Blake is gone-

No words can truly describe what I am feeling right now. The pain of losing Blake is literally tearing my insides apart piece by tiny piece, leaving nothing but an empty black void in its place.

My head pounded. My eyes burned. My mouth dry. My body felt like every organ was shutting down one by one and the first thing to go was my brain. I couldn't think of Blake's lifeless body still curled up on that bed next to Agnes and it was becoming obvious from the pain in my chest that my torn heart would be the last to go.

I had been lucky in life. I had never lost anyone before. I still had both of my grandparents. My parents were still happily married and my small circle of friends were alive and well. Until now.

I had been so distracted with everything going on around me that it had only just dawned on me that I may have no family left. I never truly appreciated the pain that Blake had to live with his entire life until this very moment.

He is- was- my exact polar opposite. Where I had been lucky in life- Extremely lucky, I now realise- He had faced things in his life that no child, teen or man should have to go through, ever. He'd lost everything and if it wasn't for my family he would have died on the streets before he had even hit puberty.

My shoulders sagged and a lump jammed in my throat as I felt only an ounce of Blake's loneliness.

I sat on the hallway floor staring at the closed bedroom door. I had been here all night and my ass was numb. I was grateful that at least one part of my body was.

After Blake had passed, all hell had broken loose. The usual fun loving and jovial Connor dragged over his dresser, threw his fist through a wall and put his foot through his front door as he walked away. Leaving a path of blood smears, tears and destruction behind him. Although his actions were shocking and devastating to witness, they were also a reasonable reaction to what we had all just gone through.

What worried me the most was Agnes's reaction or to be precise, the lack there of.

When Blake collapsed, she curled up on the bed in front of him sobbing her heart away. She comforted him right up until the end and then nothing. Her tears dried up with Blake's lungs and now she just stares at him completely unblinking and refusing to breath in hope she can either join or revive him. At first panic filled me. She was so still that I was convinced that she had left me too. I was about to shake her when she shifted her arm brushing Blake's hair quickly out of his eyes before going back still and staring. She repeated this motion every few hours as if she was on a never ending loop of misery.

I stayed sat grieving our loss at the end of the bed just watching the haunting sight in front of me but after a few hours witnessing the same masochistic act over and over, I couldn't take it any more. But I couldn't bare to leave and that is why I have been sat in this hallway staring at the door all night.

My body was now screaming at me to find some relief so I decided it was time to stretch my legs and do the necessary. It would probably be the only relief I would feel but needs must. I also needed to check on Connor. I was ashamed to say that he had barely crossed my mind all night as I selfishly only thought of what I had lost. It was time to start thinking of others which hopefully would be a welcome distraction.

My legs trembled with exertion and lack of use as I raised to my feet and my muscles burned when I stretched once I was fully vertical. My neck clicked when I stretched it out.

Taking a couple of steps forward, I twisted the door knob slowly, trying to keep as quiet as possible. The door opened a crack so I stuck my head through the gap as I quickly checked on Agnes.

I was relieved to see that she had fallen asleep at some point. It didn't look peaceful but at least she was finally getting some kind of rest.

My eyes shifted over to the form beside her and my heart broke all over again. At some point through the night, she had pulled the covers over him and tucked him in to keep him warm. I was thankful that the view of his face was obscured by the comforter. I wasn't ready to look at him again, yet.

I turned to leave and track down Connor, gently closing the bedroom door behind me. I needed to gauge what his emotional state was as our next conversation was not going to be an easy one.

We needed to discuss what we were going to do with Blake's body.

My sleep was restless and filled with nightmares. It was haunted by black and golden eyes that burned with an intensity that was unparalleled to anything that I had seen before.

His voice called to me, screaming in pain and for help. But I could never reach him, he was always just out of range.

My body startled awake with a jump as if I had just fallen from a twenty storey building and smacked, face first into the concrete pavement. Panting hard as sweat dripped from my forehead into my eyes, stinging my already sore peepers. I had no lubrication left to relieve the sandy feeling that was currently scratching my corneas. Rubbing them didn't help either, in fact, it made them feel worse. But it least it broke away the gross crust that was sealing my lids closed.

It had taken me forever to fall asleep. I was totally immobilised and unable to tear my eyes away from Blake's empty shell.

Looking over at him, the fresh wound in my dead heart began to bleed once again. The pain flowing like sludge, thick and slow through my body. Throwing my head back and clenching the sheets in my fists, I released a silent cry filled with so much pain that it took on its own frequency. But still, my eyes remained dry. I had no more tears left to cry.

Sitting up, I pulled my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them and resting my chin on my knees.

I felt empty as if a piece of me was missing, which was weird seeing as we had only just laid our differences aside. But if I was being completely honest with myself, Blake and Damian had always had a place in my still heart. Even when he mistreated me all those times, a part of me always wanted to just grab him and hold him close. I didn't know if it was because I saw something in him or if I was just a sucker for pain.

