"It hit me hard..." Jungkook took a deep breath as he continued speaking. "Your words like nails and hammers breaking my heart apart. The first day didn't even feel real. A nightmare come true, maybe. I found myself waiting to wake up. To tell me it was just a dream. That you're leaving me was only a dream..." Your eyes drip with tears when Jungkook looked at you with a pair of red eyes.

"But that never happened. I cried and cried. I cried out to my God, wondering how it was possible for you to inflict so much pain inside my chest. I was alone. Completely, utterly alone, without you to comfort me. Who will wipe away my tears? Who will hold my hand? Who will surprise me with hugs from behind? Who will tell me they love me? Not you. Not anyone anymore."

The sobs were stifled at first as he attempted to hide his grief, then overcome by the wave of his emotions he would break down entirely, all his defences washed away in those salty tears.

"I now lack that someone who had been with me for over years. That same someone who promised me a forever only to leave when things became too hard. But you're gone..." He refused to look away, even as his lips trembled and his shoulders heaved with emotion, unwilling to back down. His dark lashes brimmed heavy with tears; his hands clenched into shaking fists, in a desperate battle against the grief.

A lone tear traced down his cheek, and just like that, the floodgates opened. He wept, tears streaming from his eyes, loud, heaving sobs tearing from his throat, and still he did not look away.

He opened his mouth after a moment of silence. "Did you cry at all? Did it hurt you at all... when you said you weren't happy anymore? When you said you didn't love me anymore? You let me love you that night. The night before it all. You kissed me that night. You told me you loved me that night. Did you lie? Or were your feelings able to fade so quickly?"

"No, Jungkook. It wasn't what you are thinking right now-" You tried to reach out for his hands but you didn't expect that he would lash you out. You know he was in a deep pain. So much obvious. You can't help but to wonder if he's gonna accept you after what we have been through before.

"You know what, Y/N. You're a coward. A coward that I should hate. I should hate you. I should be angry with you, but I can't. I'm worried for you... I wish the best for you. I just want you to have happiness again, even if that means I have to sacrifice my own. I would have done anything for you, you know? I loved you. I wanted to be the very best for you. I was the very best for you, but my best wasn't ever enough to satisfy you was it? Maybe that's what hurts the most."

You turned every moment we spent together into painful memories. They are sharp, and cut right through you every time you think about that time. Even the sweet good moments we had are now turned into a knife that kills your already broken heart. He turned you into this broken mess, and even if you won't see him again, his touch will be with you for years, or maybe for the rest of your life.

You pulled your knees up to your chest and wrapped your arms around your shins. You still have to live with yourself, with the wretched memories swirling around in your head. Your eyes, already red and puffy from crying, squeezed shut to push more tears out. You let your head fall down to your knees, and you pulled your legs closer to you.

No matter what you did, there was no where you could hide from the thoughts of him in your head.

They keep telling me to forget, to let him go. How?

When you keep thinking your painful memories with Jungkook, suddenly your phone rang. You saw unfamiliar numbers on the screen. Who was it? A strange feeling came over you suddenly and you worried about all the things especially Jisung's safety. The fear thoughts looped around in your mind until there was no room for anything else. The "loop" played like this. "What if Mark threatens to kill Jisung if he doesn't get you?"

Oh please help me God.

You picked up the call nervously and heard a male voice across the phone.

"Miss Y/N?" he called out your name.

"Y-yes speaking." You utterly replied.

"This is Seoul Gangnam Police Station. I'm calling you to notify about the arrest of Mr Mark Tuan regarding the domestic violence on you. We need your proper report as the victim,"

It must be Park Chanyeol! He must the one who report about what Mark messaged you to the police. You can feel the sweat drench your skin and fear torture your guts, churning your stomach in tense cramps. Mark is going to prison soon. You don't know how to feel right now. Happy? Or feel guilty as you know he won't end up like this if you didn't involve him into this problem, this never-ending drama.

You hung up the call after you told the police that you would go to the police station in the next couple of hours. You have been thinking that it's better to let Mark in there for a while so that you could have Jisung with you. It might take some time. Because of that, you need to act fast. You know Raymond Hotel won't let Mark in jail for the god sake. You knew well how his mom is. She would do anything to make sure not a single dirt will ruin Raymond Hotel reputation.

