Dear Z,

Riddle me this.

A man as strong as you, never once wanted a woman as strong to be there with you.

Why?

Were you never in love?

Were you waiting for someone that you did love?

Or did you simply give up and want to be all alone?

• • •

Tuesday Afternoon

I sip my whiskey with great difficulty as I watch Rose slide towards Liam. Her hips moving. Her hands touching his arm. She was on the hunt.

Her demeanor was bulletproof, predatory and had a no-nonsense appeal about it since she strolled into our garden.

My eyes raked her outfit, wanting to burn it. A brown leather skirt and sheer black top. Why in the world did she wear that to a Haldi ceremony? Who wears something like that to a ritualistic ceremony? Shit, I sound like my father.

I shouldn't care what she wore. Even if it was specified that an authentic Muslim attire was preferred. Lord, I sound worse.

I finger my hair, the sleeve of my black kurta bunching up my arm. Okay, I am being a hypocrite. My mother forced me to wear this. The kurta isn't my style. Really anything authentic isn't my style but something about the way Liam zeroed on her legs with strapping heels that seemed endless made my blood pressure drop.

She walked in only a few minutes after I came back from getting my drink fixed and standing in the corner. We were out here with the sun gloriously shinning through the cream colored canopy tents which had been put up the night before. Luckily, the sky was bright with no evidence of rain. The forecast stated it but for some damn reason, I wanted it to rain. Rain so hard that I could watch that top drenched to the bone and see those-

"Looks like our Rose has taken a liking to Liam Henderson."

I grow alert as Wade stood closer to me, inspecting the same scene out in front of us.

"Won't last long." I tell Wade, who also had a scotch nursing between his fingers.

"Didn't you go out on the air with Liam?" Leonard my other cousin, out of nowhere pops next to me, sipping a flute of champagne before Wade had a chance to comment on my rather odd statement of opinion.

"We were in flight school together and then we did three year sea duty. That's it. I haven't seen him since then but he is brought up a lot in conversations with the Sergeant." I reply curtly.

"Yeah but that's a lot of years together...", Wade chimed in.

I slanted my eyes at him. "Doesn't mean we were best friends, man."

He raised his free hand in surrender. " Alright, cool it. Anyway, he is friends with Archer. Poker buddy of his. That whole gang of his are his poker buddies."

I tsked. I like Archer but that does not mean I have to take a liking to his friends. Especially Liam. When we were deployed to the fleet squadron, we were flying on regular basis and with the untamed and reckless Liam Henderson, it puts him at odds with me.

When I fly, I'm cool and collected. I don't rally with risks. This is lives that are at stake. I can't muck around like Liam and that's why we were at cross roads but that's been ages ago. However, it's been reported to me by my dear father(note the sarcasm) Liam's changing attitude and his improved respect for life out in the air has taken up fame to the old geysers. I honestly don't give a fuck. If anything, I'm happy he has grown mature. It would have opened to a road of an unlikely friendship but

I had the one friend Bake and...no, I can't think about this right now.

I almost wince recollecting on how I was caught in my blackout zone by Rose. I have been having that for quite some time now whenever I'm away on holiday which is why I don't take time off too often. When I'm not out there, my mind is still out there. All I hear is shooting of air missiles fire growing loud in the distance. It's become a second nature for me.

"Oh I needed to tell you this before I forget, Zaid. Now that Archer's family are here and rest of the relatives too, your folks assigned rooms and shifted the cousins here and there. I told them you can bunk with me, if that's alright with you."

I widen my eyes. "Are we going to be roomies? Really after I saw you sniffing around with Archer's single hot aunt."

Leonard chuckles and Wade grunts and strokes his chin as he eyed the red head beauty from far. "I will be more than sniffing. But not to worry, I will leave a sock hanging on the knob."

I shake my head. Just talking about getting laid made me want some strange. In the adequate amount of my life between shore duty and dissociated tour, I have had only one serious girlfriend which frankly lasted over one month. Believe you me, that's my longest and the reason being was my time out there serving that affected and ultimately severed the relationship.

Her name was Violet Johnson. Cute little number I met at a bar one night with my friends, including Wade here, who actually drew my attention to her because she had been catching my eye all night. We chatted up and things escalated from there. I liked her. She had that blondish brown hair in curls. Bambi sweet eyes. Curvy. Gorgeous. She was great in the shack too. I guess I could say I didn't know her that well but our chemistry was off the charts. It's been a while since I met a girl whose paralleling with mine is palpable.

At that, my eyes zooms to Rose who was walking towards us now.

Last night of tossing and turning in my bed, constantly reasoning about what happened in that closet under the stairs, I felt unnaturally warm. Energetic with renewed tension in the heart. I watched her come stop in front of Wade, Leonard and me.

"Aren't you going to put haldi on your sister?"

Paying no attention to her question, I ask one of my own. The one that's bugging me. "What is wrong with your clothes?"

