I ran.

Like the cowardice piece of shit that I am. I ran.

My head was a fucking mess! What the hell happened back there?!

I ran cross the hallway and down the stairwell, taking three at a time in my stride. I couldn't breathe. Not because of the exertion of my impressive five hundred metre dash that even Usain Bolt would have be proud of. But because of Agnes. Well, not exactly Agnes. It was what had just happened between us.

As I hit the next floor down, I burst out of the stairwell and slammed into my door with a thud. Forgetting that I had locked it when I'd left yesterday. It's not something I regularly did, due to the building being secure and my best friends and a little old lady being my only neighbours. But with all that was happening with the attack, I flipped the catch on my way as I rushed out of my apartment yesterday. Before I'd tackled Agnes to the ground. My dick twitched at the memory of her beneath me. Damn traitorous body, I was disgusted with myself. She's fucking dead and I was getting turned on over topping her! Everyone dies-

That fucking ominous voice that had become the inner narration of my life was back again. Reminding me of all and of who I had lost.

I could feel the acid of a panic attack work its was up my throat. My chest was tight. My breathing fast but laboured. Blackness edging around my vision as my head spun.

A cold sweat poured down my back, soaking my t-shirt making it stick to my skin. The feel of it constricting and claustrophobic. Fuck, it had me. I hadn't had an anxiety attack for nearly a year and three days of this girl being in my life. No, scratch that. She wasn't even a part on my life so I'll re-phrase. Three days after meeting this girl, I was back to square fucking one!

I needed to call my doctor, get my prescription re-filled for the first time in six months but the phone lines had been switched to emergency calls only. In other words, just activating the dial tone on my cell would take me directly to the Military's crisis hotline. It had been three days, surely they could re-connect the phone service.

Leaning my forehead against the cool mahogany of my door, the corner of the metal number three digging in to the skin above my brow. The pain was good. It helped me concentrate on something other than my breathing. I pushed harder.

The harder I pushed, the more in control I felt. I was in charge. A warm trickle of blood ran down my nose and across my lips. The metallic taste grounding me further. Just proving the type of person I was. She may be dead, but I was the monster.

The stair well door burst open behind me putting me back on edge. My breathing sped and the darkness in my eyes coming back. The panic back in control once again.

I turned as Jay started shouting at me. I couldn't tell what he was saying, everything sounded just so far a way. The quiet felt good. The quite felt peaceful, The quiet felt. Final.

And I was OK with that.

"Oh, shit! Look at his face!" one of them exclaimed. I wasn't sure who and to be honest, I didn't give a fuck.

"It's happening again. Conner go get the emergency meds we keep stashed. Blake stay with me man, you'll be alright. And get him a smoke!" He shouted through my now open door "He's going to need it to help calm him before the meds kick in!"

I fell to my knees. My throat almost completely closed now, felt like a Boa Constrictor was wrapping itself around it and my chest, squeezing with all it's might.

Out of nowhere a hand covered my mouth. No! I screamed internally. Not again and not when I can't breath. I thrashed my arms wildly, trying to take down my attacker. I would not let this happen. Not again!

"Shit man, stop fighting me! I'm just trying to give you your meds!" I fought harder. He will not get control again. I have the control. I am in control!

"Conner, stop pinning him! You're making him react!" Tunnel vision was all I saw now. But there were no lights at the end, there was only darkness. And him.

"Quickly, give me the smoke"

"He'll never take it"

"He doesn't have to, he just needs to breath it"

A few seconds later a pungent but familiar smell wafted over my face. And then again. I breathed deeply, trying to place the smell. My body relaxing slightly with the distraction.

I felt woozy but my vision was coming back to me. The adrenaline bottoming out and my muscles weakening to Jello.

Hands cupped around my mouth but didn't cover it. I didn't fight them this time, I just didn't have it in me anymore. A more concentrated version of the scent, no, not scent, smoke. Was blown into my mouth. My greedy lungs, absorbing it in an instant.

Minute by minute my surroundings came back to me as I calmed. The hallway. My apartment. My friends. I was bone tired and the urge to sleep washed over me.

"It's working, he's back with us. Give him the pill, you shouldn't have any issues"

And he didn't. Conner placed the pill between my lips and I swallowed it automatically as Jay helped me back up to my feet, steadying me when I swayed slightly. I let him take the bulk of my weight as we headed into my apartment before crashing on to the couch.

"Shit man, it's been a while since your last episode" Jay spoke quietly as I still wasn't completely calm. The beast inside was still stirring.

"A year" I clarified.

He handed me the joint, which I gladly took with shaking hands. Bringing it to my lips and inhaling deeply. The relaxing effects almost instantaneous as I slouched back in to the couch exhaling a thick cloud of smoke.

"What happened, man?"

I stiffened over having to re-hash what had just happened, but my anxiety meds mixed with the weed was really starting to take effect. I was so glad they'd kept a spare stash of my meds. Especially since I had arrogantly threw mine out, thinking I had control.

