CHAPTER 15 (FINISHED EDITING)

The producers, the directors, everyone they were all hiding a something and it was making all of them mysteriously happy, giving us girls creepy knowing smiles every time we walked past them. It wasn't like it was a bad secret. It was more of a I know something that you don't and it may either make you either very happy or very annoyed type or smile.

I'm actually a smile analyst.

Whatever it was, Rose and I were kind of worried. I mean last time there was a muddy obstacle course involved.

We decided to swim in the lagoon. Not wanting to walk all the way to Venice Beach, so we changed into our swimsuits along with Tahlia and a few other girls which decided to join us.

After a while in the water Rose and I had gotten out of the water and was just sitting on the jetty and just spent the whole time joking and laughing.

I was especially teasing her about Charlie.

We were practically sisters now, Rose and I, having grown so close. Especially after the talent show night, the day after I told Rose everything which had happened to them and how I felt. She was basically my psychologist.

Later she had told me how she was basically adopted, her parents were white and her real parents are somewhere in Southern America. They visit her often though which was good and she had a good relationship with them, she just misses them. The only reason they can't look after her is because they're separated and neither can afford to look after her. She was fine with it, as she had good adoptive parents and in New Jersey there was quite a few African-Americans as well so she wasn't the odd one out.

Anyway, America was slowly getting over its racial and prejudicial stage. I mean seriously, Barack Obama is our president here!

We were close, to be honest we're probably closer here than Lilly and I were back home. All we really talked, or she, talked about was boys.

Especially Cameron Jacobs, a potential boyfriend.

Actually I wondered what Cameron Jacobs was up to now.

I lost sidetrack of my thoughts as they drifted from Cameron to Xavier. Every time I thought I had figured it out, I realise I don't. And that's what frustrated me the most.

I didn't know the truth.

My mind continued wandering, who knows where with the ADD I have, until girly voices saying the over said name, Xavier Matthews, caught my attention.

Ah, more gossip. Because we needed more of that. Yet, I tuned in and listened to what they were saying.

"Yeah, he's in Miami now apparently,"

Another girl refused to believe it, "No, he's not. I saw him the other night." Someone snickered, "it is possible to go from one side of the country to another in a short space of time, he's definitely in Miami."

"Who said?"

"There's photos on the Twitter Update sites, so he's obviously in Miami. But no one knows why."

"Really?"

Another voice entered the conversation, "Yeah, the producers are apparently trying to find him, for the show, everyone is. Except for his management I think, they seem pretty chill about it all."

"Why would they be cool with it? He's probably going to get into a lot of trouble when he gets back for going missing with no reason."

Another girl snorted, "It's Xavier Matthews guys. He's done worse things than going missing. I'm sure they won't even mention it to him."

Slightly tanned, mostly sunburnt with chapped lips, Rose and I were in her room. On omegle. And I don't know why.

My eye's had never been so defiled, penises popping up every so often, In fact I held a pillow in front of my eyes while Rose laughed at me.

A few girls online recognised us from the show and actually fangirled. I couldn't believe it.

It was fun, just hanging, with the TV on in the background until once again another news report of Xavier Matthews caught my attention.

"Xavier Matthews out partying again; smoking substance, hooking up with strippers and crushes fans dreams. How far is too far for Mr. Bad Boy?"

The news anchor introduced the segment before actual footage, although blurry and poor quality, probably from a phone, was shown of Xavier in a dirty night club. A cigarette was hanging between his lips and his eyes looked dazed and unfocused. Strippers danced up and down his body and you could see he enjoyed it.

"Witnesses say that pop star, Xavier Matthews, was a wild wreck at Miami's famous night club, Full House. Sources say that Matthews was loud and obnoxious, rude to staff and boasting about himself while shutting down any fans which approached him. Matthews also smelled highly of marijuana and sources even say they say him roll up his own cigarette with the illegal substance. Photos were also released of Matthews becoming intimate with various strippers."

