Dear Z,

You have forgotten who we are and so you have forgotten yourself.

You are Z.

• • •

Thursday Evening

My lips sting as I dress myself into a midnight blue crisp shirt. Buttoning them up till it reaches the collar. I look at myself in the elongated mirror stuck to the wall.

What the fuck am I doing?

I unbutton the first two set of buttons, leaving it open. I suck my teeth, mentally trying to erase everything that I did in the last few hours.

I clasp on the platinum watch on my right wrist and I see her breasts in my mind. I clench my eyes close. Taking a breath, I open them back and bend down to apply a few splats of aftershave that sat on the dresser. I see her fucking lips in my head. For fuck's sake!

Shaking my head, I sit back down on my bed, taking out leather black slick shoes out from the box. They were brand new. Gifted by my mother. I put them on, tying up the shoe lace in each. I see her breasts again.

"Okay! That's it! Zaid, just block it." I tell myself.

"Woah! You alright, bro?" I whip my head to find Wade leaning against the doorframe. He wore a similar outfit except his shirt's color was toxic dark green with black slacks.

"I'm fine." I say, walking towards him and we both head downstairs. He was warily peeking glances at me and I sigh in irritation. "What?"

"Nothing." We reach on the ground floor in silence. There are zillions of lights everywhere. The front door open with people walking in. The ceremony was taking place in the living room which had been transformed into a banquet hall. Courtesy to my mother's expert interior designing.

It was vast and embracing. The gold embroidered bordering the white leather sofa that as sort of a throne for the couple was in the middle. Littered around it were leather white chairs and tables that were covered with white satin sheets. Food and the caterers were lining up, taking the corner with dishes of sweets and savory snacks. Music of some soft kind filled the background.

As we walk in, I could already see Adrianna standing and talking to her going to be mother in law and few people circling her. She wore a beautiful satin gold sequin maxi dress with a halter neck , dressed in her famous diamond earrings. Her hair was braided beautifully with crystal clips adorning her black silky hair as she spoke animatedly, shifting in her six inch black heels. I look around for Archer, who catches my gaze and waves at me and making his way to me.

He had an authentic white art silk kurta pajama with red embroidery patch work. His hair was blown and fluffy. His unique gold fully Diamond fancy Khussa shoes attached to his feet made him look larger than life.

"Hey Zaid! Wade!" Clapping a hand on our backs, we greet each other and Archer does the same with Wade and then, they launch into talking something about sports which I have completed zoned off because my eyes have zapped to Liam.

He was standing there, staring at something. When my eyes followed his, I found myself unbearable to take in the next breath.

Rose waltzed into the room with my mother by her side in a silver sequins maxi length dress with spaghetti thin straps that could easily slide off her slim shoulders. She wore no jewelry. A cowl neck line that showcased the tops of her lick-able cleavage. The ones that I tasted. The nipples I sucked so much I can feel them pebble in my mouth right about now.

My mouth dried when I realized she wasn't wearing a bra. Her dark black hair was open in curls and waves accentuating her oval face.

"Zaid I heard you are having trouble with your old man." That snapped me out of my daze and I rested a hard look on Archer.

"What have you heard?" Wade's eyebrows inches up at my crass tone.

Archer pulls back, feeling like he hit a nerve somewhere. He tries to save himself by pretending someone called for him and he hurriedly slips away.

"Dude what is wrong with you? Is everything okay? You have been acting strange since you came up to the room." Wade folds his hand on his chest.

"I don't know what you are talking about, man." I grit my teeth, watching Liam walk up to her.

"Is something going on that I should know about?" At first I thought he caught me which set me alarming but when he says, "Is it about Violet coming the other night?"

I release a sigh. I take that opening. "Yes, it is her." I gripe as I look at Rose laughing at something what Liam said. Why is it that when you see someone who you had ...let's say interesting complicated intimate relations with, is always with someone else who makes them laugh? Like what is so funny that makes her double over, which actually reveals more of her chest and her hand touching that bicep.

Damn it, I did have some kind of ...relations with her. In a carnal manner. In the most delicious sensuous manner that I have no regrets at all. Until now, when I see her with him.

