That night, after our dinner, Matt drove me home and waited in my room while I amended one of the letters destined for Saffron's parents. Each letter I had previously written out was an apology for what I had done to their daughter. This one was a promise. A promise to keep Saffron alive through memories and the love I had for her.

They could hate me, they could refuse to listen. But they could no longer deny that she had been one of the most important people in my life, my best friend, my sister.

I sealed the envelope and sighed. The tension in my shoulders lessened with each word penned in black ink. They flowed from my heart onto the page; my own antidote to the heartbreak I carried.

"Hey, you okay?" Matt asked, resting his head on mine, his voice low. He massaged my shoulders, his thumbs pressing into my neck.

"Mmm-hmm," I moaned and leaned into him as he increased the pressure of his fingers.

"You've been staring at that envelope for ages now."

I spun the desk chair around and pulled him between my parted legs to hug him. He resumed my massage from his new angle. "Have I? Didn't notice," I mumbled against his shirt, closing my eyes. "That feels really nice. I could sleep right here." I nuzzled into him and wrapped my arms around his hips.

"Have to go home soon."

"Not yet."

"I have a class in the morning." His hands found their way into my hair and he tilted my head back to kiss me. "We have our session with Helen in the afternoon, so I'll pick you up for that?"

He kissed me again... and again... and again. Like a dance we no longer needed to practise, he picked me up and my legs made their way around his waist. My back hit my mattress moments later, and Matt's fingers clawed at the soft skin below my bra.

"I really should go," he whispered, tugging on my lip with his teeth.

"Okay." My voice cracked and disappeared as he breathed in my breaths. My skin tingled with him hovering over me, heating every part of me.

"Okay."

His mouth seized mine, hot and needy; his hips pressed hard into me. Cool air hit my skin when my top was lifted over my head and Matt's palm rested over my non-existent cleavage. He stroked, massaged and soothed every exposed part of me, his lips never leaving mine until they were moving across my jawline, down to my collarbone.

"Argh," he groaned into my neck and pulled away. "I don't wanna but have to." He tilted his head to the side and grinned, dragging his nails up and down my bare abdomen. "Plus, your parents are just downstairs."

I pushed myself up onto my elbows and stared at the door behind him. My chest heaved as I attempted to calm my pounding heart. "They won't hear you." And quite frankly, I didn't care if they did. Not at that moment. All I wanted was him.

"But they'll hear you." He smirked and handed my top back to me.

I strolled towards my mirror, covering myself back up so I could walk him out. The static from the fabric of my top made my flyaway hairs stick out all over the place. Matt laughed behind me and smoothed it down, kissed my shoulder when he was done and rested his chin on the same spot. He wrapped me in a tight hug and I couldn't look away from our reflection.

My poor heart stuttered. Why had I been so hesitant to let him in? This was easy. I could be happy with him if I just relaxed. I pressed my face into his and slid my hands up the arms he had fastened around my waist.

"I'll pick you up as soon as I finish, okay? We'll grab a sandwich from the coffee shop before it starts." His husky voice vibrated against my skin.

"Do you think we'll have time to drop that letter off to Saffron's house? Actually, I'll just go in the morning while you're in class," I backtracked on my question as soon as it left my mouth, too scared I was wasting his time.

"No, I'll take you. I'd like to be there with you," he murmured into my neck, peppering small kisses below my ear. His grip tightened, causing my belly to drop further and my insides to backflip.

"You sure?"

"Sure." He spun me round and brought his mouth to mine, his tongue pushing past my lips. Desire flooded my body when his fingers dug into the tops of my thighs and he lifted me up so that my legs were once again wrapped around his waist. We were both breathless when he set me down onto my feet. "Really need to go now."

"Arsehole," I panted through a laugh. "You're just going to leave me horny?"

He readjusted himself and shook his head. "Hey, I'm the one that has to walk past your parents like this." He pointed to the bulge in his jeans and tugged his shirt down.

"I could have helped you with that. But no, you want to go home."

