January 2019, Italy.

"I promise to stand by you," he began. "-to hold you up when you're about to fall, and to always keep you safe. I never believed there was a girl out there for me. Until I met you, Y/N. You changed everything. And I never want to live without you. I love you more than I ever thought possible."

Mark sucked in a breath, "Marry me, Y/N,"

He looked up, and the expression on her face made his heart begin to pound.

"Marry?" she looked over at him. "Just to be sure I have this right," Y/N went on with a blinding smile, "did you just ask me to marry you?"

"You don't want to marry me?" He broke into a sweat. His heart pounded, and his hand began to feel clammy. Cold sweat glistened on his furrowed brow. With hands clasped tightly in front of his stomach he constantly fiddled with his knuckles, weaving his fingers in and out of each other.

No answer. Silence bounced, fell off his tongue and sat between them and clogged his throat. It slaughtered his trust. They exchanged blind words, and he did not cry, he did not beg, but blackness filled his ears, blackness lunged in his heart, and something that had been good, a sort of kindly oxygen, turned into a gas oven.

The smile on her face died as soon as she realized he was not a joking. She went into a sigh after that, "I'm a single mother, Mark,"

Thick lashes lifted, a moment of pure clarity in the dark gray as Mark wrapped his arm around her waist. "Y/N," he murmurs, his voice like falling rocks. "I know you. Inside and outside of you. I know you, and I've accepted it all. Every bit of your worst. And I love you anyway remember?"

He stares at her, a dangerous light in his eye, and then his gaze travels beyond her, in the direction of the park. Y/N's hand moves to his muscled forearm, and she squeeze it hard.

"No." she said, sadly smiling. "That is my answer, Mark. You deserve much better than me."

But you've always been good enough, Y/N... You've just been giving the best parts of you to the wrong person...

He sneers, his hand moving quickly to catch her. He yanks Y/N close, his head bending to look down at her.

"Are you really hoping that Jungkook would come back to you again?"

He thought he was finally own her but why does it more hurting whenever he feels that she always have thinking about another man over and over again. The same man who she fell in love years ago, the man who unexpectedly breaking her heart for his own needs and greediness.

"No!" she looked at him, frowning every time the same issue Mark brought up. "Stop bringing his name in front of me. He just belongs to my past now and I'm in condition of not wanting to remember every bit of him which already became part of my life,"

"When you love someone, it's never over," Mark replied gently. "You move on, because you have to, but you bring him in your heart." His mouth tweaked up at the corners. Heat burned in his eyes. "All those tears will clear your eyes to see that you deserve better than what the past brought to you, Y/N. Forget Jungkook and marry me."

Tears filled Y/N's eyes, but they never left his gaze, "I was afraid. Of getting hurt in other ways. To be truthful, I still am."

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close, gently rubbing her arm. "I would never hurt you."

"I don't think you can promise me that." she sunk into the warmth of his side, appreciative of the simple gesture. "But it makes things a bit more equal, to know that I can hurt you, too."

His gaze fell to her lips. He said simply, without any trace of irony, "You are killing me." He knew she didn't love him back, but he couldn't resist. He leaned in a little closer, their foreheads touching. Dear god, he couldn't fight against the thoughts that were going through him. Her very smell was flooding his senses now...

And he knows he really loves her when he can't hate her forever for breaking his heart.

I have completely fallen for you. Everything you do, everything you say, everything you are, Y/N. You're my first thought in the morning, you're my last thought before I fall asleep, and you're almost every thought in between. I don't need paradise because I found you. I don't need dreams because I already have you.

I wasn't looking for anything when I found you and it somehow made me question what I wanted, was I ready for love? I don't think anyone is ever ready, but when someone makes you feel alive again it's kind of worth the risk.

And that's person is you, Y/N. You make me feel alive again. With you, I'm comfortable. I know I can talk about anything, or sit by your side in complete silence. You see me at my worst but only talk about my best. I can be happy about my biggest achievements, while you know my deepest insecurities. I'm comfortable with you, and you should know that means everything to me.

"Daddy!" the silence broke between them when Eva was heard shouting happily and they saw her running towards them.

"Hey, baby." He held his hands wide apart so that Eva could jump to him. "Did you make any friends today?" he asked, cheerfully. Y/N leaned her head on his shoulder while playing with Eva's hair with her beautiful smile. As if three of them were just like a happy family.

"Won't you tell Daddy what you did today, honey?" she asked while her hands slowly drifted his waist, unexpectedly. He knows that. He knows she just made it for Eva. She wanted Eva to know that she has a happy parents who are loving each other unconditionally. Stupidly he was feeling happier even though he knows it was not the truth.

"I draw our family!" she said and showing them a colorful paper. "Look! This is Mummy," she pointed out her finger to a figure she just draw. "This is Daddy and Eva!"

Mark looked at her drawing, the resemblance of three of them were there, holding hands together.

"It's very beautiful, babygirl!" he reached out to kiss her on cheeks. "Can I keep it?"

Eva giggled happily.

