Sat in the back of my father's car, I had a severe case of déjà vu. Zaire stood outside The Basement, clipboard in hand, just like he had done weeks ago.

Unlike last time, my need to run and hide hadn't taken over.

My stomach bubbled with a mixture of nerves and excitement. I had spent far too long getting ready and even borrowed a pair of vintage knee-high boots off my mum. Hopefully, they would shield my legs from the bitter night air because my dress wouldn't.

After kissing my dad goodbye on the cheek, I walked the short distance to my best friend. The cool satin fabric of my slip dress skimmed midway up my thighs, riding up with each step.

Before reaching Zaire, I discreetly checked that the daisy-shaped patches on my nipples hadn't slipped down. What was going through my mind when I picked a dress that wouldn't require a bra and was so short? My night would consist of tugging the hem down and fixing possible nipple mishaps.

Zaire's eyes widened as I approached, and he held his arms out to pull me into a firm hug. "Matt said you might pop by but I didn't believe him. Why didn't you call?"

"Wanted to surprise you instead." I hugged him back, keeping my face full of make-up off his clean black shirt.

"Let me get a look at you. I swear I saw a flash of colour under that coat. Are my eyes playing tricks on me?" Spinning me around, he blew out a low whistle. "Fuck me, Bea! You are looking fine as. And red?" He bit his bottom lip. "Oh, Matt has no idea what he is in for. Poor lad won't be able to think straight."

"Stop." My face heated at his words, but inside I lit up with thrill. "Do you think?"

"Think? I'm certain of it."

Zaire called one of his colleagues on his two-way radio and asked if they would cover the entrance while he worked inside.

When the door to the stairwell closed beside us, blocking the outside, I grabbed onto Zaire's bicep to hold him back.

"Before we head in, can we talk?" A group of girls followed in behind and went directly down to the Speakeasy, their heels clicking on each step.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. I've just been wondering." I lowered my voice. "Am I a right bitch to Matt? I keep telling him we will only be friends but just then when you said he won't think straight, I loved it. Is that horrible?"

"Stop being so hard on yourself. The Bea I know wouldn't have even thought twice about it. Matt's a big boy. You are allowed to set your boundaries and enjoy his attention at the same time. Come on. We are getting you drunk tonight."

"Maybe you're right." I removed my thin coat, folded it over my forearms and headed for the heavy double doors.

Zaire yanked the black fabric out of my grip. "I'll stash this in the staff room. Saves you forgetting it in the cloakroom."

When we made our way inside, I hardly gave the place a second glance. My eyes were already searching for Matt. The drumming of my heart fought to overpower the bass from the song playing.

Sidestepping behind a group standing around a whiskey barrel table, I allowed myself a few minutes to calm my nerves and enjoy the sight of Matt working.

I wouldn't get used to him. Matt Quinn was desire personified. I saw it on the faces of the women crowding the bar. They mentally ate him up and flirted when it was their turn to be served. He flirted back, but I wasn't jealous. It was part of the job and even if it wasn't I had no right to harbour those feelings. After all, I had set the rules around our friendship and jealousy couldn't be part of it.

The butterflies in my stomach intensified as he scanned the room between customers as if he was looking for someone. That someone could be me if I let him.

I fixed the hem of my dress, secured my spaghetti strap back onto my shoulder and moved into his field of vision.

His face brightened when he spotted me. My smile hurt my cheeks as I walked to him.

"Wow. You look—just wow." His gaze swept over my figure and landed on my face. "Red really is your colour."

I twirled on the spot, making sure to show off every angle of my well planned out outfit. When I came back around to face him, I had to brace myself on the bar, my boots higher than I was used to. "What? This old thing?" I dismissed, grinning from ear to ear at the look he was unabashedly throwing my way.

"You are gorgeous," he said, his voice dropping low and slightly out of earshot as he turned to the row of glasses and liquor-filled bottles behind him.

Happiness surged through me while I stared at his back for longer than I cared for. I drummed my fingers on the countertop, eager for Matt's attention but anxious to what would happen when I had it.

"Vodka lime soda." Matt slid the tall glass with lime slices across the counter. "On the house."

