"Can you just go find another investor to replace President Lee?" Jungkook spoke clearly through his phone at the balcony. He winced before closing his eyes for a moment, hoping that the silence could calming him down.

There's something in the way he talks and the surface of his hardened expression while waiting for Kino's response. His ears were listening to every word Kino told him, he managed to stay still for a while but when Kino crossed the line and said something he doesn't like, by then he became mad again.

"Fuck the rumors!" He yelled out of sudden. "My personal life is got nothing to do with our business," his right hand grasped his phone, and only god knows how many times he wanted to throw off the phone from where he's standing.

"Listen to me, Jungkook. Half of JK Motors' investors are going to take off their seat if you won't stop people from talking bad about you." Kino tried to explain to him again about his company which might be facing bankruptcy issue.

"What am I? God? I can't stop them from saying anything about me," he replied. The anger overpowered him, it can see first in his eyes, then tension of his muscles, an inability to think clearly soon followed.

Kino breathed out, "We both know the cause of this problem. C'mon Jungkook. Just make a press conference soon and explain everything. I'm sure people will stop talking and forget about your relationship with Y/N. I mean it's been two months since you broke up with her and why the hell Jennie can't keep her mouth shut from telling that she's with you now?"

"So now you wanted to blame Jennie and me? You may be my friend, Kino but you totally have no right to interfere with my love life whoever I'm with!" His fists would stay firmly by his sides, yet his words did more damage than they ever could. For the most part, addictions are to stuff that's bad for you; that's how Jungkook was with anger and it's getting worse ever since he threw Y/N away from his life.

Kino knows he can no more change Jungkook's mind. He was too stubborn and speaking with him is so pointless right now. He found it was so petty frustration every time he argued with Jungkook and in any anger situation he is the cool one, the help instead of being part of the problem.

"So what's the problem now? Why you couldn't do a press conference and declare that you and Jennie is a thing. Make it official, tell them you are no longer associated with Y/N and do what you're supposed to do a long time ago!" That was might the breaking point of Kino's patience, dealing with Jungkook and his nonsense stubbornness.

"I-I-I... couldn't do it," he said it at last.

Kino might be surprised right now, hearing those words from Jungkook himself.

"Why?"

He pulled away his phone and put it off without answering Kino's question. When the guilt comes it takes him down the old familiar path. He wants to refuse to walk it, pretend that he is the person he demands that he be. He wants to see himself as a person who would never done any mistake. The perfect Jeon Jungkook always be.

But he held it back as long as he could now, he finally decided to let go. Jungkook was in dilemma with his own emotions long ago, he suffered sleepless nights and feeling guilty on what he supposed not to do two months ago.

My emotions are a part of me, and in this relationship they blend with yours in the most complicated of ways. There are times I have storms inside, never because of you, but from the damage, the triggers of my overthinking. It is for me to know that the fear comes from another place and time, that there is no connection to you. I should remember that you love me as much as I love you. And then in those moments of storm I must find my calm core by myself, centre myself, or else I'm the one who will regret soon. I love you too much to do that to you and so I remind myself to keep on learning, keep on evolving, maturing. Then I will become the man you deserve, able to give love freely, completely.

I assumed you felt sorry for me who I have become. Yet not so. I think I was in denial after leaving you, not for days or weeks, but a couple of years or more, sometimes the anger would attempt to come but I can't sustain it, it's not me. I could write a million letters, each one the same as the last in sentiment and cadence. They stay the same, only the word arrangement changes. It boils down to one thing, I miss you. You should be here. Ultimately, no one knows if that is selfish or not after what I did to you and even if it is, I want you to tell me with your own, not by the world and their opinions. You should be here. I miss you. Your pretty eyes, beautiful smile, wily heart, torn mind, and kind, tortured soul. My heart is missing an integral piece, a part that keeps it from working correctly. When will I let go?

"When will I let go?" his voice flow out calmly as his gaze fall to his bedroom, the room he once shared with her. Tears began to spill from his helpless eyes. In that moment the sure knowledge that life would go on without her, that time was only stopped for him, undid him completely.

