A/n: I wasn't gonna update today but I guess it's a Christmas miracle. Enjoy and have a Merry Christmas everyone!!!!! ♡♡♡♡♡♡

After my talk with Tae and Jimin I headed back to the dorm, nervous to face Namjoon after everything.

I wasn't ready to see his face, not after my dream and after coming to the conclusion that I was pretty much gay.

This was all too much and I just wanted to run and hide for a while.

As soon as I reached the dorm I took in deep breath before pushing the door open.

Once I do, I spot Namjoon seated on his bed, his head in his hands. His aura was anxious.

Namjoon's head snapped up as soon as I shut the door, his gaze meeting mine.

That exact moment, both of us looked away. My cheeks burned as I hid my face making sure he didn't see.

There was definitely an awkward tension in the air now but I wasn't sure why he felt awkward.

No matter how badly I didn't want to confess to possibly being gay, I knew I should tell Namjoon.

It's best if I don't keep this hidden, it could possibly make things worse and I didn't need that.

"Uh, Namjoon." I start, my voice hesitant. "What is it?" He asks, his voice father rushed.

I looked over at him to see him already looking up at me. The look on his face seemed...anxious.

"Well, today I had a talk with Tae and Jimin about something that happened and I..." I start and Namjoon's eyes get big.

"You what? You didn't tell them about what happened between us, did you!?" Namjoon asked, worry in his words.

"No, I didn't. I told you I wouldn't." I say and Namjoon seems to visually relax.

"Then what is it?" He asks, looking over at me. I felt a lump forming in my throat.

Out of everyone, I somehow felt most nervous to admit this to Namjoon.

What if he was disgusted with me and didn't want to room with me anymore because I might be gay?

I didn't need him to hate me. He would make my life a living hell if he did.

"Well?" Namjoon asked, clearly becoming impatient. I let out a sigh as I mumbled out;

"I think I might be gay."

Namjoon stared at me, blinking. He didn't say a word, his eyes held nothing but blankness.

"W-what makes you say that? You said you were straight." Namjoon finally says.

I didn't want to tell him how I came to this conclusion, that would only be embarrassing for me.

"It isn't really important how. All I'm saying is that I think I am gay." I start then continue with,

"So if I liked having sex with a guy and I might be gay, do you think it's the same for you?"I ask.

Namjoon doesn't spare a second in denying it. "Of course not! Just because you're gay doesn't mean that I have to be."

I bit my bottom lip, glad I hadn't told Namjoon about the dream. He definitely would have hated me after that.

"So you're really gay after all?" Namjoon asked, his voice strained as if he couldn't believe it and trust me, I couldn't either.

"I guess so. I just pieced things in my past together and it started to make sense. Every time I've ever had sex with a girl it always took me forever to get where I needed to be, you know. Then my one time having sex with a guy and everything is just fine, that obviously means something. So yeah, I guess I am gay." I say.

Namjoon doesn't say anything.

I couldn't even being to imagine what Namjoon was thinking in that moment.

"I don't care if you're gay but don't push your ways on to me. I'm not gay and that's it." Namjoon says as he turns on his heels and disappears from the room.

As soon as the door shut I let out a breath I didn't realize I had been holding in.

Despite what I knew, I knew Namjoon would never be comfortable around me now.

Now that I admitted to being gay I knew he would still be on edge, despite him saying he didn't care if I was.

When it's all said and done, I knew Namjoon would look at me differently.

Jin is gay.

He's gay. He's been gay this whole time.

He says he knew when he couldn't get off during sex with a girl so what the fuck does that make me?

I'm not gay, I can't be. I've never had a problem with being with girls before so why was it so difficult now?

This wasn't happening. I didn't even want to face Jin, especially after what happened earlier with Sana.

How was I supposed to see him after getting off to the thought of him and him coming out as gay!

This was crazy. Why did I have to be a part of this? Why was it happening to me?

I like girls but I got off to a guy. I want to date girls but why do I think of guys? I'm not gay but I'm clearly not straight either.

This is a fun little game I call what the fuck am I?

After hours of walking around simply to avoid Jin, I decided on heading back.

As much as I didn't want to I knew I had to for school tomorrow. Tomorrow was Friday and I didn't have weekend classes so I could just relax.

The first week of college was almost over and yet it felt as if I had been here for months already.

Upon getting back to the dorm I walked inside, grateful that Jin wasn't anywhere in sight.

I sat down on my bed and pulled out my phone. It was going on 8pm and I hadn't even eaten anything today.

I was starving. I would do anything to eat right now, I'd even sacrifice myself to Satan himself for a goddamn cheese burger.

As my stomach rumbled, I groaned. I couldn't take this. I was hungry.

My thoughts were cut short as the bathroom door opened and out walked Jin with a towel wrapped around his waist and his chest glistening with water. His broad shoulders were straight as he ran his fingers through his dripping wet hair.

I swallowed as I looked him up and down, not thinking as I did so.

"Oh, you're back." Jin says as he turns, his eyes meeting mine as I tear them away from his body.

"Yeah, have you been here the whole time?" I ask, averting my eyes down to my phone that was in my hands.

I hated that I was letting myself be this way. Why did I have to look? It wasn't like he had something I didn't.

"Yeah. I haven't eaten anything and I'm hungry so I was thinking of going out to get something." Jin says as he shuffles over to his dresser, searching for clothes.

"Oh cool." I say, my eyes trailing up his body without consent from me.

"If you're hungry you can come with." Jin says as he pulls out a shirt and pulls it over his head.

"I'm not hungry." I lie, knowing damn well I was staving. I just had to avoid being alone with Jin at all costs.

Just as I said it, my stomach growled loudly. Jin turned, his eyebrows raising as he laughs slightly.

"Liar." He says, a slight giggle coming through. The sound made my heart launch forward in my chest, surprising me.

"So what do you say?" Jin asked, smiling at me as if he were trying to get me to agree.

I look down at my stomach then over at him. "Okay, fine."

Once Jin had gotten fully dressed, we headed off campus to go get something to eat.

After knowing what I knew now, I felt a bit awkward being alone with Jin.

Not because he admitted to being gay but because I myself might but be...No, that's not the point.

"What can I get for you two?" The waitress asks, pulling me from my thoughts.

"What do you want?" Jin asked, looking over at me. I proceeded to say what I wanted and then Jin did too.

As we waited for our food, Jin spoke. "You're not weirded out that I'm gay, are you?" Jin asked, his eyes meeting mine.

"Of course I'm not weirded out. Jackson is gay too, remember?" I say and Jin shakes his head.

"That's not what I mean." Jin says and I tilt my head to the side. "Then what do you mean?" I ask.

"You're not weirded out to be sharing a room with me or anything like that." Jin says.

"I'm not homophobic, Jin. I just don't want you assuming I'm gay too just because you are. We're two different people." I say and Jin nods.

"Alright. Well, since we're getting things out on the table, I think I should tell you something..." Jin starts and I look at him, eyebrows raised.

"Huh?" I ask although I wasn't expecting what he said next.

"I had a sex dream about you."