You took your jacket and head out from the house alone. Eun Ha went to work but thank god she left you her another car today in case you wanted to see your daughter. Once you reached at the parking basement, you walked to her car without thinking anything else except your son.

"Y/N!" A female voice suddenly called you.

You turned to see who and your eyes grew bigger when you knew who was the owner of that voice. It was Jennie Kim. That evil witch who wanted you to die a month ago.

She smirked as she walked toward you. "You are really a strong girl, am I right? Even a bullet can't kill you. I almost think that you are using black magic," she said while laughing loudly that you wanna throw up when you heard it.

"You shot me, Jennie! My child nearly dies because of you!" you shouted at her madly.

"Did I? Really?" she snorted. You knew the one behind the gun was her boyfriend. But it didn't make her can get away from the law. She was the real mastermind after all.

"Here I tell you what. You can blame me all you want, I don't care, Y/N. Jungkook is already ruin to continue with. He is destroyed! He is just a damn dead zombie to me." Jennie told you. She seems like she was not in the right mind.

"How could you? I gave up on him because I thought he was really in love with you Jennie! He was happy with you!"

"Was he? Did I look like Y/N to him? Did he expect me to behave like you whenever I'm with him? Well, if that's what he thought all along, then he had met a wrong person. I'm not going to be like you!"

It is a war zone between the pure truth and twisted lies. You never expected her words to hurt you so much, it feels like a thousand knives just pierced through your heart. You can feel the hot tears already welling up in your eyes. You look at Jennie and you can tell she regrets every word she said, but we both know her words are the truth. Even if we want to deny them and fight about them, in the end they are still true.

The ache of longing to be with him echoed through the very marrow of your bones. So what went wrong, Jungkook?

"Why? Why you gotta be so cruel, Jennie? You separated us apart! You took Jungkook away from his daughter?!" you shouted at her while crying furiously. Now, you know the truth, you feel angrier to Jennie. You knew it was your fault yet you want to blame Jennie because you couldn't accept that everything has happen was because of you.

I left somebody who loved me despite my many, seemingly unforgivable faults. I left somebody out of fear.

Sometimes, you replay the events in your head and wonder what was the right words to say. You never felt so alone and yet only one person can cure the empty feeling in your heart. You want to cry in frustration because you know you are all to blame. So you listen to the sad songs and cry to the ones that touch too close to the truth.

Your eyes need a break, and you feel dehydrated anyway so you can't even cry anymore which is more frustrating because it feels like something is being taken from you. The ability to express the hurt you feel deep inside.

Sometimes, the attachment surprises you especially when you think you're ready to move on. But you're brought down to the lowest part of yourself that your mind can bring. I need him. I don't want to be without him.

Jennie glares at you with hatred in her cruel dull eyes. "The one you need to put blame on is not me. Park Chanyeol did everything from the start. Shocking, isn't? But that was the truth you need to swallow, Y/N. Your damn friend, Park Chanyeol separated both of you by using Mark Tuan and me. He's the one who put gun on you while you were still pregnant. He's the one who put Jungkook into the damn prison. He's the one who brought those things into JK Group. He's the real mastermind of all these happened. You heard me clear, Y/N? Now tell that goddamn bastard to leave Park Jinyoung alone and don't put blame on him when he's the one who put trigger on you!"

Her voice rose above the sacred silence. The anger from her eyes showed the scared child within, the girl who was taught to fight and starved of the love she craved. You could see the pain beneath it and her soul drowning in this persona she'd carved to fit a world of indifference. But you can't help someone like that, not unless the tears come and they realise what's really going on. And you can't fight it, you won't, it takes such a toll on you to do so.

The moment you realised you had misinterpreted his actions, his words, his expressions for so many years... that moment your words stopped was the moment your heart broke even more...

'I see you. I do. I see pain in those eyes. It has sat there for your life time, trapped in the confusion we all carry. I see love too, the love you would have given were it not for the scars. It's still there, baby, and one day I will set you free. I'm not perfect, yet I love you, and I know what love means. Give me a chance to find my feet, to stop my own head from spinning and I'll prove it. There is so much of your life that is a hell for your soul, and you stay there from strength rather than weakness I know. So let me join you in that pain, walk with you, feel the same torture I know you bare. And one day I'll find just the right way to bring you home, my love.'