"She's stirring," I hear Obi-Wan say.

The soft hum vibrating throughout my body is familiar. I must be on a ship.

I open my eyes to see Obi-Wan looking at me. He is sitting on a stool next to my bed. He offers a sad smile. He opens his mouth to say something, but closes it.

It doesn't hit me immediately, but suddenly visions of him and Anakin - no, not Anakin; just a man who looked like Anakin - flood my vision. The memories sting.

No. They couldn't be memories. They were dreams. Nightmares. They were not real. But as I attempt to speak, my throat throbs. I reach up to feel my neck, pressing down on the tender skin.

"No, don't do that," Obi-Wan suggests, pushing my hand away from my neck.

Those nightmares were not imaginary. They were real. Those visions were my memory.

My face must have registered my realization, because Obi-Wan's sad smile drops and looks as if he is about to speak. I rip my hand out of his grip and slap him across the face.

I expected a slap back. I expected him to yell. I expected him to scold me, tell me how immature I am. Ask me how dare I slap him.

"I deserve that," he says, casting his eyes down toward his lap. "You didn't deserve to go through any of that. I understand how you may feel right now."

I look at him, stunned. Why was he patronizing me? Was he trying to get under my skin? Was he trying to make me angry? Was he trying to get me to hate him more than I had grown to in this short amount of time?

But as I studied his face, I didn't see any clue of cruelty. He looked genuinely sympathetic. He looked sad himself. As if he had lost just as much as I did.

He was empathetic.

What happened on Mustafar after I lost consciousness?

As if reading my mind, Obi-Wan cleared my confusion. "After he let go of you, we fought. It was a fair match, so it lasted quite a while. But he was so strong, (Y/N). Stronger than me. Stronger than you." He sighed, burying his face into his hands. In a muffled voice, he continued, "I don't know how he achieved such power." Taking his face out of his hands, he looked at me. He was crying. "He was using the power of the Sith."

I tried to speak. Just to tell him that he was wrong. That he didn't know what he was talking about. But my voice strained. My throat was on fire.

"Don't push it," Obi-Wan said, setting his hand on my cheek. He sighed, continuing, "I know you don't believe me, (Y/N). But you saw what I saw. You know he is gone."

I wanted to shake my head. To yell at him. To hit him, to scream and ask how he could even think such things about Anakin, let alone say them aloud.

He couldn't be gone. But I knew the truth.

"He is out of our control." Obi-Wan let out a shaky breath. This wasn't easy for him to talk about, either. "Anakin is dead."

I wanted to react. But I couldn't. Despite my lack of emotions to the news, I felt pieces of my heart chipping away. As if someone was taking a hammer and hitting it, cracking the edges and letting it reach the center. As much as I knew it was true, I didn't want to accept it. But I had to. Anakin was gone. Anakin was dead.

I was as good as dead, too.

I stare at the wall, trying to imagine what the Jedi had experienced on that day. What their last thoughts were. Whether they understood what was going on. Whether they knew that the Clones had turned against them.

For the past 8 months I stared at this wall, trying to wrap my mind around Order 66. I couldn't bring myself to think about Anakin. I couldn't even bring myself to think about myself.

After Obi-Wan and Padme got me into the ship on that day, I felt so alone. I had no home. My friends betrayed me. I hated them. I still do.

Obi-Wan explained how we couldn't go anywhere. I was confused as to why. He wouldn't explain further. But Padme took us to the safest, most secluded place she knew: her lake house on Naboo.

When she told us that's where we were headed, I immediately flailed my body in protest. I couldn't speak, so I had to throw a tantrum. It was too soon. The memories that the lake held ran too deep. They hurt to even look back upon. It was a fresh scar across my heart.

There were so many places I could never see the same.

So many memories I wanted to cut out of my brain.

But, reluctantly, I finally agreed on Naboo. I hadn't agreed, really, because I wasn't given a choice.

"It's Naboo or death," as Obi-Wan put it. As much as I wanted to choose the latter, I was under the supervision of Obi-Wan and Padme. Even though they hadn't given me too much push back before, this was certainly something they weren't going to be lax about.

As we landed on Naboo, we took a cruiser to the lake house. Obi-Wan remained adamant that we conceal our identity. Again, I was confused, and he refused to speak any further about all of the suspicion. We changed out of our Jedi robes into commoner tunics, wearing hooded shirts that we used to cover our faces with.

I entered the lake house estate and was greeted by Yoda and Senator Organa. It had turned out that Padme had given Layla to Organa, and Jacen to Yoda. That helped relieve my worries about them.

I was so happy to be reunited with my children. Although we weren't separated for that long, it felt so wrong to be away from them.

