"Are you out of your fucking mind?!"

"Don't yell at me. I'm a baby." I said, pouting to even prove my point. Ryan just kept staring at me with wide eyes, his nose flaring a bit. He reminded me of an angry squidward.

"You went to see him by yourself? Without telling me! You just up and left and sent me a lousy text later. You didn't even share your address. If you had disappeared, where would I look for you? Where do I tell your mother you went to?" Ryan asked, he was getting even more tense with each word. My dear friend.

"I'm very sorry. I just had to find out, I couldn't let it go." I told Ryan. I was sincere about the apology but I do not regret going to see Xander.

"You're going to give me a heart attack, one of these days." Ryan said before taking a large gulp of his beer.

"That thing is going to give you a fat belly. You want to look like a pregnant man?" I asked, eyeing the large mug of beer on my friend's hand.

"You drink beer too."

"In a can with a straw. You can't judge me." I told Ryan. "And I drink once in a blue moon." I honestly did. I only drank when I felt like all my tears were going to bubble out of me and drown me. When my skin feels too tight and all I want to do is grab a stuffie and put a pacifier in my mouth.

I couldn't do that myself though. Not by myself. It wasn't safe. I could tip over and hurt myself. Even more than I have been already.

I picked up my can and took a small sip of my beer. I honestly didn't fancy drinking but it sort of helps. At least for a bit.

"You're insane."

"Maybe a little bit." I replied, fingers playing with the straw. I smiled softly at it. It was a bendy straw and I had made it loopy. I was the only person in the bar drinking from a can and using a straw.

"So... what happened? What did you find out?"

"He wants to see me again and I've got his number and everything. I was thinking we'd go and see a movie, The Invisible Man is out and the trailer looked incredible." I said excitedly.

"Please tell me you at least remembered to ask him for his name this time."

"Actually I saw him in a news article while I was at work and that's why I had to leave. I thought it was a sign." I said with another small smile.

"His name, Bram." Ryan asked, taking another gulp of his beer.

"Xander Lupo."

Ryan spat out his drink, right on my face. Oh Lordy. Gross. I quickly reached for the handkerchief I keep in my pocket and tried to wipe my face off with it. I'm sure half of the bar was staring at the two of us, I could hear the conversations drop.

"I'm sorry." Ryan said, trying to wipe off my clothes with his hands.

"It was an epic spit take but let's not do it on me again." I warned Ryan. He really shouldn't or I'll be tempted to exact revenge. A little Nair on his eyebrows and they would be gone.

I looked around once I was done and everyone had gone back to their own conversation. The bar wasn't that crowded. It was a Wednesday night and it wasn't even eight thirty pm yet.

"His name is actually Xander Lupo?" Ryan asked.

"Yes! What's with all the questions and spit take?" I asked Ryan who had taken out his phone and was typing aggressively. He suddenly shoved the phone in my face, a picture of Xander on it.

"That him?"

"Yeah."

Ryan got up and dragged his chair closer to mine. Why was he being so dramatic? I felt like dumping my van of beer over his head.

"He's not good news."

"What?"'I asked Ryan, my brows furrowed together in confusion.

"He's a bad dude. He's into shady stuff and he's the big boss." Ryan said and I was even more confused than when he started. What the fuck was he talking about?

"Ryan..."

"I'm serious. He's the boss. He's the head of the Lupo Crime Family." Ryan said, shoving the phone into my hands. Shit. When did they start shaking?

The headlines ranged on but all of them were simply speculating. They had no picture of Xander and the only newspaper article that did was the one I had seen the other day, the one with the picture of Xander walking out of the police station.

They were a lot of them and it coincided with what Xander had said when I had woken up in his home. Oh shit. The guns, Xander saying the police couldn't do shit.

Of course.

Of fucking course! Of course the guy I'm interested in turns out to be a kingpin.

"Didn't you notice anything? Anyone involved in the Lupo Mob have a tattoo of a wolf." Ryan said and I think back. I hadn't seen any on Xander and J. I haven't seen anything. Oh fuck. My head was beginning to hurt.

I handed Ryan back his phone, pulled the straw out of my can of beer and took several large gulp until every drop in the cab was gone. Once I was done I squeezed it so tightly. Fighting the urge to scream out in frustration as I did.

What even was my life.

I thought that shit... I thought this shit was only in the movies.

"Can we get fries? Or should we go to that bar on fifth. They serve food there too." I said to Ryan. There's the familiar prickle behind my eyes and I resist the urge to melt into my chair.

"Are you alright?"

