《Almarillion》Chapter 17 : Angemonic Friendship
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"What can you tell me about your favorite food?" The voice was smooth, but it had an undertone of something dark and mysterious. It didn't sound like a question; it sounded like it had been waiting for the chance to ask that particular question.
The demon took a sip from his coffee as he studied the angel. He couldn't remember the last time he'd actually spoken with him outside of their usual meetings. They'd never really gotten into anything personal and he wasn't sure if they wanted to now.
"My favorite..." he began slowly, considering.
"Yes?" There was an edge to the angel's voice, like he knew what the demon was going to say next.
"I've always liked chocolate."
He saw the angel nod slightly, pleased with his answer. The demon watched as the angel turned around, looking around before sitting down across from him at the small table in the room they were in. Their meeting today had taken place on this same table every day since the beginning, ever since they'd made their deal.
"What other foods do you like?" The questions came quicker than expected.
"I like pizza and Chinese food," the demon replied without hesitation. "And some things I've never tried."
"Oh? What are those?"
The demon paused again, thinking back over all the things he'd tasted since they'd become friends, trying to recall some more of his favorites.
"I know about all the different kinds of sushi; there is so much to choose from," he told him finally after mulling it over for nearly twenty minutes. It had seemed to take longer than normal to formulate these answers, but it hadn't gone any quicker than he'd anticipated.
There was a silence between them, the silence that usually followed after he finished speaking. It hung heavy between them like a cloud and the demon felt awkward being alone with someone like this, even if they weren't really alone. He could feel the tension building up between them and the only thing stopping it was the fact that neither one of them would let it build to a point where either of them couldn't speak or look at each other for any length of time.
It was clear to him that this was a conversation he didn't want to have, but one that had clearly come out of nowhere and he wasn't quite sure how to break it. The silence stretched out into eternity and he couldn't help but think about how awkward the rest of their conversations were. This time, though, something about the way the angel's face was twisted up made it seem almost... hopeful?
The thought sent shivers down his spine.
The angel sat quietly for another moment, watching the demon's face intently. He noticed when the demon shifted uncomfortably under the attention. Finally, after what felt like forever, the angel leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. "Tell me something else about yourself then."
"Like what?"
"Anything. Anything at all."
The demon was surprised by the sudden request. His brow furrowed as he considered what he had to say. After a while, he found himself hesitating. How was he supposed to share his deepest secret?
"Well..." He looked away and stared off into space for a moment before turning back to the angel.
"There isn't much to say. I'm just an ordinary being created by the Man Above of the Above, no matter how much my job demands otherwise." A wry smile tugged at his lips, although he tried not to allow it to show on his face. That didn't work. He glanced away again before continuing. "I have a brother who loves music and movies and he lives far away. And sometimes... sometimes I wish I could go visit him too." He laughed at the irony of it all. "You already know about that. That's why we're here."
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"Yes, I do." The angel nodded gently. "That's good enough."
His words made the demon relax and he let out a long breath. It had been a while since they'd spoken together, but he knew his life had changed drastically in such a short period of time since he'd met the angel. Now, he had to make sure the angel wouldn't disappear if he lost track of him.
He wondered how long the meeting would continue until he remembered that the human needed to be somewhere else at the same time. As soon as that thought came into his head, the angel looked directly into his eyes.
The demon froze.
For a moment he could hardly breathe, frozen solid underneath the intensity of the angel's gaze. He blinked rapidly, suddenly realizing what he'd done.
The angel continued staring at him silently. His expression was unreadable.
The demon stood up abruptly, stumbling as he did. His mind raced, searching for something, anything to say, anything that might get him away.
Before he could manage to find a word, the angel rose as well, his face impassive. "Take care of yourself." Without saying goodbye, he disappeared through the door, leaving the demon alone once again. He closed the door behind him, his heart still beating out of his chest.
As the door shut, he collapsed against the wall, sliding down to sit on the floor.