"You threw her to the floor!" I could tell he was seriously pissed with me, even though he knew me. He must really like this girl. Worry crossed my mind when I thought of Agnes.

"Did I- Did I hurt her?" I asked cautiously

"Only her feelings, Man. I think she may just kick your ass the next time she sees you though" I let out a sigh of relief. It could have been so much worse.

"But you need to tell her, to explain."

The temptation to wipe the condescending look from his face let me know the monster inside was still active and present even though I was now relaxed.

"I don't need to tell her shit! I'm not the one trying fuck her" I eyeballed both of the guys levelling my stare at them.

"That's not what she told us" Conner grumbled. Making me growl.

"You know that wasn't me!" I bellowed "I was a fucking sleep!"

"Were you though?" Jay cut in "I've seen the way you look at her, the way you care for her-"

"It's called being a decent human being, for fuck sake. And I won't deny, she's easy on the eyes-" Lie. She was fucking breath taking, but I wasn't about to admit that to these asshats. I couldn't bare their smug faces. "But you are forgetting one really important detail-" I trailed off.

"And what is that?" Jay asked cockily, a brow raised sceptically.

"She's fucking dead, Man-" I grinned wickedly at them "She's a re-animated corpse. I didn't realise necrophilia was your thing" I shrugged then held up my hands "Hey, I'm not judging. Ok I am, but whatever floats your boat, Man"

"You know you really are an asshole!" Jay shook his head in disappointment at me "Can't say I've missed this side of you."

I laughed even though it was anything but funny.

"I'm outta here, don't come up until you can be civil"

And with that he and Conner walked out of the apartment, slamming the door behind them.

"Screw them" I whispered at no one.

Lifting my heavy booted feet on to the coffee table in front of me. I took another draw on the joint. The joint that the guys had given me. To help me. I wanted to feel like a bastard for the way I had just treated them, to the way that I had treated Agnes, but my monster wouldn't let me.

"Screw them all!"

I laid soaking in my tub, surrounded by pomegranate scented bubbles. That's right, I managed to actually take a bath with no interruptions what so ever! Miracles did happen after all!

I heard the guys laughing when they had seen my hand made sign, threatening death to any who entered posted on the bathroom door.

I was relieved that they were laughing. I'd heard a lot of commotion going on down stairs and things sounded pretty heated for a moment. But it couldn't have been too bad if they were back here so quickly and laughing. I wondered what had happened and what the hell Blake's problem was.

What we had shared on that sofa was hot! No that's not enough, it was HAWT! But everything that had happened after had confused the hell out of me. I didn't understand how he could switch from red hot to ice cold within seconds. I wanted to speak to Val desperately, she'd have some unseen insight to the situation and would be able to calm my frazzled nerves that were still frayed from Blake's searing kiss and then frost bitten rejection. I couldn't wait until the phones were back up and running, I needed to make sure that everyone I knew were OK and I hadn't realised until now, how heavily that sat on my chest. I hated not knowing.

I indulgently allowed a lone tear to roll down my cheek before wiping it away and climbing out of the now cooling bath water. Drying quickly before getting dressed in a pair of yoga pants and a navy blue hoody. My blood had chilled since my moment with Blake and I just wanted to feel warm and comfortable and nothing comforted me more than a big and baggy hoody.

After sleeping on wet hair two days in a row, I decided to blow dry and tame my curls. Natural drying for a red head was the enemy and I had been rocking the just electrocuted look for too long now. The guys didn't seem to mind but I couldn't give a shit what they thought about the way that I looked, I just liked to take pride in my appearance.

Hair tamed and a light touch of make applied, I was ready to face the rest of my day. I needed to talk to the guys about getting some food as my fridge was now completely bare and I was starting to get hungry again.

I walked in on hushed whispers in the living room, which abruptly stopped when my presence was known.

"O-Kay-" I trailed of sarcastically, letting them know that I had been aware of their secret conversation.

"Hey, beautiful!" Conner beamed up at me before rising to his feet "You look sexy as hell in that hoody, Red" he strode over to me, grabbed my hand and spun me before pulling me in to his arms to dip me. His lips pressed against mine mid dip, cutting off my giggles. I was actually giggling. I don't think I have ever been a giggler. What were these guys doing to me!

"My very own Little Red Riding Hood" He breathed as he pulled back, breaking the kiss to stare into my eyes.

"Does that make you the big bad wolf?" I questioned playfully with a smile as long as week. on my lips.

"No, Sweetheart. I'm the charming prince. The big bad wolf is still downstairs." I sobered slightly at his joke, unsure whether to laugh or not.

"Too soon!" Jay quipped.

"And that over there -" Conner continued nodding over to Jay "Is the grandma"

I burst into a fit of laughter when one of my cushions was torpedoed towards his head. Conner straightened us as not to drop me before taking off and diving over the back of the couch and taking Jay to the floor. They wrestled around on the floor for a few seconds before Conner had the upper hand and had Jay pinned underneath him. His hands pinned at either side of his face. Both men panting wildly.

"My, what a pretty mouth you have, Grandma?" Conner joked, his face slowly moving towards Jay's. Jay froze but didn't fight him.

