Holy shit.

How was I going to get Devon to admit that to me? There was no way… I was going to have to do some major probing with her. Major deep convo, and if she felt comfortable didn’t mean she was going to tell me that.

That was a major secret.

I pitied Rachel, and then I pitied Devon for having to deal with it for three months.

The trauma, the pain, everything Rachel went through the last moments of her life… God I could only imagine… Devon, getting that phone call after being completely blindsided by Rachel… telling her that she was dead, in a car wreck…

It actually was bringing tears to my eyes thinking about it.

I wiped my eyes, trying to numb the pain that was there in my heart. I shook my head, no wonder Devon had refused to tell me, not only would she look like that bad guy, but she also FELT like the bad guy to. I knew it wasn’t her fault, we all knew that, but in her head, I knew what she was thinking.

If she would’ve just hugged Rachel, told her it would be ok and they would get through it… Rachel would be alive.

I was pulling up to the parking space, I sighed, trying to gather myself before walking back into our room. No telling what Devon and Emerson were doing out and about.

I checked my phone for the time, it was already 5 on a Sunday.

I groaned, class tomorrow.

I started toward my dorm, the sun was setting slightly and then when I turned the corner in the hall I ran into a warm body.

I already knew who it was.

“Hey Phillips,” the familiar, creepy voice rang out.

I looked up at Samantha, “Hi Samantha.”

She tilted her head, “You don’t sound to friendly.”

I shrugged, “I have a lot on my mind,” I really did, and in a way I wish she would take all of it away. Since I found out that Rachel had been in love with Devon, it made me feel connected to Rachel somehow. I knew I was in love with Devon to, and when I saw her for the first time I knew it immediately.

But why? I didn’t know her, and I had never loved a girl in my life. So why Devon? It didn’t make sense.

She moved closer, pressing her body gently against mine, “I can take your mind off of it, if you knew what I mean…”

I was pressed between her sexy, toned body and the cold wall, her hot breath against my ear. I clenched and unclenched my jaw and fists.

Why did she have to be so… sexy…

I groaned, “Samantha, I told you-”

She slammed her hand on the side of my face, causing me to shutup, “I know what you said, but I know it’s not the truth. I see it in your eyes Amanda, you can only avoid it for so long, and when you’re about to explode…”

Her lips grazed my jaw, and I shivered under her. She was fiery, intense, oh-so sexual, and completely sexy… I was to paralyzed to speak…

“I want you to explode in my mouth.”

Oh God, did she really just say that?

I tried to slip past her, “Samantha.. I don’t want to have sex with you!”

She smirked, “Amanda, stop trying to push me away when I know you want me in between your legs… it’s ok…”

I groaned, God she was just to much for me.

“Samantha-”

Her lips were on mine, and it had been awhile since I had kissed her. I think the last time was in the shower a month ago when she pretty much raped me.

Even though I let her.

I heard someone clear their throat, and my head snapped up, meeting Devon’s awe struck gaze. My face fell immediately.

Shit.

Samantha smiled triumphantly, “Call me.”

Then she was gone.

I started walking toward Devon but she backed away, sending me spiraling into a flash back.

~O~

She dropped her cup, backing away from me step by step. “… why…?”

I was squeezing my arm tightly, I hadn’t noticed until now, and I realized I had broke skin. I tore my arms apart, holding them out to her, pleading for her to run into them. “Devon… please… don’t hate me, it’s not my fault…”

~O~

It was another short flashback, I had only caught two or three, this one wasn’t vivid, and it was awfully short.

“So are you gay or not Amanda, because that’s the second time I’ve seen y’all kiss?”

I shook my head, “N-No… I’m not gay, she likes me, and she thinks kissing me is going to make me like her.”

She stayed silent for a little while, and it was killing me not knowing what she was thinking about. She tilted her head after debating my answer and then asked, “Where have you been?”

I shrugged, “With Hali, we went visit my parents and what not. Why?”

The answer sounded convincing, but I couldn’t tell if I was or not. I sighed, “What did you do today?”

“Me and Emerson went bowling.”

I rolled my eyes, of course she was with Emerson all day. I sighed, “So you’re liking him a lot of what?”

We fell into stride on our way back to the room, and the more I looked at her the more I was reminded of what Trenton had told me. “I don’t know, he’s cool, I just… I don’t know. I don’t have the spark, the want… it’s hard to explain.”

I shook my head, “No, it’s pretty self explanatory, you don’t have the attraction.”

I opened the door for her and she let herself in, flopping down on her bed, “Yea, I mean he’s cool… I just… I haven’t really felt anything since….”

I snapped my head up, “Since when?”

She shook her head, “Nothing… I just don’t feel it with him.”

“Anyone you do feel it with?”

She hesitated, and I saw her eyes glance up at me for a split second, and then she shrugged, “No, not really.”

“Can you play me a song?”

I smiled at that question, and I nodded, simply picking up my guitar and starting on one of my personal favorites.

I’d play her a million songs until she felt something for me.