I walked with Master Windu, it was the first time we had really been together in a long time.

We had just come back from the briefing on the war on Kashyyyk. Master Yoda, his troopers, and some of my troopers were there fighting off the Separatist forces.

There I also told of the findings that General Grievous has been spotted in the Utapau system. There it was decided that Obi-Wan would lead the mission.

"I know you wish this mission was given to you." Master Windu said, "But Master Kenobi has dealt with Grievous before, he has more experience. We need you here. Plus you did already kill one separatist leader, let someone else shine." He nudged me.

"I know, I know. It's just getting boring around here." I held my robes closer.

"(Y/N), you know a Jedi-" he started but I already knew what he'd say.

"A Jedi doesn't crave things like action. A Jedi craves peace." I said, robotically.

"Exactly, you do understand that, don't you?" He asked.

"Of course, these things are only easier said than done." I said, I looked over at him. This man has saved my life countless of times, he's been the one who has taught me everything I know, and yet I feel he may have lied to me.

"Master-" I started, I don't know why. I just felt this urge to tell him everything I was struggling with. But my mouth stopped itself, I wasn't able to. I was trapped in my mind and felt lost to find the right words. Master Windu stepped in front of me, he wanted me to tell him but I couldn't.

"Master, I've disappointed you. You tried so hard to get me to be a Jedi knight. And I haven't been very appreciative of your training. For that, I apologize." I said. It was mainly to save me from discussing my feelings of doubt.

"You are strong and wise, my apprentice. Through this war you've become almost as great as me." He joked, clapping a hand on my shoulder, "It was the will of the force that you were at my side. I've taught you everything I know. You've certainly made Jedi history, and I couldn't be more proud of you. The force has a great path for you, I know it."

"Thank you, Master." I bowed my head.

"If you'll excuse me, I do need to go meditate on a matter troubling me." He said, his face slightly faltering.

"Are you alright?" I asked, concern growing.

"Yes, my apprentice. There is just a strange feeling I've gotten in the force. It calls me to investigate." He tells me.

"Okay." I mutter. At least my feelings that there has been a shift in the force is not felt alone.

He leaves me and I stand looking out across the main Hangar of ships coming and going. I think about how Master Windu said I'm needed here.

I am to report on the Chancellor's doing. I feel trapped. Like I have no choice in the matter. I feel confined by my secrets and the corruption that the Jedi are facing. All I am on either side of this coin is a pawn. And I'm tired of it. I'm tired of being forbidden to be human, I'm tired of losing the ones I love, I'm tired of the pain I'm feeling that no one seems to understand.

I went back to Anakin's room and sat there. I wanted to ask him something. I needed to talk to him. But I couldn't go anywhere else to find him.

I know this morning he was off overseeing a mission and giving advice to younglings. Yoda has asked him to come in often, and since he's going to be a father he's getting practice with little ones.

I came in once with him, they all looked at him as if he were a God. Him being the Chosen One, and known galaxy wide as such, has made him famous. I felt unworthy when walking with him, but also so proud. I thought of how I might be viewed after I have this child. Would I be known as the one who corrupted him? I didn't mean to. I did everything I could to keep him safe, to keep him pure and together we've helped each other more than if we were apart.

I climbed myself onto the counter in the bathroom. I sat criss cross on the empty part of the counter and stared at myself in the mirror that covered the entire wall. I felt my hand along the white scar from when I faced Count Dooku 3 years ago. I couldn't believe it had been that long.

I had changed so much. Whether that was in the right or wrong direction, I don't know yet.

Anakin came in then. He didn't know I was here yet. I didn't say anything. He came to go to the bathroom and jumped when he saw me sitting on the counter.

"What the- You scared me." He held his chest.

"You couldn't sense me?" I asked, still staring at myself.

"No.. I was focused on other things." He said.

"Oh." I said, I looked at him in the mirror as he replaced his surprised demeanor with his hard one.

"What are you up to? Besides staring at you the way I do." He asked, I saw him smile at me, he thinks he's so clever.

"Nothing. How are the younglings?" I asked.

"They're getting better and better every day. They make me more excited to have a youngling of my own." He came behind me and wrapped his strong arms around me.

"Me too." I said, thinking of how I know that the life inside of me won't live. I couldn't disappoint him, I couldn't make him upset because I couldn't provide a child for him.

But I also knew the dance with the dark side is something he would never want me to do. Anakin has always been the one to bring me back to the light. I felt like such a hypocrite for even thinking of this when the time before the battle of Geonosis I was the one rooting him to the light. I struggled with this idea. Either way it felt like I would disappoint him.

"I have to leave for a day." He told me, playing with my hands.

"Why? You can't leave. The baby can come any day." I looked up at him. I needed him now. I needed him so badly. I became anxious at the thought of him leaving.

"Obi-Wan has just made contact with General Grievous and needs reinforcements." He told me, "I'm going to end this war once and for all."

"Good, just don't be gone too long." I said, "Stay safe, for me."

"I won't die." He kissed the top of my head then turned me around, "I have far too much to live for."

"I know you won't." Every time I blinked a flash if him dying came to me. Flashes of him being stabbed through with a purple lightsaber came to me. I felt paranoia overwhelm me.

"What's troubling you?" He picked my chin up with his finger, "Is it your dreams?"

"They aren't dreams." I corrected, "I think I've found a way to save our family."

"Our family doesn't need saving." He told me, "I told you. All of us will be okay, I promise you."

"No, you don't understand. I can't stand to lose anything else in my life." I begged him.

"And you won't." He calmed me, "The moment I get home from Utapau I will be at your side when we tell the council we must leave the Order. After this war is over, after I have destroyed the Sith, then we can finally be at peace."

"At peace." I nodded, it sounded so far away the idea of peace. Anakin spread my legs open just enough so that he could hug me to his chest.

I felt his heart beat. Its slow rhythm contrasted the fast and reckless beat of mine. I felt my heart being swayed to him. He was born from the light to be here with me. To keep me away from any powers. I would not betray him.

"The council has also called a meeting." He told me, "They have ordered me to come tell you."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, panicking at the idea of being late.

"I thought discussing what's troubling you might be more important." He said, watching me scramble to find my robe.

"The council has already enough reason to resent me, I can't afford any more." I said. I grunted as I couldn't find it and felt a growing pain in my stomach.

"It'll be fine." He said, grabbing my shoulder and handing it to me. I did my best to hide my baby belly.

"I'm sorry." I apologized for my episode.

"I understand." He kissed me. I felt the need to continue it. I felt the need to keep kissing him. I deepened it and pulled on his shoulders to keep kissing me.

"Are you sure your okay?" He asked when he managed to pull away from me.

"I am. I just.." I trailed off trying to memorize his face. I couldn't lose him. "I love you so much."

"I love you too. Everything will happen as the force wills it." He told me, "Have faith."

I nodded and let go of him. He straightened his back and I left his room. I felt an increasing anxiety overwhelm me. I felt the need to find the answers to all the questions I had been asking before it was too late.