Does she regret it? Or has she forgotten?

"Why are you looking at Liam?" I find Wade deeply invested in this too much. I have to figure out a way to get him from being nosy. I wrap my hand over his shoulder bringing his gaze over to the blonde haired woman who had been stealing looks at my cousin since we entered.

"Ahh...I see what you are doing. Fine, I was only trying to help but now you have lost it. See you around." He said and sauntered off. That ought to get him busy for the whole night.

I smirk only to have it drop when I see Liam's eyes rove up and down Rose's body as they talk in the corner.

An uncomfortable feeling filtered my chest cavity. A sort of acid reflux. My right foot began to tap. When waiter passed by with a tray serving flutes of champagne, I reach out and drown it back. I shudder. My mouth sneers at the odd taste. No, I needed something stronger if I have to watch them throughout the night. I walk over to the bar where the booze were kept. Filling out a glass, I sip and sip. Good old whiskey.

I stand in my spot, watching everybody mingle around. I have always been lonesome. It wasn't something I did on purpose, I was comfortable like this. No small talks of being interested in what the other was doing. No dallying in subjects like politics or weather even sports.

There was clink in the glasses and Archer stood up with Adrianna by his side, his arm wrapped around her waist.

"If we could have everyone gathered here. I have some things I'd like to say."

Shuffling of feet and movement surrounded me. I hung back where I was while many of them gathered in front of me in their dazzling formal wear.

"Thank you all so much for coming. I believe in tradition and I take pride in knowing that I have been welcomed to this family. Adrianna is my love..." He continued in his declaration and I looked around me. When I looked at my right, I found Rose standing a few feet away from me. Her eyes on Archer but her spine too straight to show she was attentive to what Archer was saying.

Liam was by her side but slightly more closer to the group. My eyes slid back to Archer as he rambled on with sweetest declarations that had all the women in the room stand with a hand touching their chest and a smile of jealous and joy. Except the one I'm concerned with at the moment.

I furtively inched closer, her smell of oud getting stronger and it stirred my loins till I reached out very slowly. My fingers crossed by hers and she stood so still that she could have been a statue.

Shit, what am I doing? Even with that imposing question flittered in my head, I enjoyed when her hand plodded away from mine. It made this weird psycho chase the more sweeter.

She swatted my hand in each deflect in consequence of what people might say if they got a peep. Ahh...the thrill of being seen.

However, I stole a look at my sister who made eye contact with me and beamed the shimmering smile at me through the heads of people. When I returned it, I grasped Rose's hand in mine, halting all her withdrawals.

In my power lock, she tugged and tugged only not to be released. She didn't turn to me nor did I. Our hands fought the battle of our minds.

Only when she conceded, I pulled her carefully to my side. Close enough that it would go unnoticed. I dropped my voice only for her to hear, "That's a good girl."

Her delicate skin of her hand remained there, not grasping mine. I slide my fingers into her palm, running it over. I wanted her to know I'm thinking about the things I did to her.

Her bare arm shifted against mine rolled up sleeve to the elbow and I felt the goosebumps on them making itself known. I hid my grin knowing my words affected her.

"And that's all I wanted to say. Thank you and enjoy the rest of night. Oh, try the shrimp." The spell broke, cutting through the air and our hands retracted with everyone beginning to move here and there. Back and forth offering congratulations to the happy couple and selecting drinks and food.

I trot back to my spot beside the bar where I ask the waiter behind to pour me a good three fingers of whiskey. He complied by handing me a crystal glass and I drank them in acquired gulps.

When I catch my father sitting with a drink in his hand and few of his friends surrounding him but one could see he wasn't engaging with them. I almost laugh. I was no better than him. It takes me back to the argument that took place in the study. From being exhausted and a state of habit, I am almost leaning into giving in and it makes me wonder why I felt that strange sadness for him. As if I'm being a bad son.

I shake a little. This is what he does. Mind games, manipulation. All of it was sick. I'm a grown ass man who still thinks -I must make his daddy happy. Fuck, I'm such a wuss. My jaw flex in rebellion. I have taken his nonsense crap for too long. It stops now.

