Dear Z,

When you open your mouth to speak, you have already thought of the words. It's also interesting that your eyes keep dancing with fever. It's like you enjoy being the devil. Sometimes, I just think you are one....

• • •

Monday Evening

After a bad decision, you wake up feeling sick. You are awaken to a world of a new improved life and you are ashamed to the stomach of what you did last night. It could be a double cheese burger you gorged when you are supposed to be on a diet. It could be an interesting conversation that took place between two people who should've no business having that conversation.

That sickness crawls your insides making you feel guilty, that very feeling sucks you down to the bone. That was the fucking feeling I had as I walked into Adrianna's room.

I close the door behind me, assembling my emotions and turned to find her in a tremendous light pink satin wrapped dress. It was strapless which complimented her gleaming shoulders and collarbones. She wore a diamond choker bordered with gold placement. Her hair was straightened and open.

I covered my mouth. "Oh my god. If you look so beautiful for your magni, how will you look on your wedding day?"

She bounced her shoulders as she clipped on dangling crystal earrings. "You have seen what I'm wearing. So you tell me."

"It's going to be fabulous. Speaking of weddings, why are you having it all in one week? I saw your printed wedding schedule. What's that all about?"

She turned to me, slipping in her black six inch heels. "Well, Archer's new job in Los Angeles starts immediately after two weeks. I had one week to make this wedding, fingers crossed, happen and honeymoon in Hawaii the next week and then we go head long into Los Angeles."

"And what about you? You are okay with all this shuffling from Toronto to California? It's a big move."

She rushed to me, holding my two hands. "I love how you worry about me. Keeping doing it." I snicker at that. She continues, "I'm happy with Archer and honestly, I trust him with my life which after what I have been through, is something I never fathom to have that with another man. I don't know what to say but my gut feels this is right. He is right."

I blow out a breath, nodding. "He is right for you, no doubt. Alright, as long as you are good, I'm good."

She squeezes my hand once and moves back, eyeing me from up to down. "I'm good and what do we have here? Meow...sister, you look hot."

I smack her arm and brush my palm down my own black dress. "You are the one who looks hot."

It was only a long sleeved lace black and the deep v neck encompassing my swells perfectly and the length of it hitting my knees. I finished the black ensemble with nude heels. It was modest and classy at best.

"I'm heading downstairs to see if anything needs helping around. See you, bride to be!" I wave and she gives me a flying kiss before looking back into the mirror and fixing her make up.

I close the door, smiling. I'm happy for her. She deserves a nice man and a nice wedding. It was going to be a nice week for her. A nice life for her.

Just as I turn around, I see the man I have been trying to not face after last night sitting on the upper level of the staircase and looking at nothing. His eyes are glossed over and he seems to be stone.

It was like watching a man in another atmosphere. Another room. Another area. Another location. Another place. Another planet. I realized Z wasn't present here.

He wore a dark green buttoned shirt and black slacks. His face had a dark shadow which he must have forgotten to shave in the morning. His hair wet again from the shower. It was slightly dry or else droplets would have been falling down on his shoulders. His hands rested on his knees and I wondered if he knew he was sitting on the top staircase. Staring at the blank plain white wall in front of him. Did he know I could see him lose himself someplace else?

I stood in my corner, wanting to turn myself invisible because if I make a move one way or others he'd see me and my gut knows he won't like what I have witnessed. Z is kind of man who doesn't speak his feelings. He tells you the war out there isn't changing him. He is the same man he thought he was.

But I had to move. I can't be a creeper, seeing him like this. It's too private.

So I bunch my dress up and quickly shuffle down. My heels making that uncomfortable click clack noise which echoes all the way down. I ignore it and run till I make it pass the narrow hall and reach the main entrance room .

I don't think I have it in me to face him...yet. I need to armor myself with the correct weapons after yesterday's stunt. I stop as soon as I make it in the middle of the vast room. The main living room. It was the same except the furniture was reshuffled. Two center embroidered couches were placed facing each other. The empty glass circular small tables were covered with white lace and a base of flower on top of each. Orchids in each vase. Simple and best. Another long table filled with silver trays of finger food and hors d'oeuvres and helpers walking around.

I helped around after that and soon, we saw Archer and Adrianna seated in the couch with all the family and friends surrounding them like they were a pearl of perfection. Truth be told, they were. I never been a pure believer of marriage but Adrianna finding Archer was like a gem set in stone.

As I look at them, I see her laughing and him whispering. A clinking noise rose out in the corner and that was the start of the Mangni.

Mangni ceremony is an engagement celebration where the friends and families of the couple celebrate the impending marriage.

During the ceremony, the bride and groom will exchange rings in front of their family and friends. The family and friends then shower the couple with sweets and gifts which landed in beautiful tall pile on the other end of the room where a plain white table as kept.

It is also important, per the custom, that the groom should not wear a gold ring, though the bride is allowed to wear a ring of her choosing.

That was true, though. The both of them had gone ring shopping last month and they both decided to keep it real elegant, nothing too showy and ostentatious. I watched as Archer slips the engraved platinum ring on her and she looks up, smiling. I remember Adrianna telling me it was engraved with three simple words: You and Me.

I bit my lip, feeling uncontrollably emotional. It was a nausea clogging my throat and I wanted to get out of there but that wouldn't look very nice on me, so I strayed my eyes away from the happy couple for a moment.