My movements into a seated position had jostled the comforter that I had laid across him believing it would re-warm his rapidly cooling body, showing his peaceful but grey face. His lips such an icy blue that they made me shiver.

Breathing became hard as I remembered our kiss. I didn't need to breathe, I did it out of habit. But when the feeling of not been able to took over me, I panicked and it made me desperate for air all of a sudden. It felt as though there was a black hole over the bed trying to drag me down and pull me in to nothingness. I couldn't let it, I had to get out of here.

I weakly ran on legs of a baby dear, stumbling and tripping my way out of the bedroom and into the bathroom.

After relieving myself, I started the faucet on the basin and stared at myself in the mirror as I waited for the water to warm. I realised that after every major event over this past week, I always found myself in this position. Staring back at myself in a bathroom mirror. Maybe my subconscious was telling me that I needed a moment of reflection and to give myself a much needed pep talk to handle what was to come.

I stared hard, trying to come up with something that will help me carry on, help me get through this difficult time but all I could see was a broken and shattered woman staring back at me. Empty from her chipped painted toenails to the ragged knotted red hair atop of her head.

Giving up, I up pushed in the basin plug and watched as the it filled with hot water. Steam rising and curling into my face making my skin damp. The dryness left behind from my tears had made my skin feel tight and the moisture now coating it, relaxed the tight fibres relieving some of the harshness to my face.

Stopping the faucet when the sink was full, I knotted my hair behind my head and submerged my whole face in to the hot water.

The luscious feel of the water soaking into my face brought some of my senses back to life. Unfortunately, it also brought the pain of my grief back to the fore front of my mind. Causing me to once again release a silent open mouth cry of pain under the water. Bubbles of air tickled my face on their way to the surface and popped around my ears, spraying water on to the back of my neck.

I stayed there until the water cooled to the temperature of my heart. I knew I was being melodramatic but I didn't have it in me to give a shit.

Wet tendrils of hair clung to my face as I broke the surface and reached for a towel on the wall rack beside me. The soft fluffy fabric felt good against my ravaged skin.

Heaving a sigh, I headed out of the bathroom in search of Connor and Jay but my stomach growled as I passed the kitchen. Reminding me that it had been a while since I had last eaten.

I took the detour and headed to the fridge. My strength only just enough to yank the heavy metal door open. The ration box had been neatly unpacked and I was thankful to see that there was plenty of red meat meaning it was less of a ration box and more of a care package. But I supposed seeing as the majority of the population was now gone that there was plenty of food to go round now. A sardonic smirk crossed my face at my dark musing. Fuck, i'm more twisted than usual. I suppose so much death would do that to a person. I wished Val was here.

Grabbing a tray of diced beef, I tore open the plastic and popped piece into my mouth, chewing without tasting.

I could only consume five pieces before my stomach protested. It was obviously getting used to being empty as of lately and I could tell if I pushed it any further it would revolt. I re-wrapped the meat before grabbing a glass of water and heading in to the living room.

Expecting to see Connor and Jay sprawled over the couch I was severely disappointed to see that the room was sadly empty. A sob caught in my throat as my need to see them and to hold them overwhelmed me to the point that my knees buckled. Luckily I caught myself before they folded in on themselves. I had a feeling that if I went down now, I would never get back up.

I really needed my guys right now.

Turning I headed to the front door but as I placed my hand on the handle a thud from the bedroom made me freeze.

"Blake!" I gasped

Everything became slow motion as I spun away from the door ran towards the bedroom. My head pounded and my breathing came out thick and fast as hope filled me. It felt like hours to reach the bedroom door but now I was here I was nervous of what was on the other side of the door. My biggest fear was that the bump was nothing and Blake was still dead.

Another thud snapped me out of my reticence and pushed me forward through the door.

The second I was inside I stopped short, dropping the glass of water that I didn't realise I was still holding.

Blake was stood with his back to me in front of the window swaying almost drunkenly on his legs. A euphoric feeling of relief and joy filled me at seeing him stood before me.

That was until my glass hit the floor and shattered at my feet, spilling water and broken glass everywhere.

Blake whipped his head painfully in my direction with barely any movement of his body. His beautiful obsidian eyes clouded over with a thick white film and a nasty snarl on his mouth as an unnatural amount of saliva slobbered down his chin. He was one of them!

I screamed in fear and in pain over Blake's fate the same time he release a rabid roar and made a run for me.

My survival instincts kicked the shock right out of me and spun me to run.

I threw all my weight into my right leg to give me a strong shove forward, preparing to break into a full on sprint to safety.

But instead of propelling me forward, my foot slipped and tore in the broken glass and water on the hard wood, causing me to loose my footing and head for the floor instead.

Panic filled me as I heard Blake right behind me. I scrambled forward in a half knee crawl and a half army crawl as I slipped and slid in the mess underneath me in a desperate attempt to get away.

