Dear Z,

You have my heart.

The organ that beats mad at the sight of you.

It swells up when I near you.

It pulps out red blood at your kisses.

It's in your palms, my heart.

You are now breaking it.

• • •

Cigarette crushed down under his feet and I bit his lip, feeling his sexy groan shake my world. The tingles rose as his thumb caressed back and forth across the nape of my neck. Tongues swipe against each other, my hand cups his head, feeling those short strands of hair rumple through my fingers. I am suddenly so aware of us.

Our chests touching, molding into each other. I could feel his heart race which in return makes mine skip its beat. His strong arms surrounding me, almost like a comfort blanket during winters. The kiss is a breath of air of all of him tackling with mine,which is all of me. Rain drops and clouds dancing in my mouth and the spice of struggle lingering in each touch.

My eyes snap open. I am kissing Z. I'm really kissing him!

I wrench my mouth away and try to back up but he doesn't let me go.

"Rose, what's wrong? Where did you go?" He spoke so softly, so nicely like he cared about me.

My stupid heart clenched.

The reluctance in my voice made me hold him in arm length.

"Z...what are we doing?" I hung my head down, cannot seem to look him in the eye. "This is so fucked up. And not right...this -what we are doing is not right." I hate when I feel his hands leave my hips.

Instantly, I cross my fingers together in front of me. Almost feeling like a child but I still can't stop myself from spitting out the cosmic avalanche inside me. "I mean-Z, you hate me! You don't even like me to begin with and we have hated each other's guts since we were kids. So why must we continue this? If we weren't-" I tried so hard to suppress the panic like shiver going through me when I say, "-like this, would we-?" I let the question dangle.

His hands were firmly on his hips as he looked down on me. I felt my pussy clench at that sight. How I want him in all the dirty ways but I snap my thoughts away.

He doesn't speak at first but the tone of his body language was blocked. He was trying so hard not to run from this room, away from me. However, I wanted answers.

"Tell me! I think I deserve to know since you have no problem sticking your tongue down my throat!"

"I don't have time for this right now." His eyes losing the lust that was brimming only moments ago.

He was about to leave but I tugged on his elbow. "No! Zaid, I want to know."

He stood still, looking back at me. "You don't call me that. It's always Z, not Zaid."

I'm clearly confused so I drop my hand. "What?"

"You don't call me that."

"What? Your name?" Irked by this, my fist close around each other. What does he mean? He doesn't even me want me to call him by his given name. Does he hate me that much? "I can't call you anything but Z?"

"Yes. Only with you."

I lick my lips. "Only with me? You...you like that I call you Z?"

His eyes momentarily closes and open. "I love it."

My throat feels like a burn as I take him in. "So you don't hate me?"

Seeming to compose himself, he tells me. "Rose, I...had a little jealous kid streak with you. I'm not proud of it but when we were young, you would snag attention from people and I grew jealous over it. When we grew up and your parents ...passed, you took more of it from my parents, my sister and everyone in the family. I think more than jealous, I got angry over all the attention you received. With that anger, I kinda took it on you and never aimed to fix it."

I stared at him blankly. "You were jealous?"

He shrugged his shoulders.

Anger spiking my blood as I slap him on his chest, which did nothing on him but he was momentarily shocked. "Rose?"

"Don't Rose me! You are actually telling me all these years of tricking and bullying and calling me names was over measly jealousy! You are such an asshole! You think it was easy for me when my parents died and I had no one. That attention was needed because I would be screwed far worse than what I am! And here you were, pouting over who got more love? Unbelievable!" I couldn't stand to look at him and push past him, reaching for the door when I paused before I turn the knob.

I glanced back at him. He was still standing with his back to me, spine stiff and broad but it was his expression that snagged my attention.

"You lied." I didn't even realize it was my own voice that said it. "You are lying, Z."

He turned his head, his jaw so tight I could see his muscles rolling. His nostrils flared ever so slightly that you could almost miss it. But his eyes were blazing with madness of desire and something else.

They were amorphous, loud and gone where sin and virtue met.

