《Almarillion》Chapter 14 : F*cking Goldfish
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My name is Reine Baishunpu and I just bought a goldfish.
He is the most wonderful fish I have ever met in my life, he even reminds me of myself. He is very friendly, has beautiful blue scales like sapphire gems, and when he moves, his fins are like wings. It makes me smile every time I look at him. He's always happy, always cheerful and he loves to play around, especially since he doesn't really need food.
I had to buy him with the money I made working as a prostitute in town. He can't get into the water and he seems to want to go out on land so he could play. But the streets aren't safe for little fishies so I take him out for a walk whenever I feel lonely or when I have nothing else to do with my free time.
One day he gets scared of something. He goes into panic mode, starts crying, and tries to swim away. I grab him but before I know it, I am on the ground with a fish sitting on top of me. He looks up at me through his thick wet eyelashes and smiles brightly.
His name is Prince Learan. And he's the best fish I've ever met.
The first few days that we got together were very good. We spent most of our nights outside and played all sorts of games like hide and seek. One time he hid behind some bushes so I couldn't find him and I thought I was being tricked until a couple of hours later when he came back.
He's a bit shy though. He'll only come close when I touch him because then he feels safer. I like to hold him when he's sleepy so I make sure I don't accidentally drop him. He's a bit bigger than the smaller fishies in the aquarium I work at but that's alright, we both fit pretty well.
We also have a lot of fun together. When it rains, it sounds like an army marching. The sound is so comforting to us so we spend much of the day playing in the puddles on the street. Sometimes he swims in the rain. Sometimes I catch him in it. Sometimes he comes out completely soaked and then shakes himself off like a dog.
Sometimes he sleeps in my arms and stays there, purring quietly. Other times he sits on the windowsill in my room and stares outside. I think that's what he needs. Something to keep him busy and happy. I think he likes it better when he isn't confined to a cage and doesn't have to worry about getting sick or injured. I know he doesn't care about his tail anymore, but he does sometimes scratch it against one of the bars of his cage. I guess he still wants to be able to swim around freely. What a cute goldfish!
Prince Learan and I love each other and we're happy. But he doesn't understand what people mean when they talk about 'having it bad' so I try not to tell him how I feel. Sometimes when I think he's fast asleep I will say something to him that will make him giggle. Then I'll kiss his tiny head softly and whisper 'Goodnight, my prince. Love you.'
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To his big round eyes which seem to glow with affection back at me.
Then, after sleeping for another three hours, he goes back to being silent and still. Sometimes I sit on the window sill and watch his tiny form sink below the waves in the water. Sometimes I go over to the glass door and look out too. But mostly I keep him warm by stroking his soft silky scales gently, like a mother cat would. It reminds me of home, where he came from, and how nice it feels to be surrounded by nature instead of humans who live in tall buildings filled with lights and noise.
I'm so lucky to have him.
He's still young and he hasn't lost his curiousness yet. So many things fascinate him, such as the flowers growing along the wall and how I feed him with bread crumbs.
But he grows old quickly, faster than even I can imagine. He slowly grows into a water dragon, the true form of all goldfish. A big, strong monster that looks exactly like the ones inside the tanks. He's still small enough not to eat me in full view of everyone, so the rest of the customers can see him.
I suppose this makes the people less afraid to go close to him.
When he's almost as large as me now, he asks me to carry him outside and we both enjoy the fresh air.
"This place is so nice," he says, swimming along beside me through the waves. "There's lots of fish. Are there any more?" he asks, staring longingly towards the fishtank again.
I shake my head sadly.
"You already tried your luck, my friend. You don't deserve to go anywhere else," I remind him with a gentle smile.
He just floats there, silently.
Eventually, we turn around and start heading back home, back to the same place where I began my life. The sun begins setting and I watch the clouds move slowly across the sky. They look so inviting, inviting me to stay there forever and never leave. Even if I die of old age, maybe I will finally find peace here...
I stop walking and turn to face him.
"Do you want to go somewhere else?" I ask him.
He tilts his head curiously.
"Do you want to explore a new part of the world? Or go to someplace else that you haven't been to before? Do you want to go to a different city so that you can meet other friends?" I wait patiently for him to answer. He blinks a few times. I hope he likes what I'm suggesting.
Slowly he nods.
My heart fills with hope and excitement.
"Alright," I say, reaching down to scoop him into my arms. "Let's go."
