A couple days passed and I continued to dodge Nelson, but it wasn’t like he was taking initiative to talk to me either. For all I knew he could be with other girls, and I found myself not caring who he was with or if he was hanging out with other girls.

Devon was sitting on her bed writing a paper for one of her classes, “Talked to Nelson?”

It was weird because I was just thinking about him, “Uh no, not yet.”

I had explained my situation to Devon about Nelson, but I left out the fact that I had started to question my love for him because of her. “What you gonna say?”

I shrugged, “Not to sure to be honest.”

She continued to type on her laptop and she glanced up at me, she was wearing glasses. She was adorable. I wanted to squeeze her face and kiss the shit out of her.

I yelled in my head, Dammit stop thinking like that Amanda!

I grabbed some clothes and started toward the door, “I’m going shower.”

She looked at me, I could tell something was on her mind, but I didn’t want to hear it. I was figuring out my own frikkin problems, and being in love with her secretly… it sucked. Bad.

I walked into the bathroom, hanging my clothes on the door and turning on the shower. I began to wash myself, thinking about the same things I had been thinking about for the last couple of days. Nelson was going to want to talk eventually, there was no If’s or But’s about it, but how was he going to approach it?

I finished up in the shower and walked out, brushing my teeth, and then starting on my hair.

Then the door opened.

In walked Samantha, she was smiling, and her eyes found mine eventually. She fell in to the sink next to mine and started brushing her teeth, “Hey.”

I nodded, “Hey, Samantha right?”

She nodded, smiling at her name, “Yes, so you coming by to the social tonight in my room?”

“Sorry me and my roomie weren’t invited.”

She tilted her head, “Well I’m inviting you…”

Hmm, so no Devon huh? What was with this girl? I nodded, “I might come.”

She leaned on the sink, “Why wouldn’t you?”

I shrugged, “I have some homework I gotta work on.”

She turned toward the shower, putting her clothes inside along with her soap and shampoo, “Well, I hope you come. It’ll be fun.”

She began to strip as she let her door close. So she was inviting just me to her little social tonight… no Devon. Was there a reason for that? Did she have something against Devon?

I walked back into the dorm to Devon passed out on her bed, laptop on edge and glasses hanging off her face. I wanted to take a picture of it, but instead I took her glasses and placed them on the night stand. Then I replaced the empty desk with her laptop.

I waited about twenty minutes, it was already 8:30...

Should I go? Samantha looked like the kind of girl that would be pissed if you didn’t take her up on her offer… and the last thing I needed was enemies…

Besides, you could never have to many friends… right?

And Devon wouldn’t take it to heart, would she?

Ahh hell, she was sleeping anyway! I slipped on some jeans and a blouse, not really planning on it being to fancy. I started down the hall and to Samantha’s room.

I didn’t get a good vibe about her, but maybe it was because I didn’t know her. She was cool, I had nothing against her, and she was kind of cute…

Wait.

No, I did NOT just think that Samantha was cute… What the actual fuck? Ok, I knew the feelings for Devon were obviously there and never going away, but now I was thinking other girls besides her were CUTE? Are you kidding me?

No. No, I was NOT turning into a lesbian…

I couldn’t be…

I knocked on the door and Samantha greeted me, bright eyed and excited. She pulled me in, there was music and a couple of girls and guys here, it was nice. She handed me a drink, “Here.”

I took it from her and sipped on it, “So I came.”

She smiled brightly, “Yes, come meet some people…” she walked me over to some of the people that were talking and introduced me, “Guys this is Amanda, this is Harry, Lee, Kali, Nicole, and Grant.”

I waved awkwardly as they told me hey and Samantha pulled me down on the couch, “So how do you like FSU so far?”

I had attended all of my classes for the semester, and I was excited. I loved the classes, and the professors… and I even had a class with Devon. I nodded, “I like it a lot actually… are you a Freshmen to?”

She shook her head, “Sophomore.”

I nodded, “Cool…”

It was becoming awkward by the second and soon enough Samantha interrupted the silence, “So can I ask you something Amanda?”

I looked at her worried, every time someone asked me that I figured it could never be good. I mean they had to ask you to ask you a frikkin question… I looked at her, “Yea?”

She smiled innocently, “Well, are you and Devon together?”

WHAT?

I wanted to scream. Why would she ask that? Me and Devon barely knew each other?! I shook my head, feeling a little overwhelmed, “Um, no? Why would you think that?”

She shrugged, smiling, “I see the way you look at her sometimes… it’s astounding.”

She sees the way I look at her? I didn’t even know I had different ways of looking at her… and when did she watch us together? What the…

“Um, no, we’re definitely not together…”

She tilted her head, and she placed her hand on my knee, and I froze. “Are you a lesbian? Bisexual…?”

I hesitated on the question of being a lesbian… and that was all the answer she needed. “So you’re into girls… cool…”

I shook my head, “Samantha, I don’t think-”

“I could help you figure it out,” she interrupted me, and her hand was now on my upper thigh. I was nervous as hell, I was to petrified to even tell her to remove her hand from me…

“I don’t need to figure anything,” I stopped mid-sentence, realizing I wanted to go back to my dorm. “I have to get some sleep,” I stood, and Samantha stood with me.

“I’ll walk you to your dorm,” Ok, this girl was freaking me out, but then again she was obviously into me. I didn’t want to be involved with her… even if I did think she was cute. I didn’t protest against her and I let her follow me out of the room.

I turned, “Bye guys!”

They repeated me and I exited the room with Samantha, we walked awkwardly down the hall, “Listen, I didn’t mean to offend you… I jut find you interesting.”

I turned to her to thank her for inviting me, even though it was short lived. And then all of a sudden her lips were on mine, her body pressing me against the wall. At first I enjoyed the kiss, because she was a good kisser, but then I realized it was a girl…

I pulled away, shocked, “Um… Samantha…”

She put her finger on her red lips, “Think about it?”

Think about what?

I nodded, walking into the room, stripping and climbing into bed. What the fuck just happened…? Did Samantha really just kiss me? Like I mean she kissed the shit out of me, and I almost liked it. She was dominant, it was obvious, and she was interested in me.

She thought I was gay.

Then again maybe I was, I mean I did like Devon, and I did think Samantha was kinda cute. I didn’t really know either one of them but… the feelings were obviously there.

I didn’t want to be gay! Why now?! Why two weeks ago I was completely fine? Not one hint of homo inside me… but now… that was all changed.

What the fuck was happening to me?

My likes were changing, my sexuality, my everything… it was like I was someone else!

But I was still Amanda, I still had a mom and a dad and a little brother. A best friend, Hali, and a boyfriend, Nelson, that I loved… right?

Wrong.

I didn’t love him, not as much as I used to anyway… but that was because of the wreck tearing us apart. Wasn’t it? And half the time I would forget about Hali… and that she was coming in tomorrow. And I would blank out on my mom’s name, or when Emert’s birthday was…

I was losing who I was… and I didn’t know why.