-DEVON’S POV-

God I really didn’t like parties all that much anymore… ever since Rachel’s death… but that was almost an entire year ago. Even though it felt as if it was yesterday…

I was looking at Amanda, her light green eyes boring into mine.

Over time, when she left for that month… I really couldn’t lie to myself anymore. I had grown fatally attracted to Amanda… and I felt the twinge of jealousy in the pit of my stomach as I watched them talk. The girls hand found Amanda’s knee, and I felt the pit grow darker, and it hurt.

I smiled, and started making her way over to her.

I felt my heart flutter inside my chest, I wanted her to wrap me up in her arms… I didn’t want anyone else to have her attention but me.

She wrapped one arm around my neck, “How was the talk with Emerson?”

I shrugged, “Could‘ve been more awkward.”

She faced me, I could see something was eating at her, but she never let me know what. She had been acting so strange the last couple of months, going to tell me one thing and then backing out. It got to me, but I never wanted to push her to tell me.

“Can we go outside?”

My eyes found hers, I hated when people did this… because it was usually about something bad… which scared me.

I studied my best friend, feeling the nagging pain in my chest, she resembled Rachel so much. Entirely to much… and I always had this reoccurring thought that it was Rachel.

But it wasn’t, it was just Amanda Phillips.

The more I thought about it the more I would make myself believe Rachel was standing here next to me, Amanda had changed dramatically.

And it was after she met me.

I put two and two together, but after she started waking up, having the same dream every night, screaming bloody murder…

Well, I knew something was wrong.

We were standing outside… and it reminded em so much of that dreadful night.

Me and Rachel… the confrontation. .

Then Amanda spoke, “Those dreams… they’re really taking a toll on me.”

She locked eyes with me, she looked worn, like something… had been bothering her? She was sad… it was obvious… “I die every time… in a car wreck.”

I shuddered at her words… Rachel… God. Everything she talked about reminded me of Rachel.

She shook her head, “I don’t understand myself anymore Devon… the dreams, my looks, my eyes, my thoughts… everything changed. This dream came out of nowhere… in the dream… I wasn’t wearing my seatbelt… I couldn’t see the driver, but I was in the passenger. I scream and yell all I want in the dream, trying to get the absent driver to get back on our side of the road but they don’t. I look forward, scream, seeing the headlights heading for us and then I die, I even feel slight pain for a split second, then I’m awake…”

I wanted to cry… this couldn’t be happening… that dream…

That’s… it was to much like… Rachel and Trenton.

I started to cry, I couldn’t stop it this time, Rachel, Amanda… what was really going on here? Amanda’s looks… they resembled Rachel, her guitar, her eyes… yea, those were definitely Rachel’s eyes…

I had seen a picture of Amanda a year ago, and her eyes were not that light… they weren’t even hazel. They were a dull green.

Nothing like they are now.

I stuttered, “I-I don’t… I don’t know Amanda…”

She stepped forward, her arm touching me, “Don’t cry… it’s just a dream… right?”

I looked up at her, those eyes, her voice… the way she sounded just so fragile… it was like I was staring Rachel in the face.

I shook my head, this wasn’t Amanda anymore, this wasn’t the roommate I was supposed to have. She’s changed, she’s not Amanda… but who was she?

Amanda spoke, “Devon…”

My eyes floated to hers slowly, and she was going to ask me something serious, I knew it. “What?”

Her hand squeezed me gently, then she dropped her arm, “I uh… I need to tell you something.”

Those haunting words, even that resembled Rachel… I nodded, urging her on, “Ok.”

She stepped forward, “Don’t hate me for this… it’s important. I wouldn’t do this to you if it wasn’t, ok?”

I felt my heart beast pick up, I was getting nervous, and scared, I clenched my fists into tight little balls, waiting for her question to ring out and send me crashing to the ground.

“Devon… I think… no. I know… I’m in love with you.”

I felt the air catch in my lungs, I saw Rachel flash before my eyes, the pain, the shock… how I had trusted Rachel so much, just for her to hide something like that from me. The shock I had in my heart, the things I wished I could’ve said to her but was to afraid to.

Why would she love me? I wasn’t gay, I wasn’t that great… I was just a normal girl.

But to Rachel… I was so much more then normal. She loved me, unconditionally, I knew that much. Sure I had never gave her an answer, but as I gazed at Amanda…

I had a feeling I was giving her the answer this time.

Amanda’s eyes fell, I wanted to tell her it would be ok, that I wasn’t leaving, but the words wouldn’t emerge.

Then she turned to leave.

No. I didn’t want her to leave, I wanted her to stay! This wasn’t happening to me again… why couldn’t I move? Why was I stuck to the ground? Why was I paralyzed?

I saw her run into Trevor, her eyes were bloodshot, and his eyes snapped to mine.

No… it was happening again. Rachel… Amanda wasn’t leaving me… no… it wasn’t Amanda anymore, I was right..

I screamed, finally, releasing the trapped air that was building in my lungs.

“Rachel!”

