Trenton, he had to know. I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea for me to go and find him but he was my only hope. Devon wasn’t going to tell me, so I needed an alternative. But would he reveal a secret to the girl that he had never met?

We were connected though, some way in my heart I knew that much.

So I would go and find him, even if it had to be in jail.

I needed answers.

***

A week passed, I had planned endlessly trying to figure out how I could sneak away from Devon for a weekend and lie about where I was going.

I was scared, what was it going to be like facing the guy who had ruined my life? What was he going to look like? What was I going to say?

How was I going to bring up his dead friend with ease?

I was going to head to the state jail in a bit, visiting hours were starting at 3:00 and he wasn’t expecting me. I didn’t know much going in there, I just knew what I was going for.

Devon was out with Emerson, I felt the twinge of jealousy creep up into my stomach. I rolled my eyes at my stupid heart and grabbed my keys off the desk, heading towards the door.

When I opened it I checked the hall for Devon but found no trace of her, and I bolted to my car.

Another thing that had been occupying my mind was of course, Samantha. I saw her at every turn, and I didn’t know if she was trying to scare me or intimidate me but both were certainly working. She would so happen to walk in the shower room at the same time as me, along with the mornings I would brush my teeth. She would linger around while me and Trevor practiced outside in the quad and when I would go out for a shake with Devon she was there.

What was her deal?

I was hitting the highway, I had an entire thirty minutes until I would drive up into the jail parking lot for visitors.

I didn’t know why I was so scared, maybe it was the fact that it was jail, or because I was actually going to talk to Trenton. He wouldn’t know who I was, and I was going to have to introduce myself, and explain to him why I was here.

Which was an entirely new ordeal.

I tried not to think about it to much, but I failed miserably. The thoughts that were swarming around my head were like annoying honey bees, nothing you did would make them go away.

Then I was finally in the parking lot.

I grabbed my purse, and I decided I would leave it in the car for safety. I grabbed my keys and phone and joined the tiny crowd as we filed in. we walked through metal detectors and I handed them my phone and keys, my heart was pounding loudly inside my chest.

Then we were waiting for the doors to be unlocked, I could see inside it, and there he was, sitting alone at a metallic table in an orange jumpsuit.

And for some reason my heart ached for him. Why? He was the stupid kid that ruined my life, he was the reason Nelson was paralyzed, that Rachel was dead.

So why when I saw him it made me sad?

That sad, sad look on his long face, the blonde crew cut looked so different from the picture I had seen of him in the hospital three months ago. Those heavy blue eyes, he looked so… lonely.

Then the doors were opened.

I filed in with the rest of the people and it took Trenton awhile for me to catch his eye, but when I did… he looked as if he had seen a ghost.

I saw him mouth, “Rachel?”

The pain, the hurt, everything rushing through his mind… it was painful. Then as I became closer I saw his hope and pain fade into depression, and he sat, and I followed his actions.

“Trenton Reed?”

He nodded, seemingly like all hope in the world was lost, “Yea, that’s me. Who are you?”

I replied shakily, “I’m Amanda Phillips.”

His eyes snapped up, and he grimaced, “Why are you here? To criticize me to? Sue me? Join the club!”

The pain and regret was clear in his voice, and out of instinct I took his hand, “I’m here for answers, not to tell you what you did was wrong, Trenton.”

His lonely, blue eyes looked up into mine, and he sighed, “About what?”

“Rachel Kidder,” the name rolled off of my tongue and out my mouth with ease, like I had said it millions of times before.

The pain returned, filling his already sad eyes, “What about her?”

“You were close to her right?”

He nodded, “We were friends for years, best friends.”

“Devon Hall? Ring a bell?”

he hesitated at that name, “Of course I know Devon, her and Rachel were… best friends. How is Devon?”

He was trying to change the subject, Geez what was the big deal between Devon and Rachel that everyone was trying to hide?! “Devon’s… not good. I’m her roommate at FSU, how lucky for both of us.”

He nodded, and for some reason I felt like I had known this kid for years, just like Rachel had… “She took it the worst… besides Rachel’s parents. The funeral… wow, she was a wreck, but her situation was understandable.”

“That’s kind of why I’m here, to figure out why things turned out the way they did.”

He gave me an uneasy look, “What do you mean?”

I sighed, it was obvious, I wanted to know why Rachel and Devon had fought that night. Why had Rachel left with you the night of graduation…

“You know what I mean Trenton, I’m here to find out why Rachel and Devon fought that night, three months ago.”

He leaned back on the back of his chair, he was looking down at his joined fingers and sighed, “I would feel guilty telling you that.”

“So you know.”

He shrugged, “Of course I know, me and Rachel were practically siblings, she told me everything.”

“So what happen that night?”

He shifted in his chair, he was nervous, I could see it, why was he so damn nervous? What was the big frikkin deal?

Why couldn’t someone just tell me the frikkin truth?

He rubbed his face with his hands, he looked beaten up, tired, lost, sad, and a bunch of different emotions. I guess living with the fact that you killed your best friend does that to you. Not only did he ruin me and Nelson’s live, but he took Rachel’s, and I pitied him.

That could really consume someone.

I pressed, “Are you going to tell me or not?”

“I would feel guilty if I did… but I know Rachel would want Devon to get help if she was in need of it… and that’s all I want to do…”

He was majorly guilty, “I want to know to help Devon,” ok sure it was a little lie, but in a way it was true. I couldn’t help her if I didn’t know the situation.

“You’re close to her?”

I nodded, “Very, we’ve clicked instantly.”

“You look just like Rachel, go figure you did.”

“Trenton, answer me, we’re almost out of time…”

He sighed heavily, “If I tell you, you cannot tell Devon I told you, you’ll have to make her tell you herself. Got it? I’m only doing this for Rachel.”

I shuddered at the name Rachel, and then I nodded, “Please tell me.”

He looked at me, and I could see this was hard for him, but he continued, “That night, Rachel confessed something to Devon. I’m sure you know Rachel was a lesbian, but until that night of graduation Devon didn’t know… that Rachel was in love with her. Rachel, Devon’s best friend for four years, had confessed on the night of graduation that she was in love with her. Devon didn’t know how to take it, and then me and Rachel left. I knew for awhile that Rachel loved Devon, and that night, I knew she had been hurt by Devon’s unresponsiveness. So I decided to take her away from the pain. I had drank that night, and I regret it every time I think about it, but you know what happened form there.”

I felt the huge lump in my throat, I wanted to cry, how could I have not seen it!? Rachel, poor, poor Rachel, and Devon… God no telling what trauma they had both went through that night.

So Rachel was in love with Devon, and that was the reason Devon couldn’t get over Rachel.

Because she had no closure.