He was good at first. Nobody suspected a thing, and he was everything you could've ever asked for a person to be. But when he gained your trust, when you had a bound so deep you couldn't run away, that's when the monster appeared. These must be the most depressing words in the history of love.

"I tried really hard to love you."

You set boundaries and you built walls so that no one can reach the scattered pieces of your soul. But then he came and you let him decipher you. You slowly let those boundaries vanish in the hope that he would put those shattered pieces together. But who seems like an angel gave you nothing more than a curse. A curse that left with no hope and now you are so hollow that you are scared to look within.

The thing is I know he wanted to be with me, but he was afraid that I would hurt him. So he hurt me instead. I don't know how much longer I can stay in a body that's never felt like home; in a mind that knows exactly what's wrong but hasn't the slightest idea how to fix it; in a life where a glass of whiskey holds more truths than my own honest heart ever will.

You are tired. And it is so awfully difficult to feel sad and tired when all you want is to feel alive.

"I want to cry. I want to fucking cry." You said to the moon, in between sobs.

You imagined the moon saying, "so cry, I will listen." And you are crying, you have been crying for the past 15 minutes, nonstop, but you still want to cry. This didn't feel like crying. It's just tears straining down on your cheeks, sobs that echoes to no one, a heart that breaks silently, without anyone knowing.

"I want to cry," you said again. "I want to cry and shout and scream at the top of my lungs. I want him to hear me hurting. I want him to see me as I break into pieces, I want him to know how my soul shatters because of him. I want him to feel every fucking hurt he caused me. I want to cry. I want him to see me cry, and I want him to put his arms around me, and tell me 'darling, it's okay. I'm here, I won't ever hurt you again. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here.' until I fall asleep in his arms with his soothing words echoing in my arms."

You knew it won't happen yet you still hoping for it. And today you realized that you are the biggest hypocrite of them all. Every night you lied awake. Blaming insomnia. But it's your troubled thoughts that keep you restless. Wondering if you will ever find peace with your mind.

"Why I never love anyone the way I loved him?" you asked while staring the moon.

Because you will never love the same way twice.

I've been in love with someone that stop loving me and I've been loved by someone that I didn't love back but I don't know which is worse; to be broken or to break another soul.

Do you know that feeling where you just wanted to say "I don't know what to do" over and over again? Because you literally have no idea what to do anymore and you feel like you're trapped in this black void of mess you can't seem to get out of no matter what how fast you tried to run?

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do anymore.

"I love him so much that I'm breaking," you admit, wiping away your tears.

∞

"Where are you going, Miss Y/N?" One of Chan's bodyguards began to ask you when he saw you walking towards the front door. Your steps stopped immediately and turned back. There were so many bodyguards here in this mansion, making you uncomfortable to always be their target of eye watch.

"I need to go somewhere else," you uttered nervously. You knew Chan didn't let you out by yourself whenever he's not home no matter how hard you against it. This is not your home. You don't belong here. Chan might be your friend but it's a little bit awkward to keep staying at his house since you just knew who he is exactly yesterday.

"Mr. Park ordered us to take care of you and keeping you inside the house today." He told you and giving you way to enter the house back. You knew it will happen! Chan won't easily let you pass his bodyguard without any reasonable excuse. So that's why you already prepared one for yourself.

You then chuckled and smiling widely to him, "You know what? I told Chan earlier that I need to go to his office today. Ah-ha," you snap your finger when another idea was coming. "We promised to have lunch together." You took a quick glance to see his expression whether he buys or not of your trick. "You don't want him to keep waiting for me, don't you? He probably be mad if you guys not letting me out." lied you more.

"Then we should escort you to Park Legacy's building right away, Miss Y/N." he directed one of his man to bring out the car to the front once you told him about your lie.

You gulped down, "No! No! It's okay. I already call a taxi. There!" you quickly pointed your finger when you saw the taxi you ordered arrived, leaving them in bewilderment.

you heard them calling your name while chasing you but somehow you managed get into the taxi and hurriedly forcing the taxi driver to go before they could reach you. You let out a relief breath when you saw the taxi getting farther from the Sky House. Last thing you must do is to text Chan, telling him you don't want to stay any longer at his house and not to worry about you anymore. You felt like you owed him so many things yet you embarrassed to drag him into your problems. It's not your first intention either, you don't know how it happened so quick but just let's say Chan and you only meet in the middle of our pathway. There's no any specific meaning behind it and you already told him that you never see him more than just a friend.

"Nonhyeon-dong, Gangnam-gu." You directed to the taxi driver the place you want to go right now. Your old house. Well can you still consider it 'your house'? It never be your house from the first. Eight years ago when he bought that house for you and him to live together. Yes, the house you caught him sleeping with another woman. That condo which hold so many memories between you and him. Both sweet and painful.

You keep thinking over and over again your conversation with Chan last night. He was right. Eva must be missing you so much, making Jungkook left no choice and called you. You wondered how things going on between both of them. You don't know how Jungkook taking care of her like he's a man after all. How men could ever manage house chores by himself with a kid under five. Ah why you give a damn about it? He's rich isn't? Of course he would hire maids for cleaning, cooking or whatever he needs.