His anger and act like he was all strong is masked by the pretense of coping was lost now and his legs buckled, knees sinking to the cold floor not caring about the grief that quickly soaked him to the skin. Why did he treat her like that? How did his arrogance make him less human?

The emptiness in his heart, the numbness pounding his brain, the salty tears that flowed unchecked from his eyes, and the shear nothingness that now took hold of his soul threatened to engulf him entirely.

Slowly, he reached out again for his phone. Clearing his throat off, he waited for the other to pick up the call.

"Jennie," he said. "We need to talk."

The secret was bound to be spilled, feelings hurt. We were never that strong to being with, and now we'll never be as strong as we once were.

༻♡༺

"Mom, why you have to do that?" he asked right away as he stormed into his mother's house.

Jungkook rarely back to his parent's house in Busan but this kind of news forced him to drive from Seoul only to ask for her explanation.

"Have you ever think how humiliate I was when she told me it was all your plan for us to get married?" he voiced the frustrations of his day when Y/N showed up at his office only to inform him about the contract marriage.

He knew her better than anyone, loved her more than anyone, but in these infrequent failures to suppress his rage at the world he tore into her like only a lover can. For that, he feels nothing than being ashamed of what he did to her before. Of course, he wanted to fix everything what happened between them but totally he doesn't need his mother's help. Now he wonders how Y/N looks at him, think of him, how useless he is and everything he built tearing apart.

"She is bringing your child, Jungkook! How could you left her when she is pregnant with your own blood?!" his mother yelled.

"Mom, I told you I'm gonna figure the things out between us. She still hates me, she can't even see my face for a second. How could you make a bold move thinking that she's going to agree to marry me without her feelings hurt? I destroy her enough so please can you just stay out from this problem? I don't want Y/N getting hurt anymore because of me," he cried out loud.

The guilt of failure, the weight of accusing tongues, the relationship was all negative and abusive, took him into a living nightmare for months he had punished himself. Leaving Y/N and hurting her was already torture his soul but knowing that happened when she was pregnant, the burden of guilt he carried is outnumbered. He wanted to murder himself instead.

"Maybe it's not always about trying to fix something broken. Maybe it's a sign for you to start over and be someone better. You're going to be a father, Jungkook," he looked at his mother. She had eyes as open and honest, warmth and safety. In that moment he found his way back home, his place to find comfort when the struggle blew upon him.

His mother took his hands together and smiling through her shining eyes. "Well anyone can become a father in life, anyone can be a man with a child. But it takes someone greater to be a good father. What more do you want, son? You have power, money... everything. There's nothing worse than a man that can be everything to everybody else except a father to their own child. Marry Y/N, be a good husband to her and a great father to your child... No matter how much she hates you..."

For a half-second, both stood there, staring at each other. Jungkook's eyes were heavy with unshed tears. His lips were twitching, but his eyes keep looking at his mother. The sobs were stifled at first as he attempted to hide his grief, then overcome by the wave of his emotions he would break down entirely, all his defenses washed away in those salty tears. When he, at last, turned his face away, he was a picture of grief, loss, devastation. It was the face of one who had suffered before and didn't know if he could do it again.

"She gave me a year," he finally told the truth.

He expected his mother would surprise about the contract marriage she did to him. But looking at how she could maintain her expression, Jungkook knows her mother already predicted this kind of result.

"The marriage only happens in a year and she will file a divorce once everything settles,"

His mother releases a heavy breath. "Do you love her?"

Jungkook nodded wholeheartedly.

"How much do you love her?"

He bites his lips, looking down. He couldn't answer. How far his mind reaches for an answer, it just too heavy to let it out.

How much do you love her, Jungkook?

"If you love her, never fill her ears with lies, her mouth with words, her eyes with tears, her mind with confusion and her heart with pain. You've got to show her you need her. Each day as long as you married to her, do something to need her to believe you love her. Don't lose her for twice no matter what's coming to tear you apart. Remember, Jungkook. You're going to have a child and you can't underestimate how traumatic divorce is for the children. Learn your mistake..."