Understanding dawned on me. My breath hitched. My legs carrying me to him before I even registered. "You weren't jealous of me."

His eyes snagged to the left, looking away briefly. "I was pretending to hate you because everyone else loved you."

I smelt bullshit from those words. "You never pretended to hate me. You actually do hate me, don't you?"

His gaze flashed back to me, daring me to open up this can of worms. My stomach walloped. "You hated me because-"

"Don't say it." He growled, his gaze not meeting mine.

Something inside me melted at his roughness. A human when feels, it feels fully. Even if its done in the solace of the soul, hidden from others. Rage conflagrates, scotches and chars the ends. Misery consumes creating a deep hollow within. Fear dances and bounces on nerves till it feels attached to an electrical point. And, then there is...love. So epically described, so tenderly lethal that gives the final blow. What is the point of life when the goods things can be bad for you? Perhaps, that's absurdism for you. This was mine. He was trouble from the very start of my life.

However, I forgot that I was his trouble too.

I wanted to reach out to him but it did not seem right. I needed to process what I discovered, what I found. So, I left him standing in the room with jaw flexed and hard brownie eyes flummoxing with emotions that even I couldn't unseen.

• • •

Friday Evening

The procession music rang loud in the spirited air. Lights and camera flashes were a constant. The venue for the Nikah ceremony was going to be held in the big living room. Any remembrance of it being even a living room was out of the question. White, creams and gold décor surrounded the place. Diamond garland acrylic crystal bead string curtains laid over a raised dais in the center of the room. Twinkling lights of white with cream and gold drapes hung around, seating from both families were set in a symmetry of fours. The dais was raised on a big white mattress with soft cotton and golden seat cushions were set on opposite sides that is separated by a golden see-through cloth sheet. The imam or officiant sat in the middle, with the Quran.

I lifted my head to see Archer, sitting cross-legged on the left side of the dais. He wore an off white imported all over embroidered sherwani. He looked staggering, kingly and almost like a white knight. His smile was ostentatious, too excited as if he couldn't wait to see his bride. I had gotten a glimpse of Adrianna but it had been too crowded in her parlor. Hence, I was waiting by the threshold of the hall to help her walk down to the dais along with her mother.

I brushed my hand over the wrinkle-free blue gold lace long evening dress with a vintage high neck, sleeveless. My pearl earrings were the only jewelry accompanying me. My hair in a French braid, keeping it simple.

The processional song silenced and I knew Adrianna was coming down. I carefully rush to the staircase to meet her when my jaw drops. She looked breath-taking. Utterly beautiful and almost magical. Her white net heavy embroidered designer wedding gown was glittering with its crystal and pearl stitched to the softest looking fabric. Her head gear was like a small classy crystal tiara with her fancy hair bun twirling around her, giving her the pristine look. She had a nose ring, her dangling earrings of diamonds and the heavy choker set making her a goddess. Seeing my face, she gave me her mixed sly-shy look, "I know, I know."

I giggled along with her, taking her hand as I walk along with her and her mother on the other side, who was wearing an adorable pink color elegant designer gown. Everyone stands as we walk in, slowly we take her up on the dais, making her sit comfortably opposite to Archer.

I step away and the Nikah ceremony officially begins. The officiant begins chanting and I stand a little further back from the room. My eyes wanders from people to people. I catch Liam's stare and I groan inwardly. Yet, I give a polite smile in return which gives him the green light to trudge through the crowd, making his way to me. I do not want to talk to Liam. Thankfully, the room keeps filling up by the second and I sneak way behind till I am at the threshold of the hall again, with exception of the staff walking around. The ceremony usually goes on about ten minutes. I lean on the doorframe, waiting to hear the 'Qubool' which is the acceptance of the proposal.

"I need to talk to you." I whip my head around to find Wade standing in his navy blue sherwani, his hands firmly residing in his pocket. From the serious stature of his position, it gave away the topic sentence of our discussion.

"Leave me alone, Wade."

"I would if I didn't see what I saw that night."

