.

«i've been dazed for a while»

✎

"Yeeun..."

"Hm?"

"I'm going to bring my future girlfriend here."

I turned to him as my eyes flickered to the ground, "and who is that? Jukyung?" a forced smile plastered on my face while those words left my mouth.

He laughed and pushed me gently, "no. I don't know who it'll be but I hope she'll like it," I could only fake a laugh at his response but then he seemed to get serious after an awkward moment of silence.

"I like Jukyung," he blurted out, "I hope I can bring her here one day."

I raised my eyebrows and my mouth slightly opened in shock. My eyes glanced around the ground as I thought of what to say to him, "it's so obvious you like her," was all I could say.

He sighed and looked down at his hands, rubbing them together, "but I have a feeling she likes Suho," he said slowly.

I tried my best to comfort him, despite my chest feeling like there was something applying extreme pressure on it, "you don't know that. If you talk to her about your feelings then I'm sure something will workout."

Seojun sucked in his lips and nodded, "you've been a good friend to me, Yeeun," he gave me a tiny smile before pointing his thumb at my front door, "I'll see you at school."

I was left standing alone as he walked away from me. For the first time, my stomach lost that tingly feeling whenever I was around him. I think I finally had an idea why I seemed to tense up whenever I was near Seojun.

I slowly opened the front door and entered my dark house quietly. Despite trying my best not to make any noise, there was my mother at the kitchen table sitting alone.

"Yeeun!" She motioned for me to sit next to her and had a gigantic grin on her,"so what happened?"

I nodded slowly and kept my eyes focused on the table, "good," my voice spoke lowly. I seemed to be distracted by my thoughts and completely forgot about my surroundings. Seojun's confession stayed in my mind still. It felt like it a never ending loop of hearing those words come out his mouth.

"Yeeun," my mother tapped me, "are you okay?"

I woke up from thoughts and quickly realized why I was feeling this way. My eyes glanced at my mother and my mouth slightly frowned, "can I tell you something?"

She nodded, worriedly, "yes."

I hesitated for a moment before spitting out how I've been feeling, "there's this boy I can't stop thinking about," I spoke faintly, "I couldn't really stand him before but now I get excited being around him. I also get really jealous whenever he looks at this one girl and he just told me he likes her."

"Aren't you with Seojun?" She slightly raised her voice at me. I immediately shook my head, "no we're just pretending because some kids at school thought we were in a relationship for some reason."

My mother awkwardly nodded, pressing on her lips while humming, "hm, so who's the boy?" I looked away and began combing strands of my hair, "Seojun..." I muttered.

She smirked as she lifted her cup of water, "oh sweetheart it's so obvious you like him," taking a quick sip, "you kept smiling whenever he started talking. I would like him as my son in law."

Despite her attempts at lighting up this conversation, I found myself with a miserable expression, "but he doesn't like me."

My mother groaned, "if you ended up gaining feelings during this fake relationship then I'm pretty sure the same thing will happen to him," she reassured me.

I slammed my head onto the dinner table, "he called me his friend," my voice cried out, "you should see the way he looks at her. Seojun is in love!"

My mother smacked her lips together, rolling her eyes as she pointed a finger at me, "well YOU should've seen the way he was looking at you," she rubbed my head, "Yeeun he couldn't keep his eyes off of you when you two were walking to the lantern festival."

I shoved her hand away, "I'm going to become delusional because of you," I cried out to her.

"You are never going to figure your feelings out unless you speak up about them," she softly said to me, "he might also feel the same way about you."

My phone began buzzing and coincidentally it was the boy we were talking about. I unlocked my phone to see his text message and froze once I saw his contact photo. Seojun and I took a picture of us posing near the lanterns, he was smiling from ear to ear and my hands did a peace sign.

"Who is it?" My mother asked curiously.

I stood up from my chair, "Seojun," and I quickly marched to my bedroom. My eyes continued to stare at our photo and I found myself giggling very quietly.

Usually I have photos of myself, family, or other things I admire, but, something about us spending time at the lantern festival made we want to stay forever. I wanted to remember this night.

"Tell me when the next lantern festival is so I can try inviting Jukyung"

My smile dropped. I sensed my eyes becoming somewhat watery once I read his text message. I gulped and responded reluctantly.

"You know the lantern festival is still going on so you can try taking her next week"

I should try my best not to sound jealous, or he'll get suspicious if he notices I feel some type of way towards his and Jukyung's friendship. Maybe it's for the best if I let him pursue her, it's not like we're actually together.

Unfortunately.

I continued to give him words of advice after that. Two months went by and we still went on with this joke of a relationship. Jukyung and I became closer, which led to a excited Seojun forcing me to invite her everywhere we went.

This led to many students accusing Jukyung of trying to get in between Seojun and I, which is complete nonsense because she seems to not be into him. And kind of hypocritical because those very same people who were attacking Jukyung, insulted me for not being "good enough" for Seojun.

But what about my feelings for him?

They got stronger. My affection towards him was real. The way I held on his arm, hug his side, and intertwined my fingers with his, it was all real. It was my way of showing that I want this fake relationship to turn into something real.

But of course, he never noticed any of my hints. Although we were constantly together at school, it seemed like he was distancing himself from me. My feelings for him are one sided, and despite the fact I know he'll never feel the same way for me, I have a tiny bit of hope he'll open his eyes and realize I'm right there.

"You're staying here?" Seojun leaned over me from behind. I looked up from my notes and nodded at his question, "I'm going to study."

He squinted his eyes annoyingly, "why don't you study in the cafeteria?"

"Because it's too loud," I turned my focus back to my little study session and Seojun walked away without even bothering to convince me any longer.

After a few moments of silence, I heard footsteps wander into the classroom. Lee Suho entered all high and mighty with his hands in his pockets, he completely dismissed my presence and settled onto his chair.

I went back to reviewing my notes and ignored whatever it was that he was doing. But there silence on his side and I sort of wanted to know what exactly he was doing.

I quickly took a peek to where he was sat and turned back in embarrassment as I saw that Suho was staring straight at me. He was sitting still, none of his notebooks or pencils out on his desk, he was just looking at me.

It was very difficult for me to return my focus onto my notes because I could just feel his eyes on me. At last, he finally broke the uncomfortable silence and spoke a few words to me.

"Yeeun do you want to study after school together?" He asked with some sort of hesitation in his voice.

I spun around to face him, "what?" a puzzled look overtook my face. My eyebrows were scrunched together with a slight mouth drop, "sure?" I said unsurely.

His mouth curved into a smile, "great. We can study at my house," he looked down, as if he regretted saying that, "if you want to," Suho quickly assured me.

I sucked in my lips and shook my head up and down, "I'm fine with that."

"I hope that doesn't bother Seojun," he joked.

"He won't care," I told him. Which was the truth. Seojun was too busy chasing after Jukyung, why would it anger him if I went to another guys house.