"All the better to kiss him with!" Blurted out of my mouth before I could stop myself. My hands shot to my mouth, trying to push the words back inside, mortified. I had a serious case of verbal diarrhoea around these guys. They just brought it out of me!

Both heads stopped in mid air, just inches apart then slowly turned my way in unison. Wolfish grins spread across both their faces.

Conner looked back down at Jay before nodding his head towards me in some kind of silent communication. He climbed off Jay and held out a hand to help him to his feet.

Not saying a word Jay prowled towards me, more like the wolf rather than the grandma. My breath quickened at the burning desire pooling in his deep emerald green eye, making his intentions clear.

His strong arms wrapped around my waist before yanking me hard against his chest his mouth moving in close to my ear.

"I'm aware that I am the only one who hasn't kissed you yet" I shivered as his breath tickled my ear and neck. "I was going to wait and make our first kiss special. But hell, I seriously want a fucking taste" My breath hitched as he pulled his head back and pulled my bottom lip into his mouth before nipping it lightly with teeth. Growling when I whimpered.

His lips came crashing down on to mine, his restraint completely broken and my knees buckling at the sheer intensity of his kiss. His strong arms held me firm so I was able to kiss him back with as much fervour he was showering on me. Throwing my arms around his neck pulling him harder against me, my head spun as his lusciously plump lips moved against mine in a perfect rhythm of passion.

I gasped when I felt a second pair of lips drop feather light kisses to the crook of my neck and a solid red hot body pressed against my back. Arousals pressing into my front and back setting my blood on fire.

Jay took advantage of my open mouth by swiping his tongue inside. Both of us groaning when my tongue returned his attentions.

Conner's butterfly kisses turned into passionate lapping kisses, alternating between teeth and tongue over my neck and beneath my ear. His hands slowly running up my thighs and over my waist and rib cage before gripping both of my breasts in his large, strong palms. Kneading and pinching at my sensitive nipples.

Oh God, the sensation was divine. I could cum from this moment alone. No penetration needed.

The thought of penetration had fantastical scenes of hot, dirty and mind blowing sex between the three of us. I knew it would be amazing, there was no doubt in my mind about that. But I wasn't ready for that. I wasn't very experienced with one man, let alone two and this was all moving so fast! I needed a moment to think but with both of their mouths and hands all over my body, my mind was completely blank to anything but sensation.

When Jays hands ran under the waist band of my yoga pants, I knew I needed to stop this. If he carried on any further south, I knew I would never be able to stop this. I didn't want to now, but I still had a tiny bit of sense within me. We didn't even know if I was infectious. I knew kissing was fine. It had been a couple of days since I had first kiss Conner and he was fine. But sex- That was a big question mark hanging over our heads. I couldn't live with myself if I hurt these beautiful men in anyway.

"We need to stop" I panted as I pulled away from Jay's kiss but his mouth found mine again cutting off my words.

With great effort I pulled away a second time. "Jay, I'm serious we need to stop. I'm not ready-"

No other words were needed, Jay nodded his head in understanding and gave me one last lingering peck on the lips. He looked over my shoulder to Conner stood behind me who's arms were now wrapped around my waist comforting rather than intimately after hearing my words to Jay.

My eyes widened when Jay leant over my shoulder, grabbed Conner by the back of his neck and kissed him deeply.

"Fuck me!" I exclaimed still sandwiched between them "You're not making this easy for me"

Jay broke the kiss and gave both Conner and I a shit eating grin. Conner just stuttered, as shocked as I was that Jay had made the first move between them.

Jay nipped my lip before saying "Come on, Red. Come and sit down. We need to talk to you for a moment."

This was it, I think to myself. We were finally going to have the sharing conversation that I had heard them talking about from the bathroom yesterday. My libido kicked into full gear at the prospect. But I was surprised when he continued with- "We need to tell you something about Blake" putting my filthy mind to a stop.

Well that was a mood killer. But intrigue had me following them to the couch. I sat down pulling me knees up in front of me and covering them with my oversized hoody. I felt cold without being surrounded by the guys anymore but I did it more out of protection, as I had a feeling I wasn't going to like what I was about the hear.

Conner came and sat down beside me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and pulling my head to his chest while Jay took up Blake's spot on the window seat. He waited patiently until I was comfortable and ready for the bomb that was about to be dropped.

"So what's up with Blake, other than him being a grade A asshole?"

A strange looked passed between him and Conner making me think that I may have said the wrong thing. But he had been an asshole since the moment I'd met. He'd had his nicer moments and that side of him really piqued my interest. But his dickish behaviour overwrote anything nice he'd done.

"Dude, just tell her. She deserves to know." Conner said to the unsure look that was on Jay's face. He thought for a second before nodding and speaking.

"Blake has Dissociative Identity Disorder." He let go of the breath he was holding now that the secret was out there.

"Dissociative Identity Disorder?" I questioned unsure what that meant. Conner answered me now

"Yeah, it means Blake has a split personality"

Well, I was not expecting that!