She glanced down at her outfit and then looked back up at me. "What's wrong with it?"

"This is a Manjha ceremony. Don't you think it would be ethically wrong to wear that?" I cross my hands over my chest. I hate being a jackass clothes police yet it was fun to watch her face scowl.

"Adrianna didn't mind." Her voice was becoming soft and I knew I was getting to her. I was rude and it irked me more than it should have. Damn it, what's wrong with me?

She glanced at the two of them standing next to me, totally aware of their eyes on her. She must have felt cornered. I should stop. Still I continued, "But people out here mind, Rose." And I scoffed when I glanced once more down her attire. It really wasn't that bad but it was bad for the eyes of men. Hell, I sound archaic.

I could feel Wade and Leonard backing away. That was the usual response. The whole clan knows the rivalry between Rose and me and they stay away. It was unfathomable. Ask anyone, they'd just say, 'They hate each other.'

"I don't like it when you belittle me in front of others. You should know that. I demand you apologize at once."

"For being honest? I don't think so." I smirk and sip the last dregs of my whiskey. I clench my teeth, watching her turn away from me harshly.

I don't dare follow her this time. Instead, I move on and keep my glass on the covered tables where food and drinks were served. I helped myself with fish cutlets and kebabs. Although, the hunger eating away at me was totally different from the starving noise from my stomach.

A trumpet ministration was played and the crowd turned to Archer and Adrianna who stepped out, walking side by side, hands enclosed around each one as they step on the dais in the middle of the marquee that had been designed for this occasion.

Manjha is the Muslim marriage equivalent of the haldi ceremony. It takes place two days before the wedding. The bride and groom wear yellow clothing in their respective homes and get smeared with a paste of turmeric and sandalwood in rosewater.

I smile seeing Adrianna in a tuscany colored flowing legengas and a cream bejeweled blouse with long sleeves. As she was, she never wore too heavy jewelry except her choker and earrings. It was new one. I think mom brought her that emerald placed in the center of another Diamond placement choker. She looked quiet breathtaking with her hair done up in some fancy braids. Archer wore a mustard colored kurta with an embroidered art silk kurta-jacket set in a lighter color. They were both bare feet and already laughing as my parents take the first step to apply the turmeric paste onto their flushed cheeks.

There are some celebrations where they are supposed to bathe in holy water but I don't think we are following that one. There was also something about them not leaving their respective homes until the marriage day but we have abandoned that segment. The two of them are inseparable.

My cousins pull me along and I walk up the dais, taking the golden paste and smeared it across each's forehead. I step back, watching the rest of the people almost toppling over the new couple with the yellow paste on their fingers along with their wishes and wisdom.

I step back away, looking at the picture it painted. Families are most important. It's support makes you grow stronger. It's a place where love never ends. It's the roots to stand tall in a storm. I have been so alone in all my life, I think these are the moments that I find best and meaningful. I fear about losing them often, even my father.

I look down and see my hands were yellow and I wanted to wash it. I think I needed to get away so I head back inside. This was technically our backyard and to get back inside, we go through the back door of the kitchen. The kitchen was my mother's pride. It was huge. With white pastel walls shining and glimmering with steel pots and pans which were now currently lined up with food on the wooden countertop set in the middle. We had caters and waiters with the chefs roaming around the vast space, moving here and there with boiling curry pots and cooling sweet dishes.

After the Haldi ceremony, it was lunch and everyone would probably clean up. Before there was a crowd in the guest bathrooms, I head over there quickly to take a leak. After I finish, I zip my pants and wash my hands when the door of the bathroom opens. Damn, I have no habit of locking doors.

I wasn't surprised seeing Rose closing the door behind her. But I was surprised when she turned the lock.

I lean back, struggling to stifle my smirk. "Can I help you?"

Rose and I may not have a history to begin with but we have our struggles of stressed out tension between battling what is this and what happens next, we are in a deep trench of unexpected complications. It's narcotic for me to actually dig it. I like it. It's a bad thing but somehow my mind drowns that.

"You really think talking like that to me in front of them would coax me down? Don't you know me? I have an impenetrable ego."

"So why are you here?" I scratch my thin light stubble that had formed over night and my lack of shaving in the morning.

"What?" She asked as if she didn't hear me the first time.

I repeated. "Why are you here then?"

She paused for a heavy second. It excluded unified seconds of dizzy tension that makes your throat work and neck itch.

She finally spoke. "Curiosity."

I stand up a little. Intrigued intensely by her passion. She vibrated with a bright radiance.

She walked towards me and with every step was a rife of information she let out of her plump glossy lips. "Curious to explore it. To question it. To poke at it. To...turn it inside out." Her tongue licked the outline of her teeth as she came stop right in front of me. A breath away from me. My mouth was across from her forehead which tilted up as she gazed directly into my eyes.