I didn’t know why I screamed Rachel’s name, and it even shocked me. I saw Trevor’s eyes first, he was confused, wondering why I was calling out my dead best friends name… but she wasn’t dead…

Amanda’s eyes found mine, when she heard the name, she collapsed onto the ground.

Oh God no… she wasn’t dying… no…

I ran over to Amanda, Trevor was already there, calling her name, “Amanda? Amanda wake up! Please…”

I shook my head, that look Amanda gave me when I called Rachel’s name… I smiled, feeling the tears rolling down my cheeks…

This wasn’t Amanda anymore… Amanda was gone. I knew that… this was Rachel… Rachel Kidder, my best friend… she was here.

I leaned down, feeling her heart, I whispered, “Rachel… wake up. Please wake up…”

I felt her heart race, it was speeding up quickly, it was actually starting to scare me. She was sweating, the bead forming slowly running down her face.

Trevor whispered, “What’s happening Devon?”

I was frightened and excited all at the same time, I shook my head, “I’m not sure…”

Then her heart stopped, completely stopped, I screamed, “No! Rachel, please! Please don’t leave!”

The pain, no, I wasn’t losing her this time, Trevor screamed, “Why are you calling her Rachel?! It’s Amanda, Devon!”

I shook my head, plugging her nose and pumping air into her mouth, counting along and pushing on her chest. This had to work… she couldn’t leave me… I couldn’t attend another funeral.

All along I wasn’t falling in love with someone else, I was just falling back in love with my best friend. Rachel. It was always Rachel, it had always been Rachel… she was just hidden somewhere within Amanda.

Something must’ve happened in the crash, Amanda had brain trauma, something… a miracle… Rachel was inside Amanda… she just didn’t know.

Was Rachel getting a second chance? Was Rachel supposed to remember who she used to be even though she was in Amanda’s body? Was I just psyching myself out into thinking this was all something it really wasn’t?

What if Rachel wasn’t inside Amanda? What if…

Then her eyes opened, my thoughts stopped, she whispered, “Devon…”

Her voice… oh God…

It was Rachel’s voice.

I smiled, feeling the tears burn my eyes and roll silently down my cheeks, “Rachel?”

Her smile returned when she heard her name, oh God it was her… it was Rachel. I lifted her up, Trevor was kneeling down, “Amanda?”

Rachel’s eyes snapped to Trevor, she was responsive to Amanda’s name to…

“Trevor… what the fuck happened to me?”

He shrugged, “What’s your name?”

Then all of a sudden, her eyes dropped, like she was searching for the answer. She didn’t know who she was… Was this some sort of side effect of what happened? Was she going to have split personality?

I whispered, “Hey…”

Amanda was back, but it was Rachel’s voice, and I was immediately getting confused. I smiled, reassuring her everything would be ok and we would figure this all out. “Do you remember the night of graduation?”

She sighed, “I remember two nights of graduation…”

I clenched my jaw, she had two memories, Rachel’s… and Amanda’s.

“One is mostly like a dream… I die… and the other, well, I live. Who am I, Devon?”

I cried a little harder, I shook my head, “I’m not sure… Do you remember the day we met?”

She smiled, “Of course I do, it was the first day of Freshmen Orientation… you were in my group. You asked me if I was a freshmen to, and I told you ‘no shit’.”

I laughed, she remembered me… she remembered when we met. Trevor spoke, “Do you remember meeting me?”

She looked at him, nodding, “How can I forget, you gave me a guitar.”

We all laughed, I don’t know what happened to Rachel when she died, I don’t know who she bargained with, but she was back… even if it took almost a year.

I don’t know how to explain what happened, I don’t know if there even was an explanation… but I didn’t need one. I needed Rachel… and I finally had her back.

Her eyes found mine again, boring into mine, I smiled, then Trevor spoke, “I guess I’ll leave you two alone… to catch up.”

I smiled, not taking my eyes off of Rachel’s, her perfect, light hazel eyes…

The only thing that was the same the entire time.

She spoke, “Devon… I’m not sure what’s going on… and I’m not sure who I am right now… but the only thing I do know is-”

I kissed her, cutting of her sentence, the pit in my stomach, the hole in my heart… it disappeared. I began to cry, her hands finding my face, pulling me into her. I knew what she was going to say, she was going to tell me her love never died, even when she did. The electricity flowing through our lips, my heart was racing, I just wanted to do this forever…

No one was ever this lucky… and I was never going to let her go again.

I pulled away, hugging her close to me, “Rachel… please, don’t ever leave me again. I love you, so much, and I’m sorry… I don’t know if you still love me as much as you used to, but I love you. I’ve always loved you, I was just to stupid to accept it…”

Her grip around me tightened, one hand tangled in my hair, pulling me closer. She planed a kiss on my cheek, and I looked at her, her smile… even that was the same. I broke down again, all the pain I had been bottling up… it was released tonight.

The relief, the weight, everything had been lifted up off of me, and I was still in complete shock.

She whispered, “I’m exhausted.”

I laughed, standing and helping her up, “C’mon… let’s go home.”