"I don't want to go home. I have to." He kissed my lips and weaved his fingers between mine. "Come on. The quicker I leave and you go to sleep, the quicker I'll be back to pick you up."

We stumbled down the hallway, giggling and bumping into each other as we joked around. Passing the open living room door where my parents were watching TV, Matt straightened up and said his goodbyes. My dad glanced up, an eyebrow raised, and suppressed a laugh while my mother beamed at Matt.

Once I shoved him out the door, after a dozen goodbyes, I strolled into the lounge and fell back into the sofa, next to my mum, with a loud thud.

"Oy, careful you. Nearly knocked my tea over." She brought her cup closer to her chest and shielded it with an open hand. "You look happy with yourself. Nice dinner?"

I sighed, sinking further into my seat, and spread my arms out to my sides. "Ahh, yeah. Really nice." My cheeks hurt from my smile. I looked at the TV screen and watched the advert for some hair dye company.

"Going well with Matt then? He's a lovely boy."

"He's a young man, Sandra," My dad corrected from his armchair. "As long as you're happy, kiddo. And safe." He grimaced, turning back to his tv show.

"Think I'll dye my hair again." I patted the sofa and stood up. "Fancy helping me, Mum?"

"What, now? It's a bit late, darling. How about in the day?" She eyed me and frowned. "Everything alright? Do you need the change?" She asked, hesitating on her words and I understood why.

Last time, I dyed it in a moment of panic, a moment of desperation. But now, I was merely a girl with root regrowth and it was either wait to have it lightened back to my natural colour in a salon or touch it up with the extra box dye I had in our family bathroom.

I didn't want to wait until I booked an appointment. I wanted to do it now before seeing Matt again.

"My roots are awful, Mum. I have a leftover colour box upstairs. I want to do it before my therapy session in the afternoon. Matt's picking me up."

"I'll do you a deal. Go get some sleep and I'll do it for you first thing in the morning." She took a sip of her tea. "I'll even let you wake me if I'm not up before you."

"Sounds fair," Dad chimed in.

After agreeing, I kissed both my parents on the cheek and headed for bed, my mind full of thoughts of Matt and high from giddiness.

***

It was considerably colder today. I stuffed my hands into my coat pocket and rocked on the heels of my boots while I waited for Matt. He had sent a text ten minutes ago to let me know he was on his way. Eager to see him again, I raced to the front door, and when I deemed enough time had passed, I hurried outside.

I took a deep breath in to smell the fresh crispness in the air. Not even November, and I could smell an onset of snow. It couldn't be possible. It was too early in the year.

A puff of smoke appeared and disappeared in front of me as my warm breath mixed with the bitter cold. I always loved doing that as a child.

He was here.

I almost skipped to his car but held myself back. My face on the other hand gave me away. I couldn't stop my silly grin no matter how hard I tried. I pinched my lips between my teeth as I opened his car door, hoping to reduce it. Matt smiled back, his gorgeous, wonderful, breathtaking smile. Pins and needles attacked the end of my nose and fingers when I sat down. I was almost shaking with excitement, maybe even nerves, and all we were doing was grabbing a sandwich before therapy. This shouldn't make me so happy.

"I would have knocked. It's too cold to wait outside." He leaned over the centre console and kissed me. "Hey, you."

"Hey," I mumbled against his lips.

"Love the beanie. You look– cute." He winked. "You remember your letter? Where am I going?"

My previous high spirits plummeted. For a second I had forgotten we were heading to Saffron's house first. Luckily, I hadn't forgotten to place the envelope into my handbag. I grimaced, removed my woolly hat and ran my fingers across my scalp before reeling off their address and the next road we had to turn onto.

He pulled away from the curb, following my directions. "Don't take it off. It suits you." He lightly tugged on a strand of my hair. "Oh, you dyed it darker."

"It's the same as the night I met you."

"Yeah, I know. I really like it." His fingers tangled with mine and rested on my knee.

