THE STEPS trembled, and the heart dismal. She blinks twice as the iron gates come into her view. It's been years she has been here, eons she has been felt like that, like home.

Her home was lost, or perhaps it was never hers.

She gulps the bitter truth.

Kuheli had known the pain of losing, but when she got her heartbreak, she was lost. Her heart was broken, her soul was shattered, herself was succumbed, somewhere, everywhere.

Her beloved had left her, and her home was lost.

That was the last day she look at this house, the last day she crossed the premises of the Bakshi residence, the last day and it was the same. She was here for Sheuli that day, and today was no different.

When she got the call from her father, she knew she has to come. Her father was with them since the time they were in the hospital, something that seems normal.

Ashish Ghosh and Sujoy had been old friends, they had been like family to them. So tonight when she drives her cry towards the familiar lanes of Bidhan Sarani, she knew this was coming.

They need her today.

Maybe they don't.

A small voice screams in her head but then she puts it shut. They maybe don't need her but she needs to be there.

Sheuli was never good with losses, the last time she didn't even mourn. The last time, even the thought of it leaves a bitter taste in her mouth and a stabbing pain in her heart.

So much was lost the last time.

She blinks her tears and steps inside the house. Her eyes are filled with memories, ears echoes with waves of laughter, and the soothing feel engulfs her with open arms.

She blinks once, twice and it was lost again.

The silence welcomes her and she walks further inside.

Durjoy was the first one she saw, he was sitting in the farthest corner of the shador Ghar (Hall) with some extended relatives scattered around but no one goes to him. No one dares to. Durjoy's temper was known to all and right now is not a time to talk with him. But she did.

She felt many eyes upon her but she walks to him anyway and squatted by the side of his chair. His white panjabi has wrinkles, so unlikely of him. But then again, he had been the closest to his brother, a brother he had lost not even twenty-four hours back.

She holds his hands and that made him open his eyes. She bites her lips to control her sobs and he shakes his head.

"Sujoy was a good brother Kuhu" she nods as he says this.

"He wasn't good at many things, but he was a good brother. I..." She saw him gulp then blink and then lone falling from his left eye.

He rests his head back and kept his eyes closed again.

For maybe in years, she had seen Durjoy Bakshi on the loss of words. And this left her in tears.

She walks towards the kitchen, the place she knew she would find her and she did.

_____

Lalima was making tea for everyone. Her eyes were red, the traces of eyes all over her face but that doesn't halt her hands from working. She was the same Kuheli had last seen her.

In pain but still working.

"Kakimaa" She calls her and she saw her back stiffened, a second later she turns towards her.

"Kuhu" And she hugs her tight.

A sob left her lips and then another. Kuhu let her cry, she had seen this woman like this.

Lalima Bakshi had herself restricted insides to the premises of the Bakshi residence for decades. Her day starts with the thought of works she needs to get done and ends with plans for the next days' breakfast menu. That's her world.

Her family and the chores of the house. She never bothered to look after herself, never got that chance. She was married as soon as she graduated, Durjoy went abroad leaving his six months old pregnant wife behind, and came back when his son was already a year old.

Durjoy Bakshi is a known advocate, something he was good at also something he carried as a legacy. Her mother in law taught her to be like this, to only think about this household and nothing else. She did that. It's been years Kuheli had known that, seen that.

So when today she walked inside, she wasn't only looking for Sheuli, she was looking for everyone here. For she knows, this family needs to mourn.

"I was about to call you." Lalima's voice makes her break the hug.

"I was on my way but why? You wanted me to do something?" She asks.

Lalima holds her hand and says, "I wanted you to be here."

They wanted her here.

Kuhu nods her head letting this sink in when she unknowingly whispered, "Why?"

"Because I need you here."

They need her here.

She gulps and gives her a painful smile.

She was wanted here, needed here still she has no right to be here.

The inquest glances she keeps on getting doesn't matter anymore. All that matters is the family she had come to know as her own for decades now.