I pour my drink down my throat and slam it down onto the bar. Some people look my way but I was too far long from caring.

Anger is a fast consumption of the soul. It's easy to feel. Easy to access. Those who don't allow it to control them are probably not mortals. I, however, am very much a red blood male who has fire spiking in his veins and it needs to be let out- either in fight or sex.

Instantly, I gaze at Rose but she has disappeared along with that foul asshole. Where did they go? Wiping my mouth, I slip into the foyer across from the banquet room and move straight outside, passing few people along the way.

With the crickets singing, the mill of the crowd inside the house hung in the earthy air. The ground was damp but drying. Trees had small hanging drops of the aftermath of rain like crystals on their leaves. Dark sky surrounded the place. Lamp posts all lighted, hanging lights decorated the outside of the house. But still no sign of them.

I stride back inside but this time moving towards the quieter section of the house. Towards the study and the den that remain dim. I almost cross the study when I heard a few sounds.

The door slighted and through the narrow space I see two bodies going at it with each other. My fury comes in hot and quick but subsides immediately when I see the side of Wade's face.

I touch my chest, backing away till I feel the wall behind me. Supporting myself on it, I run a hand through my face and hair. I feel lethargic and tired.

I startle when I feel a touch on my shoulder.

When I see my mother standing and looking all concerned, her egg white dress falling so enchantedly over her feet, I couldn't help but lay my head down on the cradle of her palm. She instantly wraps a hand over my back, bringing me closer, trying to curl me into a ball as if I were her small boy all over again. I sniff.

"I love you, Zaid. You know that right."

I smile at that.

"And no matter what you do with your life, I will be here, supporting you. Loving you." Her hand caressing my neck. It's soothing notes takes me back to when I was that boy, young and quiet, my mother having always been there for me in these hard and strange moments where I didn't know which direction should I head.

"What if I made a mistake, mom? Then what?" My question muffled but she heard me.

"Then I will still love you forever." My heart turns at her words. I grab her, squeezing. Our hug keeps going until I pull away. My mom's eyes are shining with tears. I shake my head, wiping the one that falls unsteadily down her cheek.

"I heard what your father said."

I still. "Mom-"

"No! You will not listen to him. All your life you have only listened to the man and he hasn't shown once ounce of gratification. You will come and go as you please, my child!"

"Yeah, mom but I don't see that happening. He told me he doesn't want me here. He wants me to listen, and jolly hell I will. Let him realize his mistake."

"And what about me? Your sister?"

I clench my teeth. "I love you, mom."

She must have got my answer because her eyes flames in anguish. "Don't do anything you'd regret." Leaving me in the dim hall, she quickly walks away.

When I hear grunts and a deep chuckle of Wade's, I push back from the wall and walk down further towards the den. I immediately crash out on the end of the brownish west and tear leather sofa. Resting my head on the arm of the sofa, my eyes close in trepidation.

At that moment, my brain took it to free the closed box of the debauchery with Rose. All of it. She was a demon goddess, her lushly hips, her heaven/hell like tits with dusky sugar nipples, her cloud soft thundering lips. Everything about her was a gift, not to be cherished but to be owned. Possessed.

I never gave into the thought of possessing, because I am not that type of man. I don't believe in the Neanderthal vision of man. No one can own anyone. Yet here I was, feeling graphic feelings of a tempestuous beast with a wild heart carrying a sword on my hand to kill anyone who touches my possessions.

Oh, and how I reeled in satisfaction when the sword is plummeting into Liam's chest. The chest cavity sprung open and I wipe my face from its sweat and blood and grab Rose, pulling her for a kiss. A earth shattering kiss.

My little mind show takes a pause as the familiar click-clacks of heels and stomping of shoes carries in the air. Then a giggle coming through and I open one eye. I know that giggle.

Then I see them.

She had her hand covering his mouth, his eyes dangerous and wicked as he leans further into her, his dirty undeserving paws holding her by the waist as they unsteadily trip into the den. Both completely unaware of the third party sprawled on the couch.