I moved around the crowd, seeing some work friends of Archer talking among themselves. One particular, tall and slim almost looking like a doppelgänger of Keanu Reeves who caught my eye. He had the slick black hair combed back. His tall stature held a three piece dark blue suit. No tie and the first button of his shirt undone. I gulped.

He noticed my stare right away and after a few whispered words with his friends, he walked over to me. I kept my eyes on him as each step brought him close to me.

"Hi."

I smirk.

"I'm Liam." He smirks back.

I look away, to take a flute of champagne being passed around the several waiters that were hired for this party. I bring the rim to my lips, my eyes casted down to the light yellow bubbly liquid. I speak after I take a sip but not taking the rim away from my lips. "Can I help you, Liam?"

"Yes, by introducing yourself."

I raise my hand, he holds on it. My fingers tingle. "Rose."

"Rose." He repeats it as if he wanted to taste my name on his sweet coral lips. "Which side are you here from, Rose?"

"The bride's." I reply and take another sip,"You are one of Archer's pals, I take it."

"Yes I am, ma'am but I am also friends with the bride's father and worked along side with his son-"

"Liam! Thought I wouldn't see you here."

I watch as Z comes and places himself between the two of us. His hard brown eyes trained on Liam. I hadn't known I still held on to Liam's hand till he released it to shake Z's very big outstretched palm.

"I came home early, Zaid." They shook once and firm. I held my breath. It felt like standing between two pillars of testosterone. It was fueling with that male energy that needed to find an open field and just roll around in mud and do guy shit, whatever the hell they do.

I wanted to back out from there and I try to except Z caught hold of my elbow, his fingers digging in and I'm immediately reminded of the things that happened last night.

I wanna have some fun. He wanted to play.

"I see you met Rose here. Isn't she delightful?" I could hear the press of his teeth.

I smile uncomfortably as Liam looks down at me with his cute blue eyes. "Yes, yes we met. I was just about to ask her what she does for a living."

"Oh it's a wonderful job. She is an owner of a successful art studio right here in Toronto."

Okay, what the fuck is he doing? And why does each sentence coming out of him is like pulling teeth? I wanted to yank my elbow away but his hold was strong.

Liam continued, unaware of the rising situation. "Oh that sounds very interesting. I would like to hear more about it."

Goodness, he sounds just right but I would love have this conversation without being strapped to this trunk of stupid. So, I excuse myself and wrung my elbow away in a discreet manner and stride straight out into the hallway leading to the stairs.

Their house was old. When you walk in through to the main front door, you are greeted to the stairs immediately with small circular space in front where guest hang their coats or umbrellas in the coat stands and umbrella holder. Then, you enter a small narrow hall and enter the main living room and then that goes to rest of the house like the kitchen and the dinning room.

This narrow hall is significant to me at this moment because no one can see who comes through here and I want to stop and turn back.

I should go back but I'm already in the narrow hall where no one can see my confused face. I should go and talk and continue my conversation with Liam but I don't. I keep walking.

And I hear him come from behind.

He is walking a distance away from me to make it look unsuspecting but I tell myself there is nothing suspicious going on here. I walk faster, almost out of the narrow hall covered with aesthetic wallpaper.

But he catches my arm again and pulls me to the spandrel, the triangular space underneath the staircase. It was a closet space, mostly unused and sealed. He opens the crooked wooden door and pushes me in, him coming along inside. As he shuts it, the light gets cut off.

Our breathing is harsh and strong. I can't see anything but only feel. What am I doing here? I should kick him and leave but I'm rooted to my spot. What am I doing here? I ask in my head again. I can't open my mouth to speak. I want say things like have you lost your mind, Z or what the fuck are you doing but nothing comes out.

I'm just waiting. Waiting for him to make his move. It's only then can I know what to do next.

We are just standing here in this pitch black soot and mothballs smelling closet. We can't see each other. We can't touch each other. We can't do anything but stand here.

Is that what this is? My body is on fire. I can feel my nerves tremble in anticipation of what's to come. So I close my eyes. My other senses already on active and they try to pick up even the slightest movement in their antenna.

"Did you see me?" When he spoke, I jumped out of my skin. I open my eyes to nothing but my imagination. I can imagine him pinning me down with his cold gaze. His forehead edged with blue veins and a drop sweat climbs down that valley straight between his brows.

"What?" I ask. I feel my own line sweat bunch down my chest.

"Did you see me back there on the stairs?" He gritted out, and I felt the words thrown on my face like it was my fault I caught him there.

"I didn't." I lie for some unknown reason and I know it's a failed attempt.

"Don't lie to me, Rose." I think he moved a step closer. I somehow felt his whiskey breath. He's been nursing his scotch, his favorite drink, I bet for the last few hours even if I had consciously made it a point not to search him out.

He was close. I could smell the old spice scent shooting straight into my nostrils. Goosebumps burned my skin.

"Why would I lie? I didn't see you. It's as simple as that." I rub my arms, needing to placate myself.

"What does simple mean to you? It's just another word for complicated." He spoke in riddles, riddles which were messing with my head.

"Don't fuck with me." I hiss, hating that I stepped close and I felt his shirt against the top of my dress. My chest expands and constricts. I'm having trouble breathing, all of a sudden.

"No, Rose. You don't fuck with me." In a split, he grabs me by my elbows. Yanking me to him, chest to chest and I can hear his heart beating out of his chest. It matches mine.

I don't know where his mouth is until he whispers and it hits my own like a breeze coming out of now where, unexpected and he let's me go and leaves me in the dark. "I wasn't looking for you."