I know that things are broken

And though there's too many words left unsaid

You say you have spoken

Like the coward I am I hang my head

But please don't cry, you liar

I woke up and immediately put my fingers to my lips as a smile came over them.

Jace and I kissed.

Feeling giddy, I got out of bed and made my way to the bathroom to freshen up. The girls had woken me up when they had left but I had gone right back to sleep as it was too early. Jace wouldn't have been up at that time anyway, since we had returned so late to our rooms last night.

I giggled unattractively, thinking about what had happened and what was to happen. I have to look good today. I stopped suddenly when I realized... does this mean Jace and I are dating?

I continued my train of thought inside the bathroom as I brushed my teeth.

Is he my boyfriend now?

I looked at myself in the mirror. So you finally have a boyfriend now, huh Jessie?

I felt a pang in my chest. No, not Jessie. Jace likes Allyn.

I sighed as I got into the shower.

Whatever. We kissed. And the butterflies in my stomach returned.

Today was the last performance before ours and everyone was pretty nervous. The restaurant in the huge hotel responsible for breakfast was full of students and they were serving a buffet. My eyes immediately searched for Jace as soon as I entered but he was nowhere to be seen.

Where is he? I thought as I bit my lip. I shrugged. Oh well, I'm gonna see him soon anyway. I quickly gobbled down the breakfast and realized that I hadn't seen Ashley anywhere either. Weird. Where is everyone I know? Just then...

'Allyn! There you are!' Mrs. C's voice called out and I snapped my head towards her approaching figure. 'Good morning, dear!' I gave her a smile and a wave as she came over to the table I had occupied.

'Oh goodness, Allyn! I can't believe we're finally here!' the smile on her face was huge but I noticed her shaky behaviour and slightly higher pitched voice. She was nervous. I grinned. She's worked hard for tomorrow. 'Me neither, Mrs. C,' I put my hand over her shaking one for a few seconds before taking it back, trying to comfort her. 'Tomorrow is going to be awesome! Everything is ready, isn't it?' I asked, trying to calm her a bit. She nodded enthusiastically 'It better go well! We've all worked hard enough to win!'

We talked a bit about tomorrow and I managed to ask about Jace. She said that she hadn't seen him the entire morning, which made me worry.

"Where is that human boy?" I thought as I walked around the hotel corridors, looking for him. Then a thought occurred to me that made me freeze.

Did he leave... again?

My heartbeat quickened and I took a deep breath.

Is he going to disappear again?

'No! I will find him!' I told myself before I began running through the hotel, trying to find his scent. I was so bent on finding Jace's smell, that I didn't realize another familiar scent mixed in the air near me; the scent of my Alpha.

My footsteps sounded on the carpeted floor of the corridors of the hotel.

I can't let him disappear again.

My breathing had quickened, not because of me running, but because of the very thought of not seeing Jace again.

I had just got him back!

Just as I rounded a corner, I slowed my steps as I saw the one I was looking for. A smile lit up my face as I watched Jace. He was standing by a window, looking out at the view.

I knew he hadn't left.

My feet began moving again but my eyes stayed fixed on Jace's back.

My boyfriend is so handsome. I thought, feeling my ears burn slightly as I walked towards him.

I wonder why he likes looking out windows so much. Even in class, he's always looking out.

He didn't move as I reached him. I rested my hands on the window sill and looked outside. I felt a surge of happiness in my chest. This is the same view of yesterday, but now the town lights weren't glowing golden anymore. We didn't make a sound as we observed the scenery. After a few seconds, I looked at Jace instead and tried to memorize every feature of the side of his face. I wonder if I'm allowed to freely stare at him now.

My thoughts wondered as I watched the boy next to me. Something had changed now... the way his straight nose had become slightly more defined since he was 13, the way his jawline made me want to lean out and trail kisses up it, the way I wanted to run my hands through his hair and... and... I blushed.

I'm allowed to have these thoughts now right? I mean, Jace likes me too, right? So that means I can reach out right now and- a sharp pain shot through my chest and I gasped the same time Jace spoke up.

'You... you lied again.'

The pain in my chest was ignored as I widened my eyes at Jace's words.

'W-what are you saying?' Is he talking about me being Jessie?

He suddenly turned towards me and I was surprised by the look in his eyes. 'Are you saying that you don't know?'

His eyes... this was the first time I was seeing them like this. I felt another pang in my chest but this one was different. This was a feeling of guilt and hurt and sadness all together. This was because in Jace's eyes, there was an emotion that I never want to see. He looked at me as if I had betrayed him.

I'll... I'll tell him. I'll tell him everything if it means I don't have to see this look again.

