of her lips as she scarcely contained the anguish standing there in silence and he watched how broken she looked.
He witnessed all that he had aimed to inflict upon her.
This was his revenge.
Something he'd been waiting for for so long.
But then, why couldn't he feel the happiness—the satisfaction of achieving what he desired!
A drop of tear that became too heavy to be pushed back was just about to roll down her one beautiful eye. But then, she whirled around, denying him from catching the destiny of that teardrop.
And then, Sophia was running.
His heart gave one unexpected squeeze as he watched her retreating back disappearing from his sight. The fading noise of her footsteps was supposed to provide him comfort considering they represented the defeat of his worst enemy. But enraging was the fact that it didn't.
Viv was a part of his plan. She had done her part too well along with her ever-giggling girlfriends just like he had instructed her to. But then, why now the background uproar of Viv and her friends' cackling in obvious triumph felt so oddly sick!
"So...," Max felt Viv's well-manicured fingers trailing on his shoulder suggestively as she inched closer to him and whispered in his ear, "Now that the filth is out of here, we can finally enjoy the party in a real sense. And then we can go to my place, or to yours, huh?"
Max merely gave Viv a slow smirk, his calm demeanor dissimilar to his inner state.
He discovered flabbergasted that humiliating Sophia, and taking his revenge on her did not change the constant prickling of incompleteness inside him.
He retired from the party soon, turning down Viv's offer to fill his night with seduction and pleasure.
Therefore, his night instead filled with continuous tossing and turning on the cold bed. He ended up throwing the covers first and then the pillow across his dark room. Finally giving up on achieving any sleep, he jumped out of bed in frustration.
Why was he not being able to sleep now that his mission was, at last, accomplished?
Max stood staring out the window of his room blankly, his arms stiffly crossed across his chest. With his eyes feeling slightly swollen underneath, he watched dawn break through the sky. As minutes ticked by, he heard Wilder Mansion waking up slowly. The servants loitered around the vast front lawn, the gardener had begun caring for the many plants—roses, hydrangeas, orchids of many colors and kinds and so on.
His father, Robert Wilder, walked out the steel bar gates for his morning jog.
Max sighed.
He was aware of his father's desire to hand over the law firm to him now that he had returned with a law degree. But that was not what Max wanted. He would rather take over one of their headquarters in London, in which he'd already worked for the last four years. Because if he stayed here in Asthel, it was inevitable that he would have to constantly cross paths with Sophia—the person he despised the most on the face of the earth.
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It was easy, his choice—if he had to choose between peace and the painful past.
He'd come back to Asthel to meet his family, and take his long-due revenge on that vile woman. Now that both of his purposes were complete, he was soon to leave this city of pain and heartbreak. The difficult thing, however, would be to break this news to his father, and convince him about his decision, that too without disclosing the real reason behind it. Wilders and Haydens were close, despite their very different financial states.
Sophia's grandfather, Albert Hayden, was Robert's godfather and once a very successful lawyer. The problem was Haydens weren't blessed with an already built, great family fortune like Wilders. So while Robert founded a law firm at some point and with perfect ease, Albert Hayden was still working hard to save for the future.
Max didn't know much more than that but he guessed Albert had almost all his money used up behind that antique house of his.
And none were aware of the bad blood between Max and Sophia, which should be kept just like that. It was better this way, Max decided.
For a brief second, Max closed his eyes and the very same image displayed.
Sophia's tear-filled eyes full of pain had imprinted permanently at the forefront of his mind. He couldn't see past them and couldn't think past how miserable he felt every time he thought of last night and of how Sophia had run away crying.
"Max!"
An angry male voice made Max turn around to see Neil standing there in the doorway. Max noticed how pissed off he looked.
There are many disadvantages alongside the positive aspects when so many people live under the same roof.
But maybe his father had too much of a kind heart to overlook all those disadvantages. Robert Wilder was at the end of the day a lonely man after all—had been in this lonely state ever since divorcing his wife, Max's mother, when Max was about ten.
Max grew up under Robert's custody, visiting his mother twice every year over at South-hills. In the meantime, Max's uncle passed away, leaving two orphan sons and a widow behind. Robert took it upon himself to take responsibility for the entire family. Nolan, Neil, and their mother Katherine since then on had been staying in Robert's mansion. Even Nolan's wife Lolo moved in there right after their honeymoon.
Max let out a long sigh.
