Xan looks so handsome in his coat and beanie, my heart aches when our eyes meet. I've missed him so much. I want to jump up and wrap my arms around him, press my lips against his and melt into him but judging by the look on his face I don't think he would consent to that. He doesn't look happy to see me at all.

"Damn it, you should've went home, Lennon." Xan snaps, as he approaches.

It's the first time he's ever called me Lennon instead of Lennon Rose and my stomach churns. He looks pissed, his dark brows dipped in anger, his perfect lips pressed in a firm line.

"I needed to talk to you." I say and force my stiff body off the bench.

He arches an eyebrow at me. "I'm not gonna get you off, I'm not gonna let you suck my dick and I'm sure as hell not gonna fuck you, so go home!" He shouts and I flinch.

His words hurt, my skin aches as if they were physical blows.

"What is wrong with you?" I hiss quietly so we don't wake the rest of the neighborhood up. "I didn't come here for that, I just want to talk."

He lets out a humorless laugh. "Really? Well that's a surprise since that's the only reason you ever come around anyway." He cocks his head to the side. "What is it, Jax can't get you off either?"

My brow furrows. "What?"

"Well Draven Kingswood couldn't do the job so now that Jax actually remembers your damn name you figured he might be able to get it done, right?" He huffs. "God, I bet you were giddy as fuck when he asked you out weren't you?"

My face heats up in embarrassment. "Stop Xan, you're being a dick."

"Damn right I am." He reaches for his car door and I step in between him and the car.

"Can we please talk, please." I beg him and I hate it especially doing it with the way he's treating me.

He looks down his nose at me and my stomach churns. "You've gotten pretty good at the begging thing but it doesn't do it for me anymore."

I flinch again and tears build in my eyes as my temper spikes. "What? Moved on quick, huh? Finally got to fuck me and couldn't even wait twenty-four hours to go on a date with someone else."

"What the hell are you talking about?" He scoffs.

"I woke up alone in your bed, confused only for Jax to tell me you were on a lunch date." A tear slips down my cheek.

"I was on a lunch date with my Aunt and my mom. I left you a note on my pillow before I left."

I didn't exactly look around before leaving his room to look for him and when I came back I was hurt and getting dressed as quick as possible. A lunch date with his Mom and Aunt, no, that can't be true.

"What?"

He sighs. "My Dads Birthday was four days ago. We always have either lunch or dinner together and reminisce about my Dad." His eyes flick down to his feet.

"I'm so sorry, Xan." I say and give his hand a squeeze.

He knocks my hand away and scowls at me. "Don't fucking touch me after you've been with him."

"What are you talking about, I haven't been with anyone but you since New Years Eve, minus Draven of course." I mutter the end.

"Jax told me about your date tonight right before I was leaving for work. Said you assured him our fuck buddy situation was over. I was pissed but in denial about it because surely you wouldn't date my best friend without even attempting to have a conversation with me but then I saw you at the diner with Jax, laughing and smiling and talking that I didn't mean shit to you."

I swallow the lump in my throat. "You saw us?"

"Yeah, I was taking the dogs for a walk like I always do. Now move out of the way so I can get home. I'm hungry and tired."

I shake my head. "But it isn't what you think, Xan."

Yes, I had a crush on Jax but that was before I got to know Xan. My feelings for Xan surpass anything I've ever felt for anyone before. Accepting Jax's date was stupid of me to do. I was hurt and wasn't thinking rationally, I just wanted to forget Xan.

"So you weren't on a date with my best friend?"

"No. I mean yeah, I was but—"

"Then it's exactly what I fucking think. Damn it, Lennon just leave me alone." He pleads and the hurt I can hear in his voice breaks me.

I really screwed up.

A tear trickles down my cheek. "Please Xan, I just want to talk. I'm not interested in Jax—"

"Okay, yeah let's talk. You do realize he didn't even remember your name until he walked in on us fucking. In his head you're Lennon with the perky tits that screams when she comes, that's how he remembers you I can guarantee it." He gives a humorless laugh. "It took him two months to remember your name, maybe you should've flashed him the first time you met him instead of falling at his feet, it's clearly more memorable! And don't fucking lie to my face like I'm an idiot, I know you're into Jax. I've seen the way you look a him." He shakes his head a bitter smile tilting his lips. "Maybe I am an idiot because even though I knew you liked him I still went for you but fuck this."

He nudges his way between me and his car and quickly slips inside. I stumble back, frozen as he eases out of the parking spot and speeds away, his taillights becoming two red splotches in the distance as tears blur my vision.

My ass hits the curb and I bury my face in my hands and sob. He wasn't on a lunch date with another girl, he left me a note that I didn't see and instead of talking to him like I should've I avoided him and agreed to a date with his best friend. I fucked up big time. I should've told him I'd developed feelings for him as soon as it happened so I knew where we stood but I was scared he didn't feel the same way. We talked about literally everything except where things with us were going.

At the sound of a car nearing I wipe at my eyes with my sleeves and glance up. I freeze when I see the familiar blue car.

"Get in." Xan snaps through his rolled down window as he stops in front of me, his lips pursed as he stares straight ahead.

He came back.

I scramble off the curb and jump in the passenger seat before he can change his mind.

"Don't get excited, I couldn't leave you here by yourself in good conscience." He mutters as I shut the door and he rolls the window up.