Saffron's parents' cars weren't in the driveway when we parked up outside. I ran up to the house, slipped my letter inside and pressed my forehead against the door. With my eyes closed, I whispered a silent prayer against the teal wood. Perhaps this time they would listen.

Our stop was only brief and Matt glanced my way the entire drive to the coffee shop, worry clouding his features. I bit on the skin around my fingernails, picturing them reading my words. It'll be okay. My message was only kind and filled with love.

Shaking my hands out as we walked towards Beautiful Chaos, I tried to leave my dampened mood back in the car so we could enjoy our lunch together. Nothing had happened. I wrote that letter last night and didn't even have to face them. So why was I feeling so awful about it all?

Matt pulled out a seat at the table closest to the pile of charity books I was admiring last time. We browsed the menu and when we had settled on what we wanted; he strolled up to the counter to place our order. Matt's phone stayed glued to his hand and even distracted, I caught him checking it every few minutes.

I shrugged it off and scoured the nearest shelf of books: romance. But not the fluffy kind. Each book on this shelf looked dark and maybe even a little sad. The one that caught my eye was navy blue and gold, and sparkled when I moved the cover from side to side.

"Oh, that book is depressing. Great, but man did it leave me ruined," the waitress said as she placed two ham and cheese melts on our table. Matt followed behind her with our coffees.

I flinched when she first spoke, but relaxed and glanced back down to the summary on the back cover. "That bad?"

"Tsunami type tears. That whole shelf is like that. Tragedies not romances." She moved to another shelf that popped with pinks, yellows, and baby blues. "Now these ones are my jam. Light and airy. You'll feel like you're walking on a cloud after."

"But this one? What happens?" I couldn't let it go. Everything about it drew me in.

"I can't ruin an ending," she gasped and held up three fingers, tucking her thumb to her palm. "Book lover's honour. But like any good tragedy, your pillows will be soaked. They never make it. It's either someone dies, they both do, someone leaves, or he's a murderer out for her blood." She patted me on the back and cackled. "But the love, oh the love was beautiful. Almost worth all the pain."

She sighed from behind her counter and started wiping down the sides, leaving me back with my thoughts and a Matt that seemed lost in the passing traffic outside.

I placed the book back on the shelf and took a seat. "You okay?"

"Yeah." He shook his head and lifted his cup to his lips. "Sorry. Had a phone call before picking you up and trying to juggle things around. Promise I'm here now." He smiled and drank his hot drink.

"You sure? Anything I can help with?" A whirl of cool air rushed around the room as someone opened the door and shivers ran through my body. Fuck, it was cold.

"Actually, I hate to do this. But I can't come to the group today. I'll email Helen about it later, but I need to head into work. Someone messed up with cash flow on my night off, and I need to go over it with the boss. Before he decides to deduct it from someone's pay packet."

"Need to go now? I don't mind. I don't want to get you in trouble." Twisting my hands in my lap, I looked around the room.

"I'm not in trouble, but some of my bar staff might be. I'll wait. Let's eat something and I'll drop you round the corner."

"Don't be silly, Matt. Go. I'll be fine. I've had lunch on my own before." I smirked and bit into the gooey cheese sandwich. "They need you and the group is literally two minutes by foot. It would probably take me longer to put my seatbelt on," I joked through bites.

"You're a star. I owe you." And with that, Matt snatched his toasted cheesy bread, kissed my forehead and rushed out the door.

Disappointment sagged through me even though he was making the right choice. He should help them, and I knew that. My heart just needed to play catch up as usual.

I wandered over to each bookshelf and held up the tragedy from earlier and a fluffy, bubblegum pink romance.

"So, have you decided? What will it be? A tragedy or a romance?" The waitress shouted over.

"No. I never find time to read anymore," I said, giving her a half-truth.

"Make it. Trust me, those are both gold." She backed out of the room into a staff-only area.

Maybe crying it out would be a great stress reliever. I set the fluffy romance down and opened the first page of the tragedy.

One epic love, even if short-lived, surely was worth it.

***