Dear diary/dad,

It's my time now..

I've just lost you to a disease which is killing people all over the world, never thought that I, myself, would battle with the same disease and I never thought I would lose someone so close to me due to cancer.

I've been acting like the old jerk again dad. Hung out with my old friends, picked up girls whenever I could and dumped all of my good friends. I wasn't able to push Safia away, so I made sure she hated me and would drop me without hesitation.

And that's what she did...

I mean, why wouldn't she? I kissed her, ignored her for weeks and moved on with someone else.

This was the only way to forget about the cancer and about Safia. This was the only way I could live for maybe a few months without people treating me like a walking human that was about to die at any moment.

Sometimes I wish I could just go up to her and tell her everything. But I'm not ruining her life because I have these feelings.

These feelings are just a phase which I'm sure I'll get past.

Even though my grades are a nightmare and nobody could understand what happened to me, I was still holding on to Islam.. I was reading the Quran as much as possible, which, I felt, was the only thing that was keeping me above water.

Life is throwing surprises at us everyday, and sometimes we do stuff we, ourselves, don't understand.

Sometimes it's better not to think about some things otherwise those thoughts would kill the only thing that was keeping us alive.

Anyway, maybe we'll meet soon dad..

Love Brody.

I promised myself to keep a diary until the day I wouldn't be able to write anymore, not as a memory which I could look back at later, but as a method to write everything out before it drives me crazy. I don't have really anyone to talk to as I pushed everyone away. And it's not like I could look back at a memory if I'm not alive anymore..

Okay no! I'm not thinking about this stuff anymore.

I threw my diary under my bed so nobody could find it and picked up my jacket and my wallet. Before I left my room I took a quick look around and saw the Quran laying on my desk, I shook my head, went downstairs and closed the front door behind me.

"And where are we going mister? It's almost 7pm." My mom asked when she just pulled on the drive-way.

"Out with some friends. And mom," I said turning back to face her, "don't wait up." I finished and drove off like a maniac.

Let's erase these thoughts for a few hours shall we.

Some friends invited me to a party a few blocks from where I lived. Of course I accepted the invitation, how couldn't I.

I arrived at the party and I immediately saw my friends standing in the middle of the room doing beerpong, of course..

I didn't drink any alcohol anymore, the one thing I promised myself not to do.

"Hey bro c'mon" I heard a friend shout towards me.

As soon as I wanted to join them, my phone went off.

I had a message, a message from Safia. why was she texting me? After our last fight 2 weeks ago, I didn't thought that she would actually text or talk to me ever again.

"We need to talk ASAP!" That's what the text said. Why does she wanna talk to me as soon as possible? Was something wrong? Did she figure out what was wrong with me?

After I wanted to turn my phone off and join my friends, she texted me again.

"I swear to God, if you're not at the park in 20 minutes, I will find and kill you."

It's funny that she actually knew that I wasn't going to respond.. she knew me too well. That thought made a smile appear on my face, she could easily make me happy, I only wish it was from both sides.

"Hey, are you coming or what?" Another friend of mine asked.

"Euhm yeah duh." I said and turned my phone off. Safia needs to move on instead of trying to change me to someone I don't wanna be anymore.

"Wallahi I'm going to kill him!" I said annoyed. I knew now what he was doing the entire time.

"I'm so sorry Safia I..I..."

"YOU! Don't say a word!" And with that I left.

I didn't expected one of my friends to keep something this important from me, how could he.. It's a freaking...

"Safia, where are you going?" Amina asked when she saw me leaving.

"I'm going to find that stubborn jerk." I said and left.

*2 weeks earlier*

"You're grounded Safia! How could you leave the house at that time of the day, where were you anyway?" My mom asked when she arrived home.

Amin totally snitched on me, dork.

"Thanks snitcher." I said when I turned to Amin who was standing behind me with a smirk on his face, he was happy that I got in trouble.

"You're welcome." He responded and left to his room.

I hate him so bad at this moment.

If they only knew where I was and what I... I mean what he did, I think my funeral would be sooner then expected.

"Go to your room if you're not going tell me the whole story." My mom said and turned her back on me. She was disappointed in me and it actually hurt me to see her this mad and hurt.

I love her, I just can't say anything.

It would only make things worse.

The next day I went to school like a normal day, but something was different. there was a different vibe around me, I couldn't spot Brody nor Malik.

Amina was sick, so she wasn't coming to school today..

I was shocked when I saw Brody arrive at school, he was with his 'old' friends and a few girls were with him also.. they were probably his friends' girlfriends but still... what was he doing with them?

We made eye contact for a few seconds until he broke it by looking at a girl he swung his arm around. He looked back at me and gave me this look, you know the look when someone tries to make you jealous. Well that was not the only look he gave me, it was like he was looking down on me. As if he didn't know me or thought that I was someone not on his level, do you know what I mean? Anyway, it hurt and I didn't understand why he suddenly acted this way.

But I'm a tough girl, I can take it. I'll just ask what his problem is, maybe his eyes aren't connected to his brain anymore. (lol)

"Brody, can I talk to you for a second?" I asked politely.

The girl Brody had his arm around looked at me from head to toe, which, If you knew me, I didn't liked at all.

"Do you like my shoes? Thank you." I said and grabbed Brody's hand and pulled him outside.

"What do you want?" Brody asked releasing his hand from mine. Well, that was the only time he didn't wanted any physical contact with me. Weird.

"What do I want?" I said annoyed. "What I want is an explanation for your behavior last night."

"An explanation for what? The kiss?" He responded with a smirk.

"Yeah and keep it down will you." I said widening my eyes.

"It was good, but you're not my type though so... I'll see you in class love." He said and took off.

Is he actually serious?

"Oh no no no." I shouted whilst jumping in front of him again.

"You're... what happened to you overnight?" I asked slightly worried and angry. He better has a right answer for this question or wallahi I will go crazy on him.

"I'll tell you one thing Safia, I want you to stay out of my life. Letting you in my life was one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made". He shouted back "Now move!" and he pushed me out of his way.

~~~~

~Edited by R3Hijabi ~