I made it out into the hallway before Blake threw his body on top of mine. I managed to turn on to my back before he had me fully pinned to the floor, allowing me to shove my hands into his shoulders and use all my strength to keep him at arms length.

Everything was working against me. Gravity and the weight of Blake's body hovering above me already had the upper hand against my depleting strength. Factor in the fact that these infected fuckers were strong and it was only the sheer desperation of wanting to live that was keeping my arms locked in place but even with that they were giving way.

My arms slowly began to bend as I screamed with panic. Blake's gnashing teeth were snapping closer to my face every second. Drool dripping into my face and mouth as I fought against him calling out to anyone that was listening.

My arms burned and shook violently under the punishment of the dead weight above me.

Blake grabbed my hair in one of his hands and yanked my head painfully to the side, the motion collapsing my tired arms between us allowing his body to come crashing down on to mine with what felt like the force of Sherman Tank.

The moment he was close enough, his teeth sank deep and painfully in to the skin of my exposed neck. Tearing through muscle and sinew sending a fire of pain through my entire body. It felt as if an inferno was tearing its way through my system. Obliterating every nerve ending simultaneously. My ear piercing scream turned into gurgle as blood spluttered from my mouth and my body went limp, completely surrendering to my fate.

The world faded as he slurped away at the blood flowing from my ravaged neck. Draining my life force drop by drop.

I faintly heard hurried footsteps in the distance making their way towards us and before I knew who it was or what was happening, Blake's weight was gloriously lifted from mine. Freeing me from me from my imminent death.

Jay and Connor held an arm each as they pinned a snarling Blake to the wall in front of me.

"Are you OK?!" Jay screamed at me as they struggled to keep Blake in place.

I didn't think I could answer so I nodded when he flicked a quick look my way before turning his full attention back to the snarling beast that was now his best friend.

Tentatively, I shuffled myself up until I was slightly propped up against the wall instead of flat on my back. My hand instinctively grabbed my neck adding pressure to the crater sized chunk that was now missing. Luckily due to my lack of a heartbeat the blood was of a minimum and not pumping from me as it would be if it was still beating. I had to be thankful for small mercy's.

"What do we do now?" I asked when I was sure I could speak again.

But as the question left my lips, Blake's body went lax catching both Connor and Jay by surprise that they nearly dropped him. Fumbling their grip, they managed get a hold on him once again and haul him back against the wall. Just in time for the projectile vomit that broke free from his lips narrowly missing me on the floor in front of him. I scooted further out of the way though, just in case.

The first wave of vomit was a bright vibrant red which I recognised instantly as my blood. I hadn't realised how much he had consumed until it was pooled on the floor right in front of my. It's a wonder I am still alive, let alone conscious!

The second wave wasn't as identifiable as the first. A thick green liquid, pumped from his stomach bubbling and hissing like acid when it hit the floor. I didn't know what it was but everything about it screamed POISONOUS!

But then a strange thing happened as the green liquid mixed with my blood on the floor. It settled its acidic behaviour and turned it a less threatening brown color, closer to the actual color of vomit.

Then it dawned on me. My blood was neutralising it!

The pumping vomit tapered off until there was nothing left but dry heaves and Blake's body went lax once again. The guys still kept their tight grip not trusting that he will not make another attempt to attack.

Jay cursed when Blake started seizing just as he had last night. Bringing back all too fresh memories of pain. Oh God, we were going to have to re-live his death a second time.

And just like the night before. His body went deathly still when the seizure subsided. A ragged sob broke free from my chest as fresh tears that I thought were long dried up began to stream down my face.

But then he coughed.

He coughed again but then followed it up with a moan as his drooped head rolled on his shoulders.

The shock on Jay and Connor's face I was sure reflected mine.

Blake moaned some more, pulling my attention back to him.

Awkwardly, I used the wall against my back to help push myself to my feet, my aching arms protesting the whole way. I swayed and my head spun when i was fully up right. I probably should have taken it a little slower. But hope was filling me at a rapid speed.

"Blake?" I asked tentatively

Another moan from Blake, so I tried again.

"Blake?"

"Ag-Agnes-" He stuttered and croaked out dozily and it was the greatest sound I had ever heard in my entire life!

Jay shot me a warning look as I took a step toward them but I could see the hope in his eyes too so I knew he wouldn't stop me if I ignored him.

Jay and Connor tightened their grip when I took another step forward so I was stood right in front of him.

"Blake?" I repeated, but this time I held out my hand and held it against his chest.

Ever so slowly, his head began to rise and from the way it rolled I could tell it was taking an enormous amount of effort to do so.

"Agnes-" He repeated but this time clearer and with more strength.

His head now fully up, a cry of happiness burst free as one black and one golden hazel eye stared deep into mine, both fully lucid and before I knew it I was wrapped in his arms crying harder than I ever had.