i remember when i realized he didn't really care was when he let my best friend blow him in my bedroom. all i could hear were his moans, the same moans that he promised only i had the pleasure of hearing. the same moans that kept me going and were once my favorite sound. but that same night i gave him a hand job because he made me think it was okay what just happened . what he just did behind that closed door. with my best friend. i mean screw her because girls are horrible but this boy. the only boy i've ever trusted with my body at the time.

he led me up those stairs and laid me down and began to play me. it's crazy how i let this boy treat me. i did anything to please him. i look back and i can't believe how i let this happen but the horrible thing is i let it happen many more times after that. and i mean he was always gentle, as gentle as he could be with him hands.

i remember what he tasted like, herbal tea and it's weird because for a while i couldn't get that taste to go away. i began to touch him, not daring to put my mouth on the same place that my best friend just had. he looked me in the Eyes as he started to pull at my clothes. he began to kiss me and pear into my soul. he knew what he was doing. he knew what to say to get what he wanted.. i quickly forgot what he had just done. i quickly forgot how much he had just hurt me. his warm skin touching mine. my nails scrapping at his back as he kissed my collarbone and sucked. he was now hard and panting.

he began to rub himself against me and that made me knees go weak. i felt so good in that moment. and in that moment he was the most purest love i had ever felt. but i've grown to realize that wasn't love either.

both of our hearts beating as if they were trying to get out and hug one another but they were beating hard for different reasons. mine was beating hard because this is the closest i've ever been to a boy. his because he was excited to be exploring new territory, after a few pumps he came on my stomach. and i was so shocked but seeing him vulnerable like that. to be exposed to having him in that position. this was when i realized us women really have the world at our feet. he was breathing hard above me and kept looking at me with those eyes.

that was the first time i had ever made a boy cum. he was so warm and watching him fidget and melt awoke something in me. it awoke my need to get off on giving someone pleasure but not enough to cum... teasing is what it's called.

now this boy, this sweet, sweet boy promised me so much and when those promises were broken i still went back for more. isn't it funny how us women will do anything to please the men we love, or we think we love? we are so strong and we do everything we can to be a woman. we take all of their hurt and hold it on our backs, we lie down with them and let them use our bodies and as place to plant themselves and bloom. once they do bloom, they become so beautiful you can't help to love them. even after they take the roots that have grown inside of you and taken over your entire body, and they rip them out. They will leave a few just so they can always be apart of you. But we never ask for anything in return besides loyalty and some love, but thats not always what we get back.