I look over at him, watching as he shifts gears and I take him in. He's so handsome, I can't believe Jax ever caught my eye while in Xan's presence. Of course I knew he was attractive but I never paid much attention to the sharp cut of his jaw or the way his lip ring hugs his lower lip. His eyelashes are thick and long, they accentuate his eyes and make the color pop. The gray is such a pretty color, I could stare at him for the rest of the night and I don't think I'd get enough. It's not just his looks either they're only the cherry on top.

He's kind, considerate, so good to me even while teasing me. He actually wants to know what I'm thinking and our discussions had become the favorite part of my day. It had only been four days since I last seen him but god I missed him so much, being next to him now I can't believe I ever thought he would leave me in his bed to go on a date with another girl. Xan isn't like that. I'd like to blame it on possibly being cheated on by a boyfriend from my past but as far as I know I haven't been, I think I just started feeling so much for him so rapidly it scared me so I took the first sign of doubt I was given. Like an idiot.

"Stop." His voice is sharp and full of hurt, it makes tears pool in my eyes again.

Tayen was right, she tried to warn me that I wouldn't be able to take it back once I went on that date with Jax and now I have to live with the repercussions of my actions and God it hurts.

I avert my eyes from his face and stare out the windshield, tears streaking down my cheeks silently, an unbearable weight pressing against my chest. When he pulls up in front of the doors to my building my heart sinks even further, before he can say anything I jump out of the car and run into the building. I can barely see through the tears by the time I reach my apartment door.

Instead of bothering Divya for the spare key I sink down on the floor by the door and bury my face in my knees, wrapping my arms around my bent legs, not even caring if I'm flashing anyone in my skirt. I don't know what to do or where to go from here. How do I fix it? It doesn't feel fixable, he didn't want me to even look at him and he didn't bother looking at me. He's not going to forgive me for this.

"Damn it, Lennon." Xan's voice takes me by surprise.

My head jerks up at the sound but I don't move, my heart racing as I stare up at him.

He sinks down beside me and leans back against the wall, peering up at the ceiling. I watch him out of the corner of my eye as he pulls his beanie off and runs his his fingers through freshly dyed and trimmed hair.

"Why?" The question is whispered so quietly I don't understand him.

"What?" I ask, my voice cracking.

"Why the fuck would you go on a date with him?" He looks over at me and meets my eyes.

I take a deep breath, fighting the urge to start crying again as I see the hurt swirling in his eyes.

I bite my lip. "I don't know I... I was hurt, I thought you were out dating other people. I had spent the last few days crying and hurting and I was tired of it. I had a crush on him for a long time, he made it seem like it was no big deal and that it didn't have to be a real date. He said he also had a crush on me for a while."

"And then you went."

"I did, I went but we were sitting there, he was talking and—" I shake my head. "— I couldn't do it. We hadn't even gotten our drinks yet and I already regretted it. There was no connection there, I could tell immediately and I missed you. You were all I could think about while sitting there."

He rubs a hand down his face. "Why couldn't you just talk to me, ask me about who I was having lunch with? I would've told you, I thought you knew."

"I don't know, okay. I was hurt but I felt stupid for being hurt because it's not like we were in a relationship, we were just messing around. I was scared you didn't feeling anything other than a sexual connection to me."

His lips tilt into a smirk, his eyes angry. "Just messing around." He shakes his head and looks down at his lap. "You know how many girls I've cooked for?"

I swallow nervously and shake my head. "No." I whisper.

"One." He mutters, his eyes coming back to mine. "You." He pulls his lip ring in his mouth.

I don't even know what to say to that.

"Xan, I'm so sorry. I didn't see a note when I woke up but I move a lot in my sleep so maybe I knocked it off. If I knew I would've never left your bed, I would've stayed and waited for you to come back." My lip wobbles and I clear my throat, pushing myself to admit my feelings. It's all or nothing. "I like you."

"Not enough apparently." He mumbles.

"That's not fair. It's not like we go out on dates, walk around campus holding hands or even kiss in front of people. I bet if you asked any of my friends other than Tayen they'd have no idea we were hooking up. I'm sure it's the same with your friends, Ace and Jax not included. Do you think Jax would've asked me out if he thought we were together? Even he thought we were just messing around and he's supposed to be your best friend."

He stays silent but I know he knows I'm right. I take his hand and this time he doesn't brush me away like he did in the parking lot and the ache in my chest eases slightly.

I wait for him to meet my eyes and when he does I say, "I like you, Xan. I want you, not Draven or Jax or anyone else. You. These last few days have been absolute hell, not talking to you and seeing you everyday. I was so miserable."

He stares at me for a minute and then he pulls me onto his lap. I release a breath of relief and bury my face in his neck as he wraps his arms around me tightly.

"Did you kiss him?" He asks.

"No. We didn't hug or hold hands or anything, I wouldn't have. Jax is nice but he's not you, Xan, no one is."

"Good." He mutters. His fingers tangle in my hair and he pulls me back so we're eye to eye. "Since it wasn't clear before you're mine, Lennon Rose."

"And your mine, Xan." My lips tilt up into a wobbly smile and I lean forward and capture his mouth.

I melt into his touch, savoring his taste and the feel and smell of him as I push my hands under his coat. This, I need this for the rest of my life. Him. He makes me happier than anyone else I've ever encountered.

His stomach growls loudly and I can't help but laugh.

I stand up and smile down at him. "Come on I think it's time I cooked for you."

He flashes me that crooked grin of his and I swear my heart does a flip. God this man.

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