"And why would you do that?" My voice scratchy and the insides of my jeans stir. I took in a breath which was a mistake because her delicious oud musk unintentionally welcomed into my nostrils, filling in my lungs and puncturing me in my cock.

I grit my teeth as she brought up her finger and traced my jaw. Her smile wide and malicious. Her teeth shone. My skin crackled with lighting as she traced down my throat and spread the collar of my kurta, exposing my collarbones.

Her gaze moved down slowly, taking my own eyes, my nose, my mouth, my chin and sliding down to my throat where my Adam's apple bobbed uncontrollably and she stopped right where her small delicate hand was pressed upon. It wasn't enough to choke me but it was warm on my skin. I'm sure she could feel the fast beat of my pulse.

She dragged her hand further down and stopped till she reached the center of my chest: She leaned in close, whispering with her champagne breath. "Because I'm not afraid."

I close my eyes as soon as I felt her lips. Her lips was feather light on my collarbones. They swayed right and left. Then, her tongue came out. It licked its way up my throat, past my chin and stopped right till she met my lips.

I felt a jolt from my throat. It was a suffusion of intense hunger on the levels of being barbaric of which I hadn't experienced in years.

I peeked open my eyes. She was staring up at me. Her eyes are so fierce and passionate. Lust of heart took over her dazzling eyes. She is the most strangest woman I have ever met.

She leaned away and I missed her tongue immediately. My heart was ecstatic. I rake her form, taking in her heavy bosom, her flaring hips and thick thighs. She was a voluptuous woman. Handful of flesh to fill. My fists clenched in dire need.

Fuck, I want to grab her. So I move but before I could reach her, she backed away so fast and unlocked the door. She was out of my sight before I could call out her name.

Just like that, the fog cleared. Everything stood in clarity. My eyes took in the bathroom I currently stood in. The small buzz of people outside heard. My nose twitched. My cock jerked.

It was weird. When you are in the moment, everything sort of disappears. It's so rich with life and momentum. I look down at the hard on stacked behind my clothes. I settle it sideways, and splash a healthy amount of cold water on my face.

I pushed my way out and I stand in my corner where the party was taken to the dinning room and an impressive buffet of food was layered out and lined up and people started to eat, the kids ran around with their parents or nanny coming after them. I ate and walked away from the crowd not before taking a small bottle of whiskey with me and strolled out of the house, right into the front yard and sat down on the marble steps.

I just kept on drinking and staring at nothing till afternoon turned evening and evening turned into dusk and the dusk to night. My mind was empty for that whole time. With emptiness comes a sudden urge to crave but I kept trying to block it out. It was dangerous this obsessive craving. I know it because I feel it.

With time passing, I move quickly back inside the living room when the guests begin to leave. The hired help started to clear out the tents and bringing the garden back to the way it was. The food was put away, the mess was emptied out.

I stand by my parents with some of the cousins and aunts and uncles who were staying over as guests as we nod and say our goodbyes to those who were leaving us till we meet up tomorrow and this routine will start all over again. I love my sister but I hate weddings.

That's why I'm never getting married. I don't think I can. I am the most selfish person. I think only about myself. I like putting myself always first. The list goes on. To put someone else in my priorities is a bit too much for me. It's claustrophobic.

Soon then my parents and the rest of household calls it a night. My mom kisses me goodnight. My father just nods at me. I look around and see even the cleaners have left. The house had become dark and quiet. I looked up at the clock, it was already two in the morning.

I feel lethargic and quickly ascend up the stairs.

First before I sink into slumber, I need a shower. As soon as I reached the room I would share with Wade on the third floor of the guest rooms, I saw the bloody sock hanging on the doorknob. Fucking great.

That means I'm out of a room. I run my hand through my hair. Now what?

I think and one thing that pops in my head instinctively was unsettling. My eyes zeroed to the last door in the long hallway. Before I know it, my feet take me there. My hand working the doorknob of the final door down the hall. I open it. I close it quietly as soon as I get in.

My eyes take in the sleeping form. I know from the curves, it was Rose. I hadn't seen her after the bathroom fiasco.

I gulp. When I said my mind was empty and an urge was brimming up and so hard it was to block it from bursting. Well, I have no defense against it now. It's up in flames.

What is it between us? I have often tried of thinking how to describe it. I'm no poet but I figured it something like a match between us. If one strikes fire, the other also will strike. I raise my finger, tracing the path she licked down on my skin. I feel it as if her wet lane she stroked on my skin never dried.

I walk and walk till the foot of her bed hits my legs. What I saw, made me shake inwardly.

Watching her sleep was one thing. But the fact that she was naked under the thin bed sheet was making me sweat.

Stupid Wade. Had to fuck someone today. Forcing myself inside her room was not something I wanted.

I start to shuffle and pace, making enough noise to stir her awake. Eyes drugged and sleepy, she snarled when she realized who was in her chamber. "What the fuck are you doing here, Z?"