'Jace I-' 'Why did you do it?' he asked before I could get a sentence out. 'Why did you... you were with... ' Jace groaned as he put his hand to his face and rubbed his eyes.

'Do you know anything?'

Something about the way he said those words made tears form in my eyes. What is happening? Why is he saying this? I unconsciously rested a hand on my chest, where there was a physical and mental pain. Why does all this hurt so much?

Jace scoffed as my vision blurred.

'I've been played, huh.'

He stood there for a few moments. I breathed in, trying to control my emotions.

I'm going to tell him.

'Jace, I-' 'Why did you come with me last night?' Huh?

'Jace-' I tried but he grabbed my shoulder, not rough enough to hurt, but the gesture felt cold, bringing the tears I wanted to hold back. I couldn't see the expression on his face with my eyes welled up but...

'You're with Grey, aren't you?' What?

I stayed silent in shock. Is this what it's about?

'You're dating Grey, aren't you? Why did you... why did you let me kiss you last night?' he asked, his grip on my shoulder tightening and then loosening. He thinks I'm dating Grey? He thinks I cheated on him... I have to tell him! Seeing my expression, his softened and he sighed. His fingers left my shoulder and slid down my arm, back to his side and he took a step back. A sudden pain flowed through my body again but I didn't make a sound. I have to tell him...

He took another step back and I tried putting my hand up to stop him. No Jace, it's not what you think.

Huh? I tried to put my hand up. Why isn't it moving? I tried again. My hand stayed where it was, right by my side, not moving an inch. What's happening? I felt panic grow inside me. Why can't I move? I tried moving my feet, my other hand and tried speaking, telling Jace not to go.

I couldn't move.

Dark spots appeared in my vision, blurring out Jace's beautiful face even more. He looked heartbroken. Why can't I move? Why can't I tell him?

Then I remembered.

The day we left for Gateout, right before getting onto the bus, Grey had called me through the mindlink. He'd told me to meet him in an empty classroom. Trusting Grey, I had gone there, trying not to think about what he had said before.

When I got there, he was standing by the teacher's table.

'Jessie...' He'd called out to me.

He told me about how after I return from the trip, we'd have to toughen up the practice sessions for the pack. I had to change from teaching the kids to coaching the 17 to 22 year olds. He told me to make sure no one finds out about me being Jessie as well. He told me to do well and take care of myself.

Right as I hugged him goodbye and turned around to leave, he held my hand and pulled me back. 'Jessie...' he said my name, looking into my eyes. 'Please don't tell anyone about us.'

I raised an eyebrow, not understanding what he meant.

'Don't tell anyone that we're not really dating. If they find out I lied, it would give us a bad reputation.' I broke eye contact after he said that, my ears turning red. I looked back into his blue eyes.

'Yes, Alpha,' I nodded.

T-the alpha tone! Grey had used the Alpha tone and I had agreed!

'You...' Jace's voice was shaky. 'You're not going to say anything?' I couldn't move at all.

Jace stood there for a few more seconds, waiting for me to deny it. Waiting for me to tell him that he was right to take me to the cliff last night, he was right to kiss me. He was not wrong for liking me.

A deep pain pierced through my chest, shaking my thoughts again. I don't think my expression changed. I was paralyzed.

I watched as Jace turned around, giving me a last red eyed look. He began walking away.

The panic in my chest tripled. No... No! He's going away! He's going to leave again!

Grey is my Alpha, and that is why the tone worked on me. I respect him as my alpha, that makes the power of the tone much stronger but... I can't! I can't let Jace get away again!

I breathed in shaky breaths. Jace was getting farther away. I have to hurry!

I began forming the words in my mind. I have to get this out to him!

Jace, that's not true!

I began repeating the sentence in my mind.

Jace that's not true!

I felt my tears rolling down my cheeks.

Jace... wait!

I watched as Jace turned the corner and disappeared from my sight.

I stood there for a few moments, the same expression on my face. And then I broke.

I fell down on the carpeted floor, clutching my chest, the part where it hurt and sobbing. I felt dizzy, uncomfortable, hurt, sad and angry at the same time. Why did this happen?

I don't know how long I stayed there, in the corridor. I picked myself up after some time and struggled towards my room. I locked the door, entered the bathroom, got into the tub and cried.

I cried my heart out, feeling again like the helpless little girl I was before I ran away; before I joined the Praelia pack and changed to be who I am now: a strong person who can take care of herself.

I realized that Jace was the only one who liked me as who I used to be and who I am now.

And I lied to him countless times like this, betrayed him, hurt him.

Pathetic.

It would have been better if he hadn't come back to this town. Why did he have to come back? No, it would have been better if we had never met!