He pushes her against the doorframe, still oblivious of my presence. When she feels him, what I think, lick her hand, she squeals. Very unlike the Rose I know. His head ventures down, kissing her neck and she leans into him, her head falling back.

His hips push into her. Her hand clutching his bicep.

My body ached with venom and vengeance at the view. It thrummed with brittle rage that made me blind. I couldn't get up and stop it. It would cause an unwanted attention. It would seem 'not right'. So I had to lay there and watch, take it against my skin like a hit. A slash upon me. A punch that cursed my jaw. A knife spearing my insides and I am bleeding. Bleeding so much that I drown in it.

They half stop and Rose tumbles forward, catching the slip that had fallen off her right shoulder. She gets instantly captured in my wild one-eyes gaze and freezes. I feel myself smirk but it doesn't light up my face because I hate the arm clutching her tightly.

"Oh sorry, we didn't know this room was occupied." Liam's half breath-half grunt voice filled up the room.

I ignored his silent plea for privacy. I kept my head laid back and my eyes closing, shutting them away. If he thinks I'm going to get up, he has another thing coming. This is my house. I make the fucking rules. Bastard wanted alone time, like hell he will.

My ears hitch when there is more shuffling. I wanted to see what was going on. I wondered if she would take him back to her room which caused a terrific tension lodging in my back shoulder. I tried to calm myself but it was no prevail. When I couldn't resist, I opened my eyes.

Rose stood there, her shoulder leaning against the wall. She was alone. Her hands folded behind her, looking at me cautiously yet with an ambiguous intensity.

"How did you get rid of him?" I ask with a nod of my head towards his disappearance.

"He listens to whatever I say to him." She said, shrugging her shoulder. I saw the sexy spaghetti slip sliding off.

"Typical." I snort.

"Excuse me?" At her raised eye brow, I shake my head. "Typical of Rose Anderson getting whatever she wants. Trust me when I tell you that boy is no good for you."

"You mean man."

"No, I mean boy because his dick is like chicken limp noodle." I snicker.

"Did you see his dick?" She taunts.

"I don't need to see it. I just know."

"Why do you hate him?" Rose comes a bit closer and I try my best not to get up when I see how her hips are cocked to the side. I lay still, not moving anything but my mouth.

"I never said that."

"I can feel it. What's your beef?"

I quieted, not interesting in answering her question. I gritted my teeth harder. The pain emitting inside me making me lash out at her when I couldn't remove the image of them necking like that in my head.

"What are you doing with him?"

She mused her long wavy hair to the right leaving her left shoulder bare for me to see. "It's called about to fuck a hot guy, cousin. Don't you know what that means? Or do I have to send you to your biology class again?" She smirked at me. Her lazy eyes were glinting in the dim-room. "Besides, you and Violet reconciled so wonderfully that night. How did that go?"

She was doing this purposely. I knew she saw me with Violet and now she was making me pay a price. Especially by spilling the C (cousin) word.

"You are a fucking bitch, you know that?" I snarl from the back of my throat.

Not once did her eyes flash. "Tell me something new, cousin."

I couldn't take it. My eyes scored her form. Her tight silver dress was haunting me. I wanted to rip it all off. Take her naked and hard. Wrong and wrong. But I wanted only wrong.

"You dont even like him, Rose." My voice rasped as I got up from my seat and strode to her, closing in on her. Making her slam her back against the wall.

We were in den where anyone could walk in on us. And that only got me leaping with dark excitement.

"So?" She leaned her head back to gaze at me with those dark cat eyes. Her hands splayed behind her reminded me how much I love this position on her but then she opens that poisonous mouth of hers. "I don't have to like him to fuck him."

I was fueling my already high on the rage thermometer. My fingers automatically went for her hair, pulling the strands hard to make her throat stretch and have her vulnerable below me.

"You will not fuck him. As a matter of fact, you won't fuck anyone." My thumb dragging along her lower lip.

She gulped. Her eyes feverish. "Oh? Then whom am I to fuck, Z?"