Growing up I had always been alone.

My mother was a junkie that took out her aggression on me when she didn't find or have enough money to buy her fix. It also got worse when she started dating her drug dealer. Going to school wasn't even part of it, people would stare at the bruises and too many questions would be asked.

When I was eleven, I finally had enough. I remember the hit to the head, the blood dripping down the side of my face. I remembered hearing my own mother and her dealer boyfriend talk about harvesting organs and selling them because, did you know almost three hundred thousand grand and if they also sold other parts, it would be a fuck ton of money.

They were going to do that to me.

I remember lying on the ground and willing my body to get up. I had to move or I was going to die. My mother and her dealer boyfriend decided to celebrate early and had rushed towards their room and then the house was filled with squeaky sounds.

It took a lot of tears and will but I did it. I escaped. I ran away.

To survive, I scrapped for food, ate food found in the garbage, drank water from a fountain and then turned to pickpocketing and that's how I met Xander.

-

I stood at the corner as I watched the boy. His head was held up high and he had big men standing behind him, like he was royalty. Auburn hair styled off his face, he had on all black and a brown trench coat. He looked like a rich spoilt kid. I could totally shake him up for money.

I sneakily followed them into the building, hiding out of sight. I licked my lips as the boy pulled a lollipop out of his pocket and opened it. Rich kids like this always act like they own the world but when I push them against the wall and demand for money, I get it because they can't fight and this boy wouldn't be any different. He looked around my age but a little bit shorter than me. I got so excited about the prospect of eating something for dinner. It's been days since I had eaten something decent.

I finally saw my chance. The two men walk the boy over to the toilets and I followed, hiding out of sight. They two big men don't wait at the entrance of the toilet but leave instead. I quickly made my way in and there he was, drying his hands with a paper towel.

I rushed towards him and gripped him by the throat, pushing him against the wall.

"Give me all your money." I snapped at him.

The boy simply looked at me with a bored expression. I squeezed his neck tighter and he just gives me a droll look.

"Give me your fucking money."

The boy let out a bored sigh and in the blink of an eye, the hand I had on his neck was hurting and pressed at an awkward angle behind my back. I yelped when I was smacked up the side, forcing my head down, my gaze on the ground.

"You're really stupid." the boy said as he smacked me again. "Really stupid."

He pushed me to the ground and walks closer to me, squatting so he could look right in my face. He sighs as he pulls a small gun from behind him, pressing it right to my forehead. Even doing this, he still had the same bored expression on his face.

"Who sent you? Was it Mackintosh? Was it my asshole of a father? Is this another test because I won't hesitate to shoot you right here and now." the boy said, a flash of anger shooting across his face.

"What the fuck is a twelve year old doing with a gun?" I found myself saying. I refused to back down.

"Why the fuck are you asking for my wallet?" the boy asked, raising a brow.

The silence was broken by the sound of my stomach rumbling. The boy looked down at my stomach and then back at my face. My stomach made another loud rumbling sound and this time I surged up, trying to grab the gun but the boy slapped me so hard, my head snaps to the side.

"I have met a lot of people but none as stupid as you. I had a gun pressed to your head." the boy snapped at me.

"Yeah, well, I don't care. It's either you kill me or the hunger does. I don't mind any one."

The boy stared at me, not saying a word. It goes on until he sits beside me on the floor and crossed his legs. "What's your name?"

"J."

"What's your full name, stupid?"

"Jenesis."

The boy throws his head back as he laughed and laughed. "Alright, J. Let's go."

"Where are we going?"

"You look like you need hot chocolate and a couple of meals."

The boy stands and held his hand out towards me. I looked at it and at his other hand, still holding the gun. He hasn't shot me yet and he just mentioned food, so I'm going to give him a chance. The boy helps me up, slipping the gun back onto his body.

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"What is your name?" I asked the boy.

He raised his brow at me again. And then holds his hand out to me for a shake. "I'm Xander Lupos." he said, his lips stretching in a smile that shook me to my very core. Oh shit, I fucked up.

-

I grew up with Xander. He forced me to attend school and get my degree and then gave me a position at XCorp. He made me his right hand and was my best friend. My saviour. He found Bram and brought me the biggest gift ever.

Ryan.