I grit my teeth. "Fine but you are ruining this wedding for me." I follow him to the library, the same place where I had been caught. I think I have blocked that memory because each time it comes up inside my mind, I feel a jolt of protective covering, shielding me from the humiliation. I face him when he shuts the door closed. "What do you wanna talk about?" I act casual. A defense mechanism that comes naturally.

Yellow bulbs glued to the roof making the library dance half in half in the shadows and tinge ocher. Polished bookshelves, a huge desk near the corner with green carpeting. This was usually a part of Terrance's study but now people come and go in here as they please.

Wade stares at me for a while. Then, his gaze turns sympathetic. "You know I am only worried about you, Rose. I'm afraid you aren't making a smart decision. I don't even believe you are that stupid to do that." It looked like he wanted to say more. He wanted to ask me why I did this. Like I have a real answer for that. I haven't thought about anything since I left Z all alone there in the room. I haven't seen him also. I blow out a sigh, "What are you really asking me? Cut straight from the bullshit."

"What is going-" The door abruptly opens silencing Wade and we both turn towards the intruder. My eyes widen when they take in Z, standing mighty and sinful wearing a black sherwani with golden leggings and a gold chain hanging loose around his neck.

His voice boomed, "What's going on in here?" Eyeing me and Wade with suspicion. I touch my throat, feeling shy for the first time in his presence. When his gaze rested on me a little longer, I clutch my neck tighter.

Wade crosses his arms, "Just having the talk with her."

I coughed at that. "I am not a child, Wade!"

Wade was about to open his mouth but Z interrupts him. "My mom is looking for you. Best you go. The ceremony is done and she needs all the help she can get."

Still not moving from his place, Wade's chin inched higher, "And you? Since this is your last two nights here, maybe you should stick around with her more than me."

My mouth slightly opened. He is leaving so soon? Without me knowing? I shift my gaze away from him, meeting the wooden shelves housing thousands of books. I hear them whisper furiously even with me being in the same room, I couldn't hear the exchanged words.

He is leaving.

When the door shuts, I stay quiet. The room echoes with our breaths. He takes in. I take out. We are in a make believe world, where the feeling is beautiful and needed. This paradise leaves with him after two nights. I don't know when I would see him again. Will there be an expectation if we meet again? Will we be back to the way we were? Will we-

"Don't think."

I turn around, finding him so close I could see the red vines on his eyeballs. "Don't think? Is that supposed to impress me? Make me feel better?"

"I was going to tell you...eventually." Conflict tightened over his features.

I gape at him. My stomach plummeting. "What does that even mean, eventually? Were you not considering to tell me that you would be gone after two days."

"This is all Wade's fault and speaking of which, what were you two doing?" He ran a hasty hand over his luscious dark combed hair. Accusation ripened his tone at me, raising my hackles and my cruel bone. It's like a funny bone except it's cruel.

"We weren't fucking if that's what concerned you." I say harshly.

In a blink, Z yanks me by the nape of my neck, pressure comfortable but firm and dominant. His forehead touches mine. "You have to know, this is hard for me too. Don't say anything you'll regret."

I don't know how I am wired but that came off like a threat which didn't suit well for me. I am hurt by it and since it's all of a sudden, I need to hurl it back. "You were distraction, nothing more." It singes me as I say it.

"Rose, please..." His words sound crushed, rolled away with that motherfucking plead that would melt my panties right off if I were wearing any. The substructure of my brain was eaten by the pain and the sadistic lust.

I go on. My words coming out sharper, "I play guys like you. Oh yeah. You are not permanent in my life. You-"I get cut off with his mouth slanting over mine. The string holding me together tight as an elastic band, stretched to its limit. Going further and further till it couldn't anymore and it just snapped.

Gone were the parts of my soul, scattered around with their pieces like chars of ashes flying in the air, floating with no consequences as he dove his tongue inside me.

Just like earlier, his huge arm found itself wrapping around my hips, tugging me close till our lower bodies pressed into each other.

"I was doing so good without you." I moan against his mouth. "Why...why did you happen?" I choke when his hips cinches up and I feel the thick jut of his erection. Possessive strokes of his tongue making love to my tongue was stapled over our mouths. Firm and tight, I was his prey. How I loved it. How I always loved it.

