We started our chill day watching Pirates of the Caribbean Movies.

"Johnny Depp could literally fuck me whenever he wanted," I say. Kena, Maddie, Ollie, and Josh all nod along while the other boys are just staring at us like we're crazy.

"Isn't he like 50?" Seth asks.

"So?" Maddie retorts.

"So that's like really illegal, you're 17."

"I'm almost 18 dumbass then it won't be illegal and he can fuck the daylights out of me."

"She's righty Seth don't try to argue us on this." Kena says still staring at the screen until Johnny comes on the screen to which she moans and throws popcorn at the TV making all of us laugh.

As the day progressed we watched more movies and convinced the boys to do face masks with us and paint our nails.

"Why are we doing this again?" Dylan asks while Kena's trying to cover his face with the mask.

"Because you're at my house and therefore, we're fucking doing face masks."

"I'm not putting that shit on my face." Jake says crossing his arms.

"You will or Ill make you." I retort.

"What are you going to do?"

"Recall Andrew?"

He pales a little and grumbles a fine under his breath and I continue putting the mask on Noah's face who looks like he'd rather be anywhere but here.

"Noah, I'm aware that you would rather be anywhere but here, but at least pretend to look like you don't want to kill yourself." I say stepping out from between his legs and walking over to Jake to put the mask on him next.

"Carter, you just put god knows what on my face and you want me to pretend to not want to die?"

"Yes I do! There you go," I turn to Ollie, "I told you he wasn't that dumb." I say and Ollie laughs knowing I'm kidding.

"Ha ha. Very funny."

"I thought so." I say smirking at him and he sends a genuine smile back in return. God his smile is so pretty, and the way his piercing blue eyes light up a little bit when he really smiles at me.

We all talk and do self care things for a while, before everyone cuddles down on the couch and starts trying to decide on a movie. We all finally get the boys to agree to watch A Walk to Remember, and then me and Maddie go to the kitchen to make popcorn and rootbeer floats.

"Mads?" She takes a sip of her water and hums in response.

"Do you like Seth?" She proceeds to choke on said water.

"Why?" She asks fiddling with the hem of her oversized tee.

"Don't deflect the question."

"I think so. But you can't tell anyone C, really, he's a player, I'm crazy to like him right?"

"I don't know Mads I think he likes you too. Plus he's not really a bad guy."

"I guess. What about you do you like Noah?"

I'm immediately about to say no but then I think about it.

I mean he's gorgeous. And he's sweet but quiet. But not in a shy way. In a way that seems like he's scared to open up. He's funny and can take my jokes without getting butthurt. Plus he looks damn good in jeans.

"I'm not sure Mads," I say quietly. "I don't know but he makes me feel like myself more than other people. But I don't know if I like him."

"Understandable." Then the microwave beeps signaling that the popcorns done. We head back out with popcorn waters and root beer floats handing everyone their snacks and drinks Seth makes room for Maddie next to him and Noah shoves Ollie next to Josh and off the loveseat giving me room to sit there between him and Jake.

I take the movie and start it. I can feel Noah keep glancing at me and because of my conversation with Maddie earlier I'm kinda lost in my thoughts.

"Hey," Noah whispers, "If your uncomfortable you can lean back on me so you can see better."

I lean back on his chest and face the screen more. I relax against his chest and abs that I know are there. I try to focus back on the movie but the feeling of his chest rising and falling pressed against his back and his breath on my ear it's hard to focus. We're at the part of the movie where Landon and Jamie are in the school play and I feel Noah wrap his arms around my waist. I suck in a breath, getting a weird feeling in my stomach from his arms resting over my stomach. I'm pretty sure I stopped breathing. He keeps his hands like that despite my reaction, if he even noticed it.

An hour later the movie ends and all of us are now crying.

"Why the hell would you people WANT to watch that?" Dylan asks with a tear stained face.

"I had the same question!" Seth says with his arm wrapped around Mads' shoulders. I give her a subtle wink which thank god only she picked up on. She immediately started blushing and looks down.

"What the hell is wrong with you guys?" Kena asked. "That movie is the best thing that ever happened to the world."

"Dude that was the saddest thing I've ever seen." Seth comments.

"Then you haven't seen the Notebook." I say my eyes watering slightly but I've seen this movie so many times it doesn't affect me that much.

"NO!" Ollie screams. "YOU CANNOT MAKE ME WATCH THAT MOVIE AGAIN. I CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP AFTER WATCHING THE NOTEBOOK."

"Jesus. Okay we won't chill out." I say. I see Kena looking at me so I look at her and she makes eye contact with me before looking back over at Ollie and Josh then back at me slightly motioning with her head.

I look over and THEY'RE HOLDING HANDS. UGH MY HEART!

"What are we watching now?" Jake asks.

"I think us guys should decided because I'm not watching another movie that has all my friends crying." Noah speaks up.

I turn my head and glare at him, our proximity not going unnoticed by me, I turn my head back around.

"21 jump street?" Seth asks

"I fucking love that movie." I say happily.

"Okay, okay, 21 jump street it is. Carter, Noah can you go get the candy out of your pantry that I know you have because we locked it in your room for the party last night." Kena says subtly wiggling her eyebrows as we go to the kitchen.