Before Xander met Bram, he was like he was a kid. He had the same bored expressions, super aggressive and quick witted and his reflex was as frightening as ever. He wiped the entire city of other gangs and small crime families because they just weren't cutting it. He had tortured, killed, mangled a lot of people. There were lines he wouldn't cross, like heroine, after I told him about my childhood and he makes sure to catch any one who slips through the crack and sells his banned items were... taken care of.

Some times I do it.

Other times, he does it. As a stress reliever.

Finding out my best friend was a daddy dom didn't even cut into the top three things that could scare, irritate or disgust me about him. In fact it sort of makes sense. I have watched this man rip people apart, pull nails clean off a finger and then pour acid on it, seen this man use a spoon to scoop out someone's eye. Stepped on same eye until it was mush on the ground.

So yeah. Xander was nothing short of terrifying.

But he turns into human marshmallow when he's around Bram. It's quite the sight.

He has had littles here and there but they never last. One week or so. The shortest being a day. But when Xander met Bram, everything sort into place. Everything made sense. You had to see them together to understand. Bram makes life more interesting for Xander, they were so in love it made my teeth hurt sometimes.

There were a hundred thousand other ways he could have made William Maben and Moy hurt but he dulled it down for Bram. They just make so much sense. And like I said earlier, they brought me the biggest gift of all.

Ryan.

The first time I saw Ryan, it was like it was happening in slow motion. He looked so beautiful that I actually thought I had swallowed my throat. I remember the text message he sent, asking me out to dinner but I had thought it was a joke. Both Xander and I grew up thinking no one is ever nice to us without wanting something and that was my first thought.

Ryan.

Ryan was like a beautiful summer day. Gorgeous, gorgeous and warm.

I was so nervous on our first date and even though it's been months, I still get nervous sometimes. Like when he tucks himself closer to me when we sleep. Or when he rolls out of bed in the morning, hair golden with ray of sunlight coming through the windows.

Ryan.

I could say his name for forever. I haven't have time to have a long term relationship, I have only had one night stands. This, his relationship with Ryan was everything for me. He even knew my name. My actual name.

"What are you thinking about?"

I snapped out of my thought as Ryan makes his way over to me. I cupped his his cheek as he got closer and leaned down to kiss him hello. He had on a white shirt tucked into black pants, converse on his feet and a custom made black coat with a wolf stitched in gold on his collar. He looked absolutely beautiful and I still couldn't believe he was mine. Mine to hold, mine to kiss, mine to love.

"You. Always you, my love." I replied, pausing to press a kiss to my boyfriend's forehead.

I watched entranced as always as Ryan's cheeks go red.

"You're too sweet to me. What did I do to deserve you?" Ryan asked, moving even closer and looking up at me.

"I should be asking you that, lovely." I said, smiling down at him. I pressed a kiss to his forehead and his blushed deepened. I held my arm out to him, he wraps his hands around them and I led him out of the building. It was while walking out the doors that I realized that they were a lot of people in the lobby, as it was closing time.

It happens. When ever I was with Ryan, I solely focus on him. It never fails to feel like we were the only ones in the world. Simply being in the same room as him always feels like that. Since it was past five and he was done with work, I led him towards the car I had parked right outside the building, the white SUV shining brightly.

I held the door for Ryan, closing it right after he had slipped on his seat belt. Before leaving for the island, Bram had told me something Ryan had never done and I wanted to fufill it for him. I wanted to give him everything.

"Ry..." I said.

"Yes, boyfriend?"

"Would you like to go on a not so impromptu date with me?" I asked, raising my gaze from my hands to his face. He was smiling, he looked so adorable, like the blushing emoji. It made me want to pull him into my arms and cuddle him.

"Of course. Yes. Yeah!" he replied cheerfully. "What's it though? Where are we going? I feel like at this point it's my turn to surprise you with dates." he said, doing that adorable nose scrunch thing he did when he was thinking a mile a minute. I liked the fact that I had gotten to know my boyfriend so much that I already knew most of his tells. Like how he starts to kiss my neck when he's horny, or how he always drinks tea first when he's hungry, how he claims he likes spicy food but scratches the back of his ear after saying said lie.