Her mind wanders back to the day when she first came with her father. Lalima had welcomed her with open arms and Mohua keep on talking about her mother. Maybe that was yet another reason she seeks coming here.

Mohua and Rima and Amrita were close friends, Rima was her distant aunt too, so when she lost her mother, she found parts of her in them.

Maybe she was always looking for that warmth, or maybe she was just looking for a home, a love she found in certain onyx pairs of orbs. A long sigh left her lips as she tries to shake the views off her mind.

"You should take some rest Kakima," She said with Lalima's hand in hers.

"I don't have time for that Kuhu," Lalima said looking at empty space.

"But"

"I never had time for that, never had any time for anything I want and that's the about this family."

"But you should have"

"I wish but I can't. You see people out there, expect me to entertain them, to do the duties I was supposed to do, they would never understand that I might need to cry as well. They would never. And I have done this all my life."

"But things need to change with time Kakima and"

"And this is not the time. I need you here because I need someone close to Mohua, close to Sheuli and close to my.. my son."

"Kakima"

"I need you here for all myself reasons I know but Kuhu, I need you, I need my daughter"

She doesn't say anything after that, doesn't have to. All the world fades behind her as she just nodded her head, she will be here.

What she missed was the ring of her phone, she must have seen that, to not engulf yet another crack in her heart with open arms.

But that was her heart, something that lives here, that belongs to a certain pair of onyx orbs.

The rain outside was just another sigh of her crying soul on her fate.

______

THE PHONE RINGS THRICE but no one picks it up.

He closed his eyes only to open them in seconds. His onyx pair fixed upon the balcony which is closed tonight.

His mind strays through the lanes when the balcony used to be open, the white boho curtains used to kiss her face and he used to stand right here under the white jasmine tree, looking at for hours.

Those warm yellow lights of the balcony were his hope in his gloomy days. He suddenly feels the mist covering the view, and he knows it's just not the rain outside.

He blinks his eyes, once twice and until the view is clear.

For Sidharth Bakshi can't cry, he shouldn't no matter how much it pains his heart. But he wants to, he wants to sob, he wants to do many things and that's why he called her and she missed it.

Perhaps the absence of warm yellow light on the balcony was a sign.

There's no hope left of light in his gloomy life.

-------

Mohua has lost it all today. She is sleeping but the strains of dried-up tears were visible on her face.

"She seems broken." Kuhu whispers as her hand softly ceases those pepper black hairs.

Her mind goes back to the days Mohua had done the same to her when she lost her mother. She was there by her side every time she needed her, every time she didn't.

And right now she feels the roles were just reversed.

"She is broken Kuhu" Lalima's voice was painful.

"I have never seen her like this" She gulps.

Losses and life, something she still doesn't know how to deal with, perhaps it's something one would never know.

"She loved him," Lalima said as a sob left her lips.

"I wonder why"

"Sometimes you love the wrong person, sometimes you learn to love them. But it is love nevertheless, and"

"And when beloved leaves, it's not the only heart that was left broken." Kuhu said as a lone tear falls from her eyes.

Her eyes close as she feels a certain pair of eyes upon her.

She looks up and gasped.

Those blood-red eyes, those unsung tales of pain that just pierced through her soul.

She saw him walking away and she stood there looking at his back like always.

And she knows, he had heard him, and it killed him even more.

___

When Sidharth walks through the porch of Bakshi residence with Sheuli in his arms, he wasn't excepting Kuhuli there.

Now that's a lie he made himself believe, he was, he knew she could be here.

But what he didn't expect was those words when he was going to see his aunt, the raw pain in her voice.

He closes his eyes as he leans against the railings.

The din of feet behind makes his back stiff but he didn't turn, doesn't need to.

"Sidharth" He gulps, the voice he yearned for, that's so close yet so afar.

"You called me?" He gulps and just nodded his head after a minute still his back facing her.

"Why?"

A lone tear left his eye and he turn on his heel.

