Dear Z,

You struggle too much, you know that? Why do you need to be hard on yourself? Make yourself pay extra when the cost was so much lesser than you gave?

Don't load yourself with extra burden because if you do, you won't come out of this alive...

• • •

"Excuse me?" Green stubborn eyes glinted back at me as I stood there like a fool, bent over with half of my body soaking wet in the damn rain.

"You heard me. You can't go out in this weather. C'mon out, now." I glared at her all the while thinking what the fuck am I doing here? I should be back in my room, upstairs settled in with beer and watching tonight's game.

"Z, I don't know what your problem is but I don't have time for it. So shut the door and leave." She smiled like the cold hearted bitch she was and looked straight ahead, waiting for me to close her car door.

I should go. Right? Yeah, I should. It's her fucking funeral anyway. I don't bloody care. Not one solid bit. I was about to do it, even. Gripping the car door in my hand, I was about to slam it across. When I found myself slipping in, sitting on the heated seat, right by her and the car door snapped close. I hung my head in shame.

I hate myself.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" She narrowed her gaze at me. Then in a sort of appearance something clicked, she smirked. "Aww. Is big brother worried about me? That's awfully sweet of you, Z."

Fuck, I despise that nickname. She is the only one who calls me that. That saying my whole name out loud was such a burden for her. Yet it didn't help when goosebumps rose upon my skin when I hear her say it. Her nasty tongue is pointed as she rolls the letter like it sizzles her into pieces.

"Listen Rose, I don't know what you are up to but come back to the house-" The engine roared and she accelerated the car ahead. I gripped the handle above as I watched her speed. "Mind telling me what train you are catching?" Instantly, I regretted those choice of words and I sneaked a look back at her.

She remained in her seat. Eyes ahead. Nothing out of place. She was always doing that. Pretending everything was okay. Pretending like the worst tragedy to be set upon a person didn't happen to her.

However, I still knew everyone has their own style of grieving and I respected that. So I changed the subject to the pressing issue at hand. "Rose. Turn around."

"And if I don't? What are you going to do? Spank me?"

I closed my eyes in frustration. Why did she need to say stuff like that? Doesn't she realize how inappropriate it sounded from that mouth of hers? Urghh... now I have started to think like that.

"Rose. It's dangerous and the speed at which you are going- Rose, damn you! Stop the car!"

The screech was almost painful but it was relief I released a sigh. Jesus, how it poured. It got heavier. The rain littered around the car as we sat in car. I couldn't see the road ahead but I could definitely feel the pinch of tension from beside her.

"Why are you so stubborn?"

"Why are you so stupid?"

I heaved a detailed sigh. "Stop arguing and turn the car around. Let's go back to my place." I didn't want to get into this stupid thing again. Going back and forth with Rose over a silly thing is exhausting.

"No! You can walk home if you like. I'm going straight ahead."

I scowled. "You are such a-"

She turned her head and eyed me. "Go on. Call me a bitch. Like I give a rat's ass about what you think of me."

This woman is bloody boiling me to a hundred degrees of madness. Dammit, this woman gives me the blood pressure. She was prickly like that damn flower of her name. Taking a deep breath, I stated calmly.

"Just turn around."

She simply folded her legs on top of each other. Her shorts running so close to the top of her thighs, it disappeared into the crease joining her thighs and hipbone.

"Why can't you wear decent clothes?" I blurted out, frowning. I remembered when I used to bring over my friends with her around, they'd watched her full of lust and deceptive animal temptation. She strolled in things that barely covered anything. I couldn't really blame my friends but still...

I looked back up and fumed mentally when she simply ignored my comment and went back gazing at the rain.

Her ignorance was not something I could tolerate. I reached over for the steering wheel and she shouted my name and my hands came colliding with her thigh as she tried to remove them from the wheel.

I clicked my tongue and jerked back my hands. Those thighs were the softest of flesh. I gritted, my eyes pinching shut. "You are a pain."

"Well, you are a disease." She replied with a sneer.

Trepidations made my body sweat. "You can't talk to me like that."

"Oooo I'm so scared. Get real." She chuffed and looked away.

I had this desirable urge to throttle her then. So, I got out of the car and quickly rounded up to her door, before she could pull away. I open it and ignored the rain beating hard on me. I reached for her and pushed her to the side seat for me to get into the driver's seat.

Except she didn't move all the way.

I somehow managed to sit myself in but her bare feet were tangled with my wet jeans. Her ass hanging off the seat and she raised her head to turn around.

"What the fuck do you think you are doing? Get out." Not bothering with her position, she shifted and sat right aside my lap, and began to hit me hard on my chest. Shoving and pushing at me while I watched her, unable to move.

Fuck, she was gorgeous.

Those breasts were right in front of me. I could see the puckered nipple through her black thin top. Her jean shorts so minuscule that I could see the lines of her thin panties. Or was it a gstring?

Suddenly I realized the hitting had stopped and found her staring at me with those green smoky intense eyes.

"What are you looking at, Z?"