We get the candy and walk back out with no words exchanged much to Kena's dismay we are back really quickly because of this.

We distribute candy and sit back down as we were and they start the movie.

My head rests on his chest right below his neck because he's so damn tall. It's easier for me to focus on this movie because I'm more comfortable not watching a movie where they're falling in love with a guy I possibly like holding me by the waist.

By the time the movie ends it like 2 am and me and Noah are the only ones awake.

"Tired?" I ask.

"No, I don't really sleep well at night."

"Yeah me either. Come on." I grab his hand and stand up knowing where I'm going I pull him up stairs and onto my balcony. I stand up on the chair and grab the roof of the house and hoist myself up.

He follows suit and once he's up I grab his hand again and pull him over to where the chimney sticks out of the roof. Theres a flat spot up there where I lie down to watch the stars when I can't sleep.

I sit down and pull him with me so he's right next to me. It's mid November right now so It's cold outside in Montana and I realize I'm only in a tank top. I involuntarily shiver. And he pulls his hoodie off and hands it to me. I put it on and lay back down watching the stars.

"Whats something you've always wanted to do." He asks. I'm surprised he asked me a question but I respond anyways.

"I want to get my belly button pierced." I say shyly. "What about you?"

"I want to road trip down to California to see the ocean."

"You haven't seen it?" I ask turning my head to look at him. He shakes his head. "It's gorgeous. During the summertime I used to go out there with my dad and watch the sunset right on the water. It feels surreal. Like it's not really you there."

"Tell me about your dad." I take a sharp intake of breath.

I force a laugh because no one has ever asked me to do this before besides the therapist I used to have.

"He was a marine biologist and a great dad. He raised me and my brother to be good people. He was my best friend. I could tell him anything. He never used to yell at us. He'd always let us tell our side of the story. He wanted us to be open with them so he never forced us to take unless we wanted to. He was the one who wanted me to experience the world on my own. My mom used to be overbearing but my dad changed her. He made her happy and he kept us all together. He was like the glue of our family. He always knew what to say and when to leave us alone. He used to call me his little princess." I sit up and move my hair away from my neck so he could see the tattoo. "He used to buy me this flower. It's called a princess. He said it reminded him of me. Funny how now it's my reminder of him." I laugh bitterly at the memories. Because if I don't laugh I might cry.

"You said brother." He says. Shit I was hoping he missed that.

"Yeah. He uh-. He died in prison."

"Why was he in prison."

"He killed the guy who killed my dad." I say looking out at the Mountains surrounding us. "In the precinct too. I lost my dad and my brother on the same night. He was never the same after that. He told me not to visit him in jail. Told me it was my fault and I shouldn't have been out whoring around." I pause. "I guess he was right. My dad died got hit by a drunk driver when he was out looking for me. It was the night I lost my virginity." I can feel his stare on me but I ignore it. "He was killed by some prison gang. Mom and I ignore it because when we talk about it, well we both break down."

"How are you okay?"

"I'm not Noah. I'm fucked up. Damaged. Broken. Call it what you want."

"You seem okay."

"It's an act." I lift the sleeve of his hoodie up and show my wrists that have faint white lines on the skin. He gently grabs my hands and inspects them. "Does that seem 'okay' to you?"

"Did you-," he trails off.

"Yeah." I breath out pulling the sleeves down but he keeps my hand in his. "Almost worked too."

He pulls wipes gently pulls my chin up to face him.

"I'm glad it didn't."

He wipes away the tears that I didn't know fell.

"I kinda just dumped my whole life story on you." I force another small laugh turning away from him because I hate seeming weak. "Now you gotta tell me something about you."

"What do you want to know?"

"Anything... Everything." I say turning to look at him again only to see he's still gazing at me.

"One sob story for another, huh?"

"Something like that."

"My dad died 2 years ago. From Leukemia. He was my moms rock. She stopped smiling without him. I stopped talking to people. Besides the guys, obviously. He used to take me to this place outside of town, a little ways up the mountain. I haven't been since he died cause it's been too hard. But I've been thinking I might go again. You made me start talking again." He looks over at me. "I know this might be weird but do you maybe want to come with me? You can say no, it's just, I don't know you make me feel like I can be me again. Which I haven't felt in a really long time."

I grab his hand. It's not much he told me, but it's a start. He hasn't opened up since his dad died. He shut everyone out. I'm glad he's trying to open up to me.

"I'd love to go with you." I smile weakly at him.

We lay back down and move to lighter subjects. He asks me about my other tattoo and I show him and explain the meaning. We talk about our friends and the people at school and lacrosse until it gets too cold for both of us and we head back inside.

"It doesn't look like there's any room on the couches so we can go upstairs if you want." I say.

"Okay."

I walk up the stairs and into my room. I get into bed and he stands there awkwardly.

"Come here," I motion for him to lie down on the bed.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah it's fine." I have a queen sized bed so it's not like he can't fit in next to me. He takes his shirt off and climbs in. He's laying on his back and I'm laying on my side facing away from him. I soon fall asleep to the sound of his breathing.