"You remembered." The bitter bite of the vodka had a refreshing edge thanks to the added citrus. I whirled my straw around, clinking the ice cubes against the glass.

"I can't get off for the next couple of hours but my break will be soon. My roommates should be around somewhere to keep you company." He grabbed a tea towel from under the bar and wiped the counter down, his eyes trained on my lips.

"I think it's clean." I glanced down at the spot he repetitively wiped over and smiled when he threw the cloth under the countertop, pretending his focus wasn't on something else. "Are you nervous? Because I am. And that's silly. Really silly. We know each other now."

Matt returned my half-smile with a larger grin and held out his hand so I could thread my fingers with his. "A little. Hey, could just be being back here. Don't be nervous." He cast his eyes to his left and nodded to a girl behind the bar, in a similar black shirt to his. "Have to get back to it. Won't be much longer." He lifted our joined hands to his lips and placed a light kiss on my knuckles.

Dragged to the other side of the counter by his colleague, Matt returned to making fancy cocktails as a group from a hen party monopolised half of the bar space and all of his attention.

The small buzzing in my lower stomach amplified to a wave of giddiness and I threw back most of my drink in an attempt to soothe them.

***

The Speakeasy in itself wasn't as busy as it could be for a Saturday night, but the crowd around the bar had become suffocating. Even with the cool breeze from the overhead air conditioning, I felt the first drops of sweat form along my nape, under my thick and long, wavy bob. My drastic chop from weeks ago had regained some length and thickness. The faded dark brown hair dye softened my previous harsh cut, and I almost looked like the old me.

Zaire, minus my coat which was now safely in the staff room, weaved through the tables and barstools, doing whatever bouncers were meant to be doing in a relatively drama-free venue.

Anyone who didn't know him knew of him, meaning everyone stopped him for a chat. I watched Zaire go from table to table, laughing, joking and almost forgetting he was working.

"Dance with me." Liv teetered on her sky-high heels, her extra small bodycon dress dangerously low on her cleavage. Dan and Freddie sat hunched over a table in a corner booth and looked to be in deep conversation. Liv's boredom was evident on her face as she shot Freddie an icy glare before grabbing my wrist to pull me towards the dancefloor.

I wobbled on my feet, unprepared for the abrupt tug, set my vodka soda down, and followed after her.

With her back to her boyfriend and friend, Liv swayed her hips from side to side, her forearms resting on my shoulders, my own movements slightly wooden compared to hers.

Peering around her, I had a perfect view of the boys. Oblivious to his girlfriend's frostiness, Freddie laughed along with Dan, whispered something in his ear and followed his friend into the male restroom a few minutes later.

That was weird. The thought only lasted a few seconds before I brushed it off. So what if they needed the toilet at the same time? That's all that could be. Surely. My dad joked about girls needing to pair up to pee, but he was wrong about a lot of things and that could be one of those times.

"Oh, great! They have gone off again." Liv twisted her head to stare at the empty table. "I hate when they do that." She stomped off, sliding back into the booth.

I stood in the middle of a barely filled dance floor, uncomfortable and not knowing if I should follow her or continue this awkward dance. I lightly rocked on the toe of my boots and scratched over the scar on my arm.

Liv looked miserable, sipping on her cocktail. I hadn't comforted someone since Saffron. What if I was awful at it? Or worse, said the wrong thing?

Scanning the room for Zaire and coming up short, I let a long, uneasy breath out, squeezed my fists together and wandered over to Liv.

"Sorry, I sulked off," She shouted over the music as I shuffled along the padded seat to get closer. "They are always leaving me out. I told Freddie I wanted to stay home tonight. Just the two of us. He is so much more affectionate when we stay in. Not off every five minutes."

"That's okay. I couldn't hear you out there. Thought you just needed a drink," I lied. "Want to talk about it?"

She twirled her cocktail umbrella, mixing the split red and orange of her sunset coloured drink. "Nah, used to it now."

"That's not really a great reason. Being used to it doesn't mean it won't upset you. If it annoys you, talk to him as soon as he comes out. Trust me, life is too short to sweat the small stuff."

