I spent the entire day with Xander. He didn't even let me go back to the house to get my clothes, instead he took me shopping for new ones and to a stylist for my hair. He even got me a new watch, a brand new Rolex and he had refused to let me know the price.

We had our date on the rooftop of a little restaurant that was a long way from the city, where the lights were few and I could actually see the stars in the sky. It was like Xander had decided to romance the life out of me or something. It was just so wonderful and my cheeks were hot for half of the time.

I kept one hand on his thigh throughout the drive back to his house. It was already past eleven and to be completely honest, I was already feeling a little sleepy.

"You can go to sleep, baby. I'll wake you when we get home." Xander said, his voice soft like he was trying to not scare my sleep away.

"I want to sleep on our bed at home." the words came out before I could stop them. Our bed. Was it because I've spent a lot of time at Xander's house or did I really think of that house as a home too. Oh my god.

Sleep was long gone now and I was mulling things over in my head. I actually see Xander's house as mine too and oh, this is new. This was a new development. Were we at that point in our relationship? Was it too soon? What do I do?

I didn't even notice when the car pulled to a stop until there was a weight on the back of my neck. Exactly what I needed to pull me back to the present, to pull me out of my thoughts before it got really chaotic.

"Are you with me, Bram?" Xander asked, voice echoing in my head.

"I am. I was... thinking."

"Do you mind sharing what you were thinking about?" Xander asked, his hand squeezing just a bit.

I looked away from my hands to his face. Street-light coming in through the windscreen and onto his face. Xander looked absolutely gorgeous and it made me want to lean closer. So I did.

"I think of your house as our house. Of your bed as our bed." I said, my words coming out softly.

"It is your house too, baby. Everything I own is yours." Xander replied with no hesitation or pause. How could he be so sure? How could he just say that with so much confidence?

"Xander..."

Xander slipped his hand off my neck, cupping my face, his thumb softly stroking my cheek. "There is no doubt in my mind about how I feel about you. So trust me when I say, everything I have is yours. Trust me when I say I am yours." Xander said. He takes off his seatbelt with his free hand and leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my nose and another to my forehead. "Let's get you home, baby."

I hadn't noticed it before because of my thoughts and all, but Xander had pulled to the side of the road to talk to me. For the rest of the drive home, I sang along to the songs on the radio. Once Xander pulled into the driveway, he tells me to go on in while he parked the car.

I walked up the stairs and got into the house. Instead of going upstairs though, I made my way to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. I had just walked into the kitchen when I noticed who was drinking apple juice right out of the carton.

"How many times have I told you that's a bad habit?" I asked as I fully stepped into the kitchen.

Ryan almost choked on his juice as he turned in my direction.

"Bram!" he screamed. He dumps the carton on the table and rushed towards me, pulling me in for a very tight hug. "I missed you so much." he said. He pulled back and promptly smacked my arm hard. "Never do that again! I was worried sick. You just left the office and no one was picking your phone for a while. If you do that again, I will smack you or put you in the naughty corner! Either big you or little you."

Oh.

Xander had said I spent time with Ryan while I was in little space. But hearing him say it still shocked me.

"Little me?"

"Yeah. Come on, lets go to your room. We can talk there." Ryan said and I nodded. I watched him place the juice carton back in the fridge and mentally shook my head at my friend. Once he closed the fridge, I pulled him in for a hug. One to rival his.

"I missed you." I said. "So much."

We made our way up the stairs, arm in arm. I was so happy. Ryan obviously saw me in my onesie, with my toys and colouring book and he's still here. He didn't call me names or judge me. Instead, he had just hugged me.

Ryan plops onto the bed, smiling at me.

"You look nice. Date?" he asked.

"Yeah. I spent the whole day with Xander and he's the sweetest." I said. "How are you?" I asked him as I settled by his side.

"I'm good. J picked me up from work and we had a dinner date." Ryan said, grinning at me. His eyes sparkled like they always did when he talked about J. "Xander and J, gave me a summary of what happened and I was pissed off. How could he do that to you?"

"Huh?" I asked. Wondering what Xander had said to Ryan about my William and I's relationship.

"Xander said dick Will treated you bad when you were dating and J told showed me the video. They told me about how he dragged you into the office and some of the things William had said while they had him locked up." Ryan said. "Xander then explained to me that you slipped into little space because you didn't want to or know how to deal with it. And that's why you stayed that way for days."

