I was walking with everything that happened earlier on my mind. I still couldn't believe that Brody actually kissed me out of nowhere and on top of that, I couldn't believe that I let him get this close to me.

I kept on whispering 'Astagfirullah' for the things I had done, like even giving him the chance to make a move on me. The Shaytaan was playing tricks with me the last few weeks and I felt that my connection with Allah (Subhana Wa'Tahala) was cutting off with every misstep I made.

This needs to stop, but hell, it felt so good.

That right there, are 2 thoughts, 1 part that comes from Allah and the other one from the Shaytaan. May Alllah protect us from Shaytaan's whispers.

Without me even noticing, I arrived home. I opened the door as quietly as possible, but failed big time. You know, when you try to be as silent as possible but everything must make a noise at that time? Well, that's what was happening at this moment.

I opened the door slowly and closed it which took me about 5 minutes. Not kidding.. Our front door is, let me say, pretty old.

Once the door was finally closed, I turned around and was planning to go back to my room, switch into my pyjamas and accompany Malik and my brother on whatever they were doing.

Unfortunately, that was a too good of a plan to actually succeed..

"And where were you?" My brother asked in his slightly angry and worried voice.

"Out" I responded, whilst my cheeks turned red, if they only knew what happened 10 minutes ago.

"If mom finds out that you've been out, oh she will make sure.." Amin said but Malik interrupted him.

"Just let it be man, I gotta go" Malik said.

Amin and I both were surprised by what he just said.

"Brother, you don't tell me what to do", Amin said annoyed.

That was actually really weird, like since when doesn't Malik agree with my brother? Did he knew where I was? Why did it feel like he knew where I was?

"Sorry man, Safia, I'll see you at school", Malik said and left without even making any eyecontact with me. He was looking at Amin the entire time. If this was a staring contest, Malik would of definitely won it.

What the hell was going on?

*Earlier that day*

"Hey man, where are you going?" I heard someone ask me as I was walking out of school.

Safia was right the entire time, ofcourse I noticed how my nose kept bleeding in class and I knew what I had. This can't be happening again, I don't have the power to go through it like I did before.

I'm done fighting, if it is what I think it is, then that will be the end of my life.

"Oh hey Malik" I greeted him back.

"Are you okay Bro? You seem.. Euhm off" Malik asked. If he only knew what I was battling with.

"Yeah I'm fine"

"Well, class is the other way" He said.

"Euhm no, I'm not going to class". Even I was confused at I was saying and I could see on his face that he also wasn't following anymore.

"Dude, you're everything but okay and if you're not telling me, I will call your mom, sister or Safia" Malik said.

Only that last name woke me up because I know that he doesn't has my mother nor my sister's number. And he definitely has Safia's, everyone but Safia can know what's happening.

"NO!" I practically shouted, "I'll tell you".

"Okay, I'm waiting", he said with his phone in his hand.

"I have an appointment with my former doctor who I went to when I had..." I stopped because I knew that if I let that word roll over my lips, it would suddenly become real.

"When you had what Brody?" Malik asked. He was worried, I could see it in the way he was looking at me.

"When I had cancer" I finished.

"You what? Why? What happened?" Malik asked. He was in shock, join the club bro.

"Nobody can know where I am, not my mom nor my sister.. and definitely not Safia okay?!" I said.

"But wait man, I.. you can't go through this alone? And you don't even know for sure your cancer is back"

He was right, I didn't knew for sure that my cancer was back, but I was convinced that this was my punishment for doing al the things I have done in the past. And I accept my punishment without battling against it.

"I want you to do one thing, okay?" I said.

I told him what to do and he agreed with everything I told him.

I opened my car door and got in whilst thinking about what I told Malik to do for me.

I told him to bring Safia home as I wasn't going to be on school to take her home and I need to know that she will be safe. I told Malik to spend some time with her and to have fun before going home. And I told him to distract Amin so Safia could meet me in the evening. And I was just hoping that her mother was working late today.

Even though I didn't knew what my doctor was about to say, I knew that everything I thought was going to happen, will be happening.

And when the doctor confirms my suspicion, then I'll have to push Safia away but not without saying goodbye properly.

The doctor examined me first and took my blood and send it to the lab with high priority. He would call me when he has the results, he would have them in 3 hours.

"Brody, your hair loss has nothing to do with your cancer being back.. You lose hair during the chemotherapy not before.. You probably just had stress at that time". The doctor said.

"But Brody, if all the other things you're telling me are true.. Then I'm convinced that indeed your cancer is back.. I'm sorry" He said.

It's not like I will be magically be cured if everybody felt sorry for me. I want people to treat me like they did before I was sick, that's why nobody can know that my cancer is back. Nobody except for Malik at least.

I stood up and was about to leave his office until he stopped me.

"Before you go, can I give you some advice?" He asked.

I nodded

"Don't deal with this on your own, It will kill you before the cancer has a chance to do so" He turned his lips into a subtle smile and looked at me with widened eyes.

I nodded again and left.

I can't tell anybody, I won't.. And he can't either.

I looked at my watch and school would be over in a few minutes. I texted Malik to not forget what I told him to do.

He texted me back with

I placed my phone back in my pocket and walked out of the hospital, at least I can go home without my mom asking me why I wasn't on school.

....

After being home for 3 hours, I finally got a call from my doctor. I closed the door of my room so my mom nor my sister could hear me.

The following thing he said, broke me. I wasn't listening after he responded the question I was dying to have an answer on. He kept rambling on but I just hung up on him. I can't believe this is actually happening.

I unlocked my phone and tried to text Malik, but my eyes weren't working with me. I couldn't see a thing due to the tears that my eyes were filling up with.

Crying will not cure this thing.

As I finally calmed down after a few seconds, I texted Malik.

"I'm going to text and meet Safia tonight, you good on distracting Amin?"

Malik texted back with:

I took an half-hour break before even texting him back. I texted Safia first but she wasn't responding on any of my messages.. I hope she would be able to read them on time.

I opened my conversation with Malik again and started typing.

But we all know that I'm not going through that again.. The previous chemotherapy sucked al the energy out of me.. It took me years to recover from that battle.

Malik texted back.

I took my jacket and phone and went downstairs.

"And where are you going at this time young man?" My mom asked me when she saw me that I was about to leave.

"Just to see an old friend, I'll be back in an hour" I kissed her forehead and left.

~~~~