I quietly sat beside the door, waiting patiently for a surprise. I expected presents, cake and so much more, after all ten year old kids dreamed of such things on their birthday. I had no memory of someone actually remembering my birthday. Every year I would wait for someone to barge into my room at midnight and wake me up with confetti and wishes. But again it never happened.

So this year to avoid disappointment I had asked the cook in advance to bake a cake for my birthday. I waited so that my parents would come, then I could cut it and feed them delicious chocolate cake. Half past three, no one ever came. Did I expect a different outcome.

My parents were on the brink of making their career, they were allowed to miss my birthday, I reassured myself. They needed perfection any fault would hinder their career. That's the reason they never took me to those high class parties they went, you are too reckless, too childish, you will make a fool out of me was what they told me.

It was actually true, I could not tell poems by heart, I could not dance and sing. Since Lily could do that she went and met so many people, she could eat sweets and cakes and expensive food, while I had to be babysat.

Lily was so charming, so bubbly. People would instantly fall in love with her smile. And me, I would skirt around the curtains, awkwardly gawking at people. When I did open my mouth I made a fool out of myself.

"Gwen, go to bed. Your parents are returning after two days." My nanny warned. I nodded, of course my birthday was not important enough to cancel their plans. I hummed in what Lily called a scratchy voice happy birthday song, and cut into the cake.

The first time I did cut a cake, I was alone. Tears spilled out of my eyes, but still I pushed a slice into my mouth. This was my first birthday cake, I will not let it go to waste, even if I'm alone.

*****

"This is the first time, you are meeting my partners. Do me a favour and be good." Mama warned.

Translation be like your sister Lily. They sometimes did forget that I'm my own person, and not clay that they could mold like Lily. I nodded tugging on the end of my dress. People make me uncomfortable, being with my family had made me self conscious and gave rise to insecurities. I feared not to be good enough.

"Meet Adam Rian your new friend." Dad said gesturing to a scrawny boy, with a highly irritated look. He looked mad enough to set the whole building on fire. If you ask my opinion he was somewhere like a cross breed between a hippo and a monkey. How I came up with that don't ask me.

"What do you do?" One man with thick eyebrows asked me.

"Not anything impressive, she goes around boxing and wants to take up business studies." Dad said unconcerned. "However Lily here is learning ballet and taking up engineering like her old man."

Yes, folks nothing impressive about me. What's impressive is my sister can make twenty rounds standing in one place while I can knock out a guy in ten minutes, see nothing special about me. All attention shifted to Lily, she was happy her eyes lit up and she started telling everyone about her latest performance.

Adam tugged on my hair, causing me to kick him in the shins. He yelped in pain, but concealed it in the form of a cough. As I hungrily took the last cup of pudding, Adam like the idiot he is tried to snatch it out of my hand.

Ask me for my life, I'll give it. But don't dare ask for my food. With the constant tugging we had going on, the cup splattered onto the floor causing everyone to look at us oddly.

My cheeks flushed. I didn't like people's attention.

"Oops sorry, Gwen just pulled the pudding from my hand." Adam said looking innocent.

I took the pudding first you lier. Finders keepers, others losers. My Mama's usual sharp eyes softened at him, I hated him even more now. Everyone seemed to be getting their share of love from my parents, except me. So did it mean something was wrong with me.

"Gwen apologize to Adam." Dad ordered. I gulped looking at his stern eyes. Why do I have to apologise, he pulled my hair, he wasted my pudding. Boys are idiots, my Nana was right. They are so mean.

"I'm sorry Adam." I said looking at the door quietly. Since that day Adam took advantage of the fact that no one would reprimand him, so like the devil he is, he started to make me look bad. My parents lack of attention towards me, gave Adam a chance to walk all over me. That was the last party I had attended. After that no one bothered to take me.

****

"Ouch" I screamed.

Apparently curling your hair with an iron is not quite easy, the magazine which I was looking into thought wrong. I waited patiently for my eyeliner to dry up. Dad had got a big contract and was throwing a party in celebration.

Everyone wanted to meet the family of the man who was so successful. Though I had no idea on how to dress up in such occasions, I tried because I didn't want Dad to be ashamed of me. I put on an ankle length red dress, and a pearl chain. Studs in my ears and heels to make me look taller.

I looked as pretty as mama when she dressed up for parties. Two hours for the event, I had plenty of time. But still I went down to look for mama, maybe she would think I'm pretty for once. Maybe she would lend me her matching jewelry like she used to give Lily.

I went to the living room, to find nobody there. The cook was doing the dishes, probably in a hurry to go home.

"Where are everyone?" I asked.

She wiped her hands with a cloth, surprised to see me." They left a long time ago."

"Ma'am and Lily went to the salon to get their hair done. Mr James would pick them up directly. I thought you went with them."

"But they invited the whole family." I argued. Did they ... Leave me? They might expect me to drive myself, after all I got my license.

"But the whole family did go." The cook said busily wiping the kitchen counter. A tiny tug of my heart right there, the whole perfect family was there. I was like that shrunken shriveld up branch of a healthy tree which people couldn't wait to cut off.

"Yes, the whole family did go." I said, maybe she realised what she had said. She muttered something about not meaning something awful. But I knew the meaning of what she and everybody thought. The perfect family was there, taking credit, why would people want to see me?

*****

I was brimming with excitement like a kid high on sugar. My steps had an extra bounce and I hummed a little too loudly causing my sister to look up in irritation. But I was too happy to care. I was on top of the world.

"Why are you smiling like a lunatic?" Lily asked perching on the edge of the bed.

"I topped my exam." I squealed. I had scored the second highest, all those sleepless nights and constant studying payed off. I finally have hope to attend my dream college. I can get my masters in business.

I wanted to be an entrepreneur, I wanted to make my own identity. Before starting anything of such scale, I decided to take up internship and work in any other firms. It would fetch me experience and knowledge.

"Did you tell Dad?" Lily asked. No, I was waiting for him to get home, maybe this time he will hug me and mama will make me cake like she made when Lily got into her ballet classes. Just the thought made me giddy with excitement. Every kid craves that moment when her parents are proud of her.

The sound of the car stopped our conversation and I flew down the stairs, wanting nothing more than to tell him. Dad trudged into the house and tiredly sat on the couch.

When he saw me awkwardly hovering in the room, his eyes narrowed. "What are you doing here?" He snapped.

I flinched at his tone, I did not like people talking in harsh tonnes. "Dad I got my results, I topped. I got the second highest marks." I told him looking for a hint of smile.

His nostrils flared and he glared at me. Clearly not expecting this reaction, I took a few steps back. He caught me and shook me irritatedly.

"When will you learn, what it takes to be a Carter. We are the best, never the second best like you. So next time don't bother me with such silly news. I have more important things to think about." He barked and stalked out of the room.

I miserably let tears flow down my cheeks. How stupid I was to think getting second is an accomplishment. No never can I do anything in life.

Far from getting me a gift he didn't even bat an eye at my results. I will always be the second best. I can never be like Lily, that's why Dad didn't love me. Because pathetic people like me don't deserve to be.

***************

It's sad to realise you aren't as important to someone as you thought you were.

For all the people feeling low, remember that there's no one as amazing as you are.

Second part of the flashback will come out Monday.

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Until next time.