"Can we just go? I think a bit of fresh air would work wonders for my mind right now." I said, already getting up from my seat. Ryan complied and together we walked out of the bar. I didn't want to go to a restaurant. I didn't want to order for myself. I hated ordering for myself. Something greasy would be great right now.

It's common sense not to believe everything in the news but it coincides with what I've seen with my eyes and heard with my ears.

"Bram, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you." Ryan said, placing his hand around my shoulder, pulling me closer to him.

"It's okay. Thank you for telling me. No one else would have." I said to him. It's a short walk to the bar on fifth. It was a bit windy and it kinda felt like it was going to rain.

It was painful, really, this Xander situation. We haven't even hung out yet and there's already drama. Once we got to the bar on fifth, Crazy Coco, I told Ryan to get us a table while I used the toilet.

Once I was inside the toilet, I pulled out my phone and pulled up Xander's contact. Should I call or text? I couldn't spend a lot of time thinking about this, so I closed my eyes and tapped on anything.

The fates chose to call.

It rings once.

Twice.

Three times and he finally picks the call.

"Bram?"

My knees went weak and I had to steel myself so I didn't crumble to the ground. How could he sound so incredible over the phone too?

"You're a kingpin? A mob boss? Seriously?" I asked Xander. He doesn't say a word, he doesn't even sigh and the seconds tick back.

"Why do you want to know?"

I scoffed, rubbing my right palm against my jeans. It was sweaty and I needed to feel something. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Do not cuss at me." His voice was deeper, words packed full with authority. It made me snap to attention. Really! Was I that desperate for a daddy dom?

"I'll do whatever I want to! I kissed a bad guy!" I whisper-yelled, letting go of my jeans and flailing my hand.

"I never claimed to be otherwise."

"I know all this. I just found out all this and yet... yet I still want to see you again." I confessed, my voice going quiet towards the end.

"Just say the word. Give me a time and a place and I'll be there." Xander said and I sighed.

"This doesn't even make sense. Does it make sense? Are you like Al Capone?"

Xander let out a loud laugh, it sounded so free and sent tingle down my body, to my toes and back up again. I wanted to see him laugh, not just hear it over the phone.

"Can we have this conversation later?" Xander asked.

"Why? Are they monitoring your calls? Is the government listening in? Have you watched the movie The Godfather?"

Xander laughed again. "You're crazy."

"This is the second time someone's called me that today." I said, pouting a little. The door to the toilet was pushed open and two guys walked in, immediately heading over to relieve themselves.

"Where are you?"

"At a bar with a friend. Where are you?" I asked in turn as I quickly made my way out of the toilet.

"On my way to a business meeting." Xander said and I huffed. Business meeting my left ass. The closer I got to the main floor of the bar, the more noisy it gets. "Be safe. Text me when you get home, so I'll know you're alright."

"I will. Thank you." I said, quickly ending the call before I said something that would horrify and scar me. I made my way over to the table where Ryan was seated. He already had two menus in hand. He hands me one when I take a seat and I look through it.

The waiter shuffled over to us and I placed my order. The double decker cheese burger with extra cheese and a side of fries and a tall glass of cold water. Ryan only orders Baby back ribs and another beer.

"Are you feeling better?" Ryan asked.

"Yeah I am." It was scary and real. Xander has lowkey confirmed and like I had said, I still wanted to see him? Was I actually insane? Should I get tested? I've been making crazy decisions lately.

It's just... I have this feeling. It's good.

It's not like the ones you get when you know something bad would happen or is about to happen. Was it curiosity? Was it because I couldn't get a kiss out of my head? What the fuck was the answer to all this?

"...ram?"

I snapped back to it and stared at Ryan. "Sorry. I was thinking about something."

"Want to share?"

"Later." I told him, smiling at him. This man had been my friend for several years and he has always stayed by my side. Dark hair, bright eyes and his signature smile. When he wasn't worried about me, Ryan was always happy and smiling. It's how he should be. He was the physical embodiment of sunshine. That is if sunshine cuss just as much as he does.

"Want to come back to mine and play the new call of duty?" Ryan asked and I shook my head. I just wanted to eat, get home and read All The Bright Places.

"Can we move to Friday? I'll even make the guacamole you like."

"Deal! I'll prepare the other snacks."

"You better or I'll go back home. You know I will." I warned Ryan. I had done it once and I wasn't scared to do it again. Ryan and I talked while we waited for the food to arrive and once it was right in front of me, I dove in.

Once the food was done and my glass of water was empty, I leaned back against the chair and placed my hand on my stomach. A little food baby.

We stayed there for a while and took separate cabs home. Once I stepped through the doors of my apartment, my phone was already out and I quickly typed out a text and sent it.

🔫: I'm home

—

My baby angel Bram 😂