He patted her head gently, "You are a very smart girl, Eva. I am proud to be your dad,"

Even though he was not her real father, Mark started to grow love towards this child since she was born. He was being too careful while holding her for the first time. Along with a daughter, a sensitive guy was born. He just look at her in awe every time he holds her and it still doesn't seem real that he's finally a daddy. Sometimes the little things take up the most room in your heart.

"I love you so much, Daddy!" the big round eyes of her staring at him deeply and by that time he started to fall in love with her over and over again.

"Me too! Daddy loves you so so so..." he started to tickle her before kissing Eva all over her face making her screaming in happiness. "...so so much, princess!"

Y/N laughed cheerily before joining tickle their daughter, "And Mummy loves you too, baby!" the laughter of them are all over the place. Mark released Eva from his arms when noticing her friends were calling her again and both of them could only sending her off with radiant smile.

By then, Y/N moves her head closer to Mark. She leans in, so her foreheads rests against his. "Thank you," she says in barely more than a whisper.

"For what?" He replies, his voice low and husky.

"For our small family," Her voice wavers, exhilarated from the tension between them.

He smiles, "I love you, Y/N. You'll always be my best friend. You'll always be my love. You're the mother of my child. You and Eva have brought color to my empty canvas, light into my darkened life. Let's paint the full picture together and light up the sky sweets. I love you both more than anything. I believe in forever, and that's what you and I are. We define eternity. This may sound cheese, but you make me go there. You give me butterflies, Y/F/N. I've never had that before, and I don't want to let that go for anything. Ever."

Mark held out his empty hand. "I want you, no, I need you to be my wife. I need to wake up every morning knowing you're Mrs. Y/N Tuan. Please. Take this last step with me."

After a moment, he added in a quiet voice, "Please?"

She turned to see her daughter for a while with a worried face. The happy Eva was smiling towards her innocently and he knows that she only thinking what the best for her daughter.

"E-Eva needs to know about her real father, Mark. Sooner or later, she needs to know the truth," she said before looking down. He saw her being fast wiping her cheeks before her own daughter could see her was crying. She has no idea how worthless she made him feel now after saying those words.

"She will." He answered. "I promise I won't be a barrier for her from knowing about Jungkook," Mark slowly took her hands in his, caressed her palm with his finger. "And I want you to know that even so Eva is not my daughter, there's never in a second I thought of hating her. As a person who watching her grows, I just only want what the best for her."

"She is your daughter, Mark, and I want you to be her father that always be there for her no matter what happen," she said, smiling with a pair of sad eyes.

"Believe me when I say I will always be there. Put your trust on me and I'll prove to you I won't treat you and Eva just like he did,"

She took a deep breath, "You know... Since we were in college, you and Jungkook were never in a good term, don't you think? I don't know what makes you hating him so much and why Jungkook never acknowledge you as one of my best friend..."

"Please stop thinking about him, Y/N. He already have his own life, new wife and happier than you are right now..." and he knows no matter how hard he tried to convince her to forget her 'first love', that guy would always be on her heart. Forever and ever.

"I know that, Mark, and I know he doesn't love me anymore..." she stared at his eyes for a moment. "If he still, he won't divorce me and gave up on me and our marriage. If Jungkook still loves me, he will keep on fighting and never let me go no matter how hard the hardships were and how many people trying to tear us apart," she paused when his eyes met her and they exchange a meaning the two of them only know.

"...and I wish he had told me the truth so that I can find my own answer to stay..." she finally said it.

Mark sighed, "Y/N... It won't bring any good to you to keep remembering those old days,"

"I wish you won't do the same like him too, Mark. I want you to be the last one for me but I can't..."

He turns with that serious look that still has his trademark warm eyes, "Yes, we can. Just say yes, Y/N. Promise you'll marry me. Promise you'll still be here and loving me and let me loving you until I take my last breath,"

"What I need is an honest man and I will accept everything no matter how bad he was before or what kind of dirty job he had done before..."

His eyes widen, "Are you still blaming me on Jungkook's arrest two years ago? I told you it isn't me. I'm not the one who put him into jail." His heart pounded very hard and why he could feel that Y/N actually knows about that secret plan between him and Jennie.

If she knows it, she would get mad on him but she didn't, and that's making him more doubtful whether she knows it or not. Mark afraid he would get busted if he told her the truth when in fact is she doesn't know anything.

"I know... I don't say it is you... But I wish to know the truth even a little,"

"I know you think I was pressured into binding myself with you before, but that's not true, I didn't trap Jungkook..." he convinced her once again.

Y/N released him. "Just because I don't react, doesn't mean I didn't notice, Mark."

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May 2019, Italy.

The silver gray Mercedes S600 cruised down the freeway, travelling south. Gazing straight ahead, only half-aware of a world outside the claustrophobic comfort of the car, of Mark's hands stroking the wheel, the almost soundless changing of the gears, the pattern of traffic lights... and the chaos thoughts.