"Where's the fire?" a familiar voice asked.
"Don't talk," the demon snapped, not even looking up from the ground.
A warm hand settled on his shoulder.
"Hey," said the angel softly. "Can you hear me?"
The demon looked up into the worried brown eyes of his angelic companion. "Yeah."
"Are you okay?"
The demon stared down at the ground. It was the first time the angel had touched him since that day in the park and it felt strange and alien to be touched without the fear of rejection and violence. It made him uncomfortable to realize the angel probably thought the touch meant nothing to him now and was simply comforting him because of course he had to. But he couldn't deny the warmth spreading through his chest. He could see the concern in the angel's features, even though he knew better. Still, he couldn't bring himself to look the angel in the eye as he answered.
"Not really."
It wasn't entirely a lie. He could barely stand the thought of having to look at the angel's worried face after everything that had happened. Even worse, it was impossible not to miss the feeling of those soft hands pressing against his skin.
"Why don't you come home with me tonight?"
The suggestion took him off guard and he shook his head quickly. "No way, man."
"Please?" he pleaded. "If anyone knows what kind of stuff you've been dealing with, it's me."
The demon scoffed bitterly. "I thought you hated angels," he reminded him.
"I do," the angel assured him. "But you're one of the good ones." He took a step closer. "I'm sorry about all of this. I shouldn't have pushed you to come with me."
The demon didn't reply. He knew that if he did, he'd end up doing something stupid and reckless like accepting the offer. He didn't think he could handle getting hurt right now.
"We can stay here and work together until you're able to leave if that makes you feel better." The angel waited, letting the silence drag out between them. Eventually, the demon sighed heavily and forced himself to get to his feet. He gave the angel a weak smile.
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"Alright," he agreed. "I guess I'll follow you wherever you lead me."
The demon followed the angel through the halls of Heaven, listening closely to the footsteps in front of him and following in silence as they headed for the elevator. When it arrived, the angel stepped inside and pressed the button for his floor. They waited silently as the doors slid closed and the lift ascended to their destination.
Once the elevator opened again, the demon walked silently beside the angel. He stopped when they reached his apartment, glancing around curiously before moving to sit on the sofa. The angel hesitated, staring down at the demon for a second before shaking his head and walking past the demon to enter his bedroom. The demon heard the angel rummage through drawers in search of something for his friend to wear for the night. After a few moments, the angel came back out carrying a pair of shorts, a white tee shirt, and his old black coat.
"Here." He tossed the clothes toward the demon and he caught them easily. "Change in the bathroom."
The demon nodded and moved to the hallway, closing the bathroom door behind him. Once the door was closed he took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair, attempting to calm the nerves racing through his body as he stared himself in the mirror. Everything was happening so fast and he didn't know what to expect anymore.
The door creaked open behind him and the demon jumped, startled at the sound. Turning, he realized that it had been the angel, standing in the doorway with folded arms across his chest. He frowned as he took in the sight of the demon in front of him.
"Your wings are back," he noted.
"Yeah... Yeah I am." The demon shrugged indifferently before sitting down on his bed.
"You seem troubled by something. Do you want to talk about it?" he asked cautiously as he approached the bed.
The demon remained silent for a moment before sighing loudly and leaning against the wall, his forehead resting against the cool surface. "I dunno. Kinda complicated." He paused for a moment before looking over at the angel. "...Can I trust you?"
"What?" He raised his eyebrows at the question.
"I mean... Can I really trust you? Can I tell you everything?"
His response was immediate. "Of course."
The demon looked hesitant for a moment. "Do you promise you won't laugh?"
"Sure."
He let out a sigh. "You see... I used to believe that angels are some sort of higher beings that are powerful enough to create miracles, but lately... lately it seems like everyone's been telling lies to me. It's been like that for awhile now." He turned his head to stare at the wall before speaking again. "Now that I think about it... I'm pretty sure that the reason why people keep making excuses about why God is evil is because he is." He chuckled softly before taking a sip from the bottle. "Everyone keeps talking about how amazing God is... They say God can do anything."
