I plopped myself down on the silky sheets of my bed, closing my eyes to find my thoughts.

'ah- yep- shit- my knees still sting-'

"Hey- uh... Tom. Could you get the first aid kit in the top right drawer over there?" I asked, gesturing over to the drawers on the other side of the room.

"Yeah... of course" He responded to me with a quiet tone.

I didn't dare to open my eyes, I just wanted focus to my thoughts. I heard rummaging from the other side of the room, probably Tommy trying to locate the kit... After a while, I heard the drawer close and foot steps growing closer to me.

"I can patch you up" Tommy mentions.

"Nah, I can do it myself... Thanks for the offer though" I said.

Without another word, I felt something cold brush over my knee.

My mind began to flash with the horrible memories that happened not even long ago... his cold touch... it made me instantly backed away, causing me to force open my eyes to see Tommy down by my bedside... he was holding disinfectant in one of his hands while his hand just hovered in the air.

He slowly retracted his hand back down to his side.

"Uh... sorry, Y/N"

"No, no... I'm sorry..." I chuckled, hanging my legs off and over the side of my bed, "...You can do whatever"

After giving Tommy another look of reassurance, he began cleaning and bandaging up my cuts.

It's been a long while since I got hurt... But this is the first time someone has ever helped me like this.

To think, Tom would be the one who was being my first...

I took a glance down at my knees.

'motherfucker hurts like a butt cheek on a stick-'

Sucks that these would probably leave scars...

I wonder when it'd be the right day and time to tell my parents-- or Luca about this...

It sucks to not tell them about it, but this might be a good thing.

My mum would freak the hell out and possibly even assume the worst of the worst.

My dad would probably either sue the fuck out of Aiden's parents or kill them-- which might be a good thing in both cases.

And Luca...

I'm not even sure what Luca would do. She'll be taking care of his kid-sister for the foreseeable future, so what would she see whenever she has to look at her? Would see feel sorry? Would she feel hate?

Who even knows anymore...

My eyes trailed back to Tommy. He was so focused on not screwing up the 'patching up' process that he didn't even see me looking his way.

Fluffy blonde hair... check.

Pale skin... check.

Pretty blue eyes... check.

A loud, explosively childish personality... check.

A lady killer... check.

Somebody who cares for me... check.

Someone who I feel safe around... check.

The qualities of Tom that I seem to notice the most.

The qualities of the boy I fell in love with..

.

.

.

--love? oh for fucks sake. I hate myself for that. pog.

Seeing him tonight really made my feelings skyrocket to high limit.

Waking up to see him- to feel his embrace-- realizing it now is making my heart pick up speed.

"How did you know where to find me?" I asked him.

"Your dad told me he sent you to the store. And- I remembered what you said before about that park being a shortcut there." Tom explained to me, not taking his eyes off of bandaging my knees, "When he said that you were taking longer than normal, I just felt like something wasn't right. So... I went out to look for you."

I forced a laugh out.

"So- what? You're a psychic now? You did find me at quite the bad time--"

Tommy stopped what he was doing to turn to look up to me.

"You shouldn't be joking about that." He stated.

I was a bit taken aback from his expression.

It changed from how it was like before. Before, he seemed quite antsy. His eyes were normally full of worry and he didn't seem to smile once. Now, his face did indeed lift from that state, but he stared at me with a scarily serious look.

"You could've died, Y/N." He muttered out, his eyes softening at the realization of his words, "What would've happen if I wasn't there to pull you out of the water?"

My act from before faltered a bit at his mention, but I managed to go back to a smile at the very least.

"Well- I would've died, of course. That's, that--"

"Why are you saying that so casually??!" Tommy raised his voice, baffled at my words, "..Were you not the least bit scared?"

I was trying to think of something else to say.

A simple 'not at all' wasn't able to form within me. I just couldn't.

I'm trying to seem okay. I don't want him to worry about him-- especially after what happen last time when I left the SMP. He worried about me for days on end...

That time was for a different instance, but if it were to play out like how that time was... The outcome would make me hate myself again.

I tried my best to smile, but it hurt to smile.

And the pain in my chest continued to grow and grow.

Through the pain, I managed to laugh... but my vision started to get blurry.

