Sophia

Pain is all I feel. There is not one inch in my body that was not aching with the aftermaths of last night. Not even the hot water dripping from the shower was soothing me right now. Last night gave me so many new aching bruises and it also made the marks from the night before hurt so much more.

For the first time I am in the need of painkillers, though I have been through enough pain in my life and never the painkillers were available for me but today I wished if I could have one. I don't know where are they and also if I am allowed to have one. Marc never allowed me, I doubt Don will.

I dressed in another full length maxi dress with full sleeves to cover up the red, purple bruises all over. It was a black dress with white flowers printed on it with teal green leaves. The dress serves its purpose of covering most of my skin as it had a concealed zip closure, attached lining, flared hem and it came with a lace belt. The material was cotton mix hence it was not hurting my skin but the neck, the neck was not turtle neck hence the marks of his bites and his imprints from the way he gripped my throat neck were quite visible. Now the back was taken care by my long hair but for the front I need something to hide his bite marks. Since I cannot use makeup, because I have no interest in triggering him again. I had enough of him for now. So I shuffled the closet and found a multicolor Ombre dyed chiffon scarf. I wrapped the scarf around my neck over the imprints of his finger left from him gripping my throat.

I was sitting in the garden too tired to do anything or talk to anyone. I didn't want to speak with even Alysia or Caprice that's why I didn't go for breakfast, for one I was angry at them because they said it would be alright if I went out. They said he won't get angry but he got angry. So angry. I was angry at myself too for why I listened to them and went. I haven't went out like this in six years why I had to go now.

I wanted to scream and cry but I was too tired to even cry. I sighed taking a sip of my hot coffee sitting in the shack watching the birds flying in the sky. I thought how it feels to be free like this. A blue jay came down and sat on the rock in front of me. It was so pretty and it was making this whistle sound. Looking at it a smile formed on my lips. I stretched my hand towards it trying to make it sit on my palm but it flew away. I looked at the little bird flying, it is so small yet is free. I wonder if I could ever be free like it. I wonder how it feel to be able to walk out from the place you do not want to be in.

My mind went to the day he took me out for dinner. He said I could make this house my home or my cage. I do not want a cage, I want to be free. I want a home. But how? How am I supposed to make it a home when I am a gift given to the owner of this house for his pleasure. I want the life my mom had with my dad. I want my family, my home where I can be free. Free to go out with my friends if I want to, free to use as much make up as I want, free to tie my hair if I want to. I know how petty these things sounds. I know I am not confined to a cell and at least have the pleasure of feeling the sunlight on my skin. I can feel the cool breeze flowing my hair, I have the most lavish closet I could imagine and I should be grateful for what I have and trust me I am. The only thing my past has taught me was to be grateful for even the smallest of things. They say the best things are always free, but no nothing is free the food, the air, the water nothing is free. That's why I know that no matter how much he showers me with all materialistic things they are not mine. This is the price he is paying to keep his toy beautiful enough for him. And I don't want this, any of this. Not this big mansion, not these expensive dresses, not this crystal necklace that he gave me. My hand reached to my neck I felt so trapped touching it.

I want something that is mine. Just mine. Even if it is a smallest thing. Even if it just a coffee mug I thought as I looked at the mug I am holding. Nothing here is mine. I kept the mug aside and sighed as I leaned my head on the shack pillar.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath trying to calm myself. I remembered his eyes, his deep blue orbs of ocean. I see the satisfaction in his eyes when he calls me his, I wonder how it feels to be that content. I want to feel that level of satisfaction. I want to say something to be mine like that. I want to be free like he is. I used this moment to escape from the real world. In the world where he is not a monster who feeds on my pain but the anchor who held me calm and peaceful. I drowned myself in the ocean of his eyes feeling the sweet release of freedom.

"Signorina" a voice brought me out of my thoughts. I opened my eyes and saw Julio there. "Don wants to see you, Signorina" he said and the reality came crashing down at me that there is no freedom. I nodded and tried to get up. Yes I said tried because I fell again while standing up due to the injuries and the pain. Julio didn't help me up and I very well know why, I am sure he do not have a craving for Don's bullet that will pierce his flesh if he touch me. I took the support of the pillar and got up. "Where I have to go?" I asked Julio. "He is in his office" he told me and I nodded.