Ding! Ding!

You pressed the bell once you reached in front of his condo. Your heartbeat pounds faster in every second waiting the door to be open. You might see him now even though you knew he's probably at his office. Meeting him was never ever felt the same since both of you divorce, plus with the argument which always occurred whenever he tried to talk to you.

You just couldn't help yourself to yell at him every time you met him. He wanted you back. To stay by his side again. But you can't simply accept him right away even though you still have a thing with him. He didn't know yet. Well he doesn't need to know to be honest. And you tried every hardest way to keep it away from him.

"Coming," you heard a female voice at the back of the door. You never heard that voice before and it's totally not Jennie. The door was opened and you saw a young lady greeted you warmly. "Yes, how can I help you?" You looked at this lady's figure from head to toe. She was indeed beautiful. And Jungkook never hired any young maid before. You somehow felt a gentle prick in your heart. Heartbroken. She might be Jungkook's new woman.

You gulped down before spoke, "I'm Eva's mother. Can I see her?" you said to her in friendly way.

Suddenly, she became so excited and pulled you into the house. "Ah, you must be Y/N, aren't you? Nice to meet you," she pulled out her hand. You quickly shook her hand and smile to her awkwardly. "Eva such a great kid." She said while both us headed to the living room.

You nodded agreeing whatever she said.

"Eva!" she called out your daughter's name softly. "Eva! Mummy is here, sweetie."

Then you saw Eva dropped the Barbie dolls she been holding and running to you. You quickly kneeled yourself and waiting for her small chubby body run towards your open arms.

you heard her scream before she hugged you tight.

"Do you miss me, my baby?" asked you before showering her with a dozen kissed on her face. You missed your daughter ever since Kino came fetching her on that day from your house.

She answered with a nod. "I miss you so much, Mummy!"

"Do you eat well here?" you asked her again.

"Ne!"

"Really? Let me lift you up," you picked her up, "Aigoo, my daughter is so heavy," said you, joking around.

"She is really a good kid, Y/N," said that girl while patting Eva's hair.

"I'm sorry, I don't have a chance to introduce myself properly," said you, lowering your head to her.

"Ah, it okay. Really. I'm Yu-Jin. Kino's girlfriend," replied her.

"Kino's girlfriend?" Wow, how time flies until you didn't know at all Kino already has a girlfriend. You still remember when he still a young man and always following Jungkook around whenever he goes. "Ah I can't believe it. Kino never tells me about his girlfriend," you chuckled. "This guy grown up already," you said, making Yu-Jin blushed.

"Aunt Yu-Jin gave me this doll, Mummy. Look! Pretty isn't?" Eva who still on your arms quickly requested to put her down before her small feet running to take her doll back only to show it to you.

"You're more pretty, sweetheart." You sweep her hair back to her ears, while witnessing how happy she is being in this house. In her father's house.

"So why you take care of Eva while Jungkook is not around?" you began to ask her when both of you headed to the kitchen. You're curious to be honest. Why Jungkook just didn't hire any maid or babysitter? He also could send Eva to daycare center if he's busy with his work.

"Jungkook doesn't trust easily any random person to take care of his child," Yu-Jin replied before handed you a glass of orange juice.

You took the glass from her, "Why?" you questioned her again.

"I don't know. He said he doesn't want the same thing happen again,"

Strange isn't? Same thing? What's the thing that had happened before?

"He told me he once had a maid name Mrs. Choi," you widen your eyes when you heard Mrs. Choi name appeared from Yu-Jin. Mrs. Choi who took care of you at the JK Castle while you're still pregnant with Eva. "He trusts her too much but in the end Mrs. Choi betrayed him." you're so surprised when knowing it from Yu-Jin. Mrs. Choi betrayed Jungkook? Wait, what? How that old woman who looks so innocent could ever lied to him?

"Anyway, since you are here, why not you spend time with Eva for a couple of hours. Jungkook usually will back earlier than his office hours," Yu-Jin turned to look at her watch, "maybe at 3pm I guess. I'm so sorry, Y/N. I need to go now because I have a few things that need to catch up." You followed her to the living room again. Seriously? You thought you wouldn't see Jungkook today. You tried your best to avoid seeing him but right now? Seems like you have to face him again for the sake of Eva.

"I would love to see you again." said Yu-Jin heading to the door after grabbing her handbag.

"Me too. Thank you for taking care of her today. " you send her off towards the door. As soon as she gone, you closed the door and let out a sigh. Looks like it's gonna be you and Eva in this house.

You walked to the living room and see Eva was watching some cartoon. You took a seat beside her. "Do you love staying here?" you asked Eva. She nodded before putting her head on your lap, still her focus on television.

"Can you stay here too, Mummy? I don't want you to stay at Daddy's house." You startled with her request. You felt like you are really a bad mom to her, letting her witness violence Mark had done at such a young age. It will scare her more and ruin all her childhood memories.