It was bit crazy with such a big family in the house. This mansion was filled with a lot of things for him—childhood memories, love, joy, separation, loneliness, suffocation, and most of all drama.
Schooling his expression and turning on a blank look Max raised his eyebrows questioningly at Neil.
"What is it, Neil?" Max asked. "You look quite shaken up."
"Seriously, Max! After what you and your admirers did to Sophia last night, you expect me to not be shaken up?" Neil looked disbelievingly at Max. "What the bloody hell is wrong with you? Why did you do that to Sophia?"
"So, you've heard," Max's voice was nonchalant.
It was his good fortune that his lifesaver of a father had sent Neil for an urgent meeting with one of their most important clients right before things were spicing up at the party. Otherwise, Max was sure that Neil would have made it difficult last night for his plan to see success.
Neil grunted. "The way she'd been insulted in the party, it's the top gossip on everyone's mouth now. I can't believe you've done this to her, Max."
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Max felt fury bubble up in his blood, through gritted teeth he bit out, "Stay out of it, Neil. She got what she deserved."
Neil stormed down the space between them and placing a hand on Max's shoulder he yanked him around to face him. "Bloody hell, Max! I went to check on her and she didn't look good. After seeing her so much hurt, I refuse to stay out of it. I refuse!" Neil breathed heavily trying to calm his anger down for it would do no one any good. "No one deserves to be humiliated like that, insulted like that. You guys were bullying her—"
"And did I deserve to get hurt by her all those years ago?" Max cut in finally letting his fury take over completely. "What about the hell I've been through because of her?"
Neil was stunned into silence as Max vented.
"Sophia had gotten a taste of the same freaking humiliation she had sentenced me with ten years ago, when she had suddenly one day decided that I was not worthy of being her highness's friendship anymore," Max's eyes had turned reddish, it was hard to tell if it was for anger or misery. "I can still recall the confusion, the anguish I had to go through as she began ignoring me like I'm equivalent to a disease. I recall myself chasing her all around the school, to her home, the library, park... every bloody were... to get the answer—why!"
Neil sighed, giving him a sad look. "Max, bro—"
"And do you know what she did when I finally caught up on her, demanding a reason for her behavior?" Max grunted at the memory. "It was in the middle of the lunch room, and she said she did not have any answer for me and then left me standing there. Then her new rowdy friends crudely announced that I don't mean anything to her, that we're not friends—we never were. Apparently, a stupid geek like me can never deserve her company. Everyone was laughing at me," Max panted. Beads of sweat appeared on his forehead as turned to punch into the wall. "But did I get my lesson after that insult? No. I still chased her, refusing to believe everyone else but it turned out I was just searching for the nonexistent water on a never-ending desert."
Neil came up and slowly placed a hand on Max's shoulder.
Max leaned against the window sill feeling exhaustion weighing down on his shoulders.
"I wrote her a letter...," Max's voice was lower this time around as he spoke, "a letter depicting my love for her."
Neil sucked in a sharp breath of surprise and Max's mouth lifted to a self-mocking smile. "I was indeed a fool for falling in love with that heartless girl."
"And I wrote it all down, all my bloody feelings for her into that letter. I insisted that we go to prom together. She said she wouldn't but I was quite a fool you know. I kept on being persistent and at one point she finally said yes, she did, and I was all over the place in happiness. And then when I went to pick her up for prom, suddenly she decided she didn't want to go with me anymore. She even refused to open the door and come out and see me, giving me a sort of explanation. She only said over the phone that she couldn't afford to go with me, being seen with the nerdy me was apparently harmful to her daredevil image." Max paused briefly, his eyes glazed over. "I stood there before her house, on the driveway, for hours—until dad called, until he had to come over to gather my pitiful ass back home."
Right after that, he'd left the city, away from Sophia.
"It is just pure Karma, Neil," Max said. "She got what she deserved."
He felt Neil's hand stiffen on his shoulder, a shoulder that flinched. He was like a hurt, crippled animal who had turned uncontrollably ferocious with passing time.
"I don't really know what made her do what she did to you. I don't even know if it is relevant or not, but Max, Sophia's parents died just two days after the night you're talking about."
Max let out a long breath but otherwise stayed indifferent.
He had left for South-hills, to his mother, right after that incident. Afterward, he didn't return to Asthel, from South-hills he applied to Oxford and left as soon as he got accepted.
