Watching her out there on the dance floor, I was longing for her… I needed her, I needed her to know… She needed to know the truth.

You’ve loved her for four years, don’t you think it’s time you tell her? She’s your best friend…

Yea, I know that already… but I might get a no…

The answer will always be no if you never ask… besides, what have you got to lose?

Right, I was going to Julliard, it was amazing getting a scholarship there for my guitar… my whole life was ahead of me… right?

I stared at Devon Hall, my best friend for four years, the girl I’ve been in love with. We had this summer, then I would most likely never even see her, I would be up north in New York and she would be down here attending Florida State University…

Without me.

Her blonde waves bouncing off her shoulders as she moved to the music, then her eyes caught mine, and she smiled a million dollar smile. She ran over to me, grabbing my hands, “Why aren’t you dancing?! C’mon!”

She pulled me up, the electricity flowing through my hands where she was grabbing me.

How could she not feel that to?

She pulled me closer, dancing next to me but I was in a trance, she was so beautiful… I wanted to kiss her. I needed to tell her the truth, now, no more holding back. It was now or never, do or die, and I tried to pump myself up with a pep talk.

I pulled her into me, smelling her cinnamon gum and vanilla body wash, I smiled, “I need to tell you something…”

She looked at me, as if she read my mind, but I knew she had no idea… I had made it so obscure for her to see. I was already an outed lesbian, she knew that much, but she had no idea I was in love with her.

I pulled her outside into the summer night air, feeling the humidity wrapping around us like a curtain. Suddenly it became hard to breathe, it was all coming down to this final moment. I needed to spill, I wanted to tell her, I needed to…

It was a must now.

She tilted her head, “You ok Rachel?”

I nodded, snapping out of my thoughts at the sound of my name, I stuttered, “I-I, uh yea… I’m fine. I just… there’s something you need to know before I leave for Julliard.”

She was still bobbing to the music that was coming from inside, though it was faint. She was in a happy mood, totally oblivious to the life altering sentence I was about to tell her. Everything was about to become really amazing… or horrid, and it was scaring me.

Bad.

I swallowed hard, “Devon… I-I uh…”

She grabbed my arm, sending my heart to my throat, then down to my stomach, “You ok? Why are you so nervous?”

God she was so naïve, and I felt bad all of a sudden, did I want to ruin this relationship we had? This perfect, trusted relationship between us?

“The answer will always be no if you never ask…”

Just say it Rachel, stop being a baby, she needs to know. Now.

Suddenly I blurted, “Devon I’m in love with you.”

There was no time to sugar coat it, no time to explain myself. Everything happened in fast motion from then on, and as I watched tears fall from Devon’s lightning blue eyes… I knew it wasn’t going to be a happy ending for me.

She dropped her cup, backing away from me step by step. “Rachel… why…?”

I was squeezing my arm tightly, I hadn’t noticed until now, and I realized I had broke skin. I tore my arms apart, holding them out to her, pleading for her to run into them. “Devon… please… don’t hate me, it’s not my fault…”

Her arms were now wrapped tightly around her chest, as if she was trying to hold herself together. She was upset, hurt, betrayed, invaded… and it was all my fault. She whispered, “For how long…?”

Now I just wanted to run away, she looked completely disgusted with me, and it broke my heart. She hated me, I was nothing to her anymore, and now I didn’t want to tell her how long I’ve been in love with her. She would say, Four years? You’re sick Rachel, then walk away from me.

Forever.

I sighed, “Awhile…”

It seemed to be the only logical answer at the time, and as I searched Devon’s eyes that were to disgusted to even look up from her sneakers, I felt my heart break.

I turned, running through the yard and turning a corner, running into a hard body. I looked up, feeling tears sting my eyes as my close friend, Trenton, steadied me. He tilted his head, those glossy brown eyes searching mine for answers, but he knew not to ask for them now, “C’mon, let’s get out of here.”

I climbed into his truck, it was silent for awhile, and I periodically checked my phone, waiting for a call or text from Devon.

I never received any.

Trenton’s hand found my knee, I looked up, “You told her didn’t you?”

I nodded, to afraid to speak, I didn’t want to cry anymore then I already have. Especially not in front of Trenton, but I guessed he would understand if I did. He was the only one who actually knew about my feelings for Devon, for years now, and he never judged me once for it.

