《ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴡᴀᴠᴇs》Are we still friends?
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After Chika turned down You's confession, they hadn't seen each other or texted ever since. Chika tried to reach out to her friend (were they still even friends?) with no success, and although she had thought about showing up at the caffè, Kanan told her it probably wasn't a good idea and that she should probably give You some space.
But it had been almost two weeks now, and Chika had to make sure You was okay. For some reason she didn't quite comprehend, the thought of hurting You caused her heart to sink. And so, after about an hour of debating whether she should show up at the caffè or not, she decided to head out.
To her surprise though, she did not find You working that day, but saw Kanan cleaning some tables and walked over her.
"Hey," she greeted, "have you seen You? Why isn't she here now?"
"Wow, very polite of you. Good day to you too, thanks for asking how I've been!" Kanan responded sarcastically.
"Sorry, I just-"
"Don't sweat it, I was just kidding." She punched Chika's shoulder. "Come on, my shift is about to end, wait for me outside the shop."
After what seemed like 3 minutes or so, the girl with the blue hair walked out of the caffè with a purse hanging from her hand. She started walking and signaled Chika to follow her.
"So, 'Mrs. Heartbreaker', is that your name now?" Chika shot her a death glare. "Jeez, I'm just kidding!" Kanan held her hands up as if to say 'I'm innocent'.
"Listen, I didn't want to make You sad. I really didn't mean to. She's been a good friend, and I'm sure she'd be a good lover to anyone. But.."
"Hey, you don't need to explain. I get it. You're not over it yet." Chika nodded and looked at her feet kicking little stones from the floor. "But let me ask one thing," she said, catching Chika's attention, "and you have to be completely honest about this. I'll know if you're lying, so you can't avoid this question. How do you feel about You? And I mean real feelings, not crap like 'oh I think she's cool' and stuff."
"I.." and there it was. She herself was not sure what her feelings for You were, so she just said what came to her mind. And she wasn't lying. "I honestly have no idea. She makes me feel.. weird. Similar to how Riko made me feel. When she gets to close or when she smiles at me I feel happy, and my heart beats a little faster. She's so predictable yet unpredictable at time, and it makes me anxious. And I really wanna makes her smile. I don't know, it's stupid." Kanan saw her face turning red while she looked somewhere else, making the older chuckle.
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"It's settled then! I'm not gonna die peacefully until you two end up together." She said hanging her arm over Chika's shoulder.
"Wait what?"
"Oh, nothing, nothing at all~" Kanan sang, dragging Chika by the hand as she ran forward.
"H-hey! Where are we going." Kanan did not answer though, she just kept running. They turned corners and kept running for about 13 minutes before stopping in front of a park.
"Where are we?"
"Well, you wanted to see her, didn't you? She's over there." Kanan pointed to You, who was sitting on a green bench while checking her phone.
"How did you know she was here?"
"I might or might have not arranged hanging out with her today so I could get her to talk to you again. And don't even try to get mad at me because you know that you're thankful for this and that you love me. Now, go, my child." She said, pushing Chika to make her walk over to You.
Chika wanted to complain, but Kanan was right. And she was starting to miss You more than she would've liked to admit. And so, she walked up to her friend and said:
"Why did you ignore my calls?"
You turned around surprised and backed away a little. "W-what are you doing here?" Chika sat beside her.
"I asked first. Why didn't you answer my calls or texts?"
"I think you know very well why. Listen, I just need some time. I didn't expect you to return my feelings in the first place, but I can't just erase them and forget about it like nothing happened, I really want to be your friend, but still.."
"Listen, just stop ignoring me. Give me another chance, please?"
"You just don't understand, do you?" You grabbed Chika by the shirt and brought her closer, clenching her fist. It was only after she received a shocked look from Chika that she realized what she was doing and let go the girl's shirt. "Sorry.."
"It's fine.." and they stayed silent for what seemed like hours, but really it had just been a few minutes.
"Okay.. How about I give you another chance?"
"Really?!" Chika said as she hugged You, feeling the other struggle to get away but giving up quickly.
"But only if you tell me what you meant when you said you were not ready for this again."
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"That's.."
"I'll understand if you don't want to tell me, but that's my one condition. That or.." before she could finish her sentence, Chika cut her off.
"Fine. I'll tell you everything. But you gotta promise me not to tell anyone. You need to swear on.. on our friendship, or whatever it is that we have. Because I haven't exactly talked to this about anyone yet, and I didn't exactly plan to. I'm not even sure why I even plan on telling you.. but yeah."
"Oh, come on, don't exaggerate. But okay, I swear I won't tell anyone." She answered, looking at Chika like she was expecting something. "Well, spit it out!"
"Here? Like, right now?"
"Yes, is there a problem?"
"Uh, yes, there is. If I'm gonna tell you this, I'm not doing it here. We're going to my place." And before You had a chance to say anything else, Chika grabbed her hand and started dragging her.
You was sitting on the edge of Chika's bed while the other paced around the room as she dig her nails into her hands, looking for a way to explain why she said what she said and what had been going on with her without sounding like a total wacko. And after some time, she finally stopped and stood in front of the silver haired girl, trying to make the words come out of her mouth.
"Hey, it's okay. I won't judge you."
"Well.. some months ago, a friend of mine passed away. And it was.. my fault. She and I had a little fight because of something stupid I said. She started to run away from me, she wasn't paying attention to anything else than screaming at me. I chased her and she stood in a road.." her voice cracked during this last part, "and she got hit by a car. I-I tried to get her to get back to where I was so she wouldn't get hit but she didn't listen and.." with that, she finally broke down. Tears started streaming down her face like a waterfall and she couldn't stop. You didn't know what to do. Sure, she had gotten her to stop crying once, but now Chika was pouring out her feelings and opening up to her completely. She couldn't do that again. It wouldn't feel right.
"A-and even now.. I think about her. I had feelings for her but I never told her.. So not only did I really like-.. no, more than that, I didn't just like her. Not only did I love her, but I got her killed." She laughed sadly, tears still falling down her face. "And I see her everywhere. Well, not everywhere but.. my brain messes with me. It makes me think she's here, and she makes me feel dead. I hallucinate with her and I want her gone, but at the same time, I can't let her go."
"H-hallucinations?" You finally spoke up, her vocie barely audible.
"You think I'm a total wacko, don't you? I'm not crazy, I know she's not real.."
"So this is what you meant by not being ready.."
"I know you won't understand it completely but that's not all. The fact that I can't move on completely yet is one thing, but I don't want to be a burden to you or hurt you. I just can't deal with that right now, I hope you understand."
"That's not what I'm worried about now. I'm more worried about your mental health.. I'm not calling you crazy, but.. you've been carrying all these emotions within you for so long. That can't possibly good for you in any way and-"
"Don't make me regret telling you this, because this is exactly why I did not share this with anyone."
"Sorry.." there was silence in the room until You finally spoke up again. "Can I stay over to sleep tonight? It doesn't feel right to leave now.."
"So you're not ignoring me anymore?"
"Sometimes I wish I could, but I can't. At least not now."
Thus, You spent the night at Chika's house, not wanting to leave so she could keep an eye on her friend. She couldn't sleep though. All she was thinking about was how she could possibly help Chika.
And eventually, she came up with something, Chika wasn't gonna like it, but she was still gonna go for it.
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