I never knew I could love someone this much. And I never thought I'd find someone who loves me as fiercely as Ryan did. It shows. I can see it and he can see mine. I don't say it as much as I would like to but I do tell him. In the quiet of our room, while holding his hand, when I slip between his legs and fuck him hard enough that the headboard bangs against the wall.

I snapped out of my thoughts when I feel a weight on my thighs. I looked down and smiled when I see Ryan's hand on my thigh.

"Stop thinking naughty thoughts and woo me." he said, shaking his head fondly at me.

"I wasn't thinking naughty thoughts." I huffed, pressing the start button and pulling away from the curb.

"The tip of your ears turned red. don't even front with me." he giggled. "How are you even in the mafia? You're literally the worst liar I know." he teased. I shook my head at him. I didn't know what to say to that. What could I say to that?

"You're cute."

"That is not what we are talking about. Don't try to distract me." he said and I chuckled. I didn't even need to look over at him to know he was blushing. Adorable.

"I'm not. I was just saying." I shrugged, innocently.

The surprise that I had planned for him was a drive in movie date. He was buzzing with excitement and was just smiling. I got out of the car and quickly made my way to the concession stand to buy enough snack to feed a small village. We bought slid into the back-seat and I moved closer to him.

"Oh my god, Jenesis."

I winced at the name.

"I haven't done this before." he whisper, turning to face me. We were so close that our nose almost touched. "I am so glad I get to do this with you."

"I'm so happy I get to do this with you too, my love." I said. Ryan leaned forward, pressing a kiss to my cheek and then laying his head on my shoulder. The movie for the night was Maid in Manhattan. Ryan laughed, finished the large popcorn, cried, snacked, cried again. It was amazing watching him.

Truly a wonderful sight to behold.

"Did you enjoy the movie?" I asked as the credits rolled.

"It was so good, I cried." he said, grinning widely at me.

-

For dinner we got take away from the chinese place near the apartment. Time goes by in a blink and then I'm sliding into bed, fresh from a shower, teeth brushed. Ryan had slipped into the bathroom just as I had slipped out.

I was scrolling through my messages and then the pictures Bram had sent of the view at the island, I was still scrolling when I hear the water being turned off. And then I could picture it. Picture a wet and gorgeous Ryan stepping out of the shower, could picture him grabbing a towel.

I sat up, elbows resting on my thighs and dark hair falling into my eyes. Allowing my hair grow out was a great decision and not just because Ryan had asked me to. I don't say yes to him all the time. Just... 99.9 percent of the time.

Ryan slips into the room, towel wrapped around his waist. His hair was flat against his head, lashes wet and long, water rolling down and disappearing into the white towel. I got off the bed and stalked over to him. He blinks innocently at him but I know. I know my boyfriend so well.

I pushed him against the wall, gripping his waist tightly. He lets out a loud gasp and I swallow the sound, pressing my lips against him. The kiss was hard and sent shivers down my body. I could feel him trembling against me, the way he slips his hand into my hair and tugs. When the need for air became too strong, we pulled apart.

Ryan trailed kisses down my neck and I grip the towel. I pulled him away from the wall and pushed him onto the bed. I tugged the towel off and stared down at him. His eyes were dark, his teeth digging into his bottom lip. I growled as I made my way onto the bed, crawling towards him.

Ryan parts his legs for me, hands slipping down my back and fuck was I happy I decided not to wear a shirt to bed. I felt the smooth glide of his hand against my skin as he pulls me close, my nails dig into the skin of his hip as our nose's brush. Our body locking into place. We fit, every curve and dip on our bodies fit, everywhere he touched me felt hot, like flames licking underneath my skin. The things I want to do this man. The things I want to do to his mouth.

Ryan looks me right in the eyes and said. "I want you to grab my hair, J, and fuck me like I am your slut."

"You want me to mark you all over." I growled, my teeth digging into the kin of his neck, feeling him arch underneath me. Slow, sexy, hot, "Bite, lip, suck and nip. Want me to fuck you so hard, make you scream so loud the entire street know what we're up to? Want me to fuck you hard, deep and fast, just the way I like? Use you like my little slut, is that right." my voice was deeper, gravelly and it turned him on so much. It was erotic to watch.

"Please." he whimpered. "Please. Please."

—

So.... how do we feel?

❤️