"You're cool, you know. Glad Matt found you."

I scrunched my nose. "He didn't find me." I wasn't some object to be found.

***

Every sip of vodka brought me a comfortable quiet inside the noisy bar. The music and conversations from the people at my table blended together in a new wave of song. I closed my eyes, picking out certain words and laughing on cue with them. I had no idea what they were saying but pretended I did.

Alcohol was my armour, and my emotions were my battle.

A warmth crept up my arm and cupped my cheek ever so lightly. I leaned into it and let out a soft moan. My eyelids fluttered open and Matt filled the view. He was so close. I blinked, expecting him to disappear, but he was there. When did that happen?

"You okay?"

I bit my lip, nodding repeatedly and stopping when I realised my attempts at looking sexy probably looked like I was eating my own skin.

Matt brushed my hair off from my face and pulled me onto my feet. "I'm sorry I couldn't get away sooner. Low staff and Saturday nights aren't a great combo." He greeted his friends and eyed the empty glasses on the table. "Maybe I shouldn't have left you with them," he muttered.

I slipped my hand in his. My skin came alive with a low-frequency jolt of electricity and I wished everyone in the room would disappear. Were his eyes always this bright? Like pools of honey. "I love honey."

"What?" Matt snorted, his eyebrows drawn together.

"Mmm. Did I say something?" I yanked him towards the dance floor. "Dance with me, Matty. No one has danced with me tonight." Twirling halfway, I backed into him until our bodies were flush.

"I can't while I'm at work. Take my break with me in the staff room," he breathed below my ear, the rich rumble of his voice sending a rush of heat through my veins. My body throbbed, and I wanted to be alone with him more than anything.

He didn't have to ask twice. I marched us into the modest back room and clicked the lock on the door after he followed behind me.

"What are you doing?" He raised a brow but moved closer until I felt each of his breaths against my skin.

"I just want to talk." A smile crept onto my lips, and I adjusted the collar on his shirt, drawing him in. I traced the hard line of his jaw and ran my thumb over the stubble on his chin.

"Well, I am listening."

"Do you hate me for saying no?" I whispered against his neck, scared to see the answer on his face. "About us?"

Matt drew his fingers up and down my spine, the friction of my satin dress causing my exposed skin to react. My heart thumped in my chest as my thoughts swam in a haze of vodka and need.

"Hate is the furthest thing from what I am feeling right now." He gripped my sides and brought his forehead to rest on mine. Lust clouded his eyes. His mouth hovered over my lips and it would have been so easy to press into him. Just a taste. "Just know that when I look at you, I might not be thinking of you as a friend. I want you. Shit, I don't think I've wanted anything more. But I will never take it unless you ask me too. You set the pace."

I shut my eyes, my silence growing louder as I let his confession wash over me. The seconds ticked into minutes and our shallow breathing filled the slither of space between us.

"If I say now will we regret it?" I kept my voice low, barely audible, and smoothed down his shirt.

He heard me but stayed as silent as I had done moments before.

The loud knock on the door and Zaire's booming voice brought us out of our daze. "Open up, man. I need my phone out of my jacket." He banged one last time for good measure.

Matt clasped my hand as I went to turn the lock and pulled me back to him. "Only because you are drunk." Bringing our joined hands to his lips, he kissed over my knuckles and opened the staff room up for Zaire.

Zaire strolled past us, removed his phone from a jacket on the back of a chair and scrolled through it. He lifted his head to me, a wide grin adorning his handsome face. "All right, you two? Bea, have to go in a bit, babe. I can drop you off now or Matt can after his shift."

"I have a few more hours before we close up. Can you wait that long? Or want to get some sleep?" Matt tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear and let his fingers linger there; the gentle caress of his movements lulling me into a peaceful state.

"I'm actually tired. I'm ready to head."

Before we left The Basement, I kissed Matt on his cheek and waved goodbye to his roommates as we strolled past them.

We had only just made it out the door when my phone buzzed with an incoming message from Matt.

The faded pulse of electric energy coursing through me reawakened all the nerves in my stomach and the deep thumping of my heart.

As long as it takes.

***