The wind blew too fast as I stepped out of the shack that my scarf flew from my neck. My hands instinctively reached my neck as I felt Julio stare on the marks, however, he turned his gaze almost instantly. "Signorina, here you go" I heard a voice and turned and found a boy holding my scarf, I didn't know him but his attire tells that he works here too. He is too young to be a mafia man, around nineteen I guess but a lot of them are young. He brought my scarf and wrapped it around my neck himself smiling. My eyes went wide at his gesture, is he mad? I thought to myself but even before I could comprehend a reply Julio pulled him back and started punching him. "Are you crazy Nate? Do you even know who she is?" Julio said in between the punches. Few maids and men gathered around "Please make him stop, he will kill Nate" a maid pleaded to me and I looked at her. I stayed silent and saw the disgust in her eyes for my cowardice but I can't stop Julio from carrying out Don's orders, I already bore the repercussions of that, not long ago. So I stayed glued to my spot without uttering a word with my gaze at the ground. Like a lifeless Doll, which I am his doll. I guess I just embraced the meaning of the name he has given me. I flinched at every cry Nate made but I didn't do anything. I let Julio beat him for a mistake which was practically nothing but that maid, she was not coward. She pushed Julio and went to Nate "Are you mad? Its his first day, how will he know who is she or no one is meant to touch Don's Doll?" She uttered the word Doll with so much disgust. wow so I am literally Don's Doll for them. Of course I am, everyone knew I am a gift that Marc has given to Don. Its not like they are not aware of what happened in the living room the first day. Alysia saw it too, just because she never mentions it doesn't mean she doesn't know. They all just respects me because of Don's fear, they very well know my place is even worse than them. At least she is free enough to push Julio to save her friend I couldn't even do that. Though he is bound to hear my orders, still. She has so much more than what I have, she has her free will. "Then he should know, and thank your stars that Don is not here, or you will be digging your friend's grave by now. He knows him, right?" Julio sneered at her. The air became so suffocating here that I turned and started to leave. My eyes went upwards and I saw Don from his study window looking at whole drama that was going on with a drink in his hand. I gulped as his eyes met mine. He nodded at me signaling me to come and I remembered the reason why I got up was because I was suppose to go to him.

I knocked at the door of his office. God knows why he wants to meet me now, I do not want to see him so soon after what happened last night. Like I said I was too tired for anything specially to face him. "Come in" I heard his voice and opened the door and walked inside. "You didn't stop Julio today? Why, huh because he wasn't your Scott? " Excuse me, my Scott, what is this now, is this some type of new psychotic nonsense he is pulling? Why he said this like I wanted to save Scott for some personal admiration? Why he is sounding like a jealous teenage boyfriend? He knew why I didn't stop Julio today. "Come here" he said as he sat on his chair refilling his drink. I moved closer to his desk. "Sit" he said and I pulled the chair in front of him "Here" before I could sit he pointed at his desk. I looked at him and then at the floor. That would be too close to him and I do not want to sit so close to him. "Doll?" He said while typing something in his laptop and his tone told me to better get going before his gaze shifts from his laptop to me. I walked closer to his side of the desk and leaned at the spot he wanted.

He looked at me and got up. I squealed as he suddenly picked me up from my legs and placed me on the desk. "Alysia told me you didn't eat breakfast today?" He said turning towards the tray of food I just noticed. He removed the covers and brought the plate with scrambled eggs, bacon and cheese and also a muffin. "I-I wasn't hungry?" I said in a low voice. He kept the plate beside me "Why?" He asked. I can't tell him that he is the reason that I am more interested in sulking than eating so I didn't say anything. He let out of sigh and came even closer to me. He caged me by putting his arms on the either side of me. "Doll, I asked you something." "Why do you care?" I said with a dismissing attitude. I hate hypocrisy and he knows it. I felt his hand in my hair as his fingers slowly brushed in them and in a split second he pulled them so hard gripping them in his fist. A yelp left me as the pain shoot through my scalp. "Watch your tone Sophia" he said in his husky voice. "Apologize" he said and I kept quiet. He was the one who should apologize to me. He is the one hurting me and he expects me to say sorry to him. "I didn't hear you Doll" he said in his angry tone. I still kept quiet and he pulled my hair more and I screamed in pain and my hand reached his in a vague attempt to free my hair from his grip. "Don't make me repeat Doll, you can't take anymore right now and you know it" I looked at his cold eyes devoid of any compassion. How can anyone be so harsh and cold. "I-I am sorry" I blurted with anger. "That's my girl" he said as his grip turned soft in my hair and he kissed me. His kiss was so soft and tender. So full of love. How can he turn from someone so bitter to so sweet?

"Here" he brought the spoonful near to my lips and fed me the whole breakfast and I, I was just looking at him. His eyes were not filled with anger anymore. They were still empty and cold but there wasn't any annoyance. His thumb on my lips broke my trance. He ate the crumb of muffin wiping it off from my lips with his thumb. His lips followed his thumb and he lightly pecked on my lips. He smiled lightly and put a strand of my hair behind my ear.

"You need to try Doll, I understand that your life is turned upside-down" he said keeping the plate back on the tray. "No you don't." I said. I was sad, I was angry , I was distressed. "You don't understand, you can't understand. How can you?" I said as I stood up from the desk. I turned to leave when he stopped me from my elbow and turned me towards him "Don't walk away Sophia. Say what you feel." He said in a softer tone. "You can never understand, what I feel. How can you? You are the master, you own everything. You are the one who is been given the gift. I AM THE GIFT. You can never understand what I feel." I said with all the disdain releasing my hand from his grip. He looked at me with silent eyes for a moment and I was scared on my little outburst. I said what was in my heart like he asked but I know my tone, my words were sure do not exactly fall under the purview of respect. I waited for his angry reaction but he kept looking at me and then he pulled me in his embrace.

His warmth felt like the only think I need right now. My pain seems to subsidize as my head was on his chest hearing his heartbeat. I cried in his arms. He stroked my hair and cooed me softly. "Shhh... relax Doll" he said and broke the hug. He took my face in his hands and kissed my tears. "Doll, you are not just a gift. You are my girl. One day you will see the difference too like I see." He kissed my forehead and left the study.

My eyes followed him trying to understand what he meant. He is right I don't see a difference but for the first time I wanted to see. I wanted to believe him that there is a difference. That there is something worthy enough to try.