The angel studied the demon carefully. Something about the story he was hearing seemed familiar. The way the demon spoke about God, almost reverentially, was certainly different than the tone of voice the angel used to talk about himself. In fact, he sounded almost... afraid. Not quite scared but... insecure and unsure of himself. Maybe this was why he kept avoiding the subject of God? To give himself a sense of security in the belief that everything would turn out fine in the end?
Suddenly, everything clicked into place. This was the same demon whose name he had forgotten but who was now sat on his couch, talking about God with apparent reverence. The same demon who had taken on an angelic form, who was clearly an angel in disguise... the very angel he had found crying outside in the middle of the night. The only difference was that the demon looked younger now...
"Did God ever help you out with your demons?" he finally asked, trying to gauge the other's reaction carefully. He wanted to believe he had read it wrong. That maybe his assumption had been right and the demon had actually been hiding from someone all this time.
The demon tensed slightly and his shoulders hunched forward. He didn't answer and his silence made the angel uneasy.
"Sorry. I shouldn't have asked."
"That's alright," the demon said quietly. The room was quiet after that and neither of them spoke for several long minutes. At one point, the angel got up to take a glass and refill both of their drinks. The demon watched him from the corner of his eye. There were several questions running through his head, most of which he was too afraid to ask in case he ended up offending the angel. He bit his lip, wondering where to start. What could he possibly say? How should he begin to explain this whole situation?
Finally, he decided to go straight for it.
"Look, you probably don't want to hear any of this, right? You probably already know the story or whatever and there's no need for me to explain."
The angel paused momentarily. Then he nodded slightly, turning to face the demon.
"Go ahead then," he encouraged. "Tell me the rest."
The demon swallowed thickly, trying to push down the sudden lump in his throat. He took a long, steadying breath.
"Well... You know my story," he began slowly. "I was born and raised in Hell, surrounded by demons every single day. My mom died young so I never knew her. We didn't have much money growing up. And then..." he trailed off for a moment, biting his lower lip. "God created humans and told us we would become them. But we didn't. And then I met you and... we talked for awhile and everything felt normal for a little while." He hesitated again. "But then I lost my memories. For weeks I was able to live like I used to." His voice grew bitter as he continued. "Then the demon who took care of me started calling himself Lucifer and he told me it was time to change. So, I left Hell and I became a demon, and the next thing I know... I'm back in Heaven and I've been living here since."
There was an awkward pause as the angel took in what the demon had just said.
"And... I never saw him, did I?" The angel asked softly and he could tell the question caused a pang of pain somewhere deep in the demon's heart. The words brought tears to the demon's eyes as he nodded.
"Yeah. He... well. He disappeared."
Another short, heavy silence descended upon them. Suddenly, without warning, the demon burst into tears. He wrapped his arms around his stomach tightly and buried his face in his knees, trying to stop the uncontrollable tears. The angel knelt beside him silently and placed his arm around the demon's shoulders comfortingly, rubbing slow circles into his shoulder blade.
After a minute or so, the demon finally calmed down and stood up, wiping his eyes before taking another drink of his alcohol.
"Thanks." He whispered and offered the angel an apologetic smile. "For helping me and all..."
The angel merely smiled and nodded understandingly. "It's nothing. I'm glad I could be of service."
They didn't move for a few more minutes before the angel cleared his throat and took a step backwards, gesturing at the door. "So, you should go get changed. And I'll make something warm for dinner when you finish."
"... Thanks."
The demon took his shoes and jacket and pulled them on quickly before disappearing behind the door, leaving the angel alone. When the door slammed shut behind him, the angel let out a small sigh of relief. As far as he could tell, things were going alright. At least for now.