That's what he promised to his mother that he would never let her go again. But he did it. He did it and divorce her. He promised her to show her that he needs her. He tried everything. He tried to protect his marriage when someone wanted to tear them down. He even sacrificed himself when someone accused him only to make him let her go. But it seems like everything he did is either wrong or not enough.

He failed at last. He couldn't keep his promise to his mother.

They say there is a reason, they say that time will heal. But neither time nor reason will change the way I feel, for no one knows the heartache that lies behind my smile. No one knows how many times I have broken down and cried. I want to tell you something so there won't be any doubt. I want to tell you everything but I'm afraid you will end up hurting so here I am alone and broken...

All I am is sadness now, every other emotion pushed from my being. Where there was the love, the light, the laughter is an aching hollowness. I was honest, truthful and full of more love for you than you can ever understand. I have been soft, kind and gentle - yet apparently all that is negated by your self-control. All I am is loving you, why didn't you just see me that way?

༻♡༺

All I know is that I've wasted all these years looking for something, a sort of trophy I'd get only if I really, really did enough to deserve it. But I don't want it anymore, I want something else now, something warm and sheltering, something I can turn to, regardless of what I do, regardless of who I become. Something that will just be there, always, like tomorrow's sky. That's what I want now, and I think it's what you should want too. But it will be too late soon. We'll become too set to change. If we don't take our chance now, another may never come for either of us...

Eva sat, her head slumped into her hands. Her father rested a gentle hand on her shoulder. "What is it my love, what makes you so sad today?" She almost cried as she spoke, her pain inside moving like ocean waves just to speak her mind.

"I hate Mummy!" she said, "Mummy is bad. Mummy promised to bring Eva to the theme park today. But why didn't Mummy come to pick me up? Mummy lied to Eva again!" Just to say it out loud let hot tears flood down her face. Her father wrapped her in his arms and let her melt into his form.

"Mummy is not a bad person." Her father convinced her.

"She is! I've seen Mummy on the television! She's with someone else! She's already forget about Eva!"

Jungkook surprised as he didn't know Y/N ever appeared on the news today. Ever since the incident happened, he continues to keep the last promise he made - be a good father to Eva. He managed to let Y/N go even it is so hard. He wanted to beg, plead, get down on his knees and tell her that his life here no meaning without her, that their love has meaning when they're together, but he knows that face.

It is the one she wears when he hurt her years ago, her mind has put up barriers of what she shouldn't become. So no matter what he says the pain would last longer. So when he walks closer to her with a mask of contentment. He wishes her well with the voice that came so naturally that she should chase her own happiness, it sounds like him but it isn't. He's already in transition to become a person he promised to never want to be again.

Jungkook reached for the remote control and switched back to the channel Eva's on earlier.

Park Chanyeol, President of Park Legacy, the largest South Korea industrial conglomerate is dating ex-wife of JK Group President, Jeon Jungkook. According to a report by Dispatch, the two might have started seeing each other as far back as Y/N and Jungkook have separated. Taking a look back, Y/N used to work under Park Legacy so there are possibilities in many ways that this is the reason why Jungkook broke up with her long time ago before getting back together after the pregnancy issue blew up. Why does it smell something fishy? Could this dating rumors be the reason why the couple split up as soon the baby was born?

Sure there's no any official statement from Park Legacy yet but everyone in Hansol Hospital this morning could witness how this new lovey-dovey couple showed their love in public by touching each other and saying loving things. If this dating rumor is true, does it makes Jeon Jungkook is a real victim in this huge scandal? We'll see it soon...

Eve settled down next to her father and look at him.

"Why is that your face on TV, appa?" she asked.

"Why Mummy with someone Eva doesn't know? Why it say Mummy loves that man?" Eva keeps showered him questions he also doesn't have the exact answer.

"I thought you love Mummy?" she began to cry and it always Jungkook's weak spots to see it.

"Do something, Appa! I don't want to lose Mummy,"

And in the end how far should a person go in the name of true love?