"Are you okay with knowing what you do about Xander and I's relationship?" I asked Ryan. I needed to be sure.

"I am." Ryan said, reaching for my hand. "The first time I saw little you, you asked me to paint with you. You were in a grey onesie and fuzzy socks." he said and I nodded. I could kind of remember, everything was still a bit fuzzy but I was sure they would return in time. "You were the absolute cutest with your hair and tongue pressed to the side of your mouth as you painted. Yes I had a lot of questions but Xander explained it to me and so did google. J told me upfront to leave and delete his number if I was going to say something mean or judgemental to you."

"Oh..."

I didn't know what to say to that.

"They both care about you so much." Ryan said, squeezing my hand. "I like that they both do. It means you have more people to look and protect you. Not just me."

"They care about you too, Ry." I said, smiling at my best friend. "And you better believe they would protect us both if we ever need it."

"I know it's late but I want ice cream now." Ryan said and I huffed out a laugh. "Where's your man?"

"He's parking the car."

"You two are too sweet. Nearly gave me a cavity." Ryan said, giggling to himself.

"We are so not."

"What.? You two love each other so much." Ryan said and my heart slammed against my chest. My eyes were so wide.

"Love? No. I don't love him." I said and Ryan let out a loud snort.

"Are you trying to lie to yourself or to me?" Ryan asked and I shook my head at him. I got off the bed and stood right in front of him, pushing my fingers through my hair. Nah. No. I wasn't in love with Xander. I am very sure that I'd know if I was in love with someone.

Ryan looked right at me, running gaze right from my feet to my head. "You don't know, do you?"

Shit. Holy fuck.

"Tell me how you feel about Xander." Ryan said, his gaze never leaving me.

"Xander is everything. He makes me happy, spending time with him is very exciting. I'm always excited to do things, thing I've done before because it's worth and it's even better when I do it with him. It feels easy with Xander. I could talk to him, tell him anything and everything. We don't really argue. He is all I think about and when we're not together, I get the urge to text or call and it isn't even overwhelming. Even holding hands with him makes my heart go crazy. He brings out the best in me, he builds me up and helps me be the best I can be. He's so amazing and so thoughtful. I could stay in his arms forever, I could stay with him forever." I said.

"Why?" Ryan asked and my answer comes out fast and true.

"He's the love of my life."

The room fell silent and Ryan was smiling at me. Bigger than I'd ever seen it. He also looked smug and if I hadn't come to a big conclusion now, I'd smack him upside the head. But holy shit. Fuck! I was truly in love with him.

I love Xander.

I... I...

Ryan got off the bed and made his way to me. He placed his hands on my shoulders. "I am really happy for you." he said, still smiling at me. I didn't know what I could say to that. I didn't even get the chance to because there was a knock on the door and Xander walked in.

"Hey Xander." Ryan said over my shoulder. I couldn't turn around and look at him. I was so scared I was just going to blurt it out. And knowing me, that's exactly what I would do. "Alright. Good night, you lovebirds." Ryan said, chuckling to himself.

Ryan walked out of the room, leaving Xander and I alone. I wondered if he loved me too. My breath hitched when I feel Xander slips his arms around my waist, pressing a kiss to my head. I placed my hands on his, lacing our fingers together. The two of us swaying.

"How was you talk with Ryan?"

I hummed. Not trusting myself to use words.

"Good?" Xander asked.

I turned around, my arms going around his neck as I stared up at him. My handsome boyfriend who I love so much.

"Baby?"

"Yeah. Yeah, it was good." I said, my hand sliding up, fingers playing with the short hairs at the back of his head.

"I'm glad." he said. Xander tightened his grip around my waist as we moved, dancing in the silence. I couldn't look away from him nor did I want to. Why would I want to look away from the man I love so much?

It even got a thousand times better when Xander began to hum. It sounded familiar but I just couldn't place it. Today had started out great and to be completely honest, it had ended great. Any day spent with Xander was the best. Xander... Xander doesn't look away from me either.

The two of us dancing in the silence of the room, Xander humming quietly with this soft smile on his face, made everything feel perfect. I don't want anything any more. I just needed this. I just needed Xander.

We eventually stopped dancing, Xander pulling me ever closer as he pressed a kiss to my forehead. "Let's get you ready for bed, baby."

"Would you cuddle me?" I asked.

"Of course."

"Would you hold me tight?" I asked.

"I'll hold you tight and never let you go, angel."

—

*i have no more words*

❤️