"...of course I was scared, Tom." I said quietly, "Why wouldn't I be?"

After that, I continued to laugh. It was so forced, I was hurting even more than before.

As soon as I was able to calm down, I started to drop the act.

My gaze dropped and I stared down at my half bandaged knees.

I felt so gloomy once I did that.

"God... I hated admitting that... I really am pathetic, right?" I murmured out.

The memories that I want to suppress just keep resurfacing. I want to ignore them, but it just feels impossible right now.

"What are you talking about?" Tommy questioned.

"I couldn't even get away from him. I got caught and almost died. I'm never able to save myself anymore..." I admitted, "...I practically get saved so much now, it makes me sick"

Before all of this, I use to be able to take care of myself... and now, I've gotten soft. There's no denying it, and there's no way I'm able to go back to how I was before.

Yet... I still wish things were how they were before.

In almost all of those cases, I didn't have really any big problems unless I started them.

Back then, I was able to handle anything that came my way... now I'm weak. And heartless..

Just then, the back of my hand started to feel warmer. It snapped me out of my clouded mind and made me focus on the new found presence.

I then saw Tom's hand over mine.

'wait-' I stared at the sight in front of me for the longest time.

I swear, I stopped working- I was so confused. '-heh?'

I brought my eyes to stare back at Tommy, to only see him with his head turned, looking the other way.

"Should that really matter though?" He muttered out, "Did you hate me saving you? Would you rather have fucking drowned?"

I managed to chuckle a bit, shaking my head.

"..not preferably" I replied to him, "I'm just annoyed it had to be you out of all people to save me."

"I never thought you would save me--"

"I wasn't just going to let you fucking drown." He states, turning to face me once again.

The two of us just stared into each others eyes for a while, not really saying much.

I mean- he's holding my hand and saying all this stuff, what am I suppose to say?

Tommy's cheeks started to tint a faint red, he started having a bit of trouble keeping eye contact.

"I- I care about you..." He stammers out, "and- I dont give a shit if you hate being saved by people- especially me. I'm going to give you a hand regardless of what it is."

And with that, my heart felt like it was thudding out of my chest rapidly. Not to mention that my face got instantly warmer.

'Am I about to Jschlatt my way to an early grave? Is this my canon life?'

This just seemed like a lot in the moment...

Why?

Why are you saying these nice things?

Why are you being so nice to me?

I don't deserve your kindness at all... and now I'm honestly starting to think that you're toying with me.

You're too good for me...

I couldn't stop my body from shaking, I was practically trembling in front of Tommy.

"...you-"

The tears that were welled up in my eyes finally started to fall, and I lost it.

My body moved forward, closing the distance between me and Tommy.

I embraced him and the two of us fell back onto my bedroom floor, with me laying on top of him.

With my arms around, hugging into his neck, I didn't want to let go of him.

"Y- Y/N..??" Tom stared at me, wide-eyed.

"...you're a fucking idiot Tom..." I croaked, tightening my grip around him and allowing the tears to continue falling.

For gods sake- I'm sobbing now... I'm keeping them quiet enough just in case if my parents are still home, but I so badly wanted to just go out and scream at the top of my lungs.

With all that has happen, and having Tom here by my side through it all... why wouldn't I react this way?

Without a verbal reply, all Tom did was slowly put his arms around me.

..feeling his warmth around me- an odd thing that I wanted more of.

It made me slightly happier that he's willing to hug me back.

The silence lingered for a while longer before he spoke.

"yeah- whatever you say" He finally replies with.

To this, we laid there for a while. Not doing anything except taking in and enjoying the moment.

But no matter how happy the moment, my thoughts came back to remind me of the situation.

'god- I really am selfish for this... so fucking selfish' I told myself, 'But I don't want to stop'

"I'll stay with you for as long as you want me to." Tommy tells me, "I wont leave you alone tonight"

'You'll stay with me? Now I know you're really trying to tease me... God Tommy- You really know how to play around with a girls feelings...'

Though, none of that seemed to matter after a while...

I brought myself closer to Tom, indulging more of his warmth.

Tonight was special.

This night is going to be a secret that only me and Tommy would know and hold true...

I am so thankful to have him in my life... And even if my hope shatters, none of it would matter because he'll be there for me.

He always somehow is...