But as I held both of them in my arms and stared at them, I saw Anakin.

Every time I looked at the twins a wave of grief washed over me. I could not see anything else but the face of the man I loved. The man who loved me. Who was dead.

But then Yoda had told me everything. The fall of the Order. That's where it all went downhill.

It was too much for me to bear. I had just suffered the loss of my husband, in addition to the emotional trauma his final days have brought me. And then they tell me the Order is gone - that all Jedi across the galaxy faced a death by Clone Trooper. Those whose bodies have yet to turn up are currently up for bounty. And my body was one that had not been found. On top of that, Yoda explained the rise of Chancellor - no, Emperor Palpatine and his Sith apprentice, Darth Vader. Palpatine had these plans all along. He already had his loyalties. He already had an entire Galactic Empire.

But he got there using Anakin. And when Palpatine succeeded, he threw Anakin to the side. I wanted the Emperor to burn.

Weeks passed, and it was clear that everything was effecting me.

And then came the evening that everything fell apart:

"Hey, (Y/N)," Padme said as she stood in the doorway to my room. "Can I sit?"

I sat at my desk looking through old Senate reports. Obsessed with looking for clues that could lead me to other Empire collaborators that were hiding within the Republic, I oftentimes forgot to eat or check on the twins. I had lost a bit of weight, and was starting to see it in my face. Especially the eye bags. I didn't sleep much. No, correction, I couldn't sleep much. Every time I closed my eyes a new, plaguing vision appeared, sending me into a hysterical state. I felt pathetic.

"I'll take that as a yes," Padme finally announced when I hadn't answered her, walking over to my desk and sitting down on the extra chair next to me. She reached over and pulled the reports away from me.

"What in the world do you think your doing?" I asked her.

Right as I was about to snatch them back, I realized the hard look on her face. She came to talk about something serious. "I need your full, undivided attention right now. I don't need your nose in some stupid reports because you think it will find you some sort of refuge."

Now that pissed me off. I grabbed the papers back and slammed them down on my desk, giving her one last glare before returning my eyes down on the papers.

Padme reached over and placed her hand on top of mine. "I need you back, (Y/N). You're really my only friend." I looked up and saw her expression had softened. She looked sad. I didn't care.

"Friend?" I scoffed. "You set me up on Mustafar. You allowed Obi-Wan to kill Anakin. I blame you for everything. We are not friends."

Padme, to my surprise, had no retort. She sighed and squeezed my hand before saying, "I was afraid you would feel that way. I did what I did because I love you. I didn't want to see you get hurt."

She got up and started toward the door before I could respond.

"(Y/N)," she said as she stood in the doorframe, "Yoda wants to talk to you." And then she left.

What did they want? I got up and headed toward the living area. As I entered, I noticed Obi-Wan and Bale would be joining us for the conversation, too.

Yoda offered for me to sit, and I did. That's when he hit me with the bomb.

"Called you here today, we did," Yoda began, readjusting himself on the chair. "Would like to speak about the future of the twins, we wish."

"What about their futures?" I asked, unsure of where they had planned to take this conversation. Panic began to rise in my chest as my head ran through the possibilities of what they could say next.

Obi-Wan cleared his throat, "It appears that the Empire has finally occupied Naboo. It took them quite a while to dispatch here but, not to come as a shocker, the Naboo Grand Council didn't resist their occupation."

"Alright," I said flatly, still unsure of how to take any of this. "I mean, we knew this was coming, didn't we? That's why we're here. There are plenty of safe zones in the countryside to keep us hidden for short periods of times if the Empirical units ever decide to go on patrols searching for Jedi. We discussed this, already. What does it have to do with my children."

"They're not safe here," Padme spoke from behind me. I turned around to see her in the hall, looking in. "Sorry to intrude," she added, looking down at her feet.

I twisted back around and set my eyes on Senator Organa, "Are you suggesting the children and I leave Naboo, then?"

"No, that is not what we are suggesting at all."

I sighed, sick of this back and forth of beating around the bush. "Then what are you suggesting."

"You will stay here on Naboo, under the protection of Miss Amidala and her staff," Obi-Wan started, "And the children will split and leave."

"What?" I was in disbelief. They were not actually recommending this, were they? Was this some sick joke? "Jacen and Layla will not split. I will not allow it."

"We've already made accommodations, miss," Bale said with a sad expression.

"No," I said. It felt like my heart was in my throat. "There is no way! Those are my children. You cannot take them away from --"

"(Y/N)," Yoda finally spoke. "Safe here, the children are not. Risk their lives for your motherhood, would you?"