Silence descended in the room until Max found himself muttering, "I heard later, much later. But that clearly doesn't justify how rude she'd been to me all those times, how she'd discarded our friendship without providing one single reason."
"And does that justify you being rude to her now? Can't you see that she's changed now? I've been seeing her repenting for what she did to you, to her and your friendship ten years ago. But please consider that maybe there's more to the story—"
"Are you certain that there's more to the story? Did she tell you?"
"No. But—"
Max's mouth curled up into an angry smirk. "You're conjuring up excuses on her behalf now, Neil?"
"I just don't want you both to lose what you can find with one another, Max. And Sofia is not a bad person, she's just a little bit complex and tries a lot to be tough. I don't understand why you can't see it how I see it, brother." Neil pressed his temple with his fingers, clearly getting frustrated. "She told me she apologized to you when we went to her diner—"
"A fucking apology would never undo the hurt I've been through!" Max snarled.
"And a fucking revenge would?" Neil sighed. "I'm not saying that Sophia didn't do anything wrong. She bloody hell did! But what happiness is it bringing you by dragging what used to be so many years ago? Tell me, are you satisfied now that you have finally taken your revenge?"
A million-dollar question that was.
Max stood frozen.
--
The whole family noticed how quiet Max was that day.
In the afternoon hours, he sat at the edge of his bed thinking about the conversation he had had with Neil this morning.
Max still felt Sophia got what she deserved. But the question now peeking in his mind was—had he gone a bit too overboard in the party?
His cousin, despite being younger than him, had been talking more maturely—that Max could see at this moment.
Also, now that Max looked from the outside at his revenge mission detaching himself from the obsession of it as much as possible, he could see it was more the hurt teenager inside him who had been keeping the fire alive all along. Even after Sophia had tried to reconcile with him; even after he had witnessed her changed self and despite how his heart still fluttered deep beneath the layers of hatred and anger, the teenager very much alive inside him had refused to let go.
What would have happened had he, like an adult, talked to her before executing this entire idea of revenge?
But what he'd done, wasn't that the normal thing after all?
He was no saint and neither did he wish to be one.
A knock sounded on the door. Max looked up to see his father walking in with two steaming mugs in his hands.
"Dad," Max forced a little smile on his face.
His father's scrutinizing eyes studied him for a long moment before he smiled back.
"Max. You didn't come down to the table for lunch, so I thought to see if you're feeling alright."
Max shifted to face his father completely. "I'm alright, just got a little headache. Didn't really feel like eating." He explained convincingly and took the coffee mug Robert offered him.
The father and son sipped from their mugs for a while after that. And as Max put down his mug on the bedside table, finally, Robert decided to break the silence with a sigh. Obviously, he'd noticed the heavy mood Max had on at the moment.
"You seem bothered for some reason," Robert pointed out.
Max was just about to open his mouth to deny it but Robert cut in again, "and it's not just the headache, son."
Looking away from Robert, Max bowed his head and glared at his hands clasped on his thighs. Raking a hand through his already messy hair, he began speaking but not knowing what it was that he intended to say, "It's... dad, I... actually..."
Unfortunately, he did not know where to start and where to actually end.
Max sighed and closed his eyes, at last, giving up his attempt to say something meaningful.
Sitting next to him, Robert waited with patience.
"What do you do, dad, when shockingly a long-awaited accomplishment doesn't give you the expected satisfaction, the expected happiness? What do you do in such a situation?" Max questioned at last with his eyes averted but ears perked up in anticipation for his father's reply.
Robert placed a comforting hand on Max's shoulder. "Then I find out what actually satisfies me, I find out where actually my happiness lies."
Max's face shot up to look at Robert who was smiling at him.
"Sometimes, our happiness is not at all connected to our accomplishments, son," Robert added.
An image of Sophia smiling up at him appeared before his eyes, her expression lighting up his entire world, and then that face dissolved only to replace with an image of her face contorted in anguish — the anguish he had placed there.
Something died inside him at that moment.
Even the teenager inside him whimpered in agony at the imaginary sight of Sophia in pain, that boyish part of him slowly backed off at the back of his mind experiencing torment more robust than the torment he'd been feeling before.
And he realized dismally that more than his own wounds Sophia's wounds were the ones that hurt him the most.
It was a soul-tearing epiphany that just made him see how vulnerable he actually was in front of this one woman.
A/N:
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