A few months pass and Prince Learan continues to grow. Now he has grown twice as big as I and I often have to hold him up on my shoulders as I travel. His body is strong and strong muscles ripple under my hands whenever he swims. His belly is flat like mine, and he has no fur on his skin at all, just draconic scales.
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We visit the ocean regularly. He likes the sea but only sees water once per month and the water on land is very muddy and smells bad. He can easily get hurt while underwater, and I'm worried about leaving him alone for longer periods of time than necessary.
Once I found out that he can fly, I decided to let him fly wherever he wanted. As long as he doesn't fall off, that is.
It's a cold autumn evening, and I set out on our daily trip to the beach. I bring him with me so that I won't have to lug around a large bag and the weight will bother him. He's been cooped up inside for far too long.
After spending some time swimming around in the deep waters, I finally bring him to the shore where there is nobody around. I put him on the sand near the shoreline, and he jumps right out off my shoulders, onto dry land.
He swims excitedly around me, splashing and giggling.
He's so happy to be alive and free.
As soon as I've untied him from his leash I dive into the water, swimming to the surface.
Prince Learan follows, and he doesn't get far before he realizes that he can't breathe underwater for too long.
He stops and stares into the distance. There, at the far end of the beach, lies a huge golden-colored jellyfish floating peacefully next to a patch of seaweed. I wave my hand above my head to catch his attention. He paddles over to me quickly.
As soon as he reaches me, I take him out of the water so that he can stand up. Then, without warning, I jump straight off the shore and into the water.
I hear a splash behind me and I smile as I see my little buddy following suit. He swims past me happily, and I'm so glad that he's enjoying himself and that he knows how to swim.
We swim together side by side, splashing and laughing. We must seem quite silly to others as we're both naked, but I don't care. This is a special moment between us and I intend for it to last forever.
We swim until we run out of breath, and then eventually I come upon the shore and drag myself up the sand. I lay back on the sand and stare at the night sky. It looks beautiful as always.
The moon is full tonight. Its bright white light illuminates the clear black sky, filling me with warmth.
I turn around and watch Prince Learan as he lies there on the sand. His body is illuminated faintly by the moonlight.
His mouth hangs open slightly. He's still swimming around in circles trying to get his bearings. Then he notices me watching and stops, flicking water up into the air and turning to look at me again. He smiles at me shyly. Then he swims closer until he's standing in front of me.
He looks at my bare legs and his expression changes instantly. He frowns. His brow wrinkles and wrinkles. And suddenly he's crying. Big fat tears roll down his cheeks and stain the sand underneath him, making them look like rivers running through mud.
"What's wrong?" I ask quietly, putting an arm over my forehead and leaning backwards a bit so that I'm lying on the sand.
His tears fall harder and fall heavier on my skin and the sand, soaking everything wet.
I'm not sure what to do. I didn't realize that he was sad until then.
He cries for a few minutes. When he finally stops, he turns his head and looks at me, his face red and tear streaked.
I smile at him gently and stroke his scales gently with one finger, letting out a quiet sigh.
"Shhh, shh," I comfort him with a calm voice.
He buries his head into my stomach and stays there for some time, hugging me tightly.
At first, I feel uncomfortable. I don't know how to comfort a crying fish, especially an evolved one that isn't even a human child. But after a while, when he finally settles down he seems much calmer and happier. He nuzzles me and starts nibbling at my ear.
That's when I realize that he wants something from me. Something he needs to show me.
And so I sit up again, carefully pulling him away from my body and sitting down in the sand. My eyes are looking directly into his, waiting patiently for whatever he'll tell me.
He swims slowly and carefully, holding his tail tightly. He pulls himself up onto the soft surface of the sand and walks toward me. Slowly, hesitantly, he takes my left hand in his own and holds it firmly, wrapping his tiny arms around it.
His little arm-fins barely reach my wrist.
Then he looks up at me. Tears flow freely down his face but he doesn't try to wipe them away or hide them. He just looks at me with those sad blue eyes, trying to reassure me, telling me that he really needs me.
I nod at him reassuringly and pull him into a hug.
He wraps his whole body around me, hiding his face against my shoulder. After a few moments, I pull him away.
"Thank you... Reine Baishunpu... my friend..."
He disappeared into the darkness not long ago, along with all the others I came across.
But I'm still sitting on the floor, curled up in the corner of the room and staring vacantly out of the window into space.
I've been sitting like this for hours now, sitting in silence, staring up at the stars. Nothing matters anymore. There's nothing worth living for anymore. I'm done. My life soon will end. Maybe.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
THE END
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