I looked up, staring at the black pavement, trying to count the yellow lines that would pass, but we were going to fast.

The car was now having trouble staying off the center line, and I looked up. Trenton’s eyes were blood shot, he was rubbing them, as if trying to stay awake.

I spoke softly, Trenton tearing his eyes from the road for a split second, “Trenton? Have you been-”

Then I felt white pain, cutting me off from my sentence. I couldn’t breathe, my head was throbbing, and I heard a loud snap as I felt my body slice through the windshield.

The pain I had experienced was unbearable, I was unable to put it into words for that split second but it was over just as soon as it had happened.

Quicker then a blink of an eye.

Then I was in a white room, well, a room is what I called it. It seemed to have no beginning or end, and the peace I felt… I had never been so peaceful. I never wanted to leave this place. No memory I had from my life flashed before me, except for the one of me and Devon.

I was leaving her behind…

I felt a tear roll down my cheek, I whispered, “Devon I’m so sorry…”

The last thing I saw of her was her disgusted face, and now I was fucking dead, not even able to see her again.

Then there I was, just as fast as I had thought it, I was looking at Devon, she was sitting with one of her friends. She looked distraught, upset, but she didn’t look heartbroken at all… Did she even care that I had died?

Then her phone rang, she looked at the caller ID, I gasped, but heard nothing…

Devon stared at the phone as if trying to understand why my mom would be calling, but I knew why… Devon’s voice answered, “H-Hello?”

Oh God… help her…

Then she broke, dropping her phone into the wet grass, curling up as if she was being torn apart from the inside out. She screamed out in agony, but it was a gasp for air, as if she couldn’t breathe. I felt the pain in my heart, I whispered, “Devon…”

She was crying, holding onto her friend for dear life, as if that was able to comfort her.

I

should be the one comforting her… but I was the reason she was like this.

I was dead. Gone. Never coming back.

I was staring at Trenton, his head was resting on the steering wheel, he looked like hell. Blood dripping down his face, it wasn’t even a face anymore to be honest… I tried to touch him but my hand just went right through him… he wasn’t’ dead though…

He was still alive!

There was another car, I was looking at the two passengers in it, they were a bloody mess as well. The boy… he looked familiar but didn’t at the same time, they must’ve been from different schools…

The boys back… there was something off about it… it just wasn’t…right. Crooked of some sort maybe…? He was bloody to, not as bloody as Trenton though…

Then there was a girl, and I knew her, that was the bad part about this.

Her name was Amanda Phillips, I had met her at a bonfire I went to with Devon… she was holding hands with the boy…

Oh God they were a couple.

I cursed, “Fuck! No!”

What if they were dead? Trenton was still alive… he was going to jail for this… I was dead, he was going to have to live with that for the rest of his life… this couple… I wanted to cry.

Then I was back in the white room, I yelled, “NO! I don’t want to leave yet! I don’t want to die! Please! It’s not fair! I’m so young!”

“You want to stay is what you’re saying?”

Who the hell was talking? I looked around but saw nothing, so I guessed God, “Yes, I want to stay… please… I don’t want to leave my family… Devon… I can’t…”

“You cannot go back Rachel… your body cannot repair from the damage it has gone through… There is only one way you can go back to Earth…”

“How?! I want to… please… I want my life back…”

“You cannot have your life back Rachel, it is impossible… if you go back, you will not be guaranteed to remember anything of being Rachel… you will have a new identity, but you will not remember. You might never remember your old life, you will be put into someone else’s life… only having knowledge of that who you have been placed inside…”

So I was going to go into someone else’s body? My soul would survive, only to not remember who I really am?

“You will be Amanda Phillips, and you will only know of her, you will only know that life. You will not remember the memories of Rachel’s past life, nothing will be the same…”

I was no longer Rachel, and I wasn’t Amanda yet… so who was I? Was I an angel?

I was looking at myself, my reddish brown hair, my hazel eyes with flecks of brown hidden in the green. I even had a line of light freckles over the bridge of my nose… I would no longer look like this? What would I be like? Would it even work? What if I didn’t love Devon anymore?

Wait, that’s not what I wanted… “Wait!”

But it was to late, and I was hurdling through a vortex or black and white, and then I slammed down into what felt like concrete.

My mind was blank for a second, not even that long, absolutely nothing was inside my head.

Then my eyes opened.