Photos then rolled through, of him making out with one stripper while groping another. I felt so sick watching this after photos and videos kept rolling through. There was another one of him biting a stripper's boob and him against a wall with two strippers against him.

"It looks like Mr. Matthews isn't impressed with the girls back at the mansion, or at least what he is getting from them,

As producers wanted to keep the image of the show clean, he has apparently been forced not to spend any extra time with girls behind scenes to keep it fair and clean yet Xavier is obviously not ashamed to get down and dirty in the public eye."

The segment finished and I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I really did think I knew him. My eyes were blurry, as if they were filling up with tears yet I managed to keep them under control, trying not to get Roses attention. How embarrassing?!

I think Rose did notice how quiet I was though but didn't say anything except ten minutes later she asked, well more commanded, "Let's go to Seven Eleven. I'm craving a slurpee."

Following her outside, dressed in leggings and an oversized baseball tee, we made our way to the closest Seven Eleven. There were a few paps lingering outside the mansions gates but other than that there weren't that many.

I was pretty zoned out, not focusing at all where I was going, just following Rose.

My mind had one word going around; Xavier, Xavier, Xavier.

Xavier flipping Matthews.

Maybe I had let these feelings get too far. I let this whole 'thing' get too far. It wasn't even a thing. He didn't like me in the first place. I was just another girl on a TV show while he is Xavier Matthews.

The big 7/11 sign, in neon, came into view, and we walked in and got our Slurpees from the self serve machine. Rose took my drink and bought them together.

I wandered around the small shop and stopped in front of the magazines wall. From the ceiling to the floor, all the magazines you could think of lined the shelves. And the majority of these magazines had Xavier's face plastered to them.

"Matthews off the Rails!"

"Bad Boy Strikes Again!"

Photos of him and the strippers made the front page with high definition photography of him, his face hidden into the neck of a blonde girl, probably leaving red hickey's across her skin, a tattoo on the back of his left shoulder, a small pistol, peaked out of his white tank singlet.

My heart clenched as I heard Rose call my name.

Drinking our Slurpees, we made our way back to the mansion silently.

The sad thing, the worst thing of all, was that I knew better. I knew the reputation he had, I knew what he did to girls. I had my standards and I knew what to expect and yet, yet I let myself and my guards down and fall. And I let myself be vulnerable.

And the things is, you don't even realise you're doing it. You don't realise that you like someone this much until you feel the hurt and the jealousy. And sometimes you let your heart fall, hoping that maybe, hopefully, they would catch but in the end, they miss and it shatters.

I gave him a chance, whether he knew it or not, to prove to me who he really was and he did. And I thought I knew him. But all of these articles, photos, reports. It contradicts everything he ever told me, showed me.

And the trust I had in him was broken.

We were back at the mansion and I was walking upstairs to my room with Rose. There were a few girls behind us, gossiping away, as they came back from being outside.

I saw him, then.

Xavier.

At the top of the stairs.

He glanced my way and my heart stopped and then began moving at a rapid pace. My hands clammed up as I dropped my gaze to the ground, all in an instant.

I walked past him, without giving him another glance.

I couldn't do it.

Rose went to her room and I went to mine and on my bed was a white envelope with a golden microphone printed near the top right corner. It was Golden Record's emblem. Mr. Matthews icon.

Excited, I ripped it open, hoping to find a letter, maybe to be signed to the company but as I read it my heart sank to the bottom of my stomach.

It was from Xavier's management team. Telling me to stay away from him as I was distracting him. And that if word got out that I was spending time with him it would wreck the shows 'clean' image.

I don't know why they cared though, have they not seen the photos of him out recently?!

Frustrated, I scrunched the letter up and threw it into my bin.

I collapsed backwards onto my bed and stared at the ceiling.

A melody began to form and lyrics popped into my mind. Grabbing my notebook, I wrote everything down before I could forget.