Another sharp pain went through my chest and I clutched it tighter. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I gasped out, grabbing my shirt and pulling it with hands that felt weaker than ever before. If I hadn't met him, I wouldn't be crying like this! I wouldn't be hurting like this!

I tore through my shirt just as the pain became unbearable and everything blacked out.

*********

I watched as Jace went into the water. 'Jace, careful! Do you even know how to swim?' I laughed as he did a show of removing his shirt. I tried to hide how nervous I was feeling at seeing him shirtless. 'Of course I do! Do you not?' he asked, his speech formal and short as always. He spoke differently from any other boy I had known.

'Yes I do! In fact, I was in my school's swimming team two years ago,' I said, proudly holding my head up high and crossing my arms, as if saying "Hah! Beat that!"

'What? Your school had a swimming team for eight year olds?' he asked, diverting his attention from the water to me.

'Hey, I am twelve now so I was ten back then; not eight!' I said, glaring at him. I knew he was good in math, he doesn't have to pretend he doesn't know my age.

He laughed as he got out of the water, walking towards me. I immediately grew alert. 'Oh no...' I said out loud, and Jace's mischievous expression that I loved so much but was nervous of at the same time appeared. 'No, don't-!' I barely got my words out as Jace pinched my cheeks with his wet hands. 'Noooooo!' was all I managed to get out before he wiped his hands all over my face. I couldn't even run, because I... I simply didn't want to.

Jace always managed to make me happy after my pack ever did anything to me. I never had to tell him when we meet up about what they had done to me. One look at my face, and he'd just grab my hand; gently because he knew I could be hurt. Then he'd take me to the little number of places we could go to, our own little hideouts and I'd be laughing with him in no time.

After wiping his hands on my face, he convinced me that I was already "almost soaked" and that I could now get into the water without worrying about my clothes. I would agree, usually requiring very little convincing from his side. After playing around in the water a bit, we both got out and Jace gave me his hoodie while he wore only the shirt he was wearing before. He told me not to worry about him as people like him never caught colds and I remember pestering him to take it back anyway.

'I told you, I don't need it!' he said for the nth time but I was not buying it.

'Of course you do! You're only thirteen! Mama said that boys your age need to be more careful about everything!' I argued back, already unzipping the hoodie.

'What...? But boys my age are more capable...' then he realized something. 'Oh, Jessie... I don't think Mama Ebony was talking about catching colds...'

'Are you stupid?' I asked stupidly, not getting it at all. 'What else could she be talking about? Just take this already!' Right as I was about to get my hand out of the sleeves, Jace grabbed my shoulders and sighed. 'You're too young to understand,' he said, acting wise as he joined the zipper of the hoodie.

H-he's so close. I felt myself turning red. 'Silly, you're only one year older than me,' I said, stubborn as always.

Jace gave me a smile. 'A lot can happen in a year, you know?' he said. Oh, there he goes... being all dramatic.

I glared at him. 'Well, she's my Mama, I wanna know what she meant,' I looked at him in the eye, my cheeks slightly puffed.

'Oh?' Jace raised his eyebrow. 'Are you sure you wanna know?'

I nodded my head, feeling a sense of déjà vu. I had a feeling... I knew what was gonna happen. Jace only ever gave me that look when...

'Then I'll show you.'

He kissed me.

My chest hurt. I groaned. It hurt to move.

'Allyn?'

My eyes slowly opened and immediately watered, adjusting to the brightness.

Mmm? Where am I...? Oh...

I remembered. I was in the bathtub of my hotel room.

'Allyn? Are you in there?' a voice called out from outside the door.

I tried to stretch but it felt like every muscle was hurting. My chest... I looked down at myself. There was a tear in my shirt. It's ruined now.

'Allyn?' the person was now knocking the door.

Bang bang bang!

I winced. So loud...

I tried standing up, having to hold on to the curtain for help.

I heard the person sigh from the other side. 'I give up,' she said. I finally recognized the voice to be of one of the girls sharing my room. 'We'll have to use another room's bathroom for your make up. She's not answering here,' I heard an annoyed huff and three pairs of footsteps walked out the room. They slammed the door of the room shut, as if showing how irritated they were by me. I felt relief at their absence.

I scrambled towards the door. The pain in my chest had lessened a bit but it still... burned. I used the wash basin as a support to stand and removed my bra. It felt better but barely. I put my hand on the doorknob, making sure no one was in the other side and that the room was empty. As I turned the knob, I looked at myself in the mirror.

A gasp was all I could manage.

Right there, at the centre of my chest, was a black mark.

After staring at it for a few moments, I put my fingers on it, through the tear in my shirt.

My skin didn't feel any different in the area where it was... but there it was, plain black, a shape of some sort of flower.

I don't know how long I stood, just standing there in the bathroom, staring at the reflection in front of me.