Within a second he closes the distance between them and engulfs her. His head rested on the nape of her neck and the familiar fragrance of jasmine engulf him.

He doesn't feel her arms around him for long only when he was about to withdraw, he found those familiar arms around him.

The soft voice soothed him, "I am here,"

He hugged her tight, " I know Kuhu"

"And there is nothing wrong to cry" And that's what he did.

He sobbed like a child who had lost his friend.

He cried having her in his arms, with her soothing his pain.

For when had Kuheli denied even an edge from Sidharth, never, never will be.

No matter how painful her love is, it is love nevertheless.

_______

THE WINDS ARE SILENT tonight around the CR Park. Silent because after long happy days grief had found its way to them.

Grief roams around and engulfs them often.

The grief of losing a part of them.

Standing on the doorstep he looks at his mother, Sebanti is creasing a photograph, hers and Rishab's. The smiling faces and shining eyes, happiness is prominent there.

But now it's nowhere, not at least with the same person anymore.

He wants to step inside and sit next to her, but he couldn't. And suddenly he missed the girl who would have done it without a second thought, but that's not him.

"Maa" He calls her softly.

"Abeer?" Sebanti looks up at him slowly with sad eyes.

"Sheuli texted me." She nodded at this.

"You alright?" He asked.

"I am," She said although he knows she is lying he doesn't drag it.

"I am going upstairs call me if you need anything." He said while going towards the kitchen.

Suddenly the words of his father ring back in his head,

There's a no doubt difference between a girl and a boy. There are things a boy can never do which a girl does with so much ease for instance just simply sitting beside and talk. You will think twice before doing so but a daughter won't. That's the thing about daughters, they make a house a home, they light up our lives with joy.

Sons are not behind perhaps they didn't really get as close as daughters.

That was years ago and today it all makes sense to him. He was a good son but still after Sheuli coming into their lives, he knows he could be a better one perhaps he is just not a daughter.

He makes his way upstairs and sit on the easy chair but this time it doesn't feel the same.

The green lawn is void of any glimmering flies tonight, the night seems filled with gloominess and suddenly Abeer seems to have missed something. Something rather someone but he doesn't want to name it just now.

A sigh left his lips as he continues to make tea, but his mind is wandering around to thoughts of someone.

Someone with light brown eyes with an orange tint, someone who left all of a sudden, someone who must be grieving her loss right now. All he wants to do is to console her, tell her that it will be fine.

He wants to sit with her and tell her about his experiences, listen to her pain. But right now is not the time yet, not their time.

Even the tea doesn't taste the same. A girl whom he had known for not more than two weeks holds so much importance in his life.

Maybe it's just the reason why she left, losses that they have in common or maybe he is just missing her. Whatever it is, he doesn't want to name it just yet.

A sigh left his lips as he keeps the cup beside him and texts her again.

You know when I lost Baba, I was a mess. Things suddenly felt heavier than they are usually. Maybe it was the fact he was not here anymore or I am simply missing him.

I know you must be feeling the same, and that's alright. Mourn for your loss, for him. Because trust me mourning helps you to move on. You can't stay in the past forever, and this shall too pass.

Just remember I am here if you ever want to talk.

Thank you.

Take care of yourself. And come back soon.

Sent, seen.

Sheuli keeps the messege on seen. She doesn't reply. But his words remain with her.

_______

You can't stay in the past forever.

Maybe this time she has to mourn, she has to face it and bid her goodbyes too. A farewell to the lost one.

She keeps on sitting by the window, eyes looking past the vast lawn towards the familiar red-walled house with algal green borders. Memories so cherished so tenderly broken into pieces that slice her heart and make her bleed. She rest her head on the wall and keeping out there.

GRIEF.

There's a thing about grief, it stays when mourning ends. The yearning for another chance even if it was a chance for the last goodbye.

As another wind passed by it's not there.

Lost somewhere in thin layers of memories.