I spent an hour, locked away in my room, writing the lyrics and music before recording it on my laptop.

It wasn't as good quality as the song I recorded in the music room with Xavier but it would do.

When the call for dinner came by I wasn't hungry so I decided to put a cover up on youtube instead.

I found the chords for the song I wanted, and although it sounded better on piano, I made it fit to the guitar, so I wouldn't have to go upstairs to the music room.

Setting up my camera and tripod I recorded the intro and put it up online, telling my subscribers that in an hour there will be a video.

And I practised and practised the song, before I was ready to record.

Playing the intro riff I made up, I got ready before I opened my mouth, took in a breath and let everything I was feeling into the start.

"Say something, I'm giving up on yo. I'll be the one, if you want me to. Anywhere, I would've followed you. Say something I'm giving up on you."

These words, these lyrics had never felt so real.

"And I will stumble and fall, I'm still learning to love. Just starting to crawl."

I continued to sing, the chorus and the second verse before belting out the chorus letting out every emotion I was feeling before singing the last chorus again in falsetto

"Say something I'm giving up on you, I'm giving up on you. And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you. And anywhere I would've followed you. Say something, I'm giving up on you..

Say something, I'm giving up on you."

And in a mere whisper, "Say something..."

I opened up my eyes as the song finished and a tear had trickled down my cheek. Embarrassed, I quickly wiped it away and smiled shyly at the camera before turning it off and uploading it online.

Once it was up, I didn't stay and wait for the response. I just went to bed after a long day.

Rose literally dragged me out of bed. She ripped my covers off and pulled me my shirt which resulted in me landing on the floor.

She was so violent!

I was going to in a better mood today. I just had to avoid him as much as possible and not think about it. It would be hard but I wasn't going to let a boy wreck my time here.

I dressed in a bright but simple floral sun dress with sleeves and buttons at the back. Placing a white sandals on I followed a somewhat hyper Rose downstairs to breakfast. I guess she was excited because the producers were telling us tomorrow what the "big surprise" would be. They just had to finalise some last minute details.

Downstairs all the girls sat that were left on the show sat around a long rectangular table filled with cereal, porridge, fruit salads, eggs and bacon and everything else under the sun.

I sat down with Rose and we chatted all among ourselves, even Lindsay was getting involved. I found some pancakes and nutella which I piled onto my plate without hesitating.

I was about to eat my first bite a newspaper on the table close to where I was sitting was rolled onto the front page with Xavier's face joined to a strippers, by their lips. My eyes skim read the article but it was the same thing I had seen over and over again.

I sighed and stuffed my face with a chocolate covered pancake.

In times like these you need a unhealthy dose of nutella in some sort of form.

I was into my second bite when something caught my attention in the article.

I read it again.

"Last Friday night, America's bad boy, Xavier Matthews, was seen out partying in a local Miami club with various models..."

Something seemed off and I pondered over it as I ate my pancakes.

Last Friday night...

Last Friday night...

Friday night...

Friday night...

Friday night.

Friday Night!

That was the night Xavier and I slept in the music room together! That was the night he broke down and I remember clearly him being there in the morning not on the other side of the USA!

I finished what I was eating and stood up, confused and most of all angry. With the newspaper in my hand I abruptly stood up and marched my way through the mansion trying to find Xavier.

I made my upstairs and then went straight to the music room. I swear if he was somewhere else promoting his terrible music I would hit someone!

But luckily, as I slammed the music room door open he was sitting there and the piano with blank eyes staring into space as I marched in and through the newspaper at him, missing his head by an inch.

"Who are you really Xavier?!" I exclaim, "The bad boy everyone thinks they knows or the boy I thought I knew?!"

I quieten my voice, "Or was this all pretend for you?"

A/N:

Thank you guys so much for the support! I love you all!

Alexis xx

Question of the update: What movie/music star would you be? Either gender is o.k. Why?