I was in the dorm alone for awhile, so I decided I would play guitar. It seemed so amazing to me that I had just picked it up out of nowhere, and I had just learned about five songs in the matter of an hour. 

It was miraculous, I didn’t understand how it was possible, but then again when the fuck did anything make sense?

Then I remembered I had a paper to work on, making me depressed within minutes. I put up the guitar and stood it next to my desk, sat and started working on it. 

My mind kept wandering to Devon though, I was wondering where she was at… and I was compelled to call her. Although she was probably mad at me for walking out on her, I found myself missing her. I hated these feelings, then I loved them, then I hated them again. 

It sucked. 

***

It was already 9 at night and Devon had still not returned, and I was starting to get worried. 

So I texted her, “Hey, where you at?”

I waited, and then I printed out my paper, and I felt my phone buzz in my pocket, I felt my heart jump from my chest to my throat. I rushed to get it out and read it, “Emerson took me out… I’ll be home in a few. Why?”

Why? Because I was worried sick about you for some stupid reason. I know I’m not her mom and I have to right to ask her every aspect of her life but I wanted to. 

I responded, “Just got worried, have fun.”

I threw my phone on my bed and headed to the shower, tomorrow I would go to my parents house and have lunch with them. I missed them, but I was scared to see them. What if they realized I looked a hell of a lot different then the last time they saw me a week ago?

Maybe I should just lie, tell them that I died my hair. 

Devon on the other hand, I didn’t know her take on this. On me walking in on her crying and her finally noticing my hair. I didn’t look exactly like Rachel, I knew that, but when Devon looked at me… that’s exactly who she saw. 

She saw Rachel. 

I knew it hurt her, having that thought that she was looking at her dead best friend but when it hit her that it wasn’t…

That’s what really hurt her, and I had walked out completely. 

I had finished showering and had begun to get dressed when the bathroom door creaked open and I fell still. It was quiet except for the footsteps and someone falling into the shower next to me. 

Then they exited after some time, and I don’t know why I was petrified to move so I snapped out of it. 

Then my door suddenly creaked open, exposing a naked, and very sexy, Samantha Summers. 

She was smiling, and she saw my eyes travel to her chest and back up to her big brown eyes. I stuttered, “S-Samantha… what are you-”

Then I was cut off, her naked body pressed against mine, her warm skin, it was so soft. Her tongue invaded my mouth, and I found myself getting lost in the kiss. It was like I wanted to tell her to stop, but then in the back of my head I liked it. 

Her hand ran down my chest, skin again skin, and it was heated. She was lustful, and she was trying to make me get there with her. 

Then her finger was on my sensitive spot, and I couldn’t help but let a slight moan escape. 

She smiled devilishly, “I knew you liked it.”

Then she was inside me, and I let out a gasp from the suddenness and her kisses became hungry. She bit down on my lip, hard enough for a twinge of pain shoot through my lips. 

I was pressed against the shower, her body moving against mine as she invaded me, but I liked it. I liked what she was doing to me… it felt good… then I found myself imagining Devon doing this instead of Samantha. 

But it wasn’t Devon, Amanda, it was Samantha. 

Finally she released me, and was looking at me, “Amanda, come back to my dorm with me.”

I sighed, feeling disgusted with myself, “Samantha… I can’t, we just met, I just…”

Her face fell, she looked down, “You’re sexy Amanda, and I want you. I want you really bad…”

“I don’t know if I want this Samantha…”

“What do you mean?”

I looked down, and I knew she was going to take this the wrong way, but there was only one way to say it. “I don’t know if I want you.”

She nodded, “Then I’ll make you want me.”

Then she was off of me, and in the shower next to me, and I wanted to escape suddenly. 

I dressed and flew back to my room, feeling as if she was chasing me. This girl was crazy… she was going to make me want her? What the actual fuck?

When I closed the door behind me I turned to Devon sitting on her bed reading a book. She looked up, looking straight into my eyes, “Hey.”

There was tension in the room, about last night, and about me walking out on her. She didn’t know how to take me, and she was nervous. I could see it. I didn’t want to tell her about the encounter with Samantha in the shower because if I told her… she would think I was a lesbian. She would hate me, then she would change dorm rooms and I didn’t want that.

She pointed to the guitar, “I didn’t know you played.”

I shrugged, “Just something I caught on to.”

I wasn’t lying, it was true because Trevor was the one that introduced me to the fact that I could actually play. 

I climbed into my bed, and I looked at her, “Wanna tell me what was wrong five hours ago?”

She shrugged, “I was just having one of my moments… you know, thinking about-”

“Rachel?”

She looked at me, “Yea…”

I knew she was uncomfortable talking about it, so I wanted to change the sub, “Want to come with me have lunch with my parents tomorrow?”

She seemed taken back and then her face settled, “Sure.”

***

The next day me and Devon were getting ready for lunch with my parents, I was hoping they wouldn’t mind me bringing her but I didn’t want to leave her here alone. 

Mostly because Emerson would have access to her. 

I spoke, “So what did you and Emerson do yesterday?”

She shrugged, “Went eat, then just hung out at his Frat. Wasn’t anything special really…”

I glanced at her, trying to figure out why she wasn’t giddy with joy. “You like him don’t you?”

“I guess… I just… I have a lot of… internal issues. Depression and such, and I don’t think he would stick around and actually care to hear.”

It hurt hearing that, she thought she had issues. It wasn’t issues though… she was hurting, grieving, losing a best friend was something that was scaring for life. That wasn’t something that should be taken lightly either, it was a lot to get over. 

“Devon, you don’t have issues, you’re grieving. That’s not something that’s not normal…”

She shrugged once more, “I know, it’s just… I don’t like to bother people with my problems.”

Makes sense fro the most part, but I still felt bad. She looked like a happy girl, well, before this shit happened to her of course. She looked worn out, tired, and sad… and the more I thought about it, the more I realized she looked depressed about 90 % of the time. 

I pulled up into my parents drive and I smiled, it felt good to be home after this hectic week.

We got down and immediately my mom was hugging me around my neck, then she stepped back and spoke, “What did you do to your hair?”

“I uh, died it? You don’t like it?”

She smiled, “It looks good honey.”

Devon looked at me in shock, I shrugged, not knowing what else to do. There was no other way to explain why my hair had decided to change colors, there were multiple explanations… just none of them made sense. 

Dinner turned out good, and Devon asked me to take her to the bathroom.

I walked her upstairs, letting her go first and caught myself watching her butt the entire way upstairs. I had laid it on my parents that me and Nelson broke up but leaving out the fact of why. I just told them that he declared he didn’t want to hold me back, we fought, and then we were over. 

I felt a need to grab Devon, I wanted to so bad, I wanted to kiss her. Her full pink lips, her intriguing eyes, her hips…

She was utterly perfect in every way. 

I waited for her and I spoke, “How was lunch?”

She shrugged, “Good, your parents are cool.”

I nodded, ignoring the blunt response, “Ready to go?”

“Sure.”

I could tell my her responses she was still mad at me from last night, and I was tired of the shit not being settled, so I was going to do that right now. “Devon, I’m not gay, stop ignoring me and acting all weird because Samantha kissed me last night.”

She sighed, “It’s not that it freaked me out… I mean it kind of did but, that’s not the point. My best friend was gay Amanda, and I didn’t expect you to be. I mean you had a boyfriend… and lately… the guitar, your hair… your eyes… it’s just all to overwhelming for me in the first week of knowing you.”

I was taken back by her response, and I became angry, “Wait, you think I’m trying to be Rachel?”

She looked down, and that’s all the response I needed. 

“I’m not trying to be your dead best friend, Devon, get over it.”