The tall gates of Bakshi residence are closed tonight, the red-walled house with a vast yard and a lake in the backwards with the tress and mourning breezes are silent. And everything seems alien to Sidharth Bakshi.

All his life he had spent here, this place is never this silent never this cold. No matter what storm came what grief engulf them, this house in the west was never silent, never meant to be.

The Bakshi family house has been a hub of socialites of north Kolkata for decades now. A known place for poets and singers, later on for Doctors and Advocates.

And that's what it has been for years. His Grandfather then his Father and Uncle, always kept it going. But in the last few years, things had changed, perhaps that's what grief does.

Sidharth looks at the girl sitting by the open window lost somewhere in her thoughts maybe in some memories. For once he wants to go there and tell her everything will be fine, and that's what is the truth, but he doesn't want to.

His sister needs to grief.

"Do you think she will handle it well this time?" Mohua's sudden voice brings him back from his thought.

He looks at his aunt with a sad smile, the white saree she is wearing doesn't suit her, and he wanted to scream that but he can't.

"I think she would," He said looking at her as if searching for something in her face.

Suddenly to him, Mohua Bakshi seemed to have aged by years over just three days. So much for just a loss of a person, a person with whom she was never happy. So many things he wanted to ask but he can't.

"I hope she does that," She keeps on looking at the figure with a lone pearl rolling down her left eye.

"She is stronger than we think Choto maa," He holds her hand and says.

She nods and visibly gulps, "Sheuli is strong but she shouldn't be this strong Babun," she speaks as tears continue to cover her face and Siddharth doesn't stop her, he let her cry, sometimes it's good to cry it out, and here they are just looking out for someone whom they both loves, too dearly.

"Choto maa," He made her sit on the couch while taking a sit on the floor mat.

So many times he had done this over the years. He vividly remembers when Mohua had gotten married to this house and how often she used to feel out of place.

He was a little boy of twelve at that time. He became her friend along with his mother, Shreyoshi. He remembers the night when she used to sit here and cry and how he used to bring his chocolates for her. How his mother used to tell him to stay around his Choto Maa and leave her alone, not in around the extended relatives at least.

Once he heard his Kaku scream at her for not coming from a socialite family like them she had opposed saying it was him and his family who asked for her hand and that had led to some ugly fight until he went inside and pulled out Mohua of the room.

That was the first time he was opposed to misogyny at their place and that's the beginning. That was the first time he felt the need to protect the women of his house, to protect his Choto Maa from the relentless words and his little sister that was yet to be born that time.

And he did, at least he tried. But he couldn't protect her from the pain that was written in her stars, a pain that no one of them deserves. A pain for losing a person too dear to everyone.

"She shouldn't be this strong Babun that she doesn't know how to weep. My Sheuli is strongest but that's because she never mourns for things like we do. She just folded herself off from the people around her, from everything that reminds her of the pain and continues to suffer. She continues to run away and that's not how life works." Mohua cries in pain, in a plea of agony in silence.

The slow breezes passing them stop their flee witnessing their misery.

"Maybe that's how she mourns." Siddharth begins after a few seconds of silence.

"...Everyone has different ways of coping, maybe running away from them and cutting herself off is her way, and we should respect that. Choto Maa, Sheuli has a loss that snatched her happiness from her and that too at a point in life when she should be dreaming of a beautiful life but she couldn't."

"Why can't she just cry in front of me? Why does she always keep the facade of a happy face around us too?" Mohua cries at this.

A daughter she had nurtured in her womb for nine long months, a daughter around whom her whole life revolves, a daughter who is always smiling at others with broken dreams and shattered hope. For long she was happy that Sheuli didn't mourn, but later on, she realised, Sheuli didn't mourn for her, for her shattered family and the nauseating honour that pinned them.

She cries over her fate where she couldn't even let her daughter weep.

"Maybe she did that for you, for all of us who were just used to see a happy Sheuli," Siddharth said, his voice cracking at the end.

"Babun"