I looked at him with disgust. "How dare you even accuse me of putting my own will above my children's? You have the nerve!"

"You haven't been much of a mother anyways," Obi-Wan cut in. "You sit in that room all day, desperate to find vigilance to those who assisted Palpatine in the rise of the Empire. You will find nothing. You must move on. But you have proven that you can't, (Y/N)."

I opened my mouth, about to complain in protest, but Obi-Wan held his hand up to stop me. I don't know why, but I listened. "You can hardly remember to feed yourself, (Y/N)." He sighed, pressing his fingers against the bridge of his nose, "If we die and the Empire get ahold of the twins, Palpatine may consider raising them in the ways of the Sith. Those are the children of you and Anakin Skywalker." I winced at the mention of Anakin. "You two were the most powerful Jedi within the order. Combined, the twins will ultimately be sought out as a weapon."

This made sense. But Palpatine had not known about my children, did he? He had stabbed me with his lightsaber in the stomach, so surely if he did, he would assume that they were dead. He would assume that I am dead, too. "Palpatine didn't even know I was expecting, though," I explained.

Yoda shook his head, "Told him everything, Anakin did. On the Jedi tapes, his confession is."

Palpatine had stabbed me on purpose. He was the reason Anakin had those visions. He had set Anakin up. He promised Anakin a way to save the life of the one he loves in exchange for his devotion to the Sith. But Anakin did not know that my death would be teetered on the lightsaber of the one he looked up to the most. This realization made my face go red hot. A stream of burning tears ran down my face, but I was able to hold in the sobs.

Padme sat down next to me, and rubbed my shoulder. If I wasn't so upset, I probably would have punched her in the face. How many times would I have to tell her off in order for her to stop running to my aid?

"I understand you are upset," Bale Organa said. "But we must decide what to do with the children before we can stand to be angry."

"He's right," Obi-Wan agreed. "I'm afraid these twins are our only hope."

I didn't want to accept it. It was true, I hardly took care of my children because I was too preoccupied with trying to search for something to be angry at. Anakin was dead. I couldn't be mad at him. And being mad at Padme and Obi-Wan all the time was too time consuming. I had to find someone to direct my anger toward and carry with me. But as I sat through hours and hours of reports, only to find no name that could be connected with Palpatine. I don't even know how he was able to rise to such power.

I nodded, "I understand. What is to come of the twins, then?"

"With Senator Organa, Layla will go. With Obi-Wan, will Jacen go," Yoda explained. "Change the identities of these children, we must."

"But why?" I asked. Must they take away every single connection I had to these children?

Obi-Wan sighed impatiently, "You must come to understand this, (Y/N). There is a chance that the identity of the twins is already known to Palpatine. Names and all. You gave birth in a Republic medical facility. There are no doubt files that contain the names and genders of your children. There is no guarantee of their safety if there life is to remain the same. But if we do this, they may have a chance. They have to."

I gulped. I've always been so stubborn. But these past weeks I have given up on arguing, up until this discussion. The feeling of reluctance hadn't crossed my mind in a long time. This old, familiar feeling brought me some sense of comfort. I hated it and desired it at the same time.

Of all times, now was not the one to be this way.

"Okay," I whispered.

"I will take in Layla to my family. My wife and I could not be more happy to," Bale assured, smiling at me. "She will have the alias of Leia Organa. She will always be Layla Skywalker, though." It was a weak attempt at comforting me, those last lines. But they did help, just a bit. My identity within these children would not be lost forever.

"As for the boy," Obi-Wan began, "I will take him with me as I seek refuge on Tatooine. I will take him to relatives of Anakin. He will live a normal life. But I will watch over him from afar."

"What will his name be?" I asked.

Obi-Wan shrugged, "I am not sure. That will be for Owen and Beru Lars to decide." Anakin's step brother.

"And they will be safe?" I asked.

"They will be safe," chimed in Padme. I looked at her. She smiled at me, continuing to rub my shoulder. As much hate in my body I carried for her in my body, I knew all she wanted to do was help. I would have to get over how I felt toward her at some point. It was not of the Jedi way.

"It's settled, then," Obi-Wan announced, standing up from the couch. "We will depart immediately."

They gathered their things and the twins. As they said their goodbyes, my heart panged for the day I would be able to see them again. If I were ever going to.

And then they were gone.

And so now, I sit here in my room, staring at the wall, remembering these things. Looking back at them as if they were lifetimes ago. But it had only been months.

I spend time with Padme sometimes. I slowly am learning how to forgive her. As time passes, part of me has a harder time remembering what she even did for me to loathe her.

I live for the day that I will see my children again.

Maybe one day, I will see Anakin, too.