The next morning, when the sun peeked over the horizon, the angel found himself in yet another strange conversation. The demon insisted that he was going to cook dinner today, so the angel had agreed, hoping it wouldn't become a habit. When the demon came into the kitchen, however, the angel wasn't expecting the demon to pull a bag of flour off a shelf and drop it directly onto the table.
"What are you doing?" he asked suspiciously.
"Cooking!" the demon replied cheerfully. "Isn't that what angels usually do? You said that you wanted to try cooking."
The angel frowned. Why was he even bothering to talk to this demon when he obviously didn't listen very well?
"Why don't you make yourself comfortable at the table and I'll come by later with a couple dishes." With that, the angel left the room.
A moment later, the angel opened the refrigerator and grabbed two cans of soda. After popping them open, he walked to the table and sat down, watching as the demon stirred the contents of a pan with a spatula. A few moments later, he lifted the spoon and brought it to his lips, slurping loudly. "This isn't bad," he declared. "Just needs a little spice."
The angel blinked and stared at the demon for a moment, unsure of how to respond. "Maybe you should leave the food simmering until I call for you," he suggested after a pause. "It might not take long and you'll have time for it to cook properly."
"Okay." Without another word, the demon put the bowl down on the table in front of him and turned back to stir the soup again. The angel watched as he worked for a few minutes before reaching for one of the soda cans. After opening it, he took a sip, wincing slightly as the carbonation burned a hole right through his dry mouth.
About thirty minutes later, the angel called out for the demon. The demon turned around. "Alright," he announced, setting the spoon down before heading to the counter to remove the lid from the pot. "Here ya go."
The angel stared at the bowl of tomato soup for a moment before picking it up hesitantly and examining its contents. It did indeed look exactly like he thought it would; a dark broth with chunks of red pepper sprinkled throughout the water. "Where is the salt?"
"Uh," the demon paused. "There doesn't really seem to be any. Would that be okay?"
"Yes."
"Awesome! Now eat up."
The angel gave the demon a look. Did he seriously not know that he couldn't just use holy water to clean the soup?
"Oh. Um... Right."
As soon as the angel picked up his spoon, the demon hurriedly moved away, holding out the salt shaker towards him, causing the angel to glare at him in annoyance. He set down the spoon and reached into his pocket to retrieve his phone. After pulling up Google, he searched for salt in the kitchen and quickly found it listed in the ingredients section. Within seconds he typed in salt in place of sugar: "Salt shakers" he explained. When he returned his phone to his pocket again, he noticed that the demon had finished eating.
"So," the demon suddenly spoke again, breaking the silence between them, "how's life in Heaven, anyway? Is it as boring as Hell was supposed to be?"
"Don't be absurd," the angel snapped. "In fact, it seems that you're in a better position than I am, considering what happened to your family."
The demon snorted. "I doubt that. In reality, my family is still dead. I mean, my wife and kid are fine... although it has been a long time since they last saw each other, I think..." He trailed off for a second, staring blankly at the wall, as if deep in thought.
"Anyway, thanks for coming to rescue me, angel. I know it must've been difficult. But at least, in Heaven, there are people who love you, I suppose."
The angel rolled his eyes. This wasn't the first time that the demon had expressed a desire for a human companion - apparently, he had a lot of those - but he never seemed to get a chance to actually experience that kind of human contact. Maybe that's why they were stuck together in this weird limbo of semi-friendship; they both preferred their solitude to anything else. They certainly had no desire to share anything personal with each other - though occasionally, if there was the slightest inclination that a conversation wasn't completely pointless, they would try to engage in it, sometimes only a handful of sentences long. Still, neither of them really expected much of an improvement, even less than what they had achieved already.
"Is this what you want?"
The demon looked up. "Hmm? What?"
The angel sighed tiredly. "If you want company. If you want to make friends... is this what you want?"
The demon stared intently at the angel for a few seconds, as if assessing whether he was serious or not, then shrugged. "You can say that. Yeah, I guess it is."
"Good."
Silence reigned once again for a moment.
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