"I can't-

Before you were gonna continue your words, you heard a door had been slammed hard. Right after that your name been called in a panic voice. you quickly stood up when you heard Jungkook's voice. You looked at him curiously when you saw him running to you and pulled you closer to him, strongly before wrapping his arms around you. You were so surprised with his sudden act.

He just hugged you. It was the first time he hugged you ever since he divorce you. You daren't move, you daren't even breathe, you're frozen to the spot. You can feel your heart pounding in your chest...duh-duhn, duh-duhn. Deep heavy breathes sound nearby. His embrace was warm, and his big, strong arms seemed very protective when wrapped around your body. To be honest, you kinda miss to be in his arms again.

"Oh my god! Why don't you tell me you are here?" he said in panic. You startled, still did not understand what's behind of this hug. You could feel his heartbeat pounded in his chest when your head leaned against it. He looked like just running from the parking lot.

"Jung- jungkook. Can you please let me go?" you uttered on his chest.

As we parted, you looked at him who tried to catch his breath. The sweats covered all on his face, enough to show you he was exhausted.

"You have no idea how worried I am. Thank God, you left Sky House right away," explained him which making you more curious. How did he know about you went to the Sky House.

"How did you know it?" you asked him. His expression then changed when he knew he was exposed. "Do you know Park Chanyeol too?" asked you again when seeing him won't answer your first question.

Jungkook started clearing his throat off, "No. Mark told me about you. He said Park Chanyeol kidnapped you and I got mad. That's all. Anyways, don't go to the Sky House ever again." He said, looking away from you.

You then let out a small laugh. Jungkook just misunderstood you and Chan. It is so ridiculous. "Mark told you, Chan kidnapping me? Hahaha... Chan is my friend, Jungkook. Poor that guy needs to take all the blame,"

You saw him furrowed his eyebrow gather into one. "No, Y/N. Park Chanyeol is a bad guy. You don't know who he is exactly and what's his intention bringing you into his house." he said furiously.

"I think I know my own friend better than you." you talked back against him.

"Whatever. Just don't go near to him and Park Legacy next time," he warned you. Why he doesn't like you with Park Chanyeol? Is Park Chanyeol is one of JK Group's rival too?

"Yeah, right." You murmured before turned your back from him and focusing on Eva. "Eva, sweetie. Mummy has to go now," you said. Right before you could finish your words, Eva gets up and hugged you.

"Can you sleep here tonight, Mummy?" she cried. "I want to sleep with you. Appa! Can Mummy sleep here?" she then looked at Jungkook with her usual pouty mouth. Eva, why you're asking this kind of request? You wanted to oppose it actually but you don't want to break your daughter's hope.

Jungkook smiled before coming closer to you. You felt nervous when his scent drowning around you. He lifted up Eva on his arms, "Sure, baby. Mummy can sleep at our house." He then gave a peck on her cheek before whispering, "Thank you for requesting it." He chuckled.

"I still can hear you, Jungkook." You said, unbothered. He laughed seeing your respond to him.

"Shall we prepare room for Mummy, Eva?" he said excitedly. You saw both of them running around the house, but your focus more to Jungkook. He seems very happy whenever he with his daughter. Then suddenly you felt guilty separating Eva from him two years ago. He must be so miserable going through years of never meeting his own daughter.

I'm so sorry, Jungkook.

∞

You looked at your phone. 12 am. It's already past midnight but you still can't sleep even though you tried to close your eyes for several times. You switched your position and look at Eva who already sleep beside you. It was so heartwarming every time you watch her sleep. How was she going through her days of not seeing you? You admit Eva was not like other kid. She was taught to be independent at such a young age. Ever since she was little, she was been taught to separate with her Daddy. Mark doesn't have much time to going back and forth Italy and Korea every day just only to see her. That's why she understood of not been able to see her parents much.

You slowly get up from the bed. You somehow felt thirsty and wanted to go to the kitchen. Perhaps Jungkook already sleep by now. Well it's too awkward to see him alone since Eva is sleeping. You opened the door without producing any noise. You're afraid Eva would wake up from her sleep. When you're walking past the living room, headed to the kitchen, you saw balcony was opened and the night breeze enter smoothly fled the curtain. You saw a man's figure leaning to the balcony. He lifted up a little bit of his head, staring the night sky.

"Jungkook," you called him. Jungkook immediately turned his head when he noticed you.

He gave you a smile. "Hey. Can't sleep?" he asked. You're quickly making your move towards him.

"What are you doing here?"

"Tonight is so beautiful. The sky. The star. The moon." You also lifted your head and staring the sky along with him.

You nodded, "Yeah," You agreed with him. The sky is really beautiful tonight.

"I sometimes wonder," he suddenly spoke after a moment of silence. You turned to see him who already looks at you. "What happen to us, Y/N? We once have a happy marriage, an excited parent to be. We were happily waiting for Eva. But suddenly I lost you. I lost Eva. I lost everything," he said making you speechless.

"I want you back." He declared. "Please."

"We can't." you can see the hesitation in his eyes. Perhaps he expected you to just drop everything and run towards his open arms, no questions asked.

"I know what life is without you and I don't like it," he reasoned, "I want you back, Y/N."