My leg slowly hooked around his hip making his sex grind into mine. I whimper as the thumping of pleasure beats louder.

He coiled my braid around his fist, lurching me back. Exposing my neck as he dips his mouth into the hollow of my neck, licking and biting all the way up my throat with marks dented on them to leave forever, invisible or not. "I was coming undone without you." He rasped, trailing up and biting my earlobe which made me gasp. Thrill of pleasure reached to my toes.

He quickly finds my zip and with a pull, my gown falls leaving me utterly naked.

His groan was so loud that it came directly from his stomach. The deep gut. It chewed me.

His eyes glowed as he raked my bare form. "You have been like this all evening?"

I wanted mush my thighs together to squelch the throbbing between my legs but he boosted me up, smacking me against the shelves. The books rattled behind us, dropping a few of them down but we were too far gone to care. My legs tightening around him as his thick length rubbed me slowly. My flesh slacken with each touch, press and knead.

He leaned down and brushed his lips over my nipples. He groans, "Look at them, getting all puckered up." He drew them in hungrily. It shook my core. His roguish mannerism adding it's fatal charm. His hand molded over my breasts, as he lapped on my nipples.

I slant down a look to find his heavy lidded eyes gazing back me. "Don't leave." I say, involuntarily. "If you do...this is it."

"There is no this is it for us. We are too deep in this. Can't get out even if we want to." He rasps as he kneads my heavy breasts. "Can't, Rose."

Heartache was real. Your chest burns with fire that doesn't seem to douse. It spreads across and down below, making everything around miserable and unhappy. I felt this. I had to say it out loud, let him know I'm done.

"No...I can't keep going on like this with you." His hands doesn't leave its attention. His eyes are fixed on me like a prize. It was the chemical reaction that makes me a masochist. I needed the hurt to keep me alive. Hurt mixed with pleasure was sordid, transitional and spiritual.

And as my body betrays my utterance. I roll my hips in invitation and I have never seen him look so enticing and enigmatic. He stood up straighter, his sex again gazing by mine leaving me in shreds. He drops my legs down and they feel like lead as I quiver to stand in my black high heels. I'm naked and he is clothed. I'm exposed and he is not. Why is that turning me on?

He didn't say anything back nor did he look away from me. His brown hues bore into me. Darkening and it made him appear older. The heat was oppressive, almost like a giant crushing them to the ground. "Z?" I murmured his name in my trembling lips.

He took a few steps back, his back hitting the opposite sturdy bookshelf. In a swift motion, he yanks off his sherwani and kurta, his chest gleaming under the firefly color lights. His chain seemed to wink back at me, maliciously. "Come here."

The sight of his cock was...menacing. Something delicious and a tint of unholy spied into my soul as I closed the distance between us. "Let me see that cunt." His lip curled with passion as he bent his head to bite my left nipple, making my thighs buck.

I made a hoarse whimper as I did what he told. I feel crazy vulnerable, the wetness of my pussy leaked, trailing down my thigh. Thick fingers traced the slick line till the juncture, playing and rolling my pussy lips fluently like a dealer with cards.

Cupping me in his hands, Z growled lowly into my ear. I shivered against it. "I can't stop thinking about this pussy of yours. It has started to haunt me."

Without any signal, he drives his hard cock inside knocking the wind out of me. I grab his shoulders to steady myself, biting my own lip. His shaft was so deep inside her, she had to take a moment to register the fullness of him.

"You ruin me." His voice was so deep, it was unrecognizable. My head slants back as he draws his hip back and then, plunges forward.

I bit down on his shoulder, muffling the cry. He shoves harder, angrier almost. My boobs jiggle and I want to stop him but also not. It was like he didn't just take me, he was taking me literally. He was claiming me. Swiftly taking my left leg and hooking it over his burly forearm, it stretch me further. Tangling his hands over my hair, I cry out when his tongue meets mine, smashing our mouths.

"Just like that, rougher!" I whine in sexual heat as he drove into me, shoving that big cock in me.