Me and Ahlam had just settled into bed, mama and baba were returning from Pakistan tomorrow, it feels like I hadn't seen them in years when in reality they've only been gone three weeks.

Somethings been bothering me today, a feeling that I just can't seem to get rid of. I'm pretty sure that Ahlam has noticed too but I keep reassuring her that I'm fine. I engaged in Zikr all day today thinking it may make me feel better. As they say "verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest". But even with countless amount of Zikr I still can't seem to shake away this feeling of anxiety.

"What's the matter Ayman? Tell me, how am I supposed to help you when I don't know how your feeling". "I'm fine baby, i'm just feeling a bit weird today I can't seem to shake away this anxious feeling". "How about we recite Surah Duhaa together, the surah was revealed when prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was feeling depressed and anxious when the revelations of the Quran had stopped, let me quickly run and grab my Quran as I don't know Surah Duhaa by heart". "Okay Inshallah! let's begin". Before I knew it we had, recited Surah Duhaa in no time. Alhamdulilah I was feeling a little better than I was before.

As we laid beside each other, I felt the need to close the gap between us I pulled Ahlam on top of my chest and wrapped my arms around her petite waist. I found my hands moving themselves towards Ahlam's silky hair. I looked down to admire the beauty sleeping on my chest, I took the time to drink in her model like features. Mashallah she was absolutely stunning, I was truly lucky that Allah Swt had granted me a such a beautiful, loving, caring, kind and gentle wife. She makes me the happiest man and every single day I thank Allah for putting her in my life. It's amazing to think millions of years before our souls were even created, Ahlam's name was written beside mines. It reminds me of the ayah from Surah Najm "and he created the pairs, male and female".

I had woken to the sound of my phone ringing, my heart was racing nobody ever calls at this time of night. It was half past one in the morning. I picked up the phone to see Aunty Yasmin's ID highlighted at the top of my phone screen. "Salaam, Aunty is everything okay, are you okay?". I could hear whimpering at the other side of the phone. "Aunty your scaring me!, please tell me what's happening". "B-beta Yaqub is no more". It felt like my heart had momentarily dropped. The tears began running down my face like a waterfall. How am I going to explain this to Ahlam. "Ahlam wake up! We need to go". I shook her multiple times, this woman sleeps like the dead.

This revelation had made me think how things can change within a blink of an eye and the almighty's power to do so. Subhanallah the power of Allah Swt, is one which cannot be questioned. In Surah Yaseen Allah Swt powers have been described soo perfectly."When He wills a certain thing, He commands it 'Be!' and it is".

Ahlam's eyes finally fluttered open, and her facial expressions quickly morphed into concern when she saw my face covered in tears. "What happened! Why are you crying!". "Ahlam Uncle Yaqub is no more". Guttural sobs racked Ahlam's body. She was shaking like a leaf, the tears were falling like rain during the monsoon. My heart was breaking piece by piece, watching her cry like this. I cannot even begin to fathom the amount of pain she is in right now. Uncle Yaqub had been another father figure, in my life for such a long time. Indeed it was if I had just lost my own father. My head was starting to ache with the amount I had cried in the last ten minutes.

I scooped Ahlam into my arms and rocked her back and forth slowly, her grip on my shirt was deathly, her tears had seeped through my shirt. The sound of her sobs were soo raw and gut wrenching, all I could do is pray that Allah Swt grants her Sabr. I was going to be here for her and help her through this Inshallah.

"Ahlam should we go and visit mama, she needs somebody to be there for her to". This only caused Ahlam wail louder. Her sobs began to subside slightly and she nodded her head in agreement. I knew Ahlam wasn't going to be able to walk in this state so I slipped my hoodie on her and, carried her to the car. Once I had buckled her in I quickly locked the front door and got into the car.

The whole drive to their house, Ahlam's sobs filled the car I genuinely can't believe I managed to get us here in one piece. The sound of her cries is soo raw and heart wrenching. It felt as though somebody had my heart in a vice like grip listening to Ahlam cry.

The front drive was full of police and ambulance cars. As we got out of the car the police men were holding a big black bag, I knew what was in there. I knew Ahlam saw it too, she stood there pale as a sheet, no reaction I guess it's shock that this is reality. As we entered the house I looked to see Aunty Yasmin on the floor in hysterics. "Mammaaaa!!". Both of them sat on the the floor crying in each other's embrace.

***

Mama and Baba had made it back from the airport via taxi, there was no way I was going to leave Ahlam and Aunty Yasmin alone in this state. Baba was absolutely distraught, to think that he had just lost his best friend. May Allah Swt grant us all Sabr during this tough time. Ahlam's imaan is soo strong, the amount of grief that she is in right now has still not affected her salah. As soon as salah time begins, she is up and ready to pray. Subhanallah it amazes me like, the hardship she is facing right now, her imaan is still steadfast. The way in which Ahlam is dealing with this calamity, reminds me of the ayah from Surah Taghabun "No disaster strikes without the will of Allah Swt, and whoever believes in Allah. He will guide his heart". In the sense that Ahlam's Imaan is soo strong and that Allah Swt is guiding her through this adversity.

The Janazah was going to be held after Zuhr salah today. Me, baba,Huzayl and the Imam we're going to carry out the ghusl. Subhanallah, uncle Yaqub was very lucky that his body got cleared so quickly by the coroner, cause of death was by natural causes. Uncle Yaqub died of a heart attack. In the Hadith, Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: I heard the Prophet (ﷺ) saying, "Hurry up with the dead body (for its burial), for if it is pious, you are speeding it to goodness and if it is otherwise, you are laying an evil off your necks." Subhanallah he's lucky to be buried on the same day.

I just cannot stand here and watch the ghusl or partake in it, my hands are trembling and shaking. My heart is racing, I've never partook in ghusl before maybe this is why I'm feeling like this. I had tears running down my face, everybody else in the room is calm and composed. If anything it showed me how short this life is and how deceiving this life really is. It truly is a very short journey from Allah to Allah.

Baba asked me to recite Quran and the graveyard, my voice wavered as I recited ayahs from Surah Yaseen. The men started to shovel the soil. Thud, thud! The slight bangs when the soil hit the kaffan. I just wanted to get out of here as soon as possible and hold Ahlam tight against my chest.

Indeed to him we belong and to him we shall return.

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