So when i lost my virginity i didn't really lose it but that's what he told everyone . everyone knew in his class. he was a year older so all the older guys in his grade tried sleeping with me next. they all would say they liked me but then an hour later would ask for nudes. now at this time i only sent nudes to two boys in my grade. both names started with the letter "n" even though i was known as a slut in the grade above most of the people around me didn't know anything. beside some of the girls. they were horrible.

my obsession with touching myself began when i was very young. i think because when i was little my babysitter had a daughter who would touch me. and i remember this little boy i use to do things with but at the time we knew they were wrong but they felt good. it's weird though because he was my spider man. i'll always remember him.

this girl was a teenager and she is the reason i think i'm like this. i have the need to feel good. i mean who doesn't ? but at that young of an age? i suppose i should have told but she made me promise not to. i have a problem. you know today i went to see a therapist but my mom was in the room for this time and they asked me a series of questions and it was so weird. i couldn't answer truthfully so i lied about a lot of it. they shouldn't be able to do that. you'll never know the truth. but i mean it's cool. i personally think that this therapy is going to help. but any way back to the story.

not much really happened between me and my first after that. i finally had actual sex and let him in me fully no matter the pain. i snuck out to see him all the time but i take that back about you always remember your first and not your second. now i didn't have sex with this boy but he was my first doing things with an older guy. he was 19 and i was still 13. it was right after i lost my virginity. this boy was a family friend. he was staying at my uncles for the summer and so was i. now no one thought it was weird for a 19 year old male and a 13 year old female to be sleeping in the same room on the same couch. i mean the couch was huge and it wrapped around the room so we didn't sleep all the way by each other but still. they must of known there was some temptation there.

me and my family went on vacation and this boy stayed there to watch my uncles dogs. we texted the whole time on vacation and the day before we left i expressed to him my feelings and he said he knew already but that i was too young. but that wouldn't stop me. the family and other family friends would joke and say i'm legal in a few years. my aunt would always make jokes about me liking him and i would act like i didn't but i knew i did.

a week later we came home from vacation and my uncle was having a party. all of his friends were there and everyone was drinking, except me of course. after a couple of hours everyone went home and me and zach were left down stairs in the basement, where we slept and my uncle and aunt were upstairs in their bedroom.

i ended up taking his phone from him as a joke and he followed me around until i gave it back. we were in the laundry room and i was sitting on the counter. he got between my legs and still tried to get his phone and i didn't have it any more i hid it. when he got closer to me i grabbed his face and kissed him.

at first he told me no and said he couldn't but i kept trying and finally he gave in. he kissed me back . he kissed my neck and it felt so amazing. he was touching every where but i wanted him to touch somewhere else. i wanted him to know every part of me. his hands began to go down and my heart was racing. i was dripping for this boy. sweet, sweet honey dripped from his finger tips. they felt so good on me. his large hands playing me like a guitar.. strumming every chord as if i was the last guitar he was going to ever touch. i ran my fingers through his hair and we kissed more and more. it was so perfect. he didn't let me go and he held on to me tight. i felt so safe . finally he really started to touch me. i slid his fingers down to let him know it was okay.

he moved my shorts to the side and slowly pushed one finger inside. my body instantly shut down. my legs went weak and my mind went blank. i was lost by his touch.

"you're so beautiful" he whispered. i will never forget that. forget him. now we didn't have sex but he's a very important person to this story. now for the rest of summer and for every night we stayed together we did things. we snuck and around and it was so fun. he made me cum over and over again. i was so vulnerable with him. he's never have sex with me, saying something about me being too tight. he'd thought he would hurt me but i wanted it. i wanted every part of him...but this all ended after a month when my mother found out. she went through my messages and then my phone and found out that i was sending pictures to older men and that i had sex. she found out all the times i snuck my first in and how many bad things he did to me. she cried and i shut down. i acted as if i didn't care.

i was grounded for months. no phone, no anything. she'd give me a little bit of trust and i'd betray her. one night, she gave me some freedom and let a friend stay the night and we invited over my new neighbor. we played a little truth and dare and one of the dares was to go in a dark room and melt an ice cube with out using our hands. i got the ice cube and we went into the bathroom. we started to melt it and then we kissed and he sat me on the dryer and pushed my panties to the side and put his bare penis in me. the first time i had sex with out a condom. he hurt at first but eventually it felt good. we both released heavy moans we were both holding in.

he went in slowly and panted every time, moaning "you're so tight" i loved being told this. knowing what i did to boys. before he came he whispered "we should let her join" i was scared but i agreed to it. so we all went up to my room and got on the bed and me and this girl started to kiss and touch while he rubbed himself. then we began to take off each other's clothes and what was to happen next was very weird being my second time having sex.