His father just passed away. Jungkook had returned. These two crossed on him on the wrong time and he felt mad. Extremely mad! With Father's gone now and he was not in Italy for days, Mark afraid he would lose Y/N to Jungkook. Everything came across his mind right now. What if Y/N changed her heart on marrying him once he reached house soon? What if Eva knows about his real dad and hating Mark?

These negative thoughts only to bring him close to the person he tried not to be. The person he was afraid might dominate his own self. Curmudgeon.

Mark stopped the car once he arrived at his house before staring at the outside of the lawn for a while. He remembered what he did to her before he disappeared. He reached out both of his hands and switching his gaze to it. This hands, his own hands were finally revealed who he is. He promised to never hurting her but he also knows deep down in his heart, even himself could not prevent 'him' from coming out.

The thoughts of that fateful night keeps rewinding on his mind and the only thing he wants to do right now is scream. The 'last' time he saw her, it was different. Her eyes had sunken into dark hollows of no soul, her smile was broken in two and the way her eyes glanced, it was different. He knows by that time her trust on him are no longer there...

"You are totally crazy!" the way she shouted at him on that night really getting on his nerves and he didn't know why he could lose control for the first time in front of her. The sudden appearance of Jungkook still couldn't be accepted for him as he always put a good track on that guy before and Jungkook obviously shown himself was still prioritize his company than finding Eva, his own daughter.

And that makes Mark believe that he doesn't care anymore. With under Jennie's rule, he knows better what Jungkook would choose in order to save his company. Like it or not, he must obey whatever Jennie told him to do. That stupid bastard...

"SAY IT AGAIN! SAY IT AGAIN ON MY FACE!" that argument making him more mean when he decided to pull her hair, unexpectedly. He doesn't know what kind of anger possessed him that night but the way Y/N forcing him really showing her desperation. She being desperate of not wanting Eva's custody fell onto Jungkook or she was being desperate to find another excuse to leave Mark since Jungkook had returned.

He doesn't know anymore.

"Let me go now, Mark! It's hurting me!"

"I DON'T CARE! TELL ME! AM I CRAZY TO YOU NOW?!" he yelled and pulling her hair harder making she yelped in pain.

The only thing she never know about him is he was the type of guy who couldn't listen to the word 'crazy'. He stood on the brink of something he couldn't describe. The weight of everything seemed to press down on his shoulders and he struggled to take even a single step forward. It was too much. All of it. And somehow, he kept moving. But every step cost him. The darkness grew darker; the pain grew sharper; all of it seemed to only grow in strength and he began to wonder if things could ever get better.

"I think Eva is much better with Jungkook than having a psycho dad like you!" that was the end of both of them when he finally really did hurting her physically. His hand cracks across her face, snapping it back with the force of his blow. His violence was in his words. His violence was in his action.

"BITCH! IS THIS WHAT I GET AFTER SO MANY THINGS I HAD DONE TO YOU?!"

Only for so long would Mark remain calm, after each rant his inner countdown to his next explosion began. He needed to fight on, part of him craved it.

She looked at him like the fire in her eyes has been flooded with tears running down to her cut. It unnerves him and no matter how hard he tried she's unreachable. She moves her eyes more slowly, like they're heavy, an effort to move. But he never said a word. Sometimes he feel like there is something eating him up from the inside, as if his conscience is telling him he's not good enough.

Slowly he was crying in the car all alone, remembering those moments. It's been awhile since he last cried. He honestly don't think he's capable of it anymore but he was totally wrong. The person he was had returned.

He paused and sighed. "No... I'm not." He cast his gaze onto the ground and his eyes darkened. He glanced back up at the house. "I'm not going to let him overpower me again. I am heal. I'm not the person who I was before," His voice sounded more pained than anything. Then he wiped away his tears and opened his car door.

No matter what would end tonight, I have to apologize to her. She's not guilty, she's not the one who needs to be blame. I am. It's not predictable anger or pain that's the worst, it's the "random," stuff you know is coming, just never when.

Who made you afraid, Mark? Afraid of the future and the past? For neither exist in any place but the imagination, even memory must be imagined. Thus fear is a kind of madness, but one that is useful if you know how it works. Fear will take you by the hand to the things you keep and guard as precious. Always face fear with courage, understand it, and then let it go. Let these fears wake you up, let them show you the way to your true self, to the brave soul whose love shines like a star. For without fear, love is brighter, stronger, and deeper. When you find yourself, you will be your own master, fully healed, and your last fear will be of your own strength.

I've fought for years. I just march on...

Mark walked a few steps when he heard something from the house and by that time he saw Jungkook went out from his house with his smile plastered on his face. Eyes widened, breaths ragged and harsh. His hands trembled at his sides and he jammed his fist behind. He'd heard it coming; the soft susurration of its footsteps, like a threatening whisper.

Slowly, his brain picked up his feet, carelessly dropping the lead weights to the ground with each harrowing step. He was not in the state to face Jungkook right now and having another argument. The only thing he has for sure